


Pine For Summer

by IdrilsSecret



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2020-11-08 12:43:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 120,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20835662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrilsSecret/pseuds/IdrilsSecret
Summary: Believing they are the last survivors from the destroyed prison, Daryl is conflicted with his thoughts about Beth. Several attempts to make her hate him have failed, and he's not sure how to handle their push and pull relationship. Secretly, he still longs for Carol, but she's not there. Beth is, and Daryl weighs his options on how to move forward towards a new future.





	1. Selfishly Dispossessed

**Author's Note:**

> So, my readers know me for my Daaron story, but I've always wanted to try my hand at Bethyl. Since TWD is on hiatus waiting for S10, I started watching the show from the beginning, and became inspired again to give this ship a try. For those who know the episode with Daryl and Beth at the funeral home, you'll remember Beth playing piano and singing a song. It's called Be Good by Waxahatchee. The title of this story and the chapter titles are taken from the lyrics to that song. Hope you enjoy, and please leave a review. Thanks.

Chapter 1 Selfishly Dispossessed

We’d been all over the place, just surviving, doing whatever we needed to do to stay alive. We had no idea what happened to the others after the assault on the prison. Beth and I ended up together, though. It had been tough out there, and she wasn’t much help at first. She cried a lot. It was irritating. At one point I lost it, and told her she needed to toughen up. That was a bad idea. She cried even harder. After that, I kept my mouth shut and tried to tune her out. I know the girl was probably in shock. Hell, I guess I was in shock too, but I kept it together for Beth’s sake.

What the fuck happened back there? How did we all end up separated? Were any of the rest of our group still alive? Rick, Glenn, Michonne? Beth worried about Maggie, I guess. She didn’t talk about her much. I worried about Carol. I didn’t talk about her either. Thank God she wasn’t at the prison, but I had no idea where she was. Rick sent her away before … before . . .

There was a huge explosion, guns firing, walkers pouring through the compromised fence. That damn maniac, the Governor, had a fucking tank for shit’s sake. We’re supposed to be fighting the walkers, not each other. I felt guilty, felt partly responsible for the whole thing. I could have gone out looking for the Governor with Michonne. I should have, but I chose to domesticate. I chose to ignore the unseen threats, the ones that weren’t pushing on our fences. The Governor rolled right up to the prison, easily outnumbering and overpowering us, and my group, my people, my … friends … they were dead. They were all dead, but I wasn’t. I guess that was my punishment, to survive and live with the guilt. So I shut down, boxed myself in and said fuck the world. Maybe my saving grace was Beth, keeping her safe, keeping a promise to her father. That would have to be enough.

Things got really rough. Beth and I ran into one of the largest herds I’d seen so far. We were out in the open when it happened, running through the forest, trying to stay ahead of them. We burst through a tree line and out onto a road. There was an abandoned car off to the side. The doors were ripped off, but we tried to start it. Damn thing wouldn’t start. Beth started looking through it when we heard walkers approaching. We couldn’t keep running. They were too close and there were too many of them. The car was the only thing available so we climbed into the trunk, and not a moment too soon. Walkers were suddenly surrounding us, passing around the car, rocking it, bumping into it. It felt like at any moment they would find us, rip the trunk open, drag us out and … done. 

It was like being in a sweatbox, but I don’t think we really noticed that much. The alternative was to get eaten alive, so we instinctively didn’t mind the heat. The walkers just kept coming, slowly passing us by with their growls and gurgling moans, dragging their feet, in no damn hurry. I could see it was becoming too much for Beth, and I thought she was about to do something stupid. I grasped her arm rather hard, and she looked at me. Her breathing was erratic, as though she was about to scream and run. I put my finger to my lips, gesturing for her to remain silent. I signaled for her to ready her knife, and she did. She calmed for a bit, but it didn’t last. There was a moment when I could see the panic in her eyes. She was about to get us killed. I didn’t know what to do at first. It wouldn’t do any good to hold her. We were already curled around each other, packed inside the trunk. Her lips parted and I could see the scream building in her lungs. I pleaded with my eyes for her to calm, but she wasn’t seeing me. She was seeing walkers parting like a school of fish as they swam past our hiding spot. At least that’s what I imagined it looked like from the outside of the trunk.

“Please,” I whispered, but there was no response.

Tears ran down her youthful cheeks. Her blond hair was glued to her sweaty forehead. I pushed it out of her face and wiped a tear with my thumb. Her eyes darted back and forth with every bump and scrap against the car. Beth was about to lose her shit.

“Beth. Beth, don’t,” I repeated as quietly as I could so the walkers wouldn’t hear me. I waited until she finally broke free of her private hell and looked me square in the eyes. Then I kissed her. I didn’t know what else to do. Her lips were quivering at first, and I didn’t think she would kiss me back, so I deepened the kiss until I felt her give in. I had to get her mind off the chaos outside. Suddenly, I thought this could very well be the last thing I did. Not a bad way to go, I guess, kissing a pretty girl.

I don’t know what happened, but it felt like we were the last two people on earth, and these were our last moments. We both gave in and surrendered to the kiss. Beth somehow got her hand up and cupped the side of my face gently. God, it had been an age since I felt the touch of a female. Her hands were soft, long fingers caressing my cheek, and even softer lips responding to mine. I knew this would be wrong in any other situation, but right now, it felt so right. I found that I couldn’t stop myself and kissed her more solidly. She answered with her tongue swirling with mine. The car that I previously thought was our coffin now felt like a cocoon.

“Daryl,” Beth whispered as she parted from my mouth. Something in the way she said my name made me snap out of it. This was Beth, the daughter of a man that I respected very much, a man who was more family to me than my own father and brother had ever been. I shouldn’t have let myself give in like that.

“You got to keep quiet,” I told her, trying to erase the sound of her voice calling my name. I needed to focus. We were surrounded by walkers. What if they smelled us or heard us? I needed to get back into survival mode just in case we needed to make a fast escape. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, and reeled in my emotions.

Beth’s eyes were still on me. I could feel her watching me as I brought my bow back up and looked through the scope.

“They don’t know we’re here,” she said as quietly as she could. Then she smiled, suggesting that we continue where we just left off. I dragged my eyes toward her, and her face lightened with hope. No, I thought. The only reason I kissed her was to keep her from getting us killed. If I kissed her again it would have been intentional, and I wouldn’t take advantage of her. Besides, we were in no position to be doing something like that. “Don’t speak,” I said, and I took up my bow again, aiming it towards the slight crack in the trunk lid. I glanced at Beth out of the corner of my eye from time to time. She wore a faded smile. Thank God she wasn’t about to panic anymore, but I feared that I’d stirred some harbored feelings.

>>------->

Back at the prison, I’d been told that she had a crush on me. I thought it was ridiculous and ignored the warnings, but I think I always knew. I’d seen her watching me, or smiling shyly in my direction as I passed by. I thought it was over when that boy, Zack, became interested in her. He followed her around like a lost dog, and she let him. Then, while out on a run, he got killed by walkers. I was the one who chose to tell her that he died. She didn’t shed a tear, didn’t seem surprised or upset. Instead, she asked me how I was, more concerned about me than that kid. Truth was, no one had asked me that in a very long time. I was honest and told her how I felt, that I was tired of losing people. She hugged me and laid her head on my chest. Her boyfriend was dead, and she was comforting me. I had no doubt of her feelings for me, and I separated myself as much as I could. I didn’t want her attention. I didn’t want to have to push her away, to tell her it would never work. Besides, my interest was with someone else, my best friend and the one person I couldn’t share my feelings with.

It was easy to keep my distance at the prison. I had safety. I had breathing room. I still had hope for me and Carol. Not so easy now, stuck in the trunk of a car, no safety, no prison, no hope. I thought I was about to die. I thought we both were, as we spent the night listening to the herd pass slowly around our tomb. I should never have kissed this young and impressionable girl, but it was either that or let her screams ring out like a dinner bell. I did what I had to do, but I’m not gonna lie … I … liked it too.

Sleep, of course, never came. We were sweaty, hungry, weak and thirsty, but tired wasn’t one of them. I’d spent the entire time looking down the shaft of my bow. Beth quietly laid next to me, her knife at the ready. Neither weapon would do us much good if walkers opened the trunk.

After a while, the noise outside began to dissipate. Beth nudged me and I shook my head. It wasn’t time to leave the safety of the car just yet. There could be stragglers outside, and any commotion could bring the herd back. So we waited some more.

I don’t know how long it was after that, but the sun was up, and the heat was becoming insufferable. I could see Beth was done. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and reached for the red rag I tied around the latch to help keep the trunk lid closed. She untied it and opened the lid. The rusty hinges made an awful creaking noise and I cringed. Luckily, the road was empty. Aside from the bloody trail their oozing bodies left across the blacktop, you’d never have known a herd passed by us.

Beth jumped out first and I followed, my bow at the ready. When I was sure it was safe, I set my weapon down, leaning it against the car. We immediately began searching the car for anything we thought we could use, bottles, wire, broken glass from the mirrors, and hubcaps just to name a few. There was no food, though, and that’s what we needed most at the moment.

Once we were done scavenging the car, I threw my bag over my shoulder and picked up my bow. I looked back at Beth. She was ready with her own stash. Then I started walking up the road.

“Daryl,” Beth called from behind. I glanced over my shoulder, but I didn’t give her my complete attention. She continued. “Daryl, aren’t we going to talk about what happened back there?”

Damn it, I knew this was coming. “Nothing happened,” I answered, as I kept walking.

“But we–”

“I said, nothing happened. End of story.” I spun around and gave her a warning glare. Without waiting to see if she was following me, I started off down the street again. I couldn’t deal with this right now. I had too much on my mind already. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to kiss her and fan the flames of her school girl crush, but it had been my call to make.

“Jerk,” I heard Beth whisper behind me. Good, I thought. Maybe she’ll change her mind about me.

>>------->

I assumed it was early afternoon. We set up camp in the forest where I’d found a rocky outcrop that would shelter us on at least one side. I gave Beth some rope I’d found in the car and told her to tie the hubcaps to them, setting a perimeter around us. Beth told me she would start a fire while I went off in search of food.

I’d come across two squirrels while scouring the woods. Unfortunately they got away. I rarely missed my target, and never two in a row. Something was off. I’d lost my concentration. It didn’t take a genius to figure out the cause. Beth was my distraction. I kept thinking about what I’d started when I kissed her. Hell, I kept thinking about the kiss.

Discouraged, I was about to give up and go back to check on Beth when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. It was a big fat rattlesnake. I found the proper stick with the ‘v’ shape on one end, followed the snake, caught it by the head, and while it was secure, I cut the head off. It was a decent sized snake, definitely enough to feed two people. When I got back to camp, Beth had the fire going, and I skinned the snake. We would eat like kings that day.

While I cooked the snake, I couldn’t help notice Beth from the corner of my eye. She seemed restless, and I could tell she was needing to say something. I avoided her at all costs, concentrating on cooking, not making eye contact, not saying a word. The last thing I wanted was to talk about what happened in the trunk of the car. I was feeling guilty over it. I never should have kissed her. It was wrong of me, but what else could I have done?

“Why don’t you talk about them?” she said. “Why don’t you talk about anything?”

I ignored her and kept my eyes focused on the flames licking at the snake meat. It was beginning to get a nice char on it. My mouth started watering.

“They could still be alive. I know they had to get out because we made. We survived. Maggie, she’s smart. Rick, Michonne, Carl … how can you just sit there and not wonder if they are out there somewhere? We should be looking for them. You’re a tracker. I’ve heard you boast about it. So, put your talents to good use.”

Dammit, she was right, and I hated it. Since leaving the prison, I hadn’t tried once to look for survivors. At first we were just running, trying to stay a step ahead of the herd, but now that we’d put some distance between us, I should have been looking. Something inside me didn’t want to. Maybe I was afraid of what I might find. If I never knew, maybe it wouldn’t hurt me.

My thoughts turned to Carol. I missed her. I won’t lie. A part of me wished she was here instead of Beth, and had she been at the prison it might have turned out that way. Where was she? Where did she go after Rick abandoned her? Was she alive? I was so pissed when Rick told me what he’d done, but now, I’m thankful. Carol might be dead had she been at the prison. So many were dead now … so many.

The hardest loss was Hershel, Beth’s father. He was a good man, better than me, better than any of us. He didn’t deserve to die that way, at the hands of the Governor. I felt worst of all over his death. It was brutal. It never should have happened. It was my fault. If only I had followed through with my objective, to find and kill the Governor, then maybe we’d still be safe in the prison. Maybe everyone would still be alive. Maybe Hershel would still be alive. And after all that, after everything that happened, here I was kissing his daughter, who he’d asked me to protect and keep safe. Hershel would be ashamed of my behavior, not just because of a kiss, but because I liked it and it stirred my carnal desire.

The snake was cooked, and after letting it cool a bit, I divided it and gave Beth her half. I settled down to eat my portion of the snake meat, something I actually enjoyed, and I was looking forward to the best ‘hot’ meal I’d had in days. Beth only picked at hers.

“I need a drink,” Beth said, and I threw her a bottle of water without looking at her. She complained that that’s not what she wanted. “No, I mean a real drink.” I couldn’t even begin to figure out what was going through her mind, some kind of rebellion stage. I ignored her. We were out in the middle of the fucking woods. Where the hell was she going to get booze? Beth was getting pissed with my silent treatment, but that was fine. I could deal with her being mad at me if it meant we didn’t have to talk about the kiss we shared. If there was one thing I was good at, it was being a dick. That role came easily to me.

“Are you just never going to talk to me again?” she complained, and I kept eating as though I hadn’t heard her. “Fine. Sit there and enjoy your meal. I’m gonna go find a drink.” She dropped her snake in the dirt and walked away from our camp.

If she was testing me, she would be disappointed. I wasn’t going to jump up and run off looking for her right away. I probably didn’t have to get up at all. She’d be back in a minute. I waited longer than a minute, eating as quickly as possible. How long was it going to take her to figure out she wasn’t going to find a bottle of J.D. laying under a tree somewhere? It was taking longer than I was comfortable with. When she didn’t come back, I sighed. “Stupid girl,” I mumbled. I uttered a few more profanities, and threw my portion of the snake meat down, picked up my bow and trailed her.

I found her, alright, about to become walker chow. I could see her hiding behind a tree as three walkers approached. My bow ready in position just in case, but I decided to wait and see what she was capable of. Beth threw a rock, making the walkers turn toward the noise, all but one, and it was heading right for her. I aimed my bow, ready to kill it, but I hesitated. At the last moment, the walker turned and followed the others. Beth came out from behind the tree, and was startled to see me there. Our eyes connected, and something changed in hers, from fear to longing, like I was her knight in shining armor. I turned and walked away, and heard her follow me.

“I don’t think we should stop. I think we should keep looking,” she said from behind. “They can’t all be gone. Someone must have survived, and we need to find them.” This had been her argument since we were paired up. Beth still had hope, but I’d been through too much loss since the beginning, and the sooner I started over, the better off I’d be. I didn’t have the want or the energy to go tramping around in the woods, dodging walkers, and looking for people who were probably dead. In my mind, it was a waste of time.

Beth jabbered on and on while she followed me, trying to get me to engage. What she didn’t know was that I’d led her back to our camp. She ran into the strung up hubcaps. “You brought me back here? No. You know what? I don’t need you. I can take care of myself. You can stay here, eat your snake, and wallow in your misery, but I’m going. I’m not giving up.”

I watched her walk off, and for a moment I enjoyed the silence. Maybe I should let her go, I thought. We obviously had different ideas about what we should do. I always was better off on my own, but I knew deep down that Beth wouldn’t last long. I’d made her father a promise to keep her safe. Glancing at our camp, I hung my head and muttered, “Dammit.” Then I went off to find her before she got too far. I caught up quickly and fell in beside her, not saying a word. Her eyes fell on me and she smiled in victory. Fine, she won this round, but I’d be ready for the next one.

>>------->

We broke out of the tree line, basically stumbling into the wide open space of a golf course. The first thing I noticed was an overturned golf cart. There’d be only chaos here. No telling what we’d find inside that place, I thought, looking towards the clubhouse.

“I bet I’ll find something in there. Rich kids like to party,” Beth said. I had no response. She was still on her booze mission. Whatever.

We were half way across the green when we heard walkers behind us. They were emerging from the trees, slowly following us. “Come on,” I suggested, and we picked up the pace.

“Maybe there are still people inside,” said Beth.

“I doubt it,” I mumbled.

“You have to have hope, Daryl,” she complained.

We finally made it, only to find a dead body outside the front doors. “Still think there someone alive in there?” I said. 

Beth ignored me and pulled on the double doors, making a lot of noise. I noticed no one or nothing came to us, but I wasn’t convinced that the inside of this place was clear. The alternative was behind us, approaching from the course, another herd, but smaller than the one we hid from in the trunk of the car. So I took Beth by the wrist and led her to another door a little further down the front of the building. I tried it, and found it unlocked. We entered with caution.

The first thing we came upon was a room full of dead bodies, every one of them shot in the head. In the back corner, three walkers swung from ropes around their necks. I assumed these were the executioners. Dumbasses, I thought to myself. Didn’t they think they’d end up this way? Personally, I would rather have shot myself, than to swing like a dope on a rope for eternity.

Glancing around, I couldn’t help notice the floor littered with jewelry and fur coats, expensive looking clothes, and money. I followed the trail of money, and it led me to a black bag. When I opened it, I found it stuffed with stacks of twenty dollar bills. There must have been a few thousand dollars lying at my feet. Old habits die hard, and I started stuffing money into my pockets.

“What are you going to do with that?” Beth questioned.

She was right, of course. Money didn’t mean a damn thing these days, but I wouldn’t tell her that. “You never know what will come in handy.”

Next, we found the kitchen, but it was already stripped of everything edible. At that point, Beth and I split up. She had her own agenda, and I was determined to scavenge. I was collecting anything I thought might help us, bottles, wire, pieces of metal, glass and plastic. One person’s trash was another one’s treasure, so I made sure I collected a wide variety of stuff.

A loud clanking captured my attention. Fearing we were under siege, I pointed my bow in the direction of the commotion only to find that it was Beth wandering around in one of the storerooms. I went back to my scavenging detail and ignored her.

I was about to exit the kitchen when I heard Beth in distress. Some glass broke as she grunted in combat. By the time I got to her, she’d killed a walker that must have been hiding somewhere in the hallway. The air reeked of wine in the close quarters, and I noticed the broken bottle in her hand. It seemed she found her booze, and had to use it to defend herself. I almost laughed out loud at the sight.

“Thanks for helping,” she said sarcastically. She must have seen the humor in my eyes.

Seeing an opportunity to be an asshole, I answered smartly. “You said you could take care of yourself.” That seemed to piss her off even more, and I was pretty sure that any feelings she had for me before were obliterated now. That’s exactly what I wanted.

We traveled deeper into the clubhouse, seeing the results of a community gone awry. More mass killings, whether suicide or murder, littered several more rooms. I think someone had tried to establish an organized way of living together, but in the end it failed. I was starting to believe there wasn’t any organization anymore. Everything turned to shit eventually, and this place was proof of how it would always end.

The next hallway was blocked by a glass display leaning against the wall. We had to crawl under it, but a huge grandfather clock was in the way. I stood it upright, which gave us enough room to get through. The chimes clanged a few beats until they stopped swinging. Beth and I froze, but nothing came. It didn’t mean there wasn’t anything in here. It just meant they were further away.

The hallway emptied into the golf store. This place hadn’t been completely ransacked. I started searching for anything we could use, since we had abandoned our other stuff back at the camp. My main concern was food, but I did find any. I found another bag of money, but I had no more room for it. I stared at it a moment, and thought about how poor I’d been all my life. Now, here I was, surrounded by gold, silver, jewels and cash, and it was all worthless. As I stood there, I caught a glimpse of Beth on the other side of the room. She was looking at a rack of women’s clothing, yellow golf shirts and white sweaters. She took a shirt off the rack and started to turn toward me, but I quickly turned away, seeming uninterested. I heard the rustle of clothes, and dared to look over my shoulder. She had her back to me, bare except for her bra. She looked at the tag on the shirt and dropped in on the floor. Then she turned back to the rack to find the right size. She was facing me, and I found I couldn’t take my eyes from her. Some caveman animal instinct held my vision on her perky breasts. It had been a very, very long time since I’d seen the female form, and parts of me came alive to celebrate the moment. She really was beautiful, I thought, and remembered what her lips felt like. I had a quick flashing vision of her lying beneath me, wide eyes staring up into mine, anticipating the moment when I would lower my body onto hers and . . .

Beth’s eyes flicked upwards, and she caught me ogling her. She held the shirt against her chest with modesty. Then the corner of her mouth quirked up into half a smile as she turned her back to me, and all the effort it took me to convince her I was an asshole slipped away. Beth pulled the shirt over her head and straightened it around her waist. She pulled her long blond hair out of the collar, slow and intentional, and I watched it cascade down her back. I shook my lustful thoughts away, remembering whose daughter she was, and what my real purpose was. I was supposed to be protecting her, supposed to be finding a secure place to start over, not having deviant thoughts about her. I couldn’t allow myself to become attached. Every time I did, I lost that person. Beth and I might have been the last of our group. I didn’t want to lose her too, especially after feeling it was my fault that her father died. 

Again, she looked at me through long lashes, and the longing I’d seen in her eyes at the prison had returned. If it had been Carol standing there, I would have ran to her, and finally confessed my feelings for her. But this was Beth, the girl who I’d given my word to protect. I shouldn’t have been having those carnal thoughts, and I tried hard to clear my head. She went to the rack of white sweaters and picked one out. Before she faced me again, I walked away, needing to get as far from her as possible.

“How do I look?” she asked sweetly from across the room, trying to lure me back.

I went to the door and took the handle in my hand. “You ready yet? We’re wasting time.” Asshole mode initiated. I started to open it, and heard growls on the other side. Beth heard it too. My hand went up, signaling for her to stay quiet and be ready for whatever was on the other side of the door. I glanced at her and gave a nod, then I opened the doors. Three walkers came stumbling in. The first one I took out with ease. The second one put up more of a fight, but I got him with an arrow. The last one was too close to use my bow, and as I started to retrieve the knife from my side, it pushed forward and we went tumbling to the ground. I heard Beth cry out to me from the other side of the room, and it gave me the strength I needed to get out from under the walker. Looking around, I found a golf club, and used it to help me to my feet. Then I started beating the walker with it.

I was lost in the fight, taking pleasure from it. Every kill was a victory. These were the kinds of bastards that looked down on me my whole life. I could tell by the clothes they wore, the pearls around their necks, and the gold on their fingers that they had been rich members of this establishment. These were the assholes that would have looked down their noses at me, thought of me as white trash, lazy, dirty redneck scum. Well, who was winning now, motherfuckers? Who was still alive and kicking after all that happened? Your money didn’t save you, did it … douchebags? The last one was putting up a fight, and I kept beating him with the club until it knocked off his whole face. Gore went flying through the room like a chunk of grass uprooted from a bad golfers swing. Unfortunately, it landed on Beth, most of it on her pretty white sweater. I came back to my senses and waited for her to say something. She simply took off the sweater and left the store without saying a single word. I started to think that maybe her idea of finding some booze wasn’t half bad. I could have used a drink myself right about then.

“Here it is,” she said as we found the bar. “Told you we’d find it.”

This would have been reserved for the richest members of the club when it was in business. The bar was made from mahogany, and there was a huge stained glass window behind it. The shelf where all the high end liquor would have been was empty. Somehow I knew it would be. Food and alcohol are the first things to go in these situations. I watched Beth from the corner of my eye, as she searched for a bottle of anything. She found it, and it didn’t surprise me that no one drank it already.

“Peach schnapps,” she smiled, setting the bottle of clear liquor on the bar. “Is it good?” she asked as I walked by.

“No,” I said with a definite tone. Only wusses would drink that kind of shit. Schnapps was like concentrated Kool-aide as far as I was concerned. It wasn’t a real drink.

Beth ignored me and sat at the bar. She started looking for a clean glass to pour it in. One way or another, she was going to have her first real drink, like a rite of passage. She was at that age where she naturally needed to defy her elders. The problem was, she had no elders left to speak of. Her mother, father, and older brother were dead, and her older sister, Maggie, was . . . Well, she wasn’t here.  
I decided I didn’t want any part of this ritual, and found a dartboard with darts still sticking out of it. I pulled them down one by one and walked back. Before I threw them, though, I found a different target. On the wall behind me were the pictures of the men who probably owned this place. Maybe it went back a few generations. I wasn’t sure. There were about five or six portraits of rich older white men with smug looks on their faces, as though they knew I wasn’t good enough to be seen in this place even now. I threw the first dart at a middle-aged balding man, hitting him right in the forehead. The second dart lodged into the nose of a man with his dark hair slicked back perfectly. I kept going until each picture had a dart embedded into it. “Where are you now, assholes?” I said to myself. “Look at them, arrogant, self-important, narcissistic pricks.” Needless to say, I had no use for the rich. Well, there’s only one thing they were good for now … target practice.

While I was busy gloating over the fact that I was still alive and these rich men weren’t, I caught the sound of whimpering, and looked over to see Beth crying. The bottle of schnapps was still corked, and it seemed that she never found a decent glass. So, we’d come all this way, and almost got killed several times just so she could sit there and cry. This was bullshit. Fine, if she wanted to do this, really do this, I’d help her. Unable to listen to anymore of her crying, I went to her, and snatched up the bottle of schnapps. Beth looked up at me through her tears, as though she expected me to say something to comfort her. She was wrong. Instead, I threw the bottle onto the floor. The glass shattered and the scent of peaches filled the room. Beth was shocked by my actions.

“What the hell, Daryl?” she complained.

“You wasn’t gonna drink it anyway,” I countered her. “You’re just sitting there crying like–” I stopped myself when I realized I was taking the asshole routine a little far. She was about to start crying again.

I took a deep breath to collect myself and subdue my anger. “If you want your first drink, it’s not gonna be fucking schnapps,” I told her. “Let’s go.” We left the country club behind and headed back into the woods. I actually knew where I was, but I didn’t tell Beth. I’d been this way before when Michonne and I had been out doing a run. We came upon a place not far from here. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. Maybe I was hoping we’d find something good in the country club. All we found was disappointment, but the place where I was leading us was pure misery.


	2. Drink Up Our Grief

Chapter 2 Drink Up Our Grief

“What is this place?” Beth asked as we stood outside of an old rundown trailer home. I didn’t answer. I just led her to a shed off to the side and busted in the door. It was all still here. No one had found this place since I’d been here with Michonne.

I picked up a wooden crate and shoved it at Beth. Then I started filling it with mason jars containing clear liquid. It looked like water, but I knew what it was. I made Beth carry the crate to the cabin, and checked inside to make sure it was clear. Once we were inside, she set the crate down rather hard onto a kitchen table, and shot me a glare that said chivalry was dead.

The cabin was a mess with garbage on the floor, a broken recliner in the corner, cigarette butts overflowing from multiple ashtrays, bullet holes in the walls, and a big hole in the ceiling from a leaky aging roof. Yep, this place was a real mess, and it looked way too much like the home I grew up in. I hated being here, yet at the same time, I felt comfortable. It was familiar to me, like an old pair of shoes, ugly, dirty, full of holes, but a perfect fit. This place represented my life before the outbreak. I didn’t know which was worse, the world as it was now, or my world as it was back then. The thought made me think of Carol. We’d said the same thing many times to each other, sharing a laugh afterwards. We had a lot in common. God, I missed her.

Beth jumped when a walker banged on the outside wall of the trailer. I couldn’t even revisit my ghosts without being reminded of the present. “Should we kill it?” she asked.

I looked out the window. “Naw, there’s only one. If it becomes a problem, I’ll take care of it.” She looked at me strange, but the truth was, I’d rather be reminded of the present than to slip back to a time in my life that left little in the way of happiness. I’d had better memories since the outbreak compared to those from my childhood, and this place was like stepping into a time capsule.

I went to the kitchen area, took up a glass, and set one in front of Beth, who was seated at the table. Then I picked up a mason jar and unscrewed the lid. I poured a small amount into her glass and gave her a nod.

“What is this stuff?” she asked.

“Well, it ain’t no peach schnapps. That there is the real deal. It’s moonshine.”

She looked me up and down, and then smiled slyly. “I’m not going to go blind, am I?”

“Only if you’re lucky,” I answered, taking a sniff of the jar in my hand.

Beth gazed at me as I sat the jar back on the table. “Aren’t you going to have any?”

I shook my head. “Someone’s got to be the lookout. You wanted a drink, so there’s your drink. Enjoy.” I spoke kind of harshly because I didn’t like the way she was looking at me.

“Why do you have to be such a jerk about it?” she complained. “Besides, I think we’re okay for right now. Come on Daryl. Don’t make me drink alone for my first time.”

Truth was, I really did want a drink, but I feared what might happen if we both got lit up. I was already having enough trouble trying to get the kiss out of my mind, and then watching her change shirts at the country club. Alcohol would just intensify those visions, and there was no way I was going to take advantage of Beth. Her father would never have wanted to see her end up with someone like me.

“Please, Mr. Dixon. One drink won’t be a problem,” she pleaded sweetly.

“Don’t call me that,” I said.

“What?”

“Mr. Dixon. Makes me sound like I’m some old man or something.”

“You’re definitely not an old man,” she replied. Her eyes scanned me quickly before she turned them away. I felt uncomfortable, and went back to the window to check on the walker outside. “I’m sorry,” Beth said right away. “I was only trying to lighten the mood. But really, I wish you’d join me. I mean, this is kind of a turning point for me.”

I looked over my shoulder, and she seemed sincere enough. And actually, there was only one walker outside, and he wasn’t causing any trouble. I thought that as long as he was out there clawing at the side of the trailer, nothing would happen in here, kind of a mood killer. I picked up the jar and clinked it against her glass. “Here’s to first times,” I toasted. 

She drank and choked a little. “God, that is awful.”

I swallowed and released a slight smile. “It sure the hell is.” This was some good hooch. Either that or it had been too long since I had any. “Goes down easier the second time.” I poured a little more into her glass.

Beth drank again and nodded. “You’re right. Not as bad that time.” She picked up another Mason jar and poured a third shot.

“Better take it easy. This stuff has a tendency to creep up on you,” I warned.

We drank in silence for a bit before she spoke again. “This is boring. Let’s play a game. Ever heard of ‘I Never’?” Beth emptied the rest of the moonshine from the crate, and carried it to the living room, sitting it on its end to make a table. She took the Mason jar of hooch and her glass, and had a seat on the floor. I just stood there and watched until she patted the floor with her hand, and waited on me. I defiantly went her and got down on the floor across from her. She explained the rules. “I’ll say something that I’ve never done before. If you’ve done it, you have to drink. If not them I have to drink.” It sounded stupid and childish, but who was I to argue. “Haven’t you ever played this before?” she asked.

“We didn’t need to play games to get drunk,” I admitted.

“It’s just something to pass the time,” she said, as she settled in.

The game started out simple enough, and we were learning things about each other. The object was to guess that your partner had done a particular thing so that they would have to drink. It was easy at first. I was making her drink and she was making me because the obvious things we knew about each other was easiest to guess. But the booze was starting to get to me, and our playful friendly flirting was relaxing me more than I would have liked.

It was Beth’s turn, and she looked down and away as she made her next claim. “I’ve never slept with a guy before.”

I creased my brows and regarded her curiously. “Neither have I. Drink up blondie.” I wasn’t sure where she was going with this whole thing. “You trying to insinuate something?” I said with a little bitterness.

Beth thought about what she said and laughed. “Oh … no, not that. Shit, that’s not what I meant to say. I should have said I’ve never slept with ‘anyone’, not a ‘guy’.”

I could see she was getting a bit tipsy, but I kept playing her game. “Too late. You can’t take it back once it’s out there. Better choose your words carefully,” I teased her. She took a big sip, and I thought it was about time to put an end to the game. “Alright. Let’s call it quits.”

“Wait. I had to drink so I have to go again. Just one more,” she pleaded. She wanted to even it up and make me take one more shot.

“Alright,” I agreed.

“Ok, let’s see. Oh, I’ve got it. I’ve never been in jail before.” She waited for my response, a look of victory in her eyes, so sure that I’d have to drink.

The thing about moonshine was that not only did it enhance the mood you were already in, it could make you flip moods as fast as a coin. Her statement upset me. Then it pissed me off when she looked so confident that she’d guessed right. I glared at her, no trace of a smile on my face.

“Drink up,” I growled from across the makeshift table.

“I don’t mean like the prison we lived in. I mean real life before all this.”

“I know what you mean. Drink up,” I demanded.

“What?” She seemed surprised. “Not even the drunk tank? Surely you’ve–”

I slammed my fist down on the crate and she jumped. “Is that what you think of me? You think I’m some kind of low life jail bait?”

“I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just trying to get you to drink one more time.” She sounded scared.

“I ain’t never been to jail,” I yelled, pronouncing each word harshly. “You think you know me. You were so fucking sure that I’d have to drink. Don’t deny it. I saw the look on your face.” I stood up and turned from her. “What do you see when you look at me? You think I’m just some dumbass redneck hillbilly. Well, you don’t know shit about me.” I had to take a piss, but I couldn’t go outside because of the walker. So I went to the corner of the trailer where there was a pile of junk, and relieved myself. The booze had me seething to know Beth thought that about me. When I was through, I rounded on her. “You think you’re better than me? Let’s see, I haven’t been to Disney World. I ain’t never had a pony.” At this point, I grabbed her hand and pulled her arm out straight. “I ain’t never slit my wrist before.” She jerked her hand away. It was a low blow, but the booze had made me belligerent. “You’re like all the rest. You think I’m just some kind of trailer trash redneck hillbilly.”

“No, that’s … that’s not what I meant.” She was getting scared by my alcohol induced rant, but I didn’t care. “I’m sorry, Daryl. Let’s just forget it.”

“No, you started it with your ‘I need a drink’ routine. What do you want from me? You want to know what kind of person I was before all this? You want to know what I did, and who I did it to so you can feel better about yourself, is that it?” I yelled.

“Daryl, stop,” she begged with fright. “You’re going to attract more walkers.”

I could hear our dead friend outside, scratching and making more noise as it responded to my yelling. “You said you ain’t never shot a crossbow before. Well, I got an idea.” I lunged at her and grabbed her arm again, pulling her up from the floor.

“What are you doing?” she cried out in a panic.

I was losing my mind, seeing red. All I wanted to do was teach her a lesson she’d never forget. I wanted to scare the shit out of her so that maybe she’d leave me alone. I was angry that she thought so little of me. Carol would never have thought that, and I was pissed that I was stuck with Beth and not her. The hooch had wrapped its poisonous fingers around me, and there was no turning back. If Beth wanted a redneck prick, she was about to get one. “I’m gonna give you your first lesson,” I said angrily. I grabbed my bow with my free hand and dragged Beth outside. I know I wasn’t thinking straight, but I didn’t give a shit. I was tired of playing games, tired of her flirting and not being able to do anything about it. And I was tired of having to protect her when she seemed to not appreciate it.

“Can’t we do this later?” she begged, fear making her voice quiver.

I shoved her to the side and fired a shot at the walker, pinning him to the tree. Then I grabbed Beth, yanked her in front of me, wrapped my arm around her chest, and brought the bow up in front of her. “We’re going to do this now. You’ve been hinting around all day, trying to know what it’s like to be me. Well, here’s your chance. Look through the scope.”

“I don’t want to,” she cried.

“Look through the fucking scope,” I yelled, and she did. “Now pull the trigger and shoot it.” I held her body tight against mine, and felt a flare of desire as it mixed with my drunken anger. An image of my brother entered my mind, of the way I’d witnessed him treat some of the women he’d been with before. I had never acted out in that way. It was one of those things I swore I’d never do, even though that kind of disrespect ran through the men in my family, my dad and my brother in particular.

To try and clear my thoughts, I pressed on Beth’s finger, releasing an arrow. It sunk into the walker’s shoulder. “Aw, see there, you’ve distracted me, just like you’ve been doing since we got stuck together.” As I released Beth and pushed her away, I noticed that I instantly missed the closeness of our bodies. “Let’s pull these arrows out of our friend here, and try again.” I was a crazed maniac, a mixture of the alcohol and holding Beth close to me was screwing with my emotions. I started to stumble over to the walker, but Beth shot out around me and got there first, sinking her knife into its head. “What’d you do that for? We were just starting to have some fun.”

“It’s not supposed to be fun,” she yelled.

“Good, then you finally get it. All day you’ve been crying over finding a drink, almost getting us killed, and then flirting like some college bitch while I’m trying to save our asses,” I shouted.

“Flirting? Is that what you think? Really? I was just trying to communicate with you, because God knows the great and all powerful Daryl Dixon can’t ever show any emotions. The whole time we’ve been together, you’ve barely spoken a word until now. Do you know how miserable it is being stuck with someone who sees you as a burden? I know I’m not strong. I’m not like Michonne or … or your precious Carol, but I’m still alive, and you still see me as the next dead girl. So yeah, I was flirting because I was afraid you’d get sick of me and leave me behind. But you just ignored me like you’ve done for a long while now. You ignored everyone. You’ve changed from the Daryl I first met on my daddy’s farm. You cared then. I cared. I still do, but when I see how the world has changed the strongest, toughest man I’ve ever met, I fear that I will become like that too, and I don’t want to. I need to know you still care, Daryl. I need to know you still have hope so that I’m not the only one. That’s all.”

I turned from her, facing the dead walker so she wouldn’t see the range of emotions I was feeling. “I can’t afford to care anymore, because everyone I’ve cared for is gone. Rick … your dad–” My throat started to close up as tears threatened to spill. “Carol,” I added in a whisper. I palmed my face, trying to shake off my drunken state, but that did nothing. Guilt flooded my heart. “It should never have happened back there at the prison, but I gave up. I shouldn’t have settled down. I should have been out there with Michonne looking for the Governor, not stopping until I found him and killed him. Now everyone’s dead because of me.”

“You don’t know that everyone’s dead. We got away. Some of the others probably did too. Maggie and Glenn, they were on the bus and–” She paused and tried to reach out for my hand, but I pulled away. “It’s not your fault, Daryl,” she said, trying to soothe me. “With your tracking skills, I’m sure if we just keep searching we’ll–”

“There’s no point,” I said angrily, cutting her off. “You saw that place go up. There’s no one left.” My anger turned to desolation as tears streamed down my face. All I could think about was Hershel being killed, and right in front of his daughters, the prison exploding in a cloud of fire and debris, guns firing, dead bodies, a mass of walkers flooding into the prison yard. How could any of them have survived? And I missed my opportunity to stop it all from happening.

Suddenly, I felt Beth’s arms surround my waist as she held me from behind. She laid her head on my back and whispered. “I don’t believe that to be true. They’re not gone, not all of them. I’m here, and it’s because of you that I am. I was still looking for Maggie when you found me. If you hadn’t come when you did, I wouldn’t be alive.”

I couldn’t help myself. I broke down and cried as she held me. My arms hung limp at my sides and I sobbed heavily. Damn moonshine. Shit, I hadn’t cried around anyone since … since I was just a boy, I guess, and I cried in front of my brother, Merle, who in turn slapped me across the face and told me to stop being a pussy.

“I’m sorry, Beth. I’m so sorry I couldn’t keep your father safe,” I said between sobs.

She held me tighter. “It’s not your fault,” she repeated several times until she was sure I heard her. She moved from behind me, and grasped me in front, putting her head on my chest, her arms around my waist. I buried my face in her hair, and cupped the back of her head. Then she lifted her head and looked up at me. Our eyes connected, as she wiped the tears from my face. I had hit bottom. I was a man destroyed by my own guilt and despair. I had been doing this for such a long time, nothing but surviving and not looking back, but now it was all catching up to me. I was spent, drained, vulnerable.

Beth drew my head down and kissed my forehead. Here I was, a complete drunken mess, and she was comforting me. Our eyes met and held longer than they should have. Suddenly, I was seeing a different Beth, not the infatuated girl from the farm or the rebellious teen searching for booze. I was seeing a woman, a young, bright woman who was stronger than she realized. I should have pushed away, but I had no strength left in me. I was breaking from all the guilt on my shoulders. The truth was, I needed this.

We drew closer to each other, the effects of the hooch driving us on. What if Beth was all I had left? This entire time I’d been trying to keep her out, push her away. I’d also been protecting her. If I really didn’t care, I wouldn’t be holding her right now. I was starting to see that she was special to me. She represented all that I wish I’d had, and all that I’d lost. Hershel, Carol … God, I missed Carol, but she wasn’t here and Beth was. She needed me most, and I was learning that I needed her too. I made up my mind right then and there that I’d do anything to keep her safe. It was the least I could do after letting my people down.

Beth’s hand came up behind my neck, and she tried to pull me down for a kiss. I gently took her hand and removed it, then turned my eyes to the ground. “We shouldn’t do this. We’ve been drinking. Emotions are running high. And your father,” I paused to think of what Hershel would say if he saw us in an embrace. “He would never approve of someone like me, not for his daughter.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Beth told me. She was looking up into my face, but I kept my eyes turned from her. “All right,” she finally agreed, and she went back inside the trailer. I stayed outside a moment to collect myself. I knew I was doing the right thing. I had to keep her at arm’s length, though I thought I was doing a shitty job of it. It was one thing to ignore her advances, but it wasn’t right to frighten her like I’d just done. I knew I shouldn’t have drank that moonshine. And being in this place, this horrible reminder of my past life. It wasn’t good enough for me or for Beth. It might have been good enough for her first drink, but for anything else she was hoping for . . . All I knew was she deserved better, a better place to share a bed, and a better man to share it with.

Hershel came back to the forefront of my mind. When things started turning bad at the prison, he pulled me aside and spoke to me. “If anything should happen to me or especially Maggie, take care of my little girl. I trust you, Daryl. You’re a good man.” He could have asked anyone else, but for some reason, he asked me. And I agreed without really thinking about it. I had been humoring him at the time, not thinking that one day I would have to make good on that promise. And now, here we were.

When I went back inside, Beth was holding her glass, looking at the hooch. Then she set it back on the table and plopped down on the kitchen chair. “I’m not feeling so good,” she claimed.

“Well, it’s no wonder after all the booze you drank. You gonna puke, do it over there,” I said pointing to the corner where I took a piss.

“I think I just need to lay down for a bit.”

“Take the recliner. I’ll keep watch,” I told her and she did what I said.

>>------->

It didn’t take her long to go to sleep, and I was left with my thoughts again. Unable to help myself, I watched Beth for a bit while she slept. It seemed so unfair, especially to the young, the way the world soured. She should be off at college, fighting off boys instead of walkers, getting drunk on Jell-O shots instead of moonshine. She should have had a steady boyfriend, instead of pining over me, older, uneducated redneck from the sticks. 

I wondered about her sudden need for her first drink, and I knew it wasn’t just about the alcohol. It was just a step on her way to becoming a woman. First, it was age, which she had reached over the summer. Now it was alcohol, first time taking a drink, first time getting drunk. The next step was a much more serious milestone, one there was no going back from. Was it an accident that we were thrown together or was it fate? She could have left the prison with anyone else. She should have been with her sister and Glenn. Then this wouldn’t be an issue. But it was me she got stuck with, and I was beginning to wonder if I could handle this.

Beth was very pretty, long blonde hair, big doe eyes, sweet smile, and the perfect amount of southern accent. She was also young and impressionable, on the verge of womanhood, and I knew for a while that she was smitten with me. It was easy to ignore back at the prison, and that’s what I did. There were more important things to do and to worry about, and it was easy to stay out of her way.

There was also the woman I still had feelings for, who I had a lot in common with, who I thought about every day since the prison fell. But I had no idea where Carol was or if I would ever see her again. I still held out hope that we would find each other, but as each day passed, that hope faded a little more. I didn’t want to admit it, but as my hope faded, it was being replace with new prospects. I just might have to start all over, I thought as I glanced at Beth sleeping in that ratty old chair. Of course, if it was indeed just the two of us now, it didn’t have to develop into anything. But I was a man with needs, stuck with a pretty young woman who desired me.

Why me? I wondered to myself. I was never very friendly toward her. Our paths didn’t even cross that much at the prison. I didn’t even know until Carol pulled me to the side and told me. I laughed it off and didn’t give it much thought afterwards. I had no choice but to think about it now, and decided to push it off and ignore it for as long as possible. What was important was to find a place to live, a place we could fortify, gather supplies, and start over. This shithole definitely wouldn’t suffice, and we needed to get out of here soon.

Beth only slept for about an hour. Her groggy eyes scanned the trailer until she saw me sitting at the table. I’d been lost in my thoughts, remembering the past, and slowly sipping on some hooch. She got up and came over to join me.

“You still drinking this stuff?” she asked as she plopped down in the chair across from me. She picked up one of the half-filled Mason jars, sniffed it, wrinkled her nose and took a sip.

“I ain’t a light weight like you,” I told her. “And maybe you shouldn’t drink anymore.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Daryl. I’m eighteen.”

“Yeah, I know,” I whispered. I lost count of how many times I reminded myself of that fact. There was nothing to do but sit and watch her. “Just don’t guzzle it like you did before.” She rolled her eyes and took another sip.

>>------->

“Motorcycle repairman,” Beth guessed again, trying to figure out what I did before the world went to hell.

I opened my mouth as though I was about to agree, and then shook my head. “Nope, wrong again. Ok, that was three guesses. That’s all for today.”

“Oh, come on, Daryl. I know I’m close. How about–”

“I said you only get three guesses per day and that was your last one.”

“Alright,” she said disappointedly.

We were sitting out on the porch of the shack we found, just talking and getting to know each other better. The moonshine buzz had worn off a while ago. Our previous conversation about the group had gotten a little heavy with emotion, so we turned to things less weighted with sadness. I agreed to start tracking the area and that made Beth happy. I’d let her believe what she wanted, and I’d go along with it for a short while, but we needed to get moving from here and try to find a safe place to stay a while.

“I guess we better try and get a little sleep. Sun’s coming up soon, and we’ll head out then.”

Beth looked towards the door of the shack. “I’d rather not go back in there. It stinks and there’s cockroaches running around everywhere.”

“Suit yourself.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“Keep watch out here. I … I really don’t want to go back in there either.”

“It’s not the cockroaches, is it?” she wondered.

“Naw,” I said in a whisper. “It’s too familiar in there.” Beth watched me, waiting for me to add more, and I decided that I could confide in her. “You want to know what I was before? Nothing. I followed my brother around, and let him decide what we did and where we went. It was just me and Merle. Maybe that’s why we integrated easily into the world after it ended. We’d already been trailing along the end anyway.”

“You know what I think?” Beth asked. “I think the end of the world was your beginning.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, wanting to know how she really felt about me.

“You were never nothing. You just hadn’t come into your own yet.” She smiled at me from across the porch. “Whoever you were with your brother, you’re not that man anymore.” Beth scooted over to my side and settled in next to me. “As a matter of fact, I think you’ve always been this man right here, but you tried too hard to please your brother. The real Daryl got lost in the shuffle.”

I huffed and looked down. “I think you see what you want to see.”

“No, I know I’m right about this. There’s still good people out there, and you’re one of them.”

I looked out into the darkness. Good people? “I don’t know about that.” 

She reached out and laid her hand on my arm to gain my full attention. “I know you don’t see it, but you’re wrong about yourself,” she said. “I’ve seen that good several times. Back on the farm, I remember how you never gave up looking for Carol’s daughter, even after everyone else wanted to move on. I noticed how you stayed by Carol’s side as she grieved. And after the farm was overrun, and we were constantly on the move for all those months, you always made sure we had food, especially Lori, when she was pregnant. At the prison, after Judith was born, and Lori died, you didn’t hesitate to volunteer to go out and find baby formula.” She paused to smile as she remembered. “You were the only one who Judith would stop crying for in an instant. My point is, anytime there was a need for something, you never hesitated to jump in, no matter how dangerous or easy it might have been. And . . .” She turned from me, and I caught the slightest blush of pink tinge her cheeks. “And that’s what I admire most about you.”

It was the first time she admitted her feelings for me. I wasn’t sure how to take that, or what to say in response, but I said the first thing that came to mind. “Why me?”

“What do you mean?” she said, trying to play dumb. 

“You know,” I responded. I wasn’t good at this kind of thing, but I just needed to know why she pined for me above all the other men she’d met. There had been younger, better looking candidates along the way, but she chose not to allow herself to get too close. But for some reason, she wanted the opposite with me. I could have fallen victim and ended up dead like the rest, but she let herself care about me.

“Because, Daryl Dixon, deep down beneath that tough exterior of a redneck hillbilly, I see a good man, a sweet man, and someone who really cares.”

This was getting a little serious, and I spoke to relieve some of the tension building between us. “You’d need a pretty powerful flashlight to see that deep,” I half joked.

“You shine brighter than you think,” she said with a bashful smile. Beth picked up a leaf and rolled in her fingers. “You were wrong about my daddy.” She lifted her eyes to me.

“What about?” I asked.

“You said he’d never approve of you, but you’re exactly the kind of man he respected. You’re honorable and you’d go beyond to protect those you care about.”

“Guess we’ll never know,” I whispered in a low voice.

Beth got quiet when she saw that I wasn’t going to agree with her. I decided to break up this private moment between us, and stood from the floor. I stretched my back and looked out into the night. “Well, since neither one of us is going to sleep, maybe we should just get out of here. It’s almost dawn anyway.”

Beth got up and stood next to me. She looked back through the doorway at the rundown trailer, and smiled. “You know what I think?” she asked. “I think we should burn this place down, and get rid of another piece of your past.”

At first I was about to protest. I didn’t see the reason to spend the extra energy, but then it made sense. Beth and I talked a lot about our lives before, and it was pretty obvious that we couldn’t go back. For me, not only couldn’t I, but I didn’t want to … ever. Had I really changed that much? I couldn’t tell you one way or another. I’d seen and done things I never would have before, things that made it difficult to understand why Beth saw the good in me. But that’s how life was now. Sometimes you had to get your hands dirty. One thing was for sure. The things I did and the decisions I made were not out of selfishness, unless you consider wanting to live being selfish.

I nodded and looked at Beth over my shoulder. “We’re gonna need a lot more fuel.”

“Really?” said Beth with complete surprise.

“Hell yeah. Let’s light this mother up.”

We went to the shed, and grabbed the rest of the moonshine. The first thing we did was go back inside the trailer and start pouring it everywhere. We didn’t leave a single corner dry. Beth laughed as we worked, and it brought some joy to my heart to hear it. Maybe she didn’t need that drink after all. She just needed to let off some steam. So did I. We had both been so deep in anguish and remorse for those we lost, and for our dire situation that we hadn’t taken a moment for ourselves. It was time to move out of our depression, and head into an unseen future … together. We only had each other, and though we missed our loved ones terribly, we had to live see another day. That’s all we could do.

After pouring out all the hooch, we went out onto the porch and turned back to look inside. I took a lighter out of my pants pocket, and looked at it closely, flipping it several times in my fingers. “This belonged to my brother. He gave it to me back at the prison, right before he disappeared. I didn’t think nothing of it, but he knew that would be the last time we’d see each other. Merle, you dumb piece of shit.” I said it affectionately because I really did miss my brother. I flipped the lid up and put my thumb on the flint wheel, but at the last moment, I held the lighter out to Beth. “You want to do the honors?”

She didn’t hesitate, and smiled wide. “Hell yeah.” Then she looked at me questioningly, wondering how to go about setting a house on fire.

“Just light it and toss it in,” I told her.

“But … it’s your brother’s lighter.”

“It belongs here with the rest of my life. Go on, before company comes.”

Beth did as I told her, and tossed the lighter inside the house. The garbage caught quickly, and the fire spread. In no time, it was licking at the ceiling. Then it was through the roof and coming out of the windows. The screen on the porch seemed to melt away. Beth and I stood side by side and watched. Then she raised her arm, giving the burning trailer the middle finger. She glanced at me with a smile, laughing as she did, and I joined her. We both saluted that shithole house for as long as we could.

Eventually, the flames and the sound brought walkers our way. I saw them first and signaled to Beth. We grabbed our packs and took off into the woods, not knowing where we were going or where we’d end up. That was the world today, living day by day, going place to place, surviving to see another sunrise. As we moved along the forest, that sunrise came for both of us. We were still here. We were still alive. Together.


	3. Alone In Our Own World

Chapter 3 Alone In Our Own World

We left the burning trailer a few days ago, and Beth and I had been living in the open ever since. Something changed between us, and although I still felt her admiration for me from time to time, she didn’t try to initiate anything. We continued tracking, and I’d found signs of people passing through the area. It hadn’t rained in a long time to wash away this evidence, so it was difficult to say whether these prints were recent or not. Still, we kept searching.

Something Beth said back at the trailer stuck with me. She’d said she wasn’t strong, and that I looked at her like she was the next dead girl. Maybe I did. I don’t know. I didn’t mean to, if that was the case. I just wanted to keep her safe, but that wouldn’t be enough. The fact was, Beth was much stronger than anyone had ever given her credit for. Back at the prison, when her father was executed, and her and Maggie had just witnessed it, I remember glancing over and seeing Beth firing her gun. She was screaming in horror at having just seen her father die. Tears streamed down her face. It would have been easy to give up and curl into a blubbering ball, but she didn’t do that. She stood with her sister and kept shooting. Granted, she was firing aimlessly, but she didn’t give up as I would have expected her to. I don’t think anyone else noticed this, but I did, and I tucked that visual away until now.

“You’ve come a long way since that girl I met on the farm,” I commented as we were walking along.

Beth smiled as she watched the ground in front of her footsteps. “I guess so. Had no choice really.”

“True,” I nodded. “But there’s always room to learn and improve. It’s not enough to just know how to fight. You need to learn to survive.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t that what we’re doing?” she asked.

“What happens if we get separated?”

“That’s not going to happen,” she declared with confidence, and I knew right then that she was depending on me too much.

I stopped walking and looked down at some foot tracks in the dirt. “Look at that and tell me what you see.”

Beth came over and knelt down. “Looks like someone walked through here.”

“Look closer,” I said, kneeling beside her. I pointed to the prints. “It’s not a clean print. See the edges and the elongated heel? These were made by a walker.” And so I started my lessons.

Without any other signs of human traffic in the area, I turned to teaching her to hunt. I showed her what to look for, how to identify animal trails, set snare traps for rabbit, catch snakes, clean her kill. She already knew how to make a fire, and she was good at it … maybe even quicker than me. Beth was proud to hear it.

We camped at night, taking turns sleeping. Neither one of us ever slept for very long. It wasn’t always for fear of walkers, though. We both experienced dreams that made us afraid to rest for too long. We didn’t talk about it. They were our own personal demons. To speak of it out loud might make them stay permanently. Mine were usually of Merle after I found him changed. He was an asshole, but he didn’t deserve that. There wasn’t much that scared my brother, but walkers terrified him. They terrified me too. I could get in a fight with people, shoot them, punch them, defend myself against some of the craziest fuckers out there, but walkers … just one bite, one scrape and you were finished. So, to see Merle turned into one of those things, a bullet wound in his chest, eating the throat of some dead guy, well, it made me sick. And those eyes … those lifeless cloudy gray eyes, devoid of a soul . . . It gave me goosebumps just thinking about it. The last time I dreamed of him, he wasn’t alone. Carol came up beside my brother, same dead eyes, teeth clicking together to get at me and consume my flesh. God, I hoped that wherever she’d gone, she was all right. And if not, then I hoped she didn’t suffer the same outcome as my brother.

It was my turn to sleep, but my mind wasn’t tired. Instead, I began to reminisce about the time in the prison when Carol and T-dog got lost in the catacombs. We’d found T-dog or what was left of him. He’d been eaten. Carol was still missing. I found the scarf she wore that day before she disappeared. It had blood on it. Everyone assumed she was dead, but I refused to give up that easily. While I was with some of the others, I passed by a storeroom and heard something moving inside. We ignored it and moved on, but my first thought was that it might have been her. Later I went back by myself. I knew if it was her in there, turned, I’d have to put her down, and I didn’t want to do it in front of other people. I wasn’t sure I could do it at all, not to Carol. I don’t know how long I paced back and forth outside that storeroom, preparing myself for what I would find inside. No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t find the strength to do it. When my feet tired I sat on the floor, and convinced myself that Carol was inside there. I had to psych myself up so that I would be able to put her down. It was killing me to think of her in that state, and to know I was the one who would have to put a knife in her skull. I had to make sure I’d be able to do it, and not freeze up and let her attack me. I knew without a doubt it would be the worst and most difficult thing I’d ever done. I remembered how Carol was after finding her daughter in Hershel’s barn, a little girl with dead eyes, growling and shuffling her feet, turned into one of those things. Sophia was her only child, the only thing Carol had left that was a part of her. If I hadn’t been there to hold her back, she would have gone straight to her, not to kill her, but to take the child into her arms. It was a natural instinct, but one that would have gotten Carol killed. I feared I might have the same reaction. If I opened that door, would I have the will power to kill her, or would I fold and take her into my arms, knowing it would be my end? I finally got up from the floor, grit my teeth, and opened the door. I found Carol, and she was still alive. She was pretty banged up and severely dehydrated, but she was alive.

I almost confessed my true feelings for her after that … almost. I don’t know why, but I’d never been able to tell her. Carol was my best friend, and I guess I didn’t want to screw that up if she didn’t return the feelings. I should have just told her, but the timing never seemed right. Carol was going through something. Last thing she needed was to learn that her best friend wanted to be something more than friends. So I would bide my time and hope for another chance and another day, but Carol was gone, and I was losing hope of ever seeing her again.

I stirred out of my dismal thoughts and sat up. “Hey, you wanna switch?” I asked Beth.

“It hasn’t been that long. Can’t you sleep?”

“Naw. Go on. I’ll take watch,” I told her, and we changed positions. It didn’t take her long and she was out.

After about a half hour or so, Beth let out a whimper. Apparently, she wasn’t having any more luck than me as far as dreams were concerned. She moved closer to where I sat keeping watch. Her eyes opened briefly, but I could see she was still in the dream world. She put her head in my lap and quieted again. The fire had burned down to embers, but the glow illuminated just enough of her porcelain skin and her blond hair. I watched her chest slowly rise and fall with each breath. She looked like a doll when she was asleep. Some of her hair had fallen in her face, and I carefully pushed it away. Poor kid, I thought to myself. But she wasn’t a kid anymore, was she? Beth was a woman now, barely entered into adulthood. Was this all she had to look forward to in her life … her next meal, next place to lay her head? It was so unfair, I thought. Me, I could handle the new world, but for the young, they were growing up with a different mindset. At least she’d have her childhood memories to look back on. She got to experience a pre-apocalyptic life for a few years.

The hair I pushed away fell into her face again. I reached for it and was going to tuck it behind her ear, but instead I twirled it between my fingers, reveling in the softness of it, and the way it shined like gold. My gentle ministrations stirred her, and she brought her arm up, wrapping it around my thigh. I was about to pull my hand away, but instead, I cupped her head, wishing to feel the curve of her skull, the heaviness of her head, and the warmth that radiated from her body. This right here was life. This was the future. The young ones would have to shape the new world, maybe find a cure, maybe find a way to eliminate the threat. I was just a soldier, a protector, but she was the fate of the world and its future.

Beth nuzzled her cheek against my leg, and her arm tightened around my thigh. She moaned, and it sent vibrations through me. I continued to pet her head with slow strokes. She smiled at the feel of my touch, and I drew my hand away.

“Don’t stop. It feels nice,” she said, eyes still closed.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” I apologized.

“It’s ok. I slept long enough. It’s your turn anyways.”

“I’m not tired.” I started to get up, but she put her hand on my arm to stop me.

“Can’t you stay for a little longer? It’s really comfortable. You make a nice pillow.”

I relaxed back into my position and let Beth stay with her head in my lap. “Maggie used to let me lay on her when we were younger. She’d do the same thing you were doing. It was always so soothing.” She paused and sighed deeply. “I miss my sister.”

“Yeah,” I said tersely.

“Who do you miss?” she asked.

“Everyone,” I answered.

“I mean, who is the first to come to mind? If you could make them appear right now, who would it be?”

I knew my answer before she finished her sentence, but I wouldn’t confess my secret to Beth. Instead, I said the second name that entered my mind. “Hershel. I’d bring back your dad.”

“Hmm,” she grunted skeptically. I didn’t think she believed me. I waited for her to ask more questions, but she didn’t. Instead, she sat up, picked up a stick, and started poking at the embers. Tiny sparks floated up on the warm currents rising from the fire, and it reminded me of lightening bugs.

“It’s not really a fair question,” I said. “I don’t want any of them to be gone, and I want all of them to come back.”

“Yeah, me too,” she said. Beth got up and dusted off her pants. She looked down at me. “Get some shut eye, Daryl. I’ve got this watch.”

>>------->

I must have fallen into a very deep sleep. I guess I was more tired than I thought. I was having some kind of pleasant dream that I couldn’t remember because the sound of a walker woke me with a start. I sat up and immediately looked for Beth. She wasn’t at the camp. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I jumped up and grabbed for my bow, but it wasn’t where I’d left it. I jumped over the rope strung with hubcaps, and was about to run off in search of Beth, when I saw her in a small clearing. She had my crossbow and was aiming it at a walker on the ground. It looked like both of its legs were broken, and it slowly crawled across the forest floor towards Beth. She wasn’t paying it much attention as she took her time lining up a shot. I decided there wasn’t any threat at the moment, and watched to see what she would do. Finally, she fired an arrow at it, but only hit it in the neck.

“You’re doing it wrong,” I called, startling her.

“Shit, you scared me. I thought you were still sleeping,” she said with relief.

“What do you think you’re doing with my bow?” I gave my voice a disciplined tone.

“I just wanted to know what it was like to use this thing.”

I snatched the bow from her hands, threw it across my back, took out my knife and stabbed the walker in the head. “It’s not a damn toy,” I complained.

“I know that,” she retaliated. “I was careful, though. I disabled the walker first. Took out both of his legs. I’m not stupid.”

“Never said you were. I was just insinuating that taking my bow, and going off alone to kill walkers is a bad idea.” I turned and walked away.

“How do you expect me to learn anything if you keep taking away my options?” she argued.

I stopped and hung my head. She was right. I took her gun for safe keeping and armed her with a knife. I figured I was the one doing most of the killing anyways. But I had started teaching her survival tips. I should teach her how to kill too. I turned back to her to find her standing with her arms crossed and daggers shooting from her eyes. It was almost comical, but I wouldn’t dare laugh. Beth was very serious at the moment. “Alright, you wanna learn? Now’s good a time as any.” I went back to her, and took my bow in my hands, beginning a tutorial about my weapon. “This here is the quiver. It only holds a few arrows so make sure every shot counts, and always retrieve your arrows. You lose ‘em or break ‘em, this weapon is useless. Now, you gotta nock the arrow like this. Put your foot in the stirrup, and pull the string until it catches in the latch up here. Arrow goes in here like this, and now you’re loaded.” I took the bow in my hands, and put the stock against my shoulder. “This is the sight. Look through here and you’re looking down the shaft of your arrow. Line up your shot, pull the trigger and that’s it.”

“You make it look easy,” she commented.

“I’ve been using one of these things since I was a kid. Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it. Come on. Let’s find you a target.” We went off deeper into the woods looking for something to shoot. I was hoping for a deer, even a rabbit. What we found was a walker. I handed her my bow. “Ok. Show me what you got.”

“Now?” she said surprised.

“You were the one complaining earlier that you weren’t learning enough. So there you go.” I gestured towards the walker.

Beth hesitated, glancing back at me from time to time for assurance. I just nodded and stayed where I was, knife in hand just in case I had to go in for the kill. The walker was advancing slowly, giving Beth time to aim. She loosed the arrow, hitting it in the chest. The walker stumbled backwards, but kept its footing and continued towards us. She looked back at me. “What do I do?”

“Load another arrow. Remember, stirrup, string, latch, arrow,” I instructed.

Beth nodded, a serious look on her face. She lowered the bow, anchored it with her foot, and pulled up on the string. She was having trouble with that part. Of course, I was used to the tension, but she wasn’t. “It’s too tight,” she complained.

“Pull harder,” I called, keeping an eye on our dead friend who was beginning to get a little too close for comfort.

Beth grunted and struggled to set the string. She wasn’t watching the walker, which was dangerous. “Don’t take your eye off the target,” I called out. My fist tightened around my knife, and I took a few steps forward. Beth finally got the string in the latch. She looked up and saw how close the walker was. She gasped and took a couple steps backwards. She was losing her concentration, lifted the bow and realized she forgot to nock the arrow. “Shit,” she complained, lowering the weapon and taking another arrow from the quiver. With the arrow in place, she lifted the bow again and got a shot off. She hit the walker in the neck instead of the head, and it kept advancing. Seeing that she was struggling, I advanced on the walker and plunged my knife into its head.

I gave her a disappointed glare. “Time’s up. You’re dead,” I told her, completing her first lesson.

“I could have gotten it,” she retaliated. “If you’d just given me another second.”

“Another second, and that thing would have lunged and you’d be dead.” I went to the walker and pulled my arrow. “Every … shot … counts.”

She finally got it, and I could see the look of self-loathing on her face. “I’m not strong enough.”

“You just got to get used to it, that’s all. Besides, your first time is never good anyways.”

“That’s what my sister always used to tell me to discourage me,” she said, a mixture of disappointment and humor. Her provocative comment took me by surprise. She shook it off, and stood straight. “Come on. Let’s look for another one. I’m not stopping until I get it right.”

We kept on and finally found another target. Beth knew what to expect this time, and with less struggle, she got the string in the latch. She remembered the arrow this time too, and got the bow ready quickly. I stood back and watched as she looked down the sight. She moved towards the walker, and then turned to draw it away from where I was standing. Beth stepped backwards slowly to keep her balance and her aim. She fired. The arrow went through the cheek. So close, I said to myself. It was a really good try, just a little bit off. She set the weapon with another arrow and raised it, stock butted against her shoulder. She stepped backwards a few more times, the leafy ground crunching beneath her boots. Suddenly, there was a loud clang and a snap, and Beth fell down into a sitting position.

“Ow!” she exclaimed, and I caught sight of a bear trap biting into her ankle.

“Beth!” I called out.

“I got it!” she demanded, still aiming my bow at the walker.

I ignored her and went running towards it, knife at the ready, but she fired a second arrow and nailed it right in the head. I stopped and waited a moment to make sure it didn’t start moving again, but it was dead. Then I went to Beth and got the trap off her foot.

“You alright?” I asked with concern, holding her foot in my hands. As I twisted it slightly, she jumped and cried in pain. “Can you move it?” I asked. Beth moved her foot up and down, and I was relieved. “It’s not broken.”

“It hurts though,” she said.

“Good thing you had on these boots. Come on, let’s get you up.” I helped her to stand. “Can you walk on it?”

Beth took a couple steps, but she needed my help. “I’ll manage.” She was trying very hard not to shed tears from the pain. I couldn’t help but think that only a few days ago, she was crying because she couldn’t find a drink. Now she was injured, and keeping it together like a pro. It was like she matured from a whiny kid into a young woman in that short period of time. Something changed, and it was good. I liked seeing her in this light. Maybe it was my survival teachings, or maybe it was just her. She was stronger than she realized.

“We gotta find some shelter, get you off that foot for a couple days,” I told her.

“I said I’ll be fine,” she said. “Doesn’t hurt so much once I start walking on it. Let’s just keep going.”

“We’ll find a place,” I demanded. “Let’s go back up to the road and follow it for a while. At least you’ll be walking on an even surface.”

As we made our way down the road, I caught a glimpse of something through the trees. We headed off in that direction, and came out of the tree line to a cemetery. We were standing at the back edge of a small graveyard, white tombstones sitting up in rows. Each one looked different from the rest. This was a private cemetery, I thought, reserved for a family, maybe two or three. Up ahead in the distance was a large white house, the funeral parlor and probably the home of the caretaker.

I looked at Beth, and she was done. Her ankle had been hurting her for a while, but she didn’t put up a fuss. I turned my back to her. “Come on. Jump on,” I gestured for her to ride piggyback.

“What? No, I can walk,” she complained.

“It’s not that far. Let’s go.” I crouched down and she hopped onto my back. Beth wrapped her arms around my shoulders and I started walking into the cemetery, weaving in and out of headstones. I passed one in particular, a large square stone, only a couple feet tall.

Beth patted my shoulder, signaling for me to let her down. “Hold up a minute.”

“What is it?” I was afraid she’d seen walkers. When I turned, Beth was reading the engraved letters.

‘Beloved Father’ it read. My heart went out to her. Hershel would never have a proper burial. Beth would never have a place to visit him, to leave flowers, or to one day take her own children to visit and tell them stories of their grandfather. She’d told me once that she always imagined that’s how it would be when her father died. He would have been buried in the family cemetery where the rest of their people were. All that was gone now. No one got proper burials with headstones. If you were lucky, you got put in a shallow grave with a couple sticks tied into a cross to mark your resting place. No one wanted to think about being left out as carnage for walkers, but odds were, that’s how most of us would end up. And, of course, worst case scenario was reanimation.

I had no words of comfort for Beth at the moment. It still weighed heavily on me that Hershel was gone, but I swore to do right by his daughter, and I couldn’t just ignore this somber moment. To my right was a cluster of wildflowers. I picked them in a bunch and gave them to her. She smiled at me sweetly, and then laid the flowers on the tombstone. We stood there, silently looking down at the grave when I felt Beth’s hand reach for mine. I took it and squeezed it in acknowledgement.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

We made our way to the house, and stood there looking up at the front porch. I nodded, and Beth readied her knife. I got my bow set and we entered through the front door after I jimmied the lock. I banged on the wall, making as much noise as I could to attract anything inside. It remained silent. “It’s clear, for now,” I told Beth. “Let’s do a sweep.”

We went through each room of the downstairs, finding the place empty, but one thing was off about it. “Notice how clean it is?” I asked Beth.

“Maybe no one has been here in a long time,” she said.

“Maybe,” I said, using this as a lesson. “But even so, what’s missing?”

Beth looked around the foyer where we were standing. There was a table with a vase next to her. She looked at it, and ran her finger along the smooth top. “There’s no dust,” she finally said.

“Someone lives here,” I said.

“Where do you think they are?” Beth wondered, looking cautious.

“Maybe they’re out on a supply run. Come on, let’s finish the sweep.”

A staircase led to the second floor, where I assumed the living quarters were, but I wasn’t going up there just yet. There was an office where clients could discuss funeral arrangements, and a couple viewing rooms where grieving families could gather to say their goodbyes. We started with those rooms. The first one had an occupant already laid out in his coffin. Chairs were strategically placed for viewing. The body was dressed in a pristine suit and tie. I went to the open casket and touched the man’s perfect face. It was wax, and my fingers made dents in his cheek. I tested it, and found that the wax was very thick. The entire face was fake, yet it was so lifelike. But this was no wax figure like you might find in a museum. There was someone beneath all the wax and make up, but I didn’t want to know who or what it was. I could already guess.

The second viewing room was set up with a casket and chairs, but there was no corpse. The lid was open and it was empty. A piano sat across the other side, and vases with silk flowers decorated the room. Past the viewing rooms we came to what looked like a dining room, except there were multiple tables, each one with a neatly pressed white tablecloth and seating for about six at each table. Plates, cups, and silverware were set out in proper fashion for a dinner that would never happen. The room was clean and empty. The next door led into the kitchen. I assumed it was used for funeral guests as well as the funeral director and his or her family. The first thing Beth and I did was look in the cabinets. We found more dinnerware, pots, pans, and plastic containers. Last but not least, we found food. Cans of vegetables lined up neatly on their shelf, jars of peanut butter and jelly, bottles of diet soda, and pickled pigs feet.

“No dust,” I observed. “Just like the other rooms.”

“Should we wait for them to come back?” Beth asked, salivating over the cupboard full of food. We hadn’t had anything decent in a while.

I selfishly stared at the cabinet full of food. “Naw. It’s their loss.” Like a man possessed, I grabbed as much as I could carry and started to take it to the table.

“We should leave some for the owner,” said Beth.

“Why?” I asked, dropping my load on the kitchen table.

“Because that’s what good people do. Take what you need and leave the rest.”

I looked at her like she was crazy. “Ain’t no good people anymore,” I growled.

“There are,” she countered. “We’re good people. Whoever lives here is good people too.”

“What makes you think that?” I opened a jar of strawberry preserves and started salivating.

“That body in the other room. Someone took the time to make them look human again. Bad people wouldn’t waste their time.”

She had a point. I knew she was right. Staring at the pile of food on the table, I gave in to her pleas, taking half of it and putting it back in the cabinet. I gave her a nod and she smiled. Then she winced, and I’d forgotten about her ankle. “Shit, let’s see about patching you up.” She put her arm around my shoulder and we went in search of medical supplies.

I found a set of stairs that led to the basement, and we cautiously descended. Down there it was cold and sterile, and I knew this was where the bodies were prepared for viewing and burial. First thing I noticed was that there were no windows and no other doors down here. It was a dead end, I thought, and laughed at my own unintentional pun. Cabinets lined one side of the room. There were a couple gurneys, and one had a body lying on it. He was dressed in a suit like the one upstairs, but the face wasn’t finished yet. We could see that beneath the wax was a walker, dead but very creepy. 

“Who would do something like this?” I said in disgust.

“I think it’s beautiful,” Beth said, studying the finished half of the man’s face. “Someone took the time to make him look how he used to be.”

“Why? What’s the point?” I asked, not understanding the reasoning behind it. I started looking through cabinets and drawers, finding gauze to wrap Beth’s ankle.

“Because they simply care, that’s all. It’s like I told you. There’s still good people in the world, and you shouldn’t give up hope on that. We have to have something to believe in, or we die from the inside out.” She smiled up at me, proud with her answer. Maybe she was right, but I wouldn’t admit it to her.

I moved close to her, and she looked a little nervous. Her eyes darted around the room, and then they stilled on me. She didn’t know whether to look for an escape or to wait and see what I was about to do to her. I had to admit, I liked being unreadable. Most of the time, Beth caught on to me, but every now and again, I knew I was a mystery to her. She became flustered, and I liked her response. I think she liked it too, as her eyes settled on my lips. I leaned in toward her, but at the last moment, I took her by the waist and lifted her up onto the counter so I could get a better look at her ankle. Beth’s eyes were glued to me, as though she was waiting for me to make a move. I hoped to disappoint her, as I lifted her foot to prove I had other intentions. Very gently, I removed her boot and sock. I took her foot in my hand and moved it around until she winced. “Did that hurt?” I asked.

“A little.”

“Well, it’s not broken. Might be sprained though. Either way, it’s gonna hurt for a while, and it will probably bruise in the next day or two. Other than that, I think you’ll live Miss Greene.”

“Why, Dr. Dixon, thank you for your professional opinion,” she answered with a heavy southern drawl.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, and saw her playful smile and long lashes fluttering. “All right, hand me the gauze.” I needed this to stop before my intentions became something more than friendly games. As I wrapped her ankle up in the stretchable bandage, I felt her eyes on me.

“You have a gentle touch,” she commented.

“Does that surprise you or something?” I asked, refusing to look at her as I worked.

“Well, you’re always so tense and rugged. It’s nice for a change.”

“Don’t get used to it,” I grumbled, but the corner of my mouth curled in a smile. I turned her ankle a bit and she winced.

“Ow,” she said lightly.

“Sorry. So much for a gentle touch,” I apologized.

“It’s okay.” She reached out and moved the hair out of my face. Her hand lingered, the tips of her fingers tracing my cheek. Then her palm cupped the side of my face. I stopped what I was doing, closed my eyes and allowed it. Her hand felt comforting and warm. When I opened my eyes, and found her watching me with longing, and I moved away from her touch.

“There, all done,” I said, ignoring the short exchange as I stood back up.

“Thanks,” she said.

“Let’s get something to eat.” I helped her off the counter, and we hobbled back to the kitchen. I pulled a chair out from the table, and she smiled up at me as I helped her sit. I didn’t think she was used to being waited on, but I was only being polite.

We looked over our bounty on the table, and started to dig in. The pickled pig’s feet was my first choice, while Beth went for a jar of peanut butter. As we ate, we moaned with delight. Our stomachs were getting food, and they had stopped complaining.

“This sure beats campfire snake,” Beth commented. “Not that it was bad or anything.”

“Naw, your right. Nothing beats peanut butter.” I reached across the table and dipped my fingers into her jar.

“Hey,” she complained lightly.

I sucked on my fingers, closed my eyes and moaned at the deliciousness of the nutty flavor. “I love peanut butter.” When I looked up at Beth, she was intently watching me, and I realized that she was enjoying the show a little more than I felt comfortable with.

The moment was interrupted when our alarm system was set off. I had tied up some hubcaps at the top of the steps, and now they were clanging. Something or someone was at the front door. I looked at Beth, and she had pulled her knife out. I held my hand out to stop her. “Stay here,” I demanded and went down the hall. I stood with my back to the solid wood door, and moved the curtain back slightly to peek out of the side window. I released the breath I was holding and gave a laugh when I saw who our visitor was. “It’s alright,” I called out to Beth. “It’s just a dog.” I opened the door, giving the area a quick scan, and finding nothing but a scraggly looking dog with one eye. He looked up at me with his one good eye, trying to determine if I was friendly or not, I guessed. “Hey little guy. You look hungry. Come here, buddy. Come on,” I coaxed, but he gave a growl and a bark and took off running. “Yep,” I said to myself. “That’s usually people’s reaction when they meet me. Good to know I still got it.”

“Where’s the dog?” Beth said from behind me, making me jump out of my skin.

“Jesus, don’t do that,” I scolded. “I thought I told you to stay in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, but you said there was a dog. You can’t tell a girl there’s a dog at the door, and expect her not to come and see it.” She looked past my shoulder. “Where is it?”

“Ran off,” I said, closing the door. The sun was going down. It would be dark soon, and whoever lived here hadn’t come back. I was beginning to wonder if they would ever come back. “Alright, off your foot. Come on,” I said, helping Beth back to the kitchen.

“Daryl?” she said as she hobbled along next to me, her arm around my waist for support. “Where are we going from here?”

“I don’t know. Guess we’ll keep tracking.”

“We’ve been looking for days and we haven’t found anyone,” she said with discouragement.

“You’re the one who said we should keep searching,” I reminded her.

“I know, but … I just thought … this place is nice and … well–”

“We’re not staying here. This isn’t our home. Someone already lives here.”

Beth hung her head. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

“We have to keep moving, Beth. We can’t settle down, not yet. We don’t need to worry about that right now. At least we have a place to sleep tonight. Hey, how long has it been since you laid your head on a pillow?” I said to convince her we were doing the right thing.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she agreed reluctantly.

“All right,” I said, satisfied that we were on the same page. “I’m gonna have a look around upstairs.”

“I’ll come with you,” she said, smiling bright.

“No, you’ll stay here. You gotta stay off that foot or we’ll never get out of here,” I demanded, and I left to finish making my rounds.


	4. String of Failed Attempts

Chapter 4 String of Failed Attempts

Upstairs was just as clean and orderly as the first floor. There was a library, three bedrooms, and a family room. The beds were all made. The rooms were free of dust. Only one bedroom looked lived in. I thought about the food in the pantry. There wasn’t a whole lot of it, enough for one or two people. At closer observation, I noticed a book and a pair of reading glasses on the nightstand to the left. The one on the right held only a lamp and a picture of two men. One was a man with blond hair cut short like a business man. He faced forward toward the camera, eyes closed and laughing jovially. The other man had shoulder length brown hair and a manicured beard. He was smiling wide, eye affixed on the other man, gazing at him with strong admiration upon what I could see of his profile. It was obvious that they were a couple. The man looking at the camera seemed familiar, and I realized that he was the body in the casket downstairs, the one set up in the first viewing room. I thought of the half-finished body in the preparation room in the basement, but he wasn’t in the picture. I had to assume that the man with the dark hair and beard was the same person who lived here now. If he showed up, at least I might be able to recognize him.

Beth said they were pieces of art, the bodies downstairs. She felt appreciation for the person who did it. I saw a person desperate to hold on to the last vestiges of what life used to look like. He was alone now, his lover having turned, but he couldn’t let go. Instead, he incased the body in wax, and made him look how he used to. A picture was not enough and neither were his memories. Beth said it was beautiful. I thought it was a sad existence. Was this what happened if you couldn’t let go? It made me think about myself, and my own existence. I had let go of the prison and of all the people there. I told myself time and time again that they were dead or I would have found them by now. But there was still one thing I was hanging onto … Carol. I clung to the idea that she was still alive because she wasn’t at the jail when it was overrun. I hung onto the hope that I’d see her again. As time went by, the chances that I was right started to slim, but I refused to face the truth, just like the person who sculpted a face on that corpse in the casket. We weren’t really all that different. Maybe he finally faced the facts, and that’s why the house was empty. Or maybe he couldn’t live with the truth anymore, and he was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. The one thing that made us different was that I wasn’t alone. I had someone who was depending on me. I had someone who I could choose to start over with. I had Beth.

I finished my sweep of the house and headed back downstairs with pillows and blankets from the spare rooms. Beth was in the empty viewing room, playing piano and singing. I set the blankets down and stood in the doorway listening. She had such a sweet beautiful voice. It soothed me right away, making me forget about my previous mental ramblings. I couldn’t worry about the people that weren’t here. Beth had become my main concern. She really was all I had, and I realized that I wasn’t just keeping her safe for her own good. I was doing it for me too, because I didn’t want to be alone. I wasn’t used to feeling that way.

Beth stopped singing, as she tried to figure out the next notes of the song on the piano, so I took the moment to interrupt her. I knocked on the door frame, and her fingers fumbled over the keys, hitting the wrong notes. She turned around, caught off guard and looking embarrassed. She even seemed to blush, and I wondered why.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make any noise,” she apologized.

“I wouldn’t call that noise,” I said, watching her from the door. “It, uh … It was … nice,” I stammered, not used to giving compliments. “Where’d you learn to sing like that?”

“Church,” she smiled and looked away. “I was in the children’s choir.” She didn’t seem to want to admit it, to associate herself with being a child. But she wasn’t, not anymore.

I realized I was staring, and cleared my throat as I came into the room. “I found pillows and blankets upstairs. There’s bedrooms up there, but I thought for tonight we should camp out down here.”

“Oh, ok,” she said nervously.

“That song,” I said. “What was it?”

She smiled and looked back down at the piano, as though she was seeing the music on the keys. “Oh that? It’s just something I remembered hearing on the radio way back when.”

“It’s nice,” I admitted.

She smiled wider. “Yeah, you like it?”

I nodded and took the bedding I had brought down and spread it out on the floor, making a place for her to sleep tonight. Then I looked around the room. There was a couch in the office, but I thought it was best that we stayed in the same room. There was only one other place to lay down, and I wasn’t ashamed to claim it.

Beth watched me as I hopped into an empty casket. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making my bed,” I said, scooting around to find the best spot. I’m not gonna lie. It was a little hard, but I guess the dead didn’t need comfort.

“You can’t sleep in a coffin,” she said, wrinkling her brow.

“This is as good a place as any. It’s padded, has a pillow … not too bad,” I said as I settled in the coffin. Yeah, it was kind of morbid, but it was like sleeping at the Hilton compared to roots and stones under my back. “Hey, play that song again,” I suggested.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it was good, and I … I like to hear you sing. I haven’t heard you do that in a long time.”

She smiled and blushed. “I used to sing all the time at the prison.”

“I know,” I whispered. “I miss that.”

Beth rolled her eyes. “You used to say my singing annoyed you.”

“What do I know? I’m just some cranky old man.”

“You’re not old, Daryl,” she complained.

“No? Then what am I?”

Beth observed me, eyes traveling from head to toe. “I’d say you’re … mature. You’re a distinguished gentleman.”

“In other words, old,” I said, seeing how far I could push her.

She watched me a moment through long lashes, then turned her doe eyes back to the piano. She laid her hands over the keys, fingers lined up where they were supposed to be, and started playing her song. As she sang, I watched her. She really did have a beautiful voice. Such a waste, I thought, that there was no use for talent like this anymore. It was a shame. She might have had a future in music otherwise. I closed my eyes, and let her angel voice take me away from here.

>>------->

I woke sometime in the middle of the night. The room was dark, but I could just make out the shape of the sheets on the floor where Beth slept. I thought about getting up and doing a quick check of the house, just to make sure. This coffin wasn’t as comfortable as I thought it would be, and my back was hurting. I sat up and was about to get out of this box, when I heard the faint sound of whimpering. I strained my ears to listen, and noticed it was coming from Beth. I thought that maybe her ankle was bothering her again. She’d tried so hard not to cry. She hadn’t shed a tear since the bar at the country club. I couldn’t help feeling slightly guilty. So many times, I had yelled at her for crying that now she felt she needed to do it in private. It was times like this that I hated being a dick.

Something about the way she was crying made me think it wasn’t just from physical pain. I knew I should check on her, in case it was her ankle giving her grief. If that was the case, I would have thought she’d have gotten me up. The fact that she cried to herself made me think she was crying out of sorrow, a different kind of grief all together, one that only dreams or memories brought on.

I laid there a moment and wondered what to do. I could ignore it and just let her cry it out. I could lie and tell her everything would be ok. I could tell her to quiet down and go back to sleep. Or I could do what I really wished to do, go over there and lay next to her, take her in my arms and hold her, comfort her as she had for me earlier. There were still good people in the world, she had told me, and I was one of them. Maybe it was time to prove that to myself. I could be there for Beth. I should be there for her.

After I climbed out of the coffin, I made my way over and quietly got down on the floor. She was laying on her side with her back to me, so rubbed her arm with my hand. “You ok?”

She sobbed a few more times until she was able to speak. “I didn’t want you to hear me. I was trying to be quiet. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was already awake.”

“I miss them,” she whimpered. “I miss them all.”

“Yeah … I know,” I whispered.

Beth got up and sat next to me. “I know you don’t like it when I cry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s better than holding it in like I do,” I admitted.

“Yeah, but I kind of get why you don’t show your emotions. Somehow it makes it not real.”

“That’s not it at all,” I told her. “I’m just trying to move on. I’ve seen too many people try and hold on to something, and in the end, it only hurts them more.” I was speaking out of experience from the way I’d tried to hang onto Carol. “That’s how we survive … moving on.” I peered around in the dark room, suddenly finding it a little closed in. “I think I’m gonna make my rounds, check to see that everything is still locked up tight.

Beth reached out and took my hand. “Don’t go. Can’t you just stay here a little longer?”

“Mmph,” I grunted, not really giving a definite answer, but I didn’t go either. She moved closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

“Daryl?” she said after a bit.

“Hmm.”

“If we couldn’t all leave the prison together, then I’m glad I’m with you.”

“Sure, you say that now, but–"

“No, I’m being serious.”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me,” I joked lightly. “Now, try to get some sleep.”

Beth settled back down and laid next to where I sat. I knew I should get up and either go back to the coffin or have a walk around, but something was keeping me from moving. When I was sure she was asleep, I settled down next to her, laying on my back with my arm behind my head. I stared up at the dark ceiling and thought, maybe this was it. Maybe this was our new beginning. We were searching for survivors, searching for a place to settle and start over, but maybe this was our shot. Whether the rest of our people were alive or dead, they weren’t here. They might be off starting over somewhere else too.

And Carol? I regretted not telling her how I felt about her. I thought that not telling her would assure me I wouldn’t lose her. Not only was she gone, but she would never know my feelings. I couldn’t help think it was for the best. I don’t know what she would ever have seen in me, another lost soul, another product of a deprived environment. It was time to take my own advice, let her go, and just be happy with the time we had spent together as friends. I needed to move on. So did Beth. We could move on together.

As I laid there, drowning in my thoughts, Beth moaned and turned towards me. I stretched my arm out, and she settled her head in the crook of my shoulder. Her arm draped across my chest, and she let out a deep sigh. I laid there stiff as a board, afraid to move and wake her, but after a while, I started to relax. I nuzzled my cheek against the top of her blond head, reveling in the softness. She squeezed even tighter against me, her body contoured to my side, her breasts pushing against my ribs. And then her hand started to travel down my chest. Her movements caught me off guard. I was unsure of her intentions, and by instinct, I reached up and grabbed it. She paused, but only for a moment. Then her hand turned inside mine so that our palms were flat against each other. When her fingers curled and entwined between mine, I hesitated, unsure of what I should do. It felt good to hold her hand, just as it had when we were in the cemetary. I knew I shouldn’t let it go any further, and give her the wrong idea, but some part me wanted to let it happen and see where it went. Half of my conscience said, what about Carol? The other half argued, she’s gone now. Remember, you accepted that and decided to move on. While I wrestled with my thoughts, I found my thumb tucking between our palms making circling motions. She slid her hand out of mine, and I thought she was offended by my caresses. But then it traveled up to my shoulder, and once again her arm was draped across my chest. I felt her head tilt up, and I looked down into her wide eager eyes.

“I can’t sleep,” she said quietly. “You?”

“Naw,” I said.

She scooted up until we were face to face, lying next to each other. She looked at me as though she was unsure of what to do next, and she was waiting for me to make the next move.

The vision of her changing her shirt at the abandoned pro shop skirted across my mind. Flawless smooth skin, slim waist, perky breasts, all of it taunting me. And then I remembered the first kiss we shared, her soft lips upon mine. I felt myself rising even as my mind said to rethink the situation. I was tired of it. Think and rethink, it’s all I had been doing since we left the prison. I hadn’t lived in the moment since I don’t know when. I never threw caution to the wind anymore. I couldn’t afford to do that nowadays. Every action had a reaction, and one wrong move could cost me my life or someone else’s. But right now, there was nothing to fear. It was just me and Beth here in the dark.

“Beth,” I whispered, neither protest nor invitation. I think I just wanted to try out her name in this situation.

She must have interpreted it as a suggestion, and leaned in to lay a gentle kiss upon me. Our lips touched and then separated. She was testing me to see what my reaction would be. Up until now, I had always pushed her away, but not this time. When I didn’t protest, she kissed me again, her lips now sliding across mine with a little more eagerness.

I could feel my doubt start to rise, and my instinct to flee was growing stronger. I shouldn’t do this. I was her protector, nothing more, but . . . I also wanted this. So, I made the next move, and deepened the kiss, sliding my tongue along her bottom lip. She opened in answer, and I delved into her mouth. Our tongues caressed and swirled together perfectly. It felt incredible.

At that point, I pushed her onto her back and rolled onto my side, partly covering her with my body. Our kissing continued to become hotter and more aggressive. I was hard a steel and I knew she could feel it pushing against her thigh. It excited me even more, and I needed more of her. My hand slid down along her side, coming to the edge of her shirt. I lifted it to expose her smooth stomach. Her skin was so soft and warm. I could feel the bottom of her ribs, and knew it was just a short distance to her breasts. I thought I shouldn’t move too quickly. Just as my hand was about to abandon her, Beth took hold of my wrist, and brought my hand back.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It … feels nice.”

I sat up on my elbow and looked down at her, my eyes traveling down the length of her body to our joined hands. She released me to allow me to move freely. I just wanted to touch her, to let my fingers study her form, trace her curves. I lifted my eyes from her porcelain skin to look at her face, and found her watching me. She looked slightly scared, but I could see she trusted me too. She trusted me. The words ran over and over in my mind. She trusted me, and all I wanted right now was to . . .

I pulled my hand away, and laid back down beside her. Beth rolled onto her side, and her hand rested upon my chest. “Are you all right?” she asked.

“Yeah. It’s just … it’s been a long time since … I . . .” I hated to admit to my long abstinence. It was embarrassing to even think about, but because of this, I didn’t trust myself with her. If things got too far, and she suddenly decided she didn’t want to do this, I wasn’t sure I could stop myself.

“It doesn’t matter to me,” she said to try and make me feel better. She laughed. “I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

“Gee thanks,” I complained lightly, feigning injury to my ego.

“I’m only joking.” She turned away shyly.

“I know. It’s just . . .” I didn’t know how to approach her about this. I knew that no matter what I said to her, she would say it was all right and she’d give me her permission. This moment was a long time coming, and no matter how many times I was a dick to her, she still pined for me. That alone was such a turn on, and there was no doubt, by the responsiveness of my body, I wanted her. But was I making the right decision?

“It’s someone else, isn’t it?” Beth said, eyes still turned away from me. “There’s always been someone else.”

I was shocked that she would suggest it. “Someone else?” I asked, wanting to know what she was thinking.

“Come one, Daryl. You’d have to be stupid not to notice.” She turned to me then. “At the prison, I watched. I paid attention. You kept your distance from everyone. All but one person.” She paused and waited for me to verify.

“That’s private.” I said in a low tone.

“It was Carol, wasn’t it? Don’t deny it. I’d seen the way you watched her from afar. And when she went missing in the catacombs, I saw your hurt. I saw your anger when Rick told you he sent her away. You never showed emotion unless it had to do with Carol. You love her.”

I could feel my wall build. I never discussed this with anyone. Not a single soul. Not even Carol, who was the one person I should have told. I didn’t want to discuss it with Beth either. “Carol was my best friend, nothing more.”

“Oh, I believe that, but for you it went much deeper. She never knew, did she?” Beth asked lightly.

I suddenly didn’t want to be in the same room with her, and I sat up. Beth followed my motions, and wrapped her hands around my upper arm. “Let go,” I said dangerously.

“I’m not going to let you run away this time,” she said.

“Let go of me,” I warned again.

“I just want you to know that you can talk to me about it. That’s all. You told me the way you dealt with things was to move on, but you haven’t moved on from her. I want to understand why.”

I knew she was only trying to help, but I couldn’t talk about this with her, especially after what just happened between us. “What kind of game are you playing here?” I accused. “You gonna tell me to pretend you’re her just so I’ll screw you? Is that how you want your first time to be? Get fucked by the dangerous redneck who still has a thing for the dead woman. Oh yeah, and in a funeral home of all places. There’s a dead body in the room next door. Is that what you want? Why don’t you write it down in that journal of yours? How to lose your virginity in the apocalypse.” I knew I was flying off the handles, but I didn’t care. I was trying to anger her, just as I’d done a thousand times before this. You’d think by now Beth would have given up and run away from me after all the shit I’d put her through.

“I wanted my first time to be with you because you are one of the last real men in this world,” Beth countered. “You put yourself before others. You’re a gentleman … at times. You have morals, something a lot of people have forgotten about. And you’re not out for yourself. If you were, you probably would have screwed me by now.” She said this out of anger, and I could tell she was tired of my act. I think she was finally calling my bullshit, but in her own way. “And I think it’s sweet that you still have feelings for Carol.” Now her voice turned gentle. “But she’s not here … and … I am.”

“It’s not that simple,” I said to her, taming my own anger. “I … I made a promise to your father to protect you. I don’t think he–"

“This isn’t about anyone but us,” she said. “That’s all that’s left now, you and me.” Just then, she took my hand in hers and gave a squeeze. Then she leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You’re a good man, Daryl Dixon. You always have been, no matter the circumstance. That’s what I like most about you. I just wish you would finally see it.” She stood and picked up her pack that was sitting on one of the folding chairs.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I think it’s better if I slept somewhere else. I’m gonna take the couch in the office. I’ll see you in the morning.” She gave me a half smile and limped out of the viewing room. The office was just down the hall. I knew she’d be okay by herself. The house was locked up tight. No one was getting in.

“At least take the pillow,” I called after her. She ducked her head back in the room, and I threw the pillow at her.

“Thanks,” she said and left.

I got up and collected my jacket, rolled it into a ball, and used that as a pillow. I laid back down on the floor. As uncomfortable as it was, it was still better than that coffin. Turning to my side, I saw the piano and tried to remember the song Beth was playing earlier. I could still hear her sweet voice, and I used that memory to lull myself to sleep. It had been a close call tonight. My fingers still buzzed with the feel of her flesh, and my dick still ached with the need for completion. Left to my own devices, I did what any man would do, and finished the job on my own. I took myself in my hand and closed my eyes. A vision of Beth remained imprinted on my mind as I spent. And then, as I lay there, a pitiful heap on the floor, I realized that for the first time in a long time, someone different invaded my thoughts. This time it wasn’t Carol. Maybe it was because of what almost happened or the fact that she was just down the hall, but it was Beth I saw behind closed eyes. I don’t know why that surprised me. I was just doing what I had told myself to do, to move on. If so, then why did I chase her away when just moments before, she was in my arms and by my side?


	5. It's For the Best

Chapter 5 It’s For the Best

The next morning, I woke up early. The sun was just coming up, and I wanted to be ready in case the home owner returned. I was beginning to think he wasn’t coming back, though. Being out at night, all night, was a bad idea.

I went to the office and peeked inside. Beth was still asleep. That was good. She needed her rest, especially with her bad ankle. There was a chill in the house, and I checked to make sure she was covered good. Then I went to find a fireplace, and found one in a sitting room. Now all I needed was some firewood. But first, another quick sweep of the house.

The sun was up, and it filtered in through the glass in the front door, making obscure shapes on the dark wood flooring. It was turning out to be a beautiful day. If we were going to leave this place, today would be a good day for it. My only concern was Beth’s ankle. I knew we should let it heal a couple days before she had to constantly put pressure on it, but I was anxious to get going, and see if we could find somewhere with better security.

Maybe it was the brightness of the cloudless sky, or the fact that I was coming to terms with my grief and confusion, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was ready to move on. A little bit of hope returned to me. Starting over didn’t have to be depressing. How many times had I started over since the world quit? I guess I was with the last group for so long that I thought I wouldn’t have to start over again, but I knew nothing was a sure thing, not even whatever was happening here.

I cracked the front door open, and found that the front porch was empty. No walkers. No one-eyed dog. No firewood either. Yesterday, I had only made a sweep of the inside of the house. Today, I needed to take a look around outside, and see what all we had. The hallway led to another kitchen, one that was for private use by the family that lived here. Everything was clean and put into their proper spaces. Whoever lived here took pride in their home and their life. Still, the wax walkers in the house made me question who this guy really was.

There was a back door that led out through the kitchen, and onto another porch. I cracked it open and looked out through the screen door before stepping out. The coast was clear, at least for now. There was a huge oak tree in the back yard, very old, but very strong looking. I started to think that this place had been here a lot longer than I first thought. This house could have been passed down from generation to generation, each one taking a turn running the family business. I was sure the family had been well respected by their community. It was easy to see the love and the pride throughout.

I walked off the back porch and made my way around. My knife was at my side, and I took it out just so I could be ready if I needed it. There was a lot of land surrounding this place, and it was easy to see anything or anyone approaching. But there were no fences or walls to keep them out. That was a letdown. There should be some kind of buffer in place between the outside and the place we stayed. We couldn’t have walkers coming to the front door, or desperate survivors looking for a place to hide. Even with fences or walls, the bad guys still got in. One thing that caught my attention was the lack of walkers in the area. We knew there was a huge herd out there. Beth and I had been caught in the trunk of that car because of it. Fortunately, this house was in the opposite direction of the way that herd had been traveling. Perhaps they roamed past this place and picked up any stragglers along the way. Whatever the reason, it was calm and quiet here, at least for now.

Around to the side of the house, I found a small stack of chopped firewood. It would be enough for a couple nights, if we needed to stay that long, but I was planning on leaving in the morning. Further along, I saw a chicken coop, but when I went to inspect it, I found it empty. If there had been chickens here, they’d been gone for a long time. I thought that the owner must have killed them for food. You couldn’t have chickens in a setting like this. The clucking might attract walkers. It was too bad. Having a steady flow of eggs could be vital, and I wondered how it could work, having chickens on the property. Then I stopped myself. There was no use wasting time thinking about it when we weren’t staying here.

I gathered up an armful of wood and headed back for the house. Just as I reached the back door, I heard Beth frantically calling for me. I dropped the wood and rushed into the house. She was in the sitting room, hobbling around, a look of fear on her face.

“What is it? What happened?” I said, as I glanced around looking for the threat. I thought that maybe the home owner returned and was threatening her.

“Where’d you go?” she said in an accusatory tone.

“I was just out back gathering some firewood. I thought the house was a little cold.” I went to her and clasped my hands to her arms.

“Next time tell me before you leave.” She yanked herself from my grip and turned away.

“I checked on you when I got up, but you were still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you,” I told her. “Wait. Did you think I disappeared or something?”

“No,” she retaliated harshly. Then her voice softened. “Maybe.”

I closed the distance and went to her, putting my hand gently on her shoulder. “I hope you don’t think I would do that.”

Beth looked over her shoulder, but she didn’t turn around. “I don’t know what to think.”

My hand slipped away and I took a step back. “You really think I’d abandon you?” I said, my words tinged with hurt.

“You’ve got a reputation for leaving when things get tough.”

“Trust me, if I was going to leave you behind, it would have happened long before we got here. I had ample opportunities.”

“So, you’re saying you thought about it?” she accused.

“What the hell’s wrong with you this morning?” I countered with anger. “I let you sleep in because of your ankle. I went out to find some firewood to make the house warm. And here you are giving me grief.” I started to think that the reason she woke up in a bad mood was because of what happened last night, or the lack thereof.

“You shouldn’t leave, even to step outside unless you tell me. What if you got into trouble out there? I’d never know.”

“What are you, my fucking mother?”

“Screw you, Daryl,” she yelled, and she marched off into the viewing room across the hall, where we’d first settled in for the night.

I stood there, flabbergasted by her outburst. What the hell brought that on? This for sure had to be because of last night. She wanted to … and I stopped it from happening. I knew I shouldn’t have let things get as far as they had. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t and that was the problem. Christ, imagine if we had . . .

>>------->

The day passed by in silence. We only said a word or two to each other, and that was fine by me. I made Beth to upstairs and search for anything useful, but mainly weapons, knives, guns, ammo. I spent my time looking downstairs for anything we could use on the road. Tomorrow for sure, we were leaving this place. I had given it a lot of thought, and decided we needed to go. It was a nice house, but it wasn’t safe here. I hadn’t told Beth that yet. I was waiting because I knew it would spark another argument. She seemed to want to stay and make a go at it here, but I thought it was a bad idea. Maybe the previous owner thought the same thing.

It got me wondering what happened to him. It was a little concerning. From what I’d seen inside the home, it didn’t look like he was ready to leave this place. The cabinets were full of food. The place was clean. And then there were the refinished bodies. No, it looked like this guy was here for the long haul. So, where did he go?

Any number of things could have happened. He might have been out scavenging and got attacked, either by walkers or by something much more dangerous, humans. I don’t know why, but I felt I owed it to him to look around, and maybe find something out. What if he was trapped, fallen into a well or a laying in a ditch with a broken leg.

“Beth,” I called out. She appeared at the top of the stairs. “Find anything?”

“No weapons, but it’s like another house up here. I was thinking that maybe we could–"

“Did you look everywhere? Surely there’s a gun hidden somewhere,” I said, cutting her off.

Beth came halfway down the stairs. “Why is it that every time I try to suggest staying here, you change the subject? You don’t want to, do you?”

Shit, this was the conversation I was trying to avoid for as long as possible. “Honestly, I don’t feel it’s safe enough.”

“Well, I think we can make it work.” She was determined to have it out, so I prepared.

“There’s no fence, no walls. It’s just a house sitting in the middle of nowhere.”

“We can make something. We can put up a fence. There must be a town not far from here. I bet we can find supplies there,” she argued.

“And what about that herd we came across? It wasn’t far from here. If it comes back, we’ll be trapped or trampled.”

“We can hide in the basement until it passes. If we can hide in the trunk of a car–"

“We’re not staying,” I told her. No more wasting time on this subject. She needed to know what I had decided.

“So, I don’t get a say in this?” She crossed her arms and glared at me from the stairs.

“This time, no. I’m calling the shots, and we leave in the morning. Now, I’m going to have a look around the property. I just want to make sure the owner isn’t still around, trapped or injured. That would explain why he left all his supplies behind. If he left in a hurry, then there has to be a reason, and we don’t want to be around to find out why.”

“Can I go with you?” she said eagerly.

“You need to stay here, and keep off that ankle. I’m giving you one more day, so take advantage of it.”

“Where are we going to go, Daryl?” she questioned me. “We’ve already been out there looking, and we ended up living in the woods for weeks. I don’t think I can do that again. But here,” she said, arms outstretched and gesturing around her. “We can make something of this.”

“Not here,” I said tersely, and I turned from her. “I’m leaving. Stay inside. I’ll be back in an hour.” I started walking to the front door.

“You’re not always right,” she called to me as I picked up my crossbow and exited the house.

I descended the steps and stood there a moment just to make sure she wasn’t going to follow me. I knew Beth could be insistent. She stayed inside, though, and I left to search the grounds.

>>------->

My exploration of the property brought nothing. I found no bodies, no evidence of a struggle, no blood, nothing. It was still a mystery what had happened to the owner, but as time passed, I felt that he wasn’t coming back. I was sure something happened to him. I doubted very seriously that he would have left his home, his food and personal belongings behind. Why would he have gone to all the trouble to recreate his lovers original form, and then leave?

When I got back to the house, Beth was sitting on the couch in the office, her leg propped up on a pillow to elevate her ankle. She was reading a book that she must have gotten from the library. I stopped in the doorway, and was greeted by a pair of eyes that glared at me from over the edge of the book before snapping back down to the pages.

“Find anything interesting out there?” she asked.

“No,” I muttered. “Find anything interesting in here?”

“Just this book. No guns. No knives, except for the cutlery in the kitchen.” She spoke as if she didn’t care anymore. “We’ll just pack up half of the food and then we can leave in the morning.”

I didn’t want to kill that spark in her, the one she always ignited whenever she disagreed with me. Still, I had to take control and make the best decision for both of us, and staying here wasn’t it. “You still pissed at me for wanting to leave?” I asked her.

“It doesn’t matter what I want. You want what’s best, and if this isn’t it then it’s time to go.” Her eyes never left the page they were trained on.

“Whatever,” I grumbled, and I left her alone. I went to the kitchen to get a bite to eat, but I ended up sitting at the table and thinking. Beth was making me reconsider my decision, or at least give it another hard look.

There was no telling where or when we would find another place as decent as this. We had traveled for miles before we found this house, with only a rundown trailer in between. There had to be a town close by, but I didn’t know if that would bring us anything promising.

“Care if I join you?” Beth asked, standing in the doorway.

I pushed a chair out with my foot, and she came in and sat down. I noticed she was walking a little better, but not by much. Maybe tomorrow was too soon to leave. It would be more difficult to travel with her injured like this. “Still hurtin’ ya?” I asked, my southern drawl coming on heavy.

Beth shrugged. “Yeah, but I’ll manage.”

“Have you eaten?” I asked as I stood and went to the cabinet.

“No.”

“I’ll make us something.” I searched the cabinet and found a can of chicken noodle soup.

“Did you see any walkers when you were out there?” she asked.

“Didn’t see any, but it doesn’t mean they’re not out there.” I fumbled through a drawer and found a can opener. After opening it, I dumped the contents into a pan, and added some bottled water that I found with the soda. There was no electricity, so I could heat up the soup, but that didn’t seem to matter anymore. We just needed food in our stomachs.

The cabinets next to the sink had bowls, and the drawer beneath had silverware. I divided up the soup into two bowls, grabbed a couple spoons and brought it to the table. Beth dove into hers right away. I could tell she hadn’t eaten much today. “You need to keep up your strength. If you’re not eating because you think the owner is coming back, I wouldn’t worry about that. Whatever happened to him, I think he’s gone for good.”

“Why? What makes you think that?” she asked.

“There’s no trace of him, no sign of him anywhere. I don’t think he would have gone far from his house, not by the looks of things around here. He was still taking care of this place. And if he deliberately left, then he would have taken his supplies with him. If something happened to him, it didn’t happen here.”

“He could have been scavenging in a nearby town and got overrun,” she suggested.

“That’s what I was thinking. It could have been that herd. It could have been only one walker. There’s no telling.” I devoured my soup as if it were a prime rib. We’d spent days in the wild eating squirrel and snake, not that I was complaining, but a meal full of good old preservatives was hitting the spot.

The sun was setting soon, and after I finished eating, I went to the front to make sure our alarm system was set up properly. The hubcaps and cans were hanging on a rope across the top of the steps. Nothing could get to the front door without our knowledge.

When I went back to the kitchen, Beth was cleaning up the dishes. “Here,” I said, and I took a bowl from her hands. “You don’t need to do that. Go sit and rest.”

“I’ve been sitting all day,” she complained. “Besides, I always liked doing the dishes.”

“Why?” I made a face at her, scrunching up my nose.

“Me and Maggie used to talk then. I’d wash and she would dry, and we would talk about boys or makeup. You know, girly things.”

When she told me that, I gave her a towel. “Today you can dry and I’ll wash, but I’m not discussing boys or makeup.” That got a giggle out of her, and I realized I hadn’t heard her laugh in a while. “If you want to talk about motorcycles or car engines, I’m your guy.”

“We could talk about where we’re going from here,” she suggested.

I glanced at her from the corner of her eye. She seemed serious about discussing some plans, and that was fine, as long as she didn’t start an argument. I was done with that, but something told me it wouldn’t be long before we were fighting again. Beth was a very opinionated young woman. “Well, I thought that first off, we should see if we can find the town around here. We know there must be one. We’ll see what’s going on there, maybe load up on some supplies. If I can, I’d like to find a map so we can course out our next moves.” I handed her a bowl to dry. “What do you think of that?”

“It’s your show,” she said, and I could tell she still wasn’t happy with my decision to leave this place.

“Well, you know what? From here on out, we need to make decisions together. You need to learn what’s best for us to do, in case I’m not around one day. Then, you’ll have to make your own decisions, and a lot of the time you only get one chance at that.”

“Don’t say stuff like that, Daryl,” she said, as she placed the dried bowl back in the cabinet, stacking it with the others.

“I know you don’t like to hear it, but it a reality that you need to always keep in the back of your mind.”

“Why can’t we just be happy for once, for just a little while. Why do we always have to be thinking about death and walkers, and finding our next meal?” she complained.

“We just can’t. I wish it wasn’t like this, but that’s how the world works now.” I turned off the water and dried my hands. The house had running water, which was fine for washing dishes or bathing, but I didn’t trust it for drinking or cooking. Luckily, the owner had a couple gallons of bottled water for that.

“I’m going to read. I’ll be in the office,” she said, hanging the dishtowel on silver bar attached to the cabinet beneath the sink. “There’s still enough light to see, and I want to take advantage of it.”

“I’m going to start a fire,” I announced. It made me think about the back porch. I should have rigged up something across the steps. I didn’t have time to go looking for stuff, not with the sun going down. We’d just have to hope nothing came around the house tonight.

I had brought in some firewood earlier, and stacked it up next to the fireplace. There were just ashes in there right now. I checked to make sure the damper was open so the smoke could rise through the flue. It was good, so I stacked up some wood and started a fire.

After a while, I joined Beth in the office. She lost the daylight and was just sitting on the couch. When I walked in, she patted the seat next to her, and I sat. I noticed she was still favoring her ankle. “Here,” I said, slapping my hand on my lap. “Put your feet up here.”

“You don’t mind?” she said to make sure.

“Naw.”

Beth turned on the couch and swung her feet up. I took them and gently lowered them to my lap. Then I started massaging her legs below the knees. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back so it rested on the arm of the couch. I slow smile spread across her lips, and she moaned with pleasure. “That’s nice,” she complimented.

“If your ankle wasn’t bad, I’d give you a foot massage.”

“One foot is okay,” she suggested.

“All right,” I said, and I started giving her a foot rub.

“You’ve got magic hands,” she told me with a smile.

“So I’ve been told.”

Beth opened her eyes and looked at me. “By who?”

“No one you’d know.”

“An old girlfriend?” she inquired, trying to get me to open up about my past.

“Something like that.” Growing up, I’d dated a few girls, but I never had anything steady. Back then, I prided myself on not being tied down. My brother taught me that. He used to say there were too many women in the world to get himself hogtied to just one. My brother was a real asshole. I missed that son of a bitch.

After a while, and noticing that I was getting too comfortable, I decided to start packing up some of our stuff so there would be less to do in the morning. Beth complained when I moved her off of me to stand up. “Can’t you just still yourself for a little bit?”

“Gotta keep moving,” I said, and I went to the kitchen to start looking over the food situation, and decide what we were going to take and what we were going to leave behind.

A few minutes later, Beth peeked in the doorway. “Well, I’m going to bed, and tonight, I’m sleeping upstairs in a real bed. Lord knows the next time I’ll be able to do that.”

She was still miffed about leaving. She would just have to get over it. “Go on. I’ll check in on you in a bit.”

I probably should have seen that she got up the stairs okay, but I decided not to. I didn’t want Beth depending on me for every little thing. It made me feel like a real jerk to think that, but it was for the best. Instead, I busied myself for the next hour and got our bags packed as full as I could get them. In the morning, we’d be ready to head out.

>>------->

I was laying on the couch in the office, but I couldn’t sleep. Beth was upstairs, and I didn’t like the distance between us. I just didn’t feel safe enough in this house, not when anything or anyone could walk up to the doors. Windows could be broken, locks could be picked … it was too vulnerable here. And with Beth on the second floor, we couldn’t leave in a hurry if we had to. She’d kill me if I told her to come down. I decided that we should at least be on the same floor, so I got my knives and my crossbow and went upstairs.

The door to the bedroom was cracked open, and I poked my head in to check on her. She was laying on the bed, and I thought she was asleep, but then she called out to me.

“Daryl,” she said with surprise.

“I was just checking on you. Everything okay?”

“It’s fine, but I can’t sleep,” she admitted.

“Seems like a regular occurrence lately. I can’t sleep either.”

“You can come in if you want,” Beth offered.

I stood there a moment to decide whether it was a good idea or not.

“Please?” she begged sweetly. I couldn’t walk away now. “I don’t like being alone.”

I huff with skepticism, but I went into the bedroom and stood in the center of the room on a dark rose-colored oriental rug. My eyes scanned the room, but I kept them off of her. “Are you decent?” I asked.

She wrinkled her brow. “Of course.” She said it as though she was offended.

“I just want to respect your privacy while we still have some.” I walked over and sat at the foot of the bed, looking around the room until I saw a closet. I crossed the room and looked inside, finding an extra blanket and pillow. “I’ll just make a place in the corner over here.”

“That’s ridiculous when we have a king-size bed we can share.”

I looked back at her. “I’m not–"

“Look, after last night, I think I know where you stand. Besides, you’ll make me feel guilty if you sleep on the floor. And at your age? Come on. Take the other side.” She tried to hide a smile as she said it. I knew she was joking, but in a way it was true. The floor was unforgiving, and I noticed it a lot more now than I might have a few years ago.

I was reluctant, but I abandoned the extra bedding in the closet and went to the bed, sitting on the side. I bent down and took off my boots. Then I slipped out of my vest, lifted the covers and slid in. The bed was big enough that we could have accommodated a third person between us. For a moment, I didn’t think, and instead reveled in the feel of the soft mattress. I let out a sigh of relief. This bed felt awesome.

“It’s comfy, isn’t it?” Beth commented.

“Expensive comfort,” I agreed. “These boys did well for themselves.”

“I guess you noticed that too,” she said. “The man downstairs?”

“They were together. Yeah, I saw that picture when I came up here to clear the place,” I told her.

“It’s sad, but in a way it’s kind of romantic. Like they had this undying love for one another, and he wanted to preserve it for as long as possible,” she said dreamily. Beth turned her head to me. “Do you think he had to kill his boyfriend?”

“I hope not, but he probably did. I doubt there was anyone else around to do it for him. It’s tragic.” I couldn’t help feel sorry for the guy. It was the most difficult thing in the world to do, to put down a loved one. “I had to do it for Merle. I don’t ever want to do that again, not for someone I care for.”

“If it happened to me would you do it?” she asked somberly.

I didn’t answer right away. I didn’t want to. “If I had to … I would.”

“I’d do it for you too,” she answered. That was the last thing we said before we drifted off to sleep.


	6. Our Guards Will Give Way

Chapter 6 Our Guards Will Give Way

It was still night when I awoke with a start. I was dreaming again, about Merle and those dead eyes. It had happened a few times since losing my brother, and I hated it. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, contemplating whether to get up or not.

“Are you all right?” Beth asked from behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder. “Fine. Bad dream. That’s all.”

“Who do you dream about?” she asked, as though she knew my thoughts. “I dream about Patricia.”

“Patricia?” I asked. The name didn’t register at first, and then I remembered. “Oh yeah. God, it’s been so long.” I thought I had remembered everyone we lost along the way, but it hurt to know I’d forgotten just one of them. I didn’t know her very well. She was Hershel’s assistant on the farm. She died the night the farm was overrun by walkers.

“I saw her die. I saw her get eaten alive. She was still holding my hand when it happened,” Beth reminisced. “That’s what I see in my dreams.”

“I thought it would have been your father,” I said, surprised it wasn’t.

“No, though the vision of that day creeps up on me from time to time. That’s not how I want to remember him,” she told me.

I was silent a moment before I told her about mine. “For me, it’s my brother. The Governor killed him and let him turn. That’s how I found him, on his hands and knees, bent over a body, devouring.” I paused and shook my head. “I’ve probably told you this story a hundred times already.”

“After my mom died, I had nightmares. Maggie told me to talk about it out loud, and then remember the good times to make the dreams seem less and less threatening.”

“What were some good times for you and Patricia?” I asked. Maggie’s way seemed like a good idea, and I wanted Beth to be comfortable again.

“She was my dad’s veterinary assistant before everything happened. And after my mom died, her and Otis moved into the house to help take care of things. She became like an aunt to me. I don’t know of any one thing she did that really stood out. It was just the fact that I still had a motherly figure I could turn to.” The sheets rustled, and then I felt Beth sitting behind me. The warmth of her body radiated across my back. “Do you have a story about Merle? It might help you not have bad dreams about him anymore.”

“I’ve got lots of stories about Merle, but not a lot of good ones. They’re mostly about me and him getting in trouble. He taught me a lot, though. Growing up, I didn’t have my mom. She died when I was young. And my dad was hardly around. When he was there, he was drunk, and it was a bad time for everyone. So, when it came time to learn about hunting or survival skills, it was Merle who taught me. Usually it was a quick lesson, and he’d let me screw up first so that I’d remember what not to do. But there were times when he was patient with me, and more like a brother than a bully.”

“That’s what you need to draw from the next time you have a bad dream.” I heard her move back to her side of the bed. She made a noise like a sharp intake of breath, and I knew it was her ankle.

I turned around quickly. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just been hurting me tonight. That’s why I heard you wake up. I wasn’t sleeping.”

I spun around and crawled to her. “Let me see.” Beth laid back on the bed, and I examined the bandages. They had loosened since I wrapped up her ankle up. “It just needs to be rewrapped,” I suggested.

Beth sat up on her elbows and watched me carefully take off the bandage, rolling it up as I went. I checked her foot and realized the swelling had gone down some. Finally, a little good news. I told her as much.

“I wish we didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” she told me.

“I think it’s best not to stay here too long. We’ll find the town, and maybe we’ll find a better place. Maybe a building or something we can fortify.”

“And if not?” she wondered.

“Then we’ll keep looking.” The disappointment on her face didn’t go unnoticed. “Hey, we found your farm. We found the prison. We’ll find something good again.”

Beth smiled then. I think she knew I was trying my best, and that I was looking out for us, even if it went against her wishes. “Can we leave the bandages off for a minute?” she asked.

I nodded and sat back. She tried moving her foot, and winced. “It will take a while before that doesn’t hurt anymore,” I told her.

“If you don’t care, I’d like to get comfortable. I’m tired of sleeping in my clothes.”

She shocked me, and my face must have showed it because she laughed. “I’m not going to sleep in the nude. I just want to take these stiff jeans off. Can you handle that?” she mocked.

“I’m not an animal,” I commented, but I knew she only wore a form-fitting polo shirt. “Do me a favor though.” I got up from the bed and went to my pack, where I pulled out one of my extra shirts. “Wear this.” I handed her my shirt. It would give her more coverage.

She took it and smiled to herself. “Thanks, but can you turn around?”

“Huh?” I said, confused.

“I can’t exactly get up and change in the bathroom, unless you want to carry me.”

“Oh.” I felt stupid and turned quickly, listening to the sound of material shifting.

“Ok, you can look now,” she said.

Slowly, I turned and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed wearing my black shirt. She was so petite that she swam in it, but it looked more comfortable. A tinge of pink washed over her face. I think she was slightly embarrassed, but she had no reason to be. There was nothing offensive about Beth Greene.

She climbed back into bed, and waited for me to tend her foot. I almost forgot what I was supposed to be doing. Seeing Beth in my shirt threw me off a little, but I attained my focus. “Let’s wrap that back up.”

Beth took a pillow and put it under her calf so that I could wrap her ankle easily. She sat up and watched me as I started the process. The room was awkwardly quiet, but not for long. “What were you like as a kid?” she asked out of nowhere.

I stopped what I was doing, but only for a moment, and spoke as I continued. “I don’t know. Quiet, I guess.”

“I figured as much,” she mumbled. “No, I mean, what was it like for you growing up? Besides the stories you’ve told me about Merle or your dad.”

“Well, I was actually good in school. I got good grades … when I showed up. I skipped a lot of class.”

“Why?” she asked. “If you liked it, and you were good at it–"

“We had the family business to worry about. My dad, he was a runner … a smuggler. He carried things across state lines. He started out smuggling booze into dry counties. From there it escalated into stolen goods and eventually drugs. But the booze business was always steady, and when me and Merle were old enough, he turned it over to us. When a customer called in an order, we had to drop everything, and that included school. That’s why I never finished.” I never liked to talk about my underachieving past, but for some reason, it was easy to talk to Beth. I knew she didn’t judge me.

“What did you do when you weren’t running moonshine or being bossed around by you brother?” she continued. “Didn’t you ever hang with friends. Or maybe there was a girl.”

I was half way finished wrapping her ankle, and I stopped what I was doing for a brief second before continuing. Beth had noticed and smiled. “So, there was a girl?” she urged on.

“There was … a long time ago.”

“How old were you?”

“Sixteen, maybe seventeen.”

“Did you … love her?” she asked cautiously.

“I thought I did.” This was someone I hadn’t thought about in years, and there was a reason for that.

“Was she your one regret?” Beth asked.

I hesitated before answering. “Yeah,” I lied. I actually had two regrets, both of them women.

I finished with the last turn of the wrap and fastened it. Then I felt Beth’s hand cup my face, forcing me to look up at her. Her big blue eyes looked through me, and I never felt so naked and vulnerable in front of anyone before. She was pleading with her eyes, hoping to start what I couldn’t finish the night before. I crawled toward her, and she almost looked frightened, not of me but of what I could do to her. And oh, how I wanted to do things. My body’s response was proof. At the last second, just before we were face to face, I collapsed on the bed next to her, staring at the smooth white ceiling. Beth laid down beside me in the same position, and sighed deep. I could feel her disappointment. Part of me was disappointed too, the physical part. But my conscience wasn’t letting me reciprocate my growing feelings for Beth.

“I have one regret too,” she said, breaking the silence.

“What’s that?” I asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

“Do you remember Jimmy, at the farm?”

“Of course. He was your boyfriend.” He hadn’t made it, poor kid.

“That’s what everyone thought. The truth was, we were just two kids of the same age, thrown into a situation together. We were just kind of paired up that way. Jimmy liked me, though, even before everything happened. I liked him too, but not in that way, not at first. I guess living together makes you look at someone differently. What was nice was that it developed slowly. The more I got to know Jimmy, the better I liked him. We started sneaking away and making out. And then we … you know … started doing a little more than kissing. The thing is, I liked it, but I couldn’t see myself going any further. My one regret is that I let him believe it would happen someday, when I knew I never would. Maybe, if I hadn’t led him on, he might have left the farm, found someone who could love him back. Maybe, if he’d done that, he would still be alive.”

“You can’t look at it like that. The thing is, you made Jimmy happy while he was here. No one could have known what would happen to the farm. And you don’t get to know if someone’s fate would have been different, so there’s no point wondering.” I knew from experience, and hoped my words brought her some comfort and closure. “Now, get some sleep.”

“I’m not very tired,” she complained.

“Your ankle still?”

“No, it’s fine. My brain won’t turn off.”

I knew that feeling. It happened to me quite a lot, especially lately. “What’s on your mind?” I asked.

“Oh, you probably don’t want to know,” she said in a bashful manner.

I thought perhaps she was still thinking about Jimmy, or Zach, that kid that followed her around at the prison. “You can’t dwell on people who aren’t here anymore,” I started.

“No, not them,” she said in a soft whisper. The room got quiet again, and I thought she was finished talking, but then she pulled another question out of thin air. “Why did you kiss me in the trunk of the car?”

I went still as I stopped breathing, and tried to think of what to tell her. The truth was a good idea. “You looked like you were about to panic and scream. I didn’t know what else to do to keep that from happening … so I kissed you.”

“It was more than that. I … felt something … from you,” she said carefully. “Or did I imagine it?”

The truth, my conscience nagged. “No. You didn’t imagine it,” I said in barely a whisper.

I felt her turn to her side and face me, but my eyes continued to stare at the ceiling above. Her hand came up and wrapped around my forearm, traveling slowly upward, and then across my chest. I grabbed her hand and held her there. Then I felt her give up and start to pull away. I tightened my grip and she paused.

The thing was, I had tried to ignore and forget about that kiss. It started my downward spiral of giving up hope on an old life, but now I realized it was really meant to motivate my aspirations for the next step. That’s what the past and the future was now, a series of leaps and steps. There was no more fading from one situation to another. Things ended abruptly. I knew that now, and I had to embrace the next phase and who I’d take the journey with. All I could do was learn from past mistakes. I had to stop being so closed off, and give in to what my mind, my heart and my body were trying to tell me. Right now, they were telling me that my next story had already started, and my partner on this new adventure was lying beside me.

I turned to find Beth watching me. She looked concerned, not sure whether I was going to berate her or ignore her again. I wasn’t going to do either. Instead, I pulled her tighter to me, until her arm freely swept across my chest. I rolled onto my side to face her and gaze into her eyes. She hesitantly smiled, still unsure of my intensions. It wasn’t any wonder, especially after rejecting her so many times.

She leaned in closer until our lips were just a hair’s width apart. We hesitated, and then I initiated the kiss. Lips on lips, testing each other. Hers were soft, just as I had remembered. We separated and waited a slight moment to see if either would protest, and then Beth made the next move to kiss me. It was a little more heated as we tasted each other. Her tongue dared to touch my lip, and I answered by giving her mine. They swirled together, just the tips at first, then teasing touches before they flattened and glided smoothly against each other.

We separated and our breathing was hurried with anticipation. I tried to kiss her, but she pushed me gently until I was laying on my back again. Her long fingers started undoing the buttons of my shirt, and all I could do was watch. Every once in a while, she’d observe me through her long lashes. Once my shirt was open, I sat up and shrugged it off. Then it was my turn. I pushed Beth back, as she had done to me, and slowly undid each button of her borrowed shirt. Thousands of times I’d unbuttoned that black shirt, but never with a woman inside it. As each one came undone, it revealed more of her flawless skin. I left her breasts covered for the moment, and licked a trail from her belly to her neck. As badly as I wanted her, I wanted even more to make this evening last. Besides, this was her first time, something she’d remember for the rest of her life. I was going to make it most memorable.

I kissed a trail along her jaw to her mouth, and ravished her. She was very responsive and an excellent kisser. I thought about her confession as to what her and Jimmy did on the farm, and I wondered how much she knew about the male body. As though she read my mind, she pushed me back again, and moved down to release me from my confines. I felt my pants button pop loose, and then heard the sound of the zipper sliding down slow and torturous. Her fingers wrapped around the waistband and tried to maneuver them down. When she unleased me, her eyes widened and she bit her bottom lip. I had to wonder if she’d actually seen a cock before. I lifted my body for her so she could remove my pants, revealing my nakedness. I watched her from my vulnerable position, the concentration and determination in her eyes as she studied my body. I wasn’t the young stud I’d once been, but I was still in good physical form. 

She moved so that she was straddling my legs, but she winced as she did. I knew her ankle was hurting her, and that I should have been the one taking care of her tonight, but she seemed extremely focused, and I wasn’t about to break her concentration. Then she leaned down, her long blond hair curtaining my hips, and her hot breath washing over my straining cock. Her lips slid down over the head, and I was engulfed in the wet warmth of her mouth. Oh yeah, she’d definitely done this before, everything but this final step into womanhood, and I was given the responsibility to guide her there.

“You have to stop,” I said with reluctance, and she released me.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No. You’re doing everything right. Too good, as a matter of fact. I just don’t want to … you know … before you’ve–"

“Oh,” she said with embarrassment.

“Normally it wouldn’t be a problem, but … it’s been a really long time … for me.”

“Oh,” she said again, and her cheeks flushed pink.

“Lay down and let me take care of you instead,” I told her. She moved beside me and laid down. My shirt was still covering most of her body, like a present begging to be unwrapped. As she laid down, I sat up and hovered above her. Beth smiled shyly as I reached my hand toward her shirt. My fingers slid along the edge, from collar to hem, lightly grazing along her tender white skin. I could feel her start to shiver. “Are you cold?” I asked.

“No. Just nervous.”

I stopped and considered her. “If you don’t want to do this–"

“I do. I’ve wanted this for a long time, but I think you know that already,” she confessed.

I did know that, and I had spent the better part of my time trying to avoid the truth of it. “I promise to take my time, and if you decide differently, all you have to do is tell me.”

“I won’t stop you,” she said wantonly. It was a tone I’d never heard from her before, and it was very sexy.

“All right,” I said, my deep voice cracking as I tried not to speak above a whisper. “But I have to warn you. There will come a point when I won’t be able to stop. I need you to understand that.” She answered me by cupping the back of my neck, and pulled me down for a hot kiss. I slid my hand inside her shirt, and felt the bottom of her ribcage. Then it traveled up until I had her breast in my hand, kneading it carefully, thumb circling her erect nipple. I just wanted to bury my body into hers, but I had to stay focused to make sure I took my time.

I moved both sides of her shirt aside, exposing her body, and leaned back down to take a breast into my mouth. As I sucked her in, she gasped and arched her back. It was almost too much to handle, seeing her writhing beneath me. I had imagined it before, when I had let myself give in to the idea of bedding her. It was so much better than I could have ever dreamt of. I switched to the other breast, and got the same reaction from her. When I had my fill, I eased down her body, kissing and nipping sternum to stomach, and stopped when I reached the edge of her panties. I took them in my teeth and glanced up along the length of her body to find her watching me. I pulled the elastic band up and released it, letting it snap back into place. She giggled at that, and it helped to ease some of the tense anticipation surrounding us. I thought I was just as nervous as her. I’d never taken a virgin before, and quite frankly, it frightened me a little. All I knew was the stories I’d heard about it being painful, but I had a plan for that. First, I needed to get her out of her panties.

My forefingers hooked onto the elastic, and slowly started drawing down the thin undergarment. I observed the dips and curves of her pelvis, how the bones moved beneath her skin as she lifted up from the bed to make my job easier. I slid them all the way down and off. “Bend your knees,” I told her. She did as I said, and I moved between her thighs. At first, I kissed her just above the patch of fine golden curls at her juncture. Then I moved my mouth to the inside of her thighs and kissed the soft flesh there. Unable to help myself, I sucked in a bit of flesh and gently bit. Beth let out a high moan as I teased her body.

I brought a hand in between her legs, traveling along the opposite thigh, moving closer and closer to her center. And then I moved in, my finger circling between her folds, lightly stroking her until she was following my movements with her hips. She couldn’t seem to sit still, but I could fix that when the time came. I edged her ever closer with my finger and my thumb, circling, stroking, dipping ever so slightly into her depths. Then, my hand abandoned her, and I moved my body down some, until I was right where I needed to be, and I dove in, flicking my tongue over the heart of her femininity, dipping into her center, tasting her sweet essence. Finally, I covered her with my mouth and licked her with the flat of my tongue. Again, I used my finger, bringing it to her entrance, and finding her rich with moisture. I readied her and inserted a second finger, moving in ways that was making her cry out with pleasure. I increased my movements when her hips gyrated up to try and take more of me inside, and I found her sweet spot. She was crazed with desire, lost to the salacious moment, and I kept guiding her further along. Her body went ridged and I made sure my mouth covered her center as she reached climax. It was my name she cried out, my name that flowed from her tongue, my name that passed salaciously over her lips as she came. To know I was the one making her call out for me, made my cock so painfully hard that I almost spent, but somehow, I had contained my need for release. For how long I didn’t know. I needed relief, but I wanted to gift Beth with pleasure first. I hoped this would help make it easier when I finally took her. Right now, I would let her rest.  
Her breathing evened, and she smiled as she looked down to watch me clean my face with the edge of the bedsheet. Then I crawled up and came to rest beside her.

She turned to me, gazing deep into my eyes. “That was great,” she commented with a smile.

“The night’s not over yet,” I reminded her. I willed myself to get out of bed, and retrieve a bottle of water from the dresser. As I walked back, Beth watched me, her eyes traveling over every inch of my body. She looked a little surprised, and I knew what she had seen. I had been so lost in the moment with her, I had forgotten about the scars on my back. I hadn’t really forgotten, but I was comfortable in her presence, and it hadn’t mattered to me. Not a lot of people had seen my scars. It wasn’t something I was proud of, as it was a part of my past that I wished I could forget.

I took a sip and handed the bottle to Beth as I stretched out beside her again. She sat up and took a long drink. It was quiet in the room as we refreshed ourselves. When she was finished, and had placed the bottle on the nightstand, she laid back down. I moved to my side and draped my arm across her, my finger tracing light circles across her stomach.

“Are those from your dad?” she asked carefully about my scars.

I paused and then gave a slight nod. “He was a real prick.”

“Is he dead?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, but probably.” It had been years since I saw him. I don’t even know where he was when the outbreak started. At that point in my life, it was just me and my brother. We’d left our dysfunctional home life behind a long time ago.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you earlier, when we were at the trailer playing that stupid game,” she apologized. 

We’d had a rough moment after drinking and playing a game to get to know each other better. I had become belligerent toward her. It wasn’t one of my better moments. It never was when I was drinking hooch. “I was the one who got out of control. There was no way you could have known about my upbringing. Besides, that’s water under the bridge. This here? This is something different. Something new. Something … better.”

“Yeah?” she smiled, turning to me. Our lips met and we kissed gently.

“Definitely,” I remarked between kisses. My body had calmed some, but now I was throbbing back to life.

We took some time and just laid next to each other, our hands roaming, learning about each other physically. The more we touched, the hotter we got. I wanted her in the worst way, which was making it difficult to hold back. I had to keep reminding myself that she was a virgin, and I didn’t want to rush this night. I wanted her to remember this as a good experience. It was the least she deserved.

“Where do we go from here, Daryl?” she asked.

“I told you, tomorrow we’ll head out to look for a town and–"

“No, I mean us, you and me. Is this a one-time thing between us? Do we go back to how we usually are with each other?

“Is that what you want?” I asked.

“No. I want to explore this more. And I know we’re not in the best position to start something. We don’t even have a place to call ours. But–"

“You’re stuck with me,” I interrupted. “No more running away. No more avoiding things. You’re all I’ve got, Beth. I want this. I want you.”

“Then tell me what you’d do if we found the others. Would you push me away? Would you be embarrassed?” As she made her inquiries, she looked away from me. I think she was afraid of my answer.

I took her chin between my fingers and turned her head toward me, capturing her with my eyes. “I would tell them this is how it is, and there was nothing they could say or do to stop us. If any of them didn’t like it, that would be their problem.”

“Even if it was Carol?”

She was really testing me, but I could understand why. Beth had obviously waited for someone she felt was special enough for her. I had challenged her to the point of turning her away, yet here we were sharing an intimate moment. She was about to give me one of the most important things a woman could give a man … her virginity.

The thing was, she’d brought up a difficult subject for me. Carol was separate from this, and I didn’t want thoughts of her coming between whatever was transpiring between Beth and me. I had worked hard to get her out of my mind so that I could move forward with Beth.

“You’re not answering,” she said somberly.

“I didn’t expect you to bring her up. It just kind of threw me off guard,” I explained.

“I know you have feelings for her, and I guess it scares me to think that if she suddenly came back, you might–"

“I wouldn’t,” I demanded. “I’m not with you because you’re all I’ve got. I knew you liked me when we were still back at the prison. Hell, I knew about it back on the farm. I was in a different state of mind then. You were a different person too. But, being thrown into our situation, just the two of us, I think I’ve realized something that I had tried to avoid in the past. I have feelings for you, Beth Greene, and if the world rebooted and returned to normal, I’d still want you.”

A smile slowly spread across her face, and she inched a finger at me. “Come here,” she whispered.

I rolled onto her, and we kissed, our mouths desperate for each other. We finally came up for air and she looked me deep in my eyes. “I’m ready,” she said.

“You sure?” I asked.

“For a long time, I’ve hoped for this, but now I’ve never been surer. I’m ready, and I want it to be with you.”

That was all I needed to know. I kissed her again, this time slow and tenderly. I moved down her neck and lower still until I captured her breast in my mouth. Again, she arched off the bed, pushing her body into mine. I pushed up and away from her so that I could gaze down on her. “You’re so beautiful,” I confessed. Beth reached up and pushed my long hair from my face. She was smiling up at me, as though no one had ever told her that before.

I brought my knee between her thighs and nudged her legs apart. Then I settled between them. I reached down with my hand, just to work her up again. She was still wet and wanting. I didn’t need to do much to prepare her. My body lowered onto hers, and my cock rested at her entrance. It took everything within me not to sheath myself within her. I wanted badly to bury myself into her warmth. God, how was I going to last through this. I started to regret not letting her finish me off earlier. No, that’s not how I had wanted the evening to go. She deserved all the best, all the attention.

By instinct, she lifted her legs so that we were at a better angle. I anchored my hands on the bed, and lifted myself up so that I could watch her as I started to make love to her. She was watching me with intense eyes as I eased inside slowly, stopping to allow her to adjust. When I felt resistance, I hesitated for only a moment, and then I pushed forward. She gasped a little and I stopped. “You okay?”

“It just hurt a little. I think I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll go slow,” I told her.

“No. Do what you normally do. I want the real you,” she said.

I started moving again, and she closed her eyes. I knew this was the most uncomfortable part, but hopefully she would adjust to my girth. At least, that’s what I’d been told years ago. I pulled back some, before I had pushed in all the way, and made slow movements. Beth wasn’t giving me much response. Her eyes were still closed, and she seemed to be holding her breath. “Relax. It will feel better if you’re not tense,” I said.

“It doesn’t feel bad,” she admitted. “Keep going.”

“Yeah?” I confirmed, and she nodded. So, I pushed in, sliding with ease. I would back out and push in more, and after several attempts, I found myself completely engulfed within her. I felt her relax, and she gave a slight moan. I repeated the same movement, and she moaned again. This was it. I’d found her sweet spot.

I was approaching the point when I wouldn’t be able to turn back, and just before that happened, I took note of Beth’s response. She no longer looked scared or tensed up. Her facial features were relaxed, brows creasing, mouth open as she moaned with pleasure. The sight of her in this condition was almost too much. I finally stopped hesitating, and allowed my body what it had been craving for. I increased my rhythm as I pumped my hips. She was so warm and wet, and we slid together with ease. I was buried to the hilt by now, thrusting deep inside her, short determined thrusts that were rewarded by her little cries of pleasure. I could feel myself driving her onward, and I pumped faster still. My cock was throbbing for release. Her muscles were milking me for all that I was worth. Two bodies had become one, and we fit together perfectly. I pushed up onto my hands and continued pressing into her. I needed to see her face. I wanted to watch her the moment she came. It was ecstatic knowing I was the one driving her to climax. As a man, I felt so empowered to know I had the ability to make her feel this good.

Beth was moaning, and calling my name every once in a while. Every time she said it, I felt myself get closer to releasing. My balls tightened. My cock was like steel. I felt it building and building. “I’m almost there,” I confessed between breaths.

Her eyes opened, and though she had just been lost to the feeling of sex, she was now focused on me, thrown back into reality. We kept our eyes on one another as we both reached the edge of the precipice. She was crying out loudly, and smiled right before she arched her back, and tilted her head. “Yes. Daryl,” she called out.

The sight of her coming was all the encouragement I needed. My body stiffened and I thrust my cock deep, pumping and throbbing until I came. My entire body was alight and tingling with orgasm. It was heaven, and I hung on as long as I could, wishing this feeling wouldn’t end. And when it did end, I looked beneath me again, and found her watching me, just as I had needed to watch her. It was the most intimate moment a man and a woman could experience together.

I had nothing left to give, and my arms were weak after holding up my weight. Eventually, I collapsed on top of her, and Beth wrapped her arms around my body. She pushed my damp hair behind my ear and whispered to me. “You are magnificent, Daryl Dixon.”

I kissed her, and we stayed in that position as I softened inside her. “I wish I didn’t have to move.”

“So, don’t,” she said.

“I’m crushing you.”

“I like it,” she smiled. “I don’t ever want to move either.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” I said with a laugh.

After a while, I gave in and rolled from her. She twisted until she was facing me, and nipped and sucked on my ear. “When can we do that again,” she laughed.

I looked at her as though I was in pain. “Again?” I said jokingly.

“Yes. Again, and again and again.”

“You’ll be the death of me,” I teased some more.

“Not a bad way to go,” she said.

I leaned in and kissed her quickly. Our eyes caught and held fast. “I’m glad you’re with me,” I confessed with sincerity.

“It wasn’t an accident that we left the prison together,” she said to me. “I strongly believe that.”

“Is that right?” I asked and she nodded.

Beth settled into my side, and I wrapped an arm around her. We laid there in silence for a long time. I think we were both contemplating everything that had led up to this moment. “Sing me something,” I said, needing to break up the quiet.

She didn’t need any convincing, and she started to sing a song I’d never heard before, something about never taking back the things spoken in the dark. I thought it was appropriate for the moment we had just shared. I knew without a doubt in my mind that I would live to never regret losing myself to her tonight. And that’s when I truly felt myself … falling for Beth.


	7. We'll Be Good

Chapter 7 We’ll Be Good

Morning came, and when I looked to my side, Beth was still there, but she wasn’t asleep. She was watching me.

“You look cute when you’re sleeping,” she said.

I rolled my eyes and flopped onto my back. “Cute is not a word I’d use to describe anything about me,” I complained.

“Okay. What about handsome?” she asked.

“Better, but how about we don’t use labels,” I suggested.

“You don’t like compliments,” Beth pointed out, and she was right.

“Makes me uncomfortable. I’m used to not being seen, remember?”

“The strong and silent type,” she teased. “I like it.”

“How’s your ankle?” I asked to get her off the subject of my looks.

“Still sore, but better I think.”

“Good.” I started to get up, but Beth took hold of my arm and stopped me.

“Can’t we lay around here for a little while longer. I mean, we don’t have to be anywhere,” she suggested.

I laid back down and faced her. “Well, since last night was your first time and all, I guess we can make an exception.”

“Gee, thanks,” she mocked with a roll of her eyes.

“So, do you feel any different?” I asked and regretted it right away. “That was stupid.”

“Actually, I do feel different,” she said, staring longingly into my eyes.

“Mmph,” I mumbled. “Yeah, maybe I do too.”

Beth smiled with closed lips and pushed the hair from my face. Her finger ran down my cheek and traced my jawline. “What was it like your first time?” she asked.

“A lot different than this,” I said, and I rolled onto my back. I gave a deep sigh and allowed the memories to come flooding back.

“What was her name?” she asked with true curiosity.

“Jolene,” I said dreamily.

“I bet she was pretty,” Beth commented.

“She had long auburn hair and green eyes. And she had this group of freckles that ran across the bridge of her nose, just barely sweeping onto her cheeks. We went to high school together, before I dropped out. I had a crush on her for as long as I could remember, but I was young and dumb. I didn’t know how to talk to her, you know,” Daryl reminisced.

“Somehow I don’t find it difficult to imagine you having trouble talking to a girl,” Beth laughed. “It took you forever to say something to me.”

“I was purposefully avoiding you.”

“Yeah, I know, but I guess my persistence paid off,” she replied with a smile, proud of herself. “So, tell me more about Jolene. How did you finally hook up?”

I knew Beth was just trying to get to know me better, but I was finding it difficult to take that trip down memory lane. “It wasn’t one of my best moments,” I told her.

“From what I’ve heard, most young boys have the same problem. Too much enthusiasm.” Beth was still joking.

“That’s not what I meant,” I said, my tone more somber. I wasn’t going to go into my story any more than that, but I thought I owed it to Beth to be open with her. After all, if something was igniting between us, it was only natural that we told stories from our pasts. I just hadn’t done that in years, and I was used to keeping to myself. “My mistake was going to my brother for advice. He told me he would talk to her for me. Said he’d put in a good word, talk me up, that kind of thing. It would take a little time, but when he was done, she’d be chompin’ at the bit to get in my pants. That’s what he told me.”

“That sounds like Merle,” Beth commented with no love for the man. I could understand.

“I pestered him for a couple of weeks afterwards, but he kept putting me off, and telling me he was working on it. So, this one day, I was looking forward to coming home from school because I was going to have the house to myself. Our dad was off somewhere on another bender, and Merle was supposed to be hanging out with friends or something. But when I got home, Merle’s truck was in the driveway. I figured his plans fell through. I went in the house, grabbed a Coke out of the fridge, and plopped down on the couch. I was about to turn on the tv when I heard sounds coming from Merle’s room. I thought his friends came to our place instead, and I went down the hall. I didn’t think nothing of it, and went in his room. I walked right in on him doing Jolene.”

I expected Beth to sympathize with me, but she was smarter than I’d given her credit for. She turned to me with a skeptical eye. “Wait, so you had a crush on this girl, and then you caught her with your brother. So how did she end up being your first?”

“I’m getting to that,” I told her. “Anyway, she was embarrassed by the incident. Merle didn’t care. He just smiled and made up some jackass comment, telling me I shouldn’t have trusted him. Said it was another life lesson.” I paused and did my best Merle impression. “If ya want the girl then ya better git it done yourself or someone else will tap that ass.” Needless to say, my brother was a real piece of shit. “To top it off, my brother then proceeded to tell her that I had the hots for her, but I was too chicken-shit to ask her out. He told her she was lucky he got to her first because I was a virgin. Bastard. Even now, to think about it, I still get angry.”

Beth must have felt bad for me as I told my story, because she moved closer to me, and nuzzled her face in the crook of my neck. I liked the feel of her so close to me, her warm naked body pushing against mine. “Then what happened?” she asked.

“A few months went by, and surprisingly, Merle and Jolene were still together.”

“Really? What could she possibly have seen in him?” said Beth, taking my side of things.

“It’s a redneck thing, I guess. Anyway, this one day, I was home alone while Merle and our dad were out hunting, and Jolene came to the house. Said she needed to talk to Merle. I told her he wasn’t home and invited her in. That’s when she spilled her heart out to me. She said she had come by to break up with Merle. He’d been treating her like shit lately, talking down to her, telling her he’d meet her somewhere and never show. The last straw was when he got violent during an argument about one of his no-show dates. He grabbed her by the arms and shook her as he was yelling at her, insulting her, calling her names. I told her to leave him, but she was afraid. Apparently, he’d threatened her. It was the kind of thing I’d heard our dad say to our mom a thousand times. I told her that if she left him, I’d protect her. I knew eventually, Merle would find another piece of ass, and forget about her.”

“That was very noble of you,” Beth complimented me.

“Jolene thought so too. She was surprised that I would help her. I convinced her to go and not look back. I already knew what I was going to tell Merle, and I knew he’d leave her alone. She was getting ready to go when she stopped. I remember it like it was yesterday. She stood in the doorway with her hand on the doorknob, and looked back over her shoulder to me. She said she wished I would have asked her out. Then she admitted that she picked the wrong brother.”

“Too little too late, is what I would have told her,” said Beth, her leg draping over mine. I could feel her soft curls against my thigh, and fought the urge to interrupt my story and take her.

“Yeah, I probably should have, but she was looking at me with those pretty green eyes, and I couldn’t turn her away. Jolene confessed that she knew I had a crush on her long before Merle came along. She’d been waiting for me to make the first move, but I never did. And then Merle started talking to her. She thought that maybe she could get to me through Merle, but he had been more convincing than she realized, and she let him seduce her right into his bed. At that point, she broke down crying.”

“Classic move,” said Beth. Her hips made tiny circles against me, and I could feel myself coming to life.

“I couldn’t just let her leave crying like she was, so I invited her to sit on the couch. I did my best to comfort her. One thing led to another and … well … that was the day I lost my virginity to my childhood crush.”

“So, your brother stole your crush away from you, and you slept with her behind his back.” Beth shook her head as she grasped the concept. “And she could have been your girlfriend from the start if you had just had the guts to talk to her in the first place. Wow, and I thought I was being scandalous when Jimmy and I used to meet behind the old shed and–"

I rolled onto her in a swift movement that shocked her. She even yelped as I held her down on the bed. The feel of our naked bodies on top of each other, and my cock against her juncture made me come fully alive. I kissed her slow and passionately, tongues gliding together in sensuous circles. “What did you and Jimmy do behind the old shed?” I asked, my voice a low dangerous growl.

“I may be a virgin, but I still … did things,” she answered seductively.

“You’re not a virgin anymore,” I said, and I nipped at her earlobe. I put my knee between her thighs and she spread for me. “Let me remove you one step further from being a virgin.” I sunk into her body. We fit together so well, as though we were made for each other.

I set my rhythm, moving slow so that I didn’t make her uncomfortable. She adjusted quickly, so I moved a little faster. I could feel myself building with each pump of my hips. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I pushed up onto my hands so I was at a better angle to hit her in just the right place. She began to moan, and her voice quickly turned into cries of passion. I could feel her fingertips digging into my back, and it excited me to the point I was about to lose myself. She was behaving differently this morning, like she was in charge of me this time. I was completely at her mercy as my body responded to her. Beth’s hips gyrated, lifting from the bed. Suddenly it was as if she couldn’t get enough. I had to keep up with her. Her body squeezed around my cock. Her hands clenched onto my ass and pulled me down. She held me there, buried deep inside and I couldn’t hold on any longer.

“Oh Beth!” I cried out as I released. I pumped my hips in short deep thrusts as I spilled. Then she came, loud feverish cries of satisfaction that turned into whimpering moans. I looked down on her beautiful face, her pink lips upturned into a contented smile. Slowly, her blue eyes fluttered open and connected with mine. She looked very ethereal in her afterglow, her body still humming with the vestiges of her climax. I was just now noticing this new beauty about her, one that only I had ever seen. Suddenly I felt very privileged to be the one to take her to this new height. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered, and I felt myself flush with this admission. I’d never been one to hand out compliments before, but I found that I couldn’t help myself with her. She deserved to know exactly how I felt.

“And you are incredible,” she smiled up at me.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’ve got nothing to compare it to,” I countered in jest.

“Maybe not, but I don’t see how it could feel any better than that. It’s like I floated out of my body.” She lifted her arms over her head and stretched. My eyes went immediately to her youthful breasts and I took each one in my mouth, my tongue teasing her nipples. Her hands wrapped into my hair, and it felt so fucking good.

After a while, I reluctantly came to rest at her side, and rolled onto my back. I sighed deep with satisfaction. I couldn’t even tell you how long it was since I’d been with a woman, but it was even longer since I laid with someone I really cared about. I imagine my heart had been reaching out to Beth for a while, but my head wouldn’t let it. Now I knew for sure that when I kissed her that first time, in the trunk of that car, my protective wall cracked.

“I’m gonna get us something to drink,” I said, as I sat up and lowered my feet to the ground. I stood and walked naked to the opposite side of the room, picked up my pants and came back to the bed to put them on. Beth’s eyes traveled over every inch on my body, but they spent the longest time observing my half-hardened cock. When she realized she was gawking, she blushed and looked away. I smiled to myself and made my way to the door.

While I was downstairs, I made a quick check of the doors and windows. All was quiet. My warning system of rope and hubcaps were still hanging on the front porch. I didn’t see any walkers outside. The sun was shining and I could hear birds whistling in the trees. It was a good day to get on the road, I thought to myself.

I entered the kitchen and opened the cabinets to grab a two liter of soda. It would have been great if we had ice, but that was a luxury long forgotten. The cabinet next to this had glasses, and I took two down and held them together with my fingers. After I set it all on the kitchen table, something caught my eye outside the large kitchen window. There was a tree just outside, and I saw a sparrow with a tuft of grass in its beak. I watched it and saw where it was making a nest on a branch higher up. I stood at the window and watched the little bird work tirelessly to make its home. I started thinking about this place, and about Beth wishing we could stay here. Yesterday when I made my rounds outside, I could see how we could fortify the property. It would take some hard work, but it was doable. Leaving these comforts behind to live in the wild again wasn’t ideal, and there was no telling how long it would take us to find somewhere better or more secure. Here, we had running water, a bed to sleep in, food in the pantry, four walls and a roof over our heads. I still worried about the owner coming back, but it had been a couple days now, and there was no sign of him. I had been adamant about leaving, but that’s because I was avoiding settling down with Beth. After last night, after giving in to what my heart was trying to tell me, I started to think that maybe we could stay after all.

I surprised myself by this thought. Only yesterday I was ready to leave, to try and find our people or new people, maybe a new community. Perhaps some of our people made it out and found a new community. If they could find it, so could Beth and I. What surprised me the most was that I hadn’t, until just now, thought about Carol. She could be somewhere like that too. I hoped she was somewhere safe.

I still felt a twinge in my heart when I thought of her, but it was more of a ghostly trace of something I used to feel. The fact that it was still there made me wonder. What would I do if Carol came knocking on the door right now?

“Daryl?” Beth called softly from upstairs.

I shook away my thoughts and went into the hall. When I looked up, Beth was standing at the top of the stairs, wrapped in a white sheet like a Greek goddess. Her messy hair and her big blue eyes made my breath hitch, though I hid any outward expression. “You okay?” I asked.

“You’ve been gone a while. I just wanted to make sure–"

“Everything’s fine. No threats. Actually, it’s a beautiful morning.” My eyes settled on her. “Really beautiful.”

She blushed as she smiled and looked away. I went up the steps and swooped her off her feet. “Oh!” she gasped and laughed in my arms. “What are you doing?”

“You need breakfast, so I’m taking you to the kitchen.”

“Daryl, put me down,” she complained lightheartedly.

“Not a chance,” I said, and I carried her down the stairs. She laughed the entire way, and it made my heart swell. I had just answered my own question, and I knew I’d choose Beth.

I didn’t put her down until I kicked one of the kitchen chairs out with my foot. Then I carefully lowered her into the chair.

“I can walk you know,” she said, but I could tell she liked having someone fuss over her.

“You still need to keep off that ankle,” I said as I went to the cabinet and searched for something breakfast worthy. “I wish we had some eggs. I could make you my world famous Dixon omelet.”

“World famous, huh?” she said, one brow raised in question.

“You never heard of it? You grew up in Georgia like I did. I’m surprised word never made it to your daddy’s farm.” I took out a can of corned beef hash. That was about as close to breakfast food as I could find.

“We didn’t get much news in the country,” she said, going along with my act.

“Hell yeah, people came from far and wide just to get a single bite of my omelets.”

“Tell me more. It sounds delicious,” she encouraged me.

“Well, it had cheese and ham in it. Green peppers, mushrooms, a little salt, a little pepper, and served with a side of toast, it was the best omelet in the south.” While I talked, I found a can opener and opened the corned beef hash. I emptied it onto a plate and retrieved two forks from the silverware drawer. Then I came to the table, set the plate in the center and took a seat across from Beth. “I guess this will have to suffice for now.”

“It’s no Dixon Omelet, but it will do,” she smiled and took a bit. “Actually, I’m starving and I’d probably eat anything right now.”

Knowing that food was a precious commodity, we ate everything on the plate. I poured a couple glasses of Coke and we let our food digest. An awkward silence fell between us. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking about, but I was ready to tell her what was on my mind.

“I was thinking that maybe we could stay,” I said.

At that exact moment, Beth said, “When are we leaving?” She heard what I said and watched me from across the table. “Wait. What?”

“Yeah, I gave it some consideration, and maybe it’s not such a bad idea to stay here, at least for a little while.”

“But yesterday you said–"

“I know what I said,” I interrupted. “But I gave it some thought this morning.”

Beth looked hopeful and happy. “What made you change your mind?”

I looked away and shrugged, but I didn’t answer. I wasn’t good at opening up. Last night and this morning were different. As we were making love, I got lost in the moment, and my brain disconnected from my heart. But now, as she gazed at me, I had trouble being open and honest.

“Don’t just . . .” She shrugged her shoulders, imitating me. “What?”

“You know,” I said quietly. Then I lifted my eyes and met hers. “I … like being here … with you … just the two of us.”

“I like it too,” she replied.

“Yeah?” I questioned, and she bit her bottom lip and smiled with a nod. “And if I get grumpy?”

“Then I’ll hug you to make you happy.”

“Alright, good plan of attack,” I said.

“And if I get whiny or I start talking too much?” she asked.

“Then I’ll kiss you to make you shut up,” I teased and she laughed.

“What if the owner comes back?” she asked with more concern.

“If he shows up then we’ll talk to him, and try to convince him to let us stay.” I stood from the table and looked out of the kitchen window again. The little sparrow was still busy with its nest, fortifying it with some small twigs. “I think we can stay, at least until we can find something better with people, another community. But we’ll be careful. We’ll take our time and make sure that if we leave here, we’re doing it for someplace better, safer.”

“I like that idea,” she said.

“Yeah?” I questioned, making my way to her.

“I do,” she confirmed.

I stood behind her chair and she looked up at me. Then I leaned down and kissed her. Beth’s hand came up and weaved into my hair. My hands roamed down from her shoulders to cup her breasts through the sheet wrapped around her. She let go of the edge of the sheet, and the it pooled at her waist. I abandoned her lips and nipped at her neck when she leaned her head to the side. Her skin was cool and smooth as silk, and she was driving me crazy. My desire for her was taking over, and I grabbed the edges of the chair and spun it around. My fast actions caught Beth off guard, but I could see she liked the element of surprise. Now that she was facing me, I got down on my knees and took her breasts into my mouth. She cocooned me with her arms. My hands found the split in the sheet and traveled up the inside of her thighs. I could feel her begin to shiver with excitement when I pulled her forward on the chair. I watched her from my position, and she had that same desire dancing in her eyes. When I knew she wanted me just as badly as I wanted her, I lifted her legs onto my shoulders, and moved in to kiss her soft curls. My tongue flicked at her folds and she moaned most deliciously. I had complete control over how fast or how slow we went. Her whimpers and moans guided me, and when I knew she was close I covered her center with my mouth, and melted to sound her amorous cries as she climaxed. Beth slowly lowered her legs a moment later, and she leaned forward, pulling me into her naked chest. She held me, and then she lifted my head to kiss me.

“We better be careful,” I said.

“Oh. I-it’s my safe time … I think.”

“That wasn’t what I . . .” I stopped to laugh at my bad timing. “I was making a joke. You know, about how loud you are. Don’t want to attract walkers. But you’re right about that too.”

“Well, if I’m too loud, it’s your fault,” she said, ignoring my embarrassing blunder. 

“Glad we got that out of the way.” I pulled the sheet around her to cover her up. “Want me to take you back upstairs so you can get dressed?”

“No, but you can bring my clothes to me, and I’ll get dressed down here.”

I did as she wanted, and when she was dressed, I told her what we needed to do in order to make the house a little more secure. “There’s a shed out back. I’ll check it and see what’s out there. I want to make another barrier a little further from the house. If anything comes around, it will give us a bit more warning than what we have now.”

“What if that herd comes this way?” she asked worriedly.

“Well, we got the basement to hide in. There’s only one way in and out, and the door locks. But we’re going to have to go scavenging and stockpile some supplies down there, just in case we get holed up for any length of time. As long as the walkers don’t know we’re here, they should pass us by, just like they did when we hid in the trunk.”

“What do you want me to do?” she asked. Beth looked around the house for ideas. “At the prison, I spent most of my time watching over Judith.” Her voice saddened as she said this.

I felt guilty for not even thinking of the baby in so long. I guess it was a scenario I didn’t want to think about, an innocent babe and the horrors that she was surrounded by. “I’d really rather you took another day and kept off that foot. Maybe tomorrow we’ll go scavenging. We need to restock these cabinets. We need some wheels too, in case we need to make a quick getaway.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“I gotta get rid of these bodies if we’re going to stay here.” I had to admit that staying here with two corpses was kind of creeping me out. Especially knowing that under all that wax they weren’t nothing more than dead walkers.

“What are you going to do with them?” she asked with concern.

I shrugged. “I guess I’ll just haul them into that field out back. Out of sight, out of mind.”

“They were someone’s loved ones, Daryl. We can’t just throw them out like trash,” she complained.

I grabbed my crossbow, and started walking to the back door. Beth was following me, hobbling along as she tried to keep up. “I thought I told you to keep off that foot,” I said as I stepped out back and headed across the yard to the shed.

Beth stayed on the porch and yelled at me. “It’s not right. What if it was one of your loved ones?”

I found the shed door open and went inside. It was the most orderly garden shed I’d ever seen. Everything had a place, and except for the dust that settled on everything, it was almost pristine. “Who the hell organized a shed?” I said to myself. I was beginning to think the previous owner was obsessive compulsive. That would account for the spotless house.

Hanging on the back wall, I found all the larger tools, a rake, a hoe, a digging fork, a pruning saw and a shovel. And wrapped in a bundle, sitting neatly on a workbench was a coil of wire. I smiled at my luck. “Yes,” I said in victory as I picked up the wire. On the other side of the shed was a large green wheelbarrow. I checked the tire and it was still inflated. I’d use that to haul the bodies out of the house. The wire was for my new warning system. I would string it up between some of the trees in the front. We could use the cans from the food we ate, and attach them to the wire. They would make noise if anything disturbed the wire. And hanging on the wall behind the workbench was some rope that I could use to attach the cans. I had everything I needed. Now I could get to work and have our new security system in place before dark.

As I walked back to the house, I saw Beth still in the same place, arms crossed and her big blue eyes shooting daggers at me. I ignored her and dropped the wheelbarrow at the base of the steps. “Look what all I found?”

“What’s that for?” she asked with anger in her words.

“The wire and rope are for the security system.”

“And the wheelbarrow?”

“I’m gonna haul the bodies out with it.” I grabbed the wire and rope out of the wheelbarrow, and went up the stairs, breezing past her, but she followed me into the house.

“You are not just going to dump them in a field,” she griped.

“They’re dead. They don’t care where they spend eternity.” I made my way to the front door and opened it, paying close attention to the yard. There wasn’t anything around.

“I saw the photos upstairs. I know the owners were a couple, and this was one of them. If you just toss him out, you’ll be disrespecting them.”

“Maybe the other guy should have taken care of his lover properly before he bounced,” I retaliated. “Instead of playing Barbie with a corpse.”

“What if it was me? Would you just throw me out back and let the crows have me?” she argued.

“First of all, it ain’t gonna be you, not as long as I’m around. Secondly, I would have stuck you in the ground a long time ago. Now, leave me be. I’ve got stuff to take care of.” I dumped the wire and rope on the front porch, and went back for the wheelbarrow. Beth limped behind me, but when I picked up the wheelbarrow, she kept walking into the back yard. I figured I’d leave her there, and maybe she’d cool down. I hadn’t known how determined she could be. She wasn’t like that back at the prison. And while we’ve been together, she was either crying or running away like a spoiled child.

As I pushed the wheelbarrow toward the viewing room where the body was, I remembered how Beth behaved when we were at the golf center, and we found a dead woman that someone had made into a mannequin. It was a grotesque scene, as though there had been a battle between common people and elite society. I didn’t know what that woman had done to piss the others off, but they stuck her torso onto the legs of a mannequin, dressed her in cashmere and pearls, and hung a sign around her that read rich bitch. In my eyes, I just saw another dead body in a place that couldn’t handle how the world changed. But for Beth, she still saw a person, someone who hadn’t been given the respect of being properly put to rest. She wanted to take the body down so that she wasn’t being eternally humiliated. There hadn’t been any time to stop and do this, so I found a sheet and draped it over the body. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how Beth’s behavior might stem back to her father, who had been executed before her eyes and left … in a field.

“Well, shit,” I mumbled to myself, as it all started to make sense. I left the wheelbarrow at the closed doors of the viewing room and went back to find Beth. She was coming out of the shed with the shovel I’d seen on the back wall. I went out on the porch and down the steps, expecting her to confront me again. Instead, she turned for the field past the trees in the yard. “Where are you going?” I called to her.

“If you won’t dig a grave then I will,” she called over her shoulder.

“Beth wait,” I yelled after her, but she kept walking. “I said wait,” I yelled again to no response. “Just hold up for one goddamn minute!” I said with authority, and she stopped without turning to face me. “I’ll bury them.” I shook my head slowly back and forth, “For Christ’s sake,” I complained to myself. Then I called to her again. “I’m gonna need your help though.” I watched her turn and come back toward the house. She stopped in front of me, and glared at me, her long blond hair falling in her face.

“Fine,” she said without a smile. What happened to the sweet young woman sitting at the piano? I wondered.

“I need help getting the bodies out of the house,” I said, giving in.

“And you’re going to give them a proper burial?” she asked just to make sure I wasn’t fooling her.

“Yes.”

“Let’s go then.” Beth marched past me and went into the house, letting the screen door slam behind her.

I dropped my head to my chest and shook my head again. “What have I gotten myself into.”


	8. Welcome the Sentiment

Chapter 8 Welcome the Sentiment

Beth and I stood at the edge of the field beneath a large oak tree, looking down at two fresh graves. I had dug them while Beth kept watch. She had helped me lower the bodies into the earth, and then I covered them with the loose dirt. While I was busy finishing up, Beth had collected two bunches of wildflowers and laid one on each grave. She said a few words, even though we didn’t know anything about these people. One man had been a complete mystery. The other we only knew of him what we had seen in the picture upstairs.

“In Jesus’ name, Amen,” Beth finished. Anyone would have known she was a preacher’s daughter by the way she presented herself as she gave the deceased a brief but respectable ceremony.

I looked up and back toward the house, but Beth stayed where she was, head bowed. “You ready to go back?” I asked after a short while.

She nodded. “Now, if the owner comes back, he’ll have a place to go visit him.”

“You were right. It was a nice thing to do for them,” I admitted. “Sorry if I was being a dick.”

“I’m used to it,” she replied, but she smiled as she said it.

It had taken me most of the day to accomplish this task. The sun would be setting in a couple hours. There wasn’t enough time to get started on the wire barrier. It would have to wait until tomorrow, but that was fine. The important thing was that Beth was satisfied with what we had done, and she seemed to be.

I offered her my hand, and she took it. We walked back to the house. Beth stopped along the way to pick a few more wildflowers. The field was full of them. Most of the flowers were yellow, but she found a few pink and purple ones too. I picked one of the yellow flowers and I tucked it into her hair as we walked along. She smiled softly, but I could tell something was still on her mind. I moved in front of her and made her stop. Then I cupped her face with one hand and looked questioningly into her eyes. I didn’t have to say a word.

She huffed and smiled, and looked down at the tall grass under her feet. “When I was little, my mom and I used to go to the cemetary after mass on the first Sunday of every month. It was within walking distance of the church, and we walked by a field, kind of like this one. In the spring and summer, it was always filled with wildflowers of some kind or another bursting with color. It looked like a painting come to life. Anyway, we would pick flowers and take them with us to the cemetary. My mom had a stone bench placed at the foot of her parent’s graves, and she would sit there and silently pray. I would play with the flowers until she was finish, and then she’d tell me to put them on the headstones. I was only five or six, and I had to reach up to place the flowers on the top edge of the tall marble markers. She always seemed more at peace after a visit to the cemetary.” Beth paused and lifted her head to look up into my face. Tears threatened her eyes. “I’ll never have a place to go where I can visit my mom and dad.”

“You don’t need a physical place to go,” I told her. I covered my heart with my hand. “They’ll away be in here.” I removed my hand and touched the side of her head. “And in here,” I told her. Then I kissed her forehead.

It seemed to make her feel better. Beth nodded and smiled somberly. She wrapped her arm around mine and leaned into my side as we continued walking back to the house. It had been a pain in the ass having to bury people I didn’t know, but I didn’t do it for them. I did it for Beth. I did it because I cared about her. I cared about the things that mattered to her. I only wanted to please her, and that’s why we were still here instead of moving on to find somewhere better. Maybe this was what we needed right now. It was our own place, just the two of us, a place where we could take our time getting to know each other better. We were starting over together, making a place in the world, making a place with each other. It felt right for a change, and that was something I think we both needed. There was a reason why Beth and I ended up together as we fled from the prison, and this right here was it. We needed each other.

As soon as we got back inside, I made Beth settle on the couch. I could see by the way she walked that her ankle was bothering her. She tried to protest, but I won this time. She didn’t put up much of a fight, though.

It was nearing the end of the day, and neither of us had eaten since breakfast. The cabinets were stocked, but our choices were limited. Canned vegetables, pork and beans, corned beef hash, different flavors of soup, it was a nice bounty, but I craved protein, especially after a long day of hard labor. What I wouldn’t give for a big juicy steak or a roasted chicken. My mouth watered just thinking about it. Unfortunately, we didn’t have that luxury, so it was canned goods for dinner. At least I had a good use for the cans once they were emptied. They were going to hang on our new security barrier, once I got it up and working.

We had a gas stove, which was great, and I emptied a can of chili into a pan to heat it up. It wasn’t steak, but it was at least some form of protein. I was already planning on catching a rabbit or two tomorrow. I thought that might help cheer Beth up too. She was still in a somber mood, but I understood why. This was the first time since we left the prison that she had time to really stop and think about everything she’d lost. Hell, even I found myself reminiscing about my brother from time to time. It was a common theme. Everyone had experienced loss by now, and everyone dealt with it differently. Beth was strong, though. She would get through this, and I would be there for her whenever she needed me. It felt good having a purpose again.

We ate supper on the couch and talked. She told me stories about growing up with Maggie. They hadn’t always had a tight relationship. Maggie was a bit older so they didn’t always connect on the same level. It wasn’t until the world died that their relationship started to really strengthen. For me, it was the opposite. I would have followed Merle to the ends of the earth at one point, but when life stopped and the dead started to walk, we had different ideas for how to survive. Merle just wanted to take and steal, but I wanted to earn. I didn’t know it at the time, but meeting Rick was the best thing that happened to me in a long time or I might have ended up like Merle.

Beth took our plates and went to the kitchen. I watched her walk, and noticed she wasn’t favoring her ankle quite as much. That was a good thing. Tomorrow I would hunt for some food, but the next day, I thought we could both head out and look for supplies. As well stocked as the house was, I knew there had to be someplace close. That’s probably where this stuff came from. But I also kept in mind that the owner never came back. He must have run into trouble while he was out, but whether it was walkers or humans, I didn’t know. We would have to be prepared for anything if we strayed any distance from the house. I thought of leaving Beth here while I went out, but I didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone. I could tell her to stay put, lock the doors and wait, but I knew there was a possibility she wouldn’t listen to me.

Beth came back to the living room and curled up next to me. I put my arm around her and pulled her in. “Too bad we don’t have a television. We could watch a movie,” I said.

“What kind of movies did you like to watch?” she asked.

“I used to like those low-budget sci-fi or horror movies. Piranha, Tremors, Slither, they were classics. The acting wasn’t the best, but the blood and gore was–" I noticed Beth making a face at my choice of genre. “Well, it was before the world became a real-life B movie,” I defended. “Why, what did you like, Disney princess movies?”

“Maybe when I was eight,” she shot back. “For me, I liked romance comedies, but the older ones. I especially like the ones with Meg Ryan. French Kiss, You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, those were my favorites.”

Daryl had to laugh at the term ‘older movies’, but he didn’t say anything to her. It was best to stay away from anything that pointed out their age difference. “So, grown up Disney movies then,” he teased.

Beth sat up and slapped him on the arm. “Well, it was better than movies about space worms that turned people into some slimy cheap version of Jabba the Hut.”

She had just explained the plot for Slither. “Oh, you are so busted right now,” I said, calling her out. “You’ve seen Slither, haven’t you?” I accused.

She looked totally defeated. “Alright, I might have seen part of it. My brother and his friends were having a sleepover once, and they watched it,” she admitted, but I thought there was more to the story.

“Your brother and his friends had a sleepover and you hung out with them, watching a low-rate horror flick? I find that hard to believe.”

Beth pushed off of me and sat at the opposite side of the couch, arms folded in defiance. I just kept looking at her until she finally gave in. “Fine, I was spying on them. Actually, I was spying on one of them. Connor Maitland.”

“Connor Maitland?” I teased as I was about to interrogate her. “So, who was this Connor Maitland and why were you spying on him?”

“Are you really going to make me talk about this?” She rolled her eyes and looked away.

“Hey, I told you about Jolene. The least you could do is tell me about Connor.”

She adjusted her position and leaned back on the arm of the couch as she brought her legs up and stretched them out until her toes touched the side of my thigh. “Connor Maitland was one of my brother’s friends. They went to high school together. He was on the football team. He was very tall, blond hair, chiseled jaw, muscular. He was my first crush. I was fourteen. He must have been about seventeen. I used to daydream that we would get married one day.”

“So, you’ve always been drawn to older men?” I taunted.

“Much older, apparently,” she countered.

“Ouch,” I said, screwing up my face as though it physically hurt.

“You started it,” she smiled fiendishly.

“And I thought you only liked me for my bike.”

“Among other things.” She batted her long lashes, flirting with me. She must have learned that move from all those romance movies. I was game, and I’d play along.

“Other things, huh? What was the first thing you noticed about me?”

“Actually, you kind of scared me when I first saw you. All of you did. Everyone was very serious and suspicious of each other. Rick and Lori were scared for Carl. Shane was yelling and blaming Otis for what happened to Carl. Dale was a nervous wreck. Andrea was trying to mediate, but no one was listening to her. Carol was quiet at a mouse, but she was worried about her missing daughter. And you just paced in the yard like a cornered animal. You were dressed in leather, crossbow on your back, big knife at your side. You looked deadly, ready to strike as soon as you were given word. And there we were, our little family on a quiet farm in the middle of nowhere, thrust into chaos.”

“It was crazy in the beginning. At that point, I wasn’t sure I was going to stick around or not. My brother was out there somewhere, missing his hand, alone. Or so I thought. I still didn’t know my people all that well. I kept my distance most of the time. I wasn’t used to being around people like them,” I reminisced. I hadn’t thought about that time in a while.

“I guess the time first really noticed you was after you got hurt. You were sleeping, and Daddy had asked me to set a glass of water by your bed, in case you woke up and no one was there. You looked so much different asleep. Your entire face was relaxed and free of your worry lines. You looked so peaceful and … handsome. I wondered what it would take to get you to look like that when you were awake. And then one time, later on, I saw you and Carol talking out in the yard. You almost looked like you did when you were asleep. You were at peace talking to her. You never looked like that for anyone else.”

The conversation took an unexpected turn with the mention of Carol. I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I didn’t. Instead, I looked straight ahead and wracked my brain trying to figure out how to change the subject. “Did you get enough to eat?” I asked. It was obvious I was trying to avoid talk of Carol.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Beth apologized. She linked her fingers together and put her hands in her lap. “What I was going to say was that I realized you were good people when I learned that you were the only one still going out and looking for Carol’s daughter. Like everyone else, when I first saw you, I made assumptions. And because you were so quiet and distant, it was a long time before I noticed you, the real you. When I did, I felt like I did when I used to spy on Connor Maitland. I got the same fluttering sensation in my chest. I couldn’t wait to see you every day, even though you didn’t even know I existed.”

“I saw you,” I admitted. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. I might have been pining over Carol, but I was still just a man, and I noticed those blue eyes and blond hair. “I thought you were very pretty, but you were young, and you also happened to be the daughter of the man who was allowing us to stay on his property.”

“And you had eyes for Carol too,” she added as a challenge.

“Why do you keep bringing her up?” I asked getting defensive. I don’t think she expected it because she didn’t know how to answer my question. Her mouth flapped like a fish out of water as she searched for an answer.

“I just wondered if–"

“There’s nothing to know. Carol was my friend, my best friend.” I didn’t mean for it to come out with anger backing my words, but Carol was a touchy subject.

“Nothing more?” Beth asked as she tested me.

I couldn’t stay there and get into a conversation about Carol with Beth. I didn’t know why she was being so insistent either. Instead of answering her, I got up from the couch. “I’m gonna check the house again before it gets too dark.” I left the room before she could say something else.

The front door was locked tight. The windows were too. At the back door, I stopped and gazed out into the yard, but I wasn’t looking for walkers. I was just running away again, like I always did. I hoped I had moved on with Beth, but the truth was, it still hurt to think about Carol, which was why I tried to avoid it at all costs. I didn’t need Beth poking around, trying to get me to open up about something so personal.

As I stood there with my face almost pressed against the glass, I felt warm arms surround my waist, and Beth’s body contoured to mine with her head resting against my spine.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered softly. “I thought we were being open, but I can see there’s still some things you don’t want to discuss, so I won’t ask.” Her apology was sincere, but it still made me feel like shit. It was my fault I made her feel this way to begin with.

I turned so that we were facing each other, and my hands came to rest at her waist. “I’m sorry too.” I looked down and away as I spoke. “I’ve never talked about her to anyone. Not a soul. And … I don’t know. Talking to you about it just seems kind of … awkward.”

“I get it, Daryl. I’m not clueless about these things. I guess I just didn’t realize how much she meant to you. Maybe one day you’ll tell me. I wouldn’t be jealous or anything. I just want to know every part of you, and I know Carol was important to you.”

I lifted my eyes to meet hers. “I’ve never known anyone like you before. Why do you need to know stuff like that?”

“Because it’s something from your past. It still weighs on your mind like a secret you can’t share. But if whatever is happening between us is real, there shouldn’t be any secrets. I guess what I didn’t consider is that some things take a while to share. I’m just letting you know that when you’re ready, I’m willing to listen and not judge.” She reached up and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, and held her hand there. “I like you, Daryl. I like you a lot, and I think we might have started something good here, but I can’t help wonder what you’d do if . . .” Her words trailed off, as though she regretted what she was about to say. It was already out there, and I knew what she was going to ask.

I took her chin in my fingers and tilted her head up. Her lovely eyes settled on mine, capturing me in a way I didn’t think anyone could. “I like you too, and I want this. I want to see where this goes. It’s you and me now. It doesn’t matter who might walk in that door, where we go or who we meet. I want to be with you. But you gotta give me time to open up about certain things. If I don’t want to talk about it, it’s not because I’m keeping it from you. It’s because I’m not ready to face it yet. Does that make sense?”

Beth smiled gently and nodded. “Okay.” She reached up and kissed my cheek, her soft lips lingering longer than usual. I gathered her in my arms and pulled her against me, capturing her mouth, and kissing her properly. I released her and leaned back to get a better look at her. Every time I did this, I felt an extra beat in my heart. She was like a gift that I was slowly unwrapping, finding something more lovely with every piece I peeled away.

With the air cleared for now, I finished my rounds and made sure the house was locked down tight. The sun had set and the night was still early, but it had been a long strenuous day, and we were both pretty tired. Neither one of us had taken a shower either. Beth called dibs and I laid down on the bed to wait for her to get out of the bathroom. I thought about our conversation, and the big ‘what if’ that Beth touched on. I knew she still wondered, still had questions for me. I didn’t like leaving things that way, but it was all I could manage for now.

Beth started singing in the shower. Her voice was beautiful. I’d always thought that, even when I told her it was annoying. I didn’t need to push her away anymore. I didn’t have to avoid her. We were past all that. Now we were in a learning phase, and I needed to know more. I was finding that I couldn’t get enough of her. My body warmed as I thought of her pushing against me, her slight frame encompassed within my arms.

I got up from the bed and crossed the room to the bathroom door, finding it unlocked. When I cracked it open, steam billowed out. I opened the door wider to let more steam escape until I could see Beth behind the glass walls of the shower. Her back was to me so she hadn’t seen me come in. Her voice was enticing and in perfect pitch as the words of the song rolled from her lips. Quickly and quietly, I undressed, leaving my clothes in a pile near the door. I sauntered to the shower, eased the door open and stepped in. I touched her hip and she jumped and let out a yelp of surprise.

“Daryl, you scared me,” she said, but her fear quickly turned to relief as a smile spread across her face.

“Don’t stop singing,” I pleaded. “It’s beautiful.”

She was shy at first, but after a few words she was singing from the heart again, a sweet melody about love and longing. My hands moved around from her hips to her flat stomach, and I pulled her against me, back to front. I kissed her neck and down her shoulder. She turned in my arms as the lyrics changed to the chorus. Her arms wrapped around my neck and we swayed from side to side until the song was finished. Then we slowly came together and kissed beneath the warm water raining down on us. My cock came to life, pushing against her pelvis. She released me and smiled as she picked up the bar of soap. With lathered hands, she started washing my body, starting with my chest and arms. She worked her way down my stomach to my hips before she told me to turn around. I did as she said, and she washed my back, taking extra time as she lathered my ass. I turned back around, and she got down on her knees to wash my legs. She started to get back up, but I put my hands on her shoulders to gesture to something else. Beth smiled up at me and handed me the soap.

The water had already washed the suds away. I could see them swirling in the drain between her knees. Her eyes lowered from mine, traveling down my body until they settled on my cock. Beth took me in her hands and stroked me from tip to hilt. Her tongue flicked along the rigid edge and then her lips surrounded the head, teasing me. My hand involuntarily moved to the back of her head, and I gently pulled her toward me, gesturing for her to take in more of my straining cock. When she did as I wanted, I moaned and threw my head back. The warm water pelting down on my skin, and Beth’s warm mouth surrounding me felt euphoric.

I leaned forward, not just to watch myself disappear between her lips, but also to help shade her from the falling water. I could feel my legs getting weak, and braced myself with one hand on the shower wall. If I let her continue, I was going to spend, and I didn’t want to. I wanted to bury myself inside her heat and listen to her cry out my name. Reluctantly, I pushed back on her shoulders, and she looked up to see what I wanted. I inched a forefinger at her, and she stood. Her eyes were dark blue like the deepest part of the ocean, and begging for me to take her. I pulled her against me and we kissed so hard our teeth clicked. Our tongues battled for control as we lost all restraint to our wanton desire.

Beth’s leg came up, anchoring to my hip, her center so close now. I reached down and grabbed her by the back of her thighs and lifted her to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck to help hold herself up while I pushed her back against the shower wall to use as leverage. I was overcome by this superhuman strength that made it seem like Beth weighed nothing at all.

“I want you inside me,” she begged, a raspy whisper caressing my ear.

I gave her what she asked for, and lowered her body onto mine. We simultaneously let out a sensuous moan, and she smiled and laughed at how in sync we were. As I set my rhythm, Beth whimpered, her tone going higher and louder with each thrust. The sounds she made as we made love were burned into my memories. That alone would be enough to make me harden anytime.

Beth was mine to do with as I pleased in this position, and I quickened my pace. Her tits bounced against my chest, and I could feel her pebbled nipples brushing against my skin. I wanted to suck on them, but I wasn’t in the right position.

I could feel myself reaching climax. “I’m close,” I told her between breaths.

“Me too,” she replied between moans.

And then we were crying out in unison. I slowed my rhythm to make short deep thrust inside her body. Beth called out my name several times to let me know she was at the edge. Her thighs tightened around my waist, as her inside muscles tightened around my cock. One last deep thrust, and I came hard and buried my face in her chest. She clung to me, nuzzling my neck as she came, and whispered softly. “I love you, Daryl.”

The words didn’t register at first. I could only concentrate on one thing at a time, and right now it was the feeling of coming inside this beautiful woman, and all the sensations that went along with it. As my orgasm subsided, I heard the vestiges of her voice in my head, and realized what she had just admitted to me. I didn’t have a response. I wasn’t ready for that step. Wasn’t it too soon? We had known each other for more than a year, but this relationship was only a few days in, and already she was telling me this. So I did what any guy would do. I pretended I didn’t hear it.

“You can put me down now,” she said lightly.

I lowered her, but I kept my arms around her. We stood a while longer in the shower, the water beginning to cool as the hot water ran out. Beth looked up at me with longing and we kissed. It didn’t seem to bother her that I didn’t respond to her admission of love.

“We better get out before the water turns cold,” I advised.

Beth stepped out while I shut off the water. When I turned, she was holding a towel out for me. I took it and we dried each other off. She touched the towel to my face, patting it dry, and pushed my hair back. She didn’t speak, but she watched me intensely, her blue eyes searching deep within mine. And I felt something in that moment. She had touched my soul.

Afterwards, we crawled under the covers to get warm, spooning together beneath the soft white cotton sheets. My body contoured to her back, and I draped my arm around her middle. I loved the feel of laying naked with Beth. I relished it because I didn’t know how long we would have this comfort.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Beth said out of the silence. “You know, with … what I said.”

“I’m not uncomfortable,” I admitted as I pulled her tighter to me. “It was a … surprise.”

“I just wanted you to know that I didn’t expect a response. I just thought I’d tell you how I felt.” She seemed nervous as she spoke, and I didn’t want her feeling that way.

“Can I tell you something?” I whispered.

“Yes.”

“I’m … not far off from giving you a response.” That was the truth. I knew I was falling deeper every time I looked into her eyes. Beth was special. She was incredible. She had been there this entire time, and I had done my best to avoid it, but I couldn’t anymore.

Beth turned in my arms so that she was facing me. “What’s holding you back?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, slurring my words together. “This … us … it’s so new. Maybe it’s … too soon.”

“Something I’ve learned from past mistakes is that time is short, and life changes in the blink of an eye. I won’t wait any more to express my feelings or my opinions because I might not be here tomorrow,” she said, her words taking on a serious tone.

I shook my head. “Not as long as I’m around. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Beth smiled and kissed my forehead. “You can’t make those claims anymore. None of us can, but I welcome the sentiment.”

“Then … is it enough if I tell you that I think I’m falling for you?”

“I’ll take it,” she smiled wider and laughed.

“And I say that from now on we always shower together.”

“I second that.”

We had a good laugh, and then we drifted into our slumber. We woke sometime during the night and made love again, slow and passionate, lovingly. I finally came to the conclusion that this was it. This was my life now. It was something I never thought possible, but I knew I could never turn from this. I had fallen hard for her. She had taught me how to let go of my past, my reservations, my suspicions. She’d taught me to trust again, and to let in the good. I was good. I was good with Beth by my side.

And tomorrow, I would tell her that I loved her too.


	9. Disappear

Chapter 9 Disappear

“Do we have to get up?” Beth complained when I threw open the curtains.

“We’ve got work to do today,” I said cheerily, and she scrunched her nose at me while her eyes adjusted to the sun streaming in.

“But it’s so comfortable just to lay in bed with you. Come back, Daryl. Cuddle with me for a little longer, and then I promise to let you go,” she pleaded.

I fell hard on the bed, jostling her in it. “You better not let me go,” I teased.

She smiled and leaned in to me. “Never,” she said and kissed me.

“Now, get up. It’s your turn to make breakfast. I’m gonna go walk around and see how I’m gonna string up this wire.”

“What about my ankle? I thought you wanted me to stay off of it,” she said with forced pity.

“You were pretty athletic last night, and not once did you wince or complain about your ankle. Besides, it’s been a few days now. Time to get it working again.” I stood from the bed before she talked me into staying again. I knew I’d be easily convinced.

“Fine,” she gave in with reluctance. Beth finally got out of bed and dressed for the day. She still wore her jeans and the yellow shirt she had found at the country club. I made a mental note to find someplace that had clothes. Beth deserved something nice, something new.

I went downstairs and made my usual rounds. Everything was in its place, and it was quiet outside. I checked my crossbow to make sure it was in good working condition. There was a lot to get done today, but I also had plans for later. I wanted to catch a couple rabbits, find some wild herbs, maybe some strawberries or some other kind of fruit growing around here, and make Beth a delicious dinner tonight. That’s when I would tell her my feelings toward her. I was going to tell her I loved her, and I wanted it to be special, something she’d never forget.

When I came back inside, Beth was in the kitchen, standing in front of the open cabinets as she considered what to make. She heard me come in and called over her shoulder. “I can make soup. I know it’s not ideal for breakfast, but it’s either that or pork and beans.”

I could tell by her tone that she wasn’t very pleased with the selection. “I guess we got used to having real breakfast items back at the prison,” I commented.

“What I wouldn’t do for some scrambled eggs right now.” She sounded disappointed.

“You know, there’s a chicken coop out back. It’s possible there’s chickens wandering around close by, if they haven’t all been caught by walkers. Maybe the owner’s birds got out and they’re repopulating in the wild.”

“Like the pigs we had at the prison?” she said with excitement. “Rick said they had probably been someone’s pet before.”

“It’s worth a search. Chickens would be a huge bonus,” I pointed out.

“I thought we were only staying here temporarily,” she said, turning to me with a questioning gaze.

“Well, yeah, but if we find a community, livestock would be an added bonus to taking us in.”

“True.” She cocked her head to the side and smiled. “You think of everything. It’s all connect with you, isn’t it?”

“Everything has a place and a purpose. That reminds me. I need those cans from the soup. I’m putting up the warning fence today. I need stuff to string on it.”

“Can I help you build it?” she asked, pulling a can of vegetable beef soup from the cabinet.

“Sure, but first, I’m going out to see if I can bag a couple rabbits.”

She got a concerned look on her face. I didn’t think she was too keen on staying at the house alone. “Take me with you. Teach me to hunt,” she suggested.

“Maybe another time. I promise. It would be quicker if I went alone. Besides, I’m not going far. I’m staying close to the property. Keep you knife on you and lock the doors.”

“What if something happens to you and you need help?” she asked. Beth was already thinking of different ways for things to go wrong.

“Are you that worried about it?”

“I don’t want to be alone. Please, let me go with you,” she begged.

I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her. “Alright, if it will make you feel better.”

>>------->

We were out in the woods about a fifteen-minute walk from the house when I spotted a rabbit trail. “Give me some of that twine in the bag,” I told her. Beth was carrying our pack while I hunted and looked for signs of animal tracks.

She handed me the twine and I showed her how to make a snare trap. I showed her how to identify a rabbit trail too. Beth watched and listened with intense focus. She genuinely wanted to know how to do this stuff, and I was proud of her. These were things she needed to know in case she ever found herself on her own. Of course, I’d do everything in my power not to let that happen.

We set the trap and went on our way. Beth pointed out some signs of activity. She found a tuft of fur stuck in some thorny shrubs. After examining it closely, she guessed correctly that it was probably a fox. Then, she found some muddy tracks made by deer. That was an easier discovery. Unfortunately, the tracks were old, and the deer was probably long gone. When we spotted a squirrel, I gave my bow to Beth and talked her through. She had fired it before, and she knew how to use it, but she had been aiming at walkers.

I stood back and watched her concentrate on the squirrel. It took some patience to wait for it to come into firing range, but Beth was as steady as a surgeon’s hand. And it was worth noticing how hot it was watching her master my weapon. She fired and the most unfortunate thing happened. Somehow, she caught the squirrel in its hind leg.

“Oh shit. Oh no. Daryl, what do I do?” She was really upset and for good reason. The squirrel was alive, pinned to the tree and screaming.

“I got it,” I said, rushing over to put the thing out of its misery. I drew my knife as I approached.

“What are you going to do?” she asked. She watched in horror as I ended its life by decapitation.

“What? We were going to kill it anyway.”

“I know, but . . .” Her words trailed off as she watched me remove my arrow and grab the limp body. Her eyes followed me as I took our kill and attached it to a string. “I hated that. I didn’t want it to feel pain.”

“The important thing to take away from this is that you bagged your first squirrel. Now, if we can just catch a couple more, we’ll be eating good tonight.”

“Doesn’t it ever bother you?” she asked.

“What you need to remember is, I’ve been hunting since I was old enough to walk. To me, it’s like catching a fish. People don’t feel bad when they hook a trout or a bass. All they think about is what to serve with it. This ain’t no different. We have to hunt to stay alive. It’s as simple as that.”

“I know, and normally I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but … oh my God, it was screaming,” she said in disgust.

I couldn’t help laughing, and I didn’t think she appreciated it very much. Her disappointment didn’t last long. She put her arm around my waist and looked up at me. “You seem very chipper.”

“We got food for tonight.”

“That’s part of it, I guess, but … I can’t help notice how different you are from when we first got stuck together.”

I gave her a side glance. “Stuck together?” I said, calling out her choice of words.

“That’s how you must have viewed it at first. You got stuck with the whining girl who didn’t know how to take care of herself.”

“You want the truth?” I asked, and she hesitated before giving me a nod to continue. “I did think that, but not for long. Pretty much right away you started chipping in. You got the campfire going while I went out and found food. You were boiling water for us to drink. You helped keep watch so I could get some shuteye. Anything I asked you to do, you did it without argument. Well, until you got that bug up your ass about finding some booze,” I added and laughed.

“You barely said a word to me, and I did what you told me to do because I was kind of scared of you. You were always in a bad mood. I thought you hated being stuck with me,” she admitted.

“I hated what happened to us. I hated myself for not doing more to make sure it didn’t happen in the first place. I never hated you. Actually, I was kind of scared of you too.”

“Me?” she said with a huff of a laugh. “What scared you about me?”

“Suddenly being responsible for someone else. One of the last things your dad asked of me was to watch over you if something happened to him or Maggie. It’s something I didn’t take lightly,” I admitted.

Beth stepped away from me, and I was worried I said something wrong. She kept her back turned to me longer than I felt comfortable with. When she finally faced me, she kept her eyes turned to the ground. “Is that the reason we’re together, because you think I’m your responsibility? Or because you feel you owe it to my father to keep a promise to protect me? Would this have happened if the prison never fell or is it just convenient because we’re out here alone together?”

My brows creased as I took offense to her charges. “No. That’s not it at all. I want to be with you. I’m glad we have each other.” I moved across the leaf covered ground and took her hand. She still wouldn’t look at me. “And I’ve come to realize with each day that passes . . .” I took her chin in my fingers and tilted her head up. “I … I . . .”

Was I going to do this now? But I had planned it out in my head. I wanted it to be a special moment over a romantic dinner. I searched her eyes, seeing her anticipation that my next words were the ones she wanted to hear. “Beth,” I said, and readied myself to tell her something I’d never told any woman. “I can’t say what would have happened if the prison didn’t fall. That’s a path that none of us got to take, and it doesn’t matter now. All I know is what’s happened since then. You’ve taught me so much. You’ve made me a better man. I see things differently now. Before, I was so closed off and angry. I hardly trusted anyone. I was running away from my emotions and my responsibilities. The two of us getting … stuck with each other has been the best thing that’s happened to me, and I just want to tell you that–"

The undergrowth near us shook violently, putting an abrupt end to our conversation. I turned to face the shrubs, bringing my crossbow up, my eye steadily focused through the sight. Beth stood next to me with her knife out and ready. We thought it was a walker, and waited for it to emerge. Instead, a huge wild boar walked out of the leafy coverage and stared us down. He was black with wiry hair, and sharp white tusks protruding from the sides of his mouth. The fur on his back stood up in warning. The beast snorted and shook his head, trying to make himself look more intimidating than he already was. I knew very well how dangerous an animal like this could be.

“Don’t move,” I whispered slowly to Beth. My finger started to squeeze the trigger, but just as I released my arrow, the boar charged at us and my shot missed. There was no time to load another one. “Run!” I yelled, and we turned a started running as fast as we could.

I kept my sight on Beth. She wasn’t running as fast as before because of her ankle. Even though it had healed some, it still wasn’t back to normal. If Beth fell, she’d have the boar on her in a matter of seconds. When I looked back, I could see we were pulling away from the animal.

“You run that way. I’ll go this way and get him to follow me. Go straight back to the house and don’t stop,” I ordered.

“I’m not leaving you out here,” she demanded.

“Do as I tell you. No arguments,” I said and I bore to the left. The trees divided us and the beast had to make a decision on who it would follow. I waved my arms in the air and yelled so that he would follow me instead of Beth. Now I had a two-hundred pound monster on my ass, and no time to get another arrow ready to fire. I glanced right and saw Beth was clear, and kept leading the boar away. That’s when I heard faint squealing and looked behind me to see three female hogs run into a small clearing. The male boar slowed and eventually gave up the chase. I came to the conclusion that it was mating season, and this guy was trying to protect his women. We must have wandered into his territory.

I slowed down when I saw that the sounder of boar wasn’t chasing me anymore. Then I turned and jogged toward the direction I’d last seen Beth. I eventually found her huddled down behind a large oak tree. When she saw me, she jumped up and ran to me, practically falling into my arms. I held her, but kept my eye out in case the boar decided to come back. Luckily, he didn’t.

“I thought I told you to go straight to the house,” I berated her.

“I had to stop,” she said out of breath.

“Are you alright?” I asked. “Did you reinjure yourself?”

“I’m okay,” she said. “Oh my God, that was scary as shit. I’d rather face a walker.”

I had to laugh at her statement. It was the truth though. “I knew a guy who got fucked up by one of those. A tusk went right into his thigh and tore the hell out of it. Never healed right. He had this deep recess on the inside of his leg where the muscle was just gone. Nasty shit. You definitely don’t want to tangle with one of those, but man, that’s some good eating.” I looked back in the direction of the animals, mouth almost watering at the thought of roasted pork.

Beth took hold of my arm and jerked on it. “Don’t even think about it. I like you whole and intact.”

“We got a couple squirrels at least, and I’ll check the rabbit snare a little later,” I said.

“Let’s go home, Daryl. I’ve had enough hunting experience for one day.”

We made our way cautiously back to the house. I liked how Beth called it home. It made it feel more real when she put it that way. It was our home for the moment. Maybe it would be home for longer than that.

Soon we reached the road that ran past the house, and we walked up the driveway to the front door. I lifted the rope tied across the top of the steps, and Beth ducked under it. Then I followed and we went inside. Both of us collapsed on the couch, and we just laid there for a while, letting our adrenaline run out, and our hearts to regulate.

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll go back out and hunt down one of those pigs,” I commented. “Sure would be nice to have an abundance of meat for once.”

“You need to kill the big ugly one,” said Beth wrinkling her nose. 

“No way. We need him,” I told her.

“For what? A guard dog, pig I mean?”

“We need him to make more pigs. It’s mating season. In a few months, there will be little pigs running around, and maybe we can catch a couple to raise.”

“You’re talking long term?” she asked, surprised by my suggestion.

“I wasn’t really thinking of it that way, but yeah, I guess so.”

Beth hugged me at my waist. “I knew you’d come around.”

“But if we find somewhere better, we need to think about leaving this place. We can always bring our stuff with us,” I reminded her. “We just don’t need to be in a rush. As long as we can keep finding better ways to secure the house, then maybe we don’t need to leave at all.”

“When are we going to make that run to find a town we can scavenge?” Beth asked, excited for our plans.

“Tomorrow. I want to get that fence up today. But first, we need to clean our catch. You ever clean one of these?” I asked, lifting the squirrels by their tails.

“That wasn’t my job at the prison. I was the nanny, remember?”

“Well, you’re gonna learn today. From now on, this is our arrangement. I catch. You clean,” I told her.

“And who cooks?” she asked as a challenge.

“You?” I said, my voice high and squeaky. I winced as she slapped my arm.

“This is not the 1950’s. How about we share that chore?” she suggested.

“I can do that. As a matter of fact, I’ll take first shift. Tonight, I’m going to make you a meal you won’t soon forget.” And I knew exactly why. We were interrupted once. Tonight, I’d make sure there were no distractions so I could tell her my true feelings. “Okay, let’s get these critters cleaned,” I said, getting up.

Beth continued to lay slumped on the couch, and she moaned in defiance. “Right now? We just got home.”

I offered her my hand. “Yes. Now. I’m going to show you how to clean your kill.”

Beth gave me her limp hand, and I pulled her up from the couch. She crashed against me, and threw her hands around my neck. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do right now? I can think of something better.” Her warm breath washed over my neck.

“That’s always a better option, isn’t it?” I growled quietly into her ear, taking her earlobe into my teeth and lightly biting it. “You drive a hard bargain, Ms. Greene.”

“It doesn’t seem that difficult of a decision to me, Mr. Dixon,” she smiled against my neck. “Skin a couple squirrels or take me upstairs and–"

“Who said anything about going upstairs,” I interrupted. I backed her up to the couch, but just as I was about to lower her and ravage her body, I heard a dog bark outside, and the hubcaps on the front porch clanked together.

Beth gasped and forgot all about our foreplay. “The dog it back!” she said excitedly. She tried to get away, but I had my arms tightly wrapped around her waist.

“That mangy mutt can wait. Besides, he’ll probably just run away again.” I tried to kiss her, but she dodged my attempt.

“We have to let him in. He’s probably hungry, the poor thing.”

I let her go and she started for the door. “Hey, why don’t you go find something to feed him. I’ll call him inside.” I knew there was no stopping her from getting this dog. What was it with the animals today? First, the boar and now the dog.

Beth trotted to the kitchen and I went to the front door. “You better be worth it you filthy–" When I opened the door, it wasn’t the dog wanting in. There was a small herd of walkers on the porch, and when they saw the door open, they lunged forward. I immediately tried to close the door, but they were pushing back, and I couldn’t get it to shut.

“Beth!” I yelled. She came flying out of the kitchen and saw me holding the door closed, and the multiple hands reaching in. “Grab your bag and get out of the house. Go out the kitchen window. I’ll meet you in the street. Wait for me.”

Beth didn’t say anything. She just nodded and ran back into the kitchen. I heard the window slide open, and at the same time, I let the door open. My crossbow was sitting on a chair in the hall. I grabbed it and ran, but stopping to do that cut off my escape through the kitchen. In my confusion, I went through the wrong door and ended up going into the basement. The herd was right behind me. Shit, there was only one way in and out of here, and walkers already had me blocked in. I let them follow me into the morgue and looked around for a window, but there wasn’t one. I had to go back out the same way I came in.

To my right was a gurney, so I grabbed it and held it in front of me. I would have to use it as a barrier. The walkers pushed on the mobile bed, their skeletal hands reaching for me, and their teeth chomping to get a bite of my flesh. I led them all further into the room and herded them around at the same time, until I had them blocked at the back of the morgue. Then I shoved the gurney at them, giving me a split second longer to turn and run. I made my way up the stairs, tripping once or twice. My knife was in my hand and ready, in case there more walkers upstairs. I got back out into the main hall and saw a few more coming in through the door. The kitchen was my best escape, and I knifed a couple walkers in the head so I could get past them. I barely made it into the kitchen when I heard the walkers come up from the basement. The house was filled with the dead.

The kitchen window was open, and I threw my crossbow out. The herd was in the kitchen. I stood there for only a moment, and took one last look at our house. The squirrels were on the table waiting to be skinned. The kitchen chairs were still pushed out where Beth and I sat and ate breakfast this morning, talking about our future together. Now, it looked like we would have to find somewhere else to call home. I cursed myself for not getting that wire up sooner. If we’d had more warning, we might have been able to take them out before they got so close to the house. It was all over now. At least we still had each other.

I finally jumped out of the window and looked back. The walkers roamed the kitchen, some of them taking our dinner and devouring it. They weren’t coming out the window, but I didn’t want to stick around any longer. I turned to the road to start searching for Beth, but she wasn’t there.

“Beth!” I shouted in case she ran further away. And then it caught my eye, her pack laying in the road, and her belongings scattered out across the pavement. My heart dropped to my stomach, as the first thing that came to mind was a stray walker had gone after her. I ran over to exam her bag and something else caught my attention. Speeding away from the scene was a black car with a white cross on the rear window. I quickly put it all together. Someone kidnapped Beth. That’s why she left her pack behind. She’d been grabbed and tossed into that car.

“Beth!” I screamed as loud as I could. I took off running down the road, following that black car. The brake lights came on, and I thought they were stopping for me to catch up. But the car turned at the 4-way and sped off. “Beth!” I screamed repeatedly, as I panicked. Who took her? Where were they going? Why?

I ran and I ran. I followed that road for as long as it was stretched out before me. I was running on fumes after a while, but I kept pushing myself. There was no way I could stop. This was Beth they had. They couldn’t just take her from me.

I couldn’t tell you how long I ran, but it felt like hours. I stopped when the road ended at the railroad tracks. It went left or right, and I looked both ways several times, hoping to catch a glimpse of red tail lights to tell me which way to continue, but the car was long gone. “Beth,” I said again, my voice just above a whisper because I had no breath left in me. “Why? Why did you take her?” I said to nobody.

With no idea of where to go, and completely spent, I fell to my knees in the center of the intersection. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t want to attract anything. I had no energy to fight, not after that long run. Instead, I slouched my shoulders, and my hands fell to my lap. I bowed my head in defeat and thought of Beth. I had to find her. I had to get her back.

>>------->

I sat in that place for a long time and tried to remember whatever I could about that car, but all I could see was a black car with a white cross painted on the back window. What place would have a vehicle like that? A church maybe? A funeral home? I couldn’t think of anything else, and I couldn’t remember ever seeing a car like that.

Who had taken Beth? Where had they gone, and why did they want her? Why didn’t she fight them? Maybe she was hurt. She was probably very frightened. All I wanted was to get her back. She belonged with me. She was my responsibility. Oh God, why was she taken from me?

As these questions and more invaded my mind, I never heard the group of men approaching until they were upon me. There were six of them, all heavily armed with assault rifles, and one had a bow. I knew I was outnumbered, but I didn’t give a shit.

One of the men walked up to me, but before anyone could say a word, I jumped up, punched him and aimed by bow at his head. The rest of the group put their weapons on me, but I didn’t back down. The man I held captive put his hands partially in the air, and told me that if I shot him, his men would kill me. He said what I was doing was basically suicide, and wanted to know what would make me behave in such a way. I thought about what he said, and maybe he was right. Maybe I didn’t want to go on. I’d lost so much since the beginning of this apocalypse, and anything I gained was stripped away from me. I thought it was different with Beth. I thought I could keep her safe, but now she was gone too.

“Let me take a guess,” the man said to me. “I bet this is all because of a woman.”

I narrowed my eyes on him and pushed my arrow closer to his face. The man just smiled and laughed. “Shit, I think I’m right fellas,” he said to his crew. “Must have been a fine piece of ass to make you not give a fuck about anything else, including your own life. Was she young? I bet she was young.”

I was seeing red, and my trigger finger was itching to pull and shoot this bastard, but something was holding me back. Maybe I didn’t want to die. Maybe I thought there was still a chance of finding Beth.

“Want me to just shoot this motherfucker?” one of the men asked. Apparently, the man I held captive was their leader.

“Now wait just a minute. Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. I can see you’re distraught and you lost someone important to you, so you might not be thinking straight. Let’s start this again … without the weapons.” He looked around at his men and signaled for them to lower their guns and bow. They did as they were asked, and the man put his hands to his sides. “I’m Joe,” he said introducing himself.

They were giving me another chance so I thought I better take it. They weren’t going to let me go easily, and I really didn’t want to be out here alone. I brought my bow down to my side. “Daryl,” I introduced myself. I didn’t trust these men, but I spoke their language. They were no different than the crowd I used to run with.

He smiled and introduced the men in his group. I didn’t remember any of their names except one, Len. I remembered him because he was giving me the stink eye. For some reason, he didn’t like me, and I made a mental note to keep an eye on him too.

“Where you heading?” I asked Joe.

“Nowhere in particular, though we’ve been tracking this guy who killed one of our own,” Joe answered.

“Did you happen to see a car around here?” I asked.

“Seen lots of cars along the way. None of them work or we wouldn’t be walking,” Len answered, making his snide comment.

“You’re welcome to join us,” Joe invited me.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Len said.

Joe turned to him and gave him an ominous stare. “I like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and Daryl here looks like the kind of guy who fits right in with guys like us.”

I saw Len shrink back some, obviously submitting to Joe. He didn’t like the fact that I was watching him get his ass politely handed to him.

After the introductions, I agreed to join Joe and his group of marauders, and just like that I was thrown back into the life I was so used to. These were bad men, and I knew it. Guys like this could sniff me out from a mile away. They saw me as one of them, and I always fell in with them. I used to think it was better to be in on the side of the criminals. Nobody fucked with you when you ran with that kind of gang, and I’d rather have people scared of me than scared of everyone else. At least I was with a group, and there was safety in numbers. I’d run with these guys for now, and try to figure out where to go next. Besides, I didn’t see myself having a choice.

My first night with these guys, we made camp by a creek. They strung up an alarm around the perimeter, and laid down on the hard rocks. No one took turns as lookout. They depended on hubcaps and empty cans to alert them to any dangers. I laid down and waited for them to go to sleep. Then I got up, grabbed my bow and carefully stepped over the rope. I didn’t have anything but my knife and my crossbow. I’d left everything at the house when I escaped from the walker herd. All I wanted back was Beth. My mind ran a million miles a minute as I thought about her. Just this morning, we were together, waking up beside one another, sharing a meal, making love. It was so easy to slip into that life with her. I wanted to be there now. I didn’t want to start over yet again. And I didn’t want to start over with these outlaws. This was who I used to be. Being with these men, that was the old Daryl, the one who followed his brother around, who got beat by his father, who was always a step or two ahead of the law. I wanted to find my way back to the man Beth saw, but to do that I needed her.

I should have left in the middle of the night. These guys wouldn’t give a shit. They already had an agenda to find someone who killed one of their men. I was just another hired gun, so to speak. If I left, they wouldn’t come looking for me. I’d done nothing to them, and I could make a clean break. So why didn’t I leave? Because it was too easy and somewhat comfortable to slip back into my old ways. I didn’t like these guys, but I understood them, and I could survive amongst them because I was dying on the inside without Beth.

I stayed away from their camp, and got only a few minutes rest. The sun was coming up, and I was nestled against a tree, watching the animals wake and start their day. I saw a rabbit, and waited to see what it would do before I took my shot. Seeing the brown hare took my mind back to the house, teaching Beth to hunt, the feel of her close to me, her sweet voice whispering in my ear as she admitted her feelings for me. I closed my eyes and whispered her name.

I should have strung that wire the first day we decided to stay at the house. I would have known those walkers were there before they got to the door. Beth and I could have gotten out safely. She definitely wouldn’t have been kidnapped, or at least I would have been with her. It was my fault she was gone. I was supposed to protect her. I told her I would, and I failed.

Shaking myself from my loathing, I focused on the rabbit. I’d take my shot, get my kill and head as far from these guys as possible. I needed to find Beth, but I didn’t know how. I couldn’t track that car, and it was long gone. The fact that a car had taken her made me think that whoever took her was far from here. The city? Was it possible there were still people in the city?

The rabbit came out into the open. I lifted my bow and aimed, but as I was about to shoot, someone else’s arrow lodged into its side. I turned and found Len with his bow, smiling. “Claimed,” he said.

I learned quickly that these men had a set of rules. If you wanted something, you had to call dibs on it first. Didn’t matter what it was. Len called it with my rabbit, but I didn’t agree with him. I’d seen it first, and I was about to shoot it. Joe came over than cleared the air, said I deserved a free pass since no one had explained the rules. He cut the rabbit in two and gave each of us a half. Len set his sights on me after that. I didn’t trust him. I knew his type, and he was going to make a move sooner or later, something that would get me in trouble with the rules. For now, I kept my mouth shut and went along with them.

The next night, we found an old garage by the tracks. Everyone claimed a car to sleep in, and I was the odd man out. I ended up sleeping on the floor. I used my vest as a pillow, and put my plastic garbage bag with the half rabbit next to me. My thoughts turned once again to Beth, and I fell asleep dreaming of her.

We were in bed and she was snuggled up against me. We were talking about our plans for the future, happy in each other’s company. I kissed her, and it became heated as she rubbed her body against mine. In my dream, I told her I loved her, something I never got to tell her in real life. I had my opportunity, but I decided to wait. Beth told me not to wait on the important things because you never knew where you’d be the next day. My God, she had warned me, and I still blew it. I should have told her. I should have, and I didn’t.

I awoke to Len accusing me of stealing. Everyone gathered around. Joe asked to hear our sides of the story. Len claimed I took his half of the rabbit while he was sleeping. I denied it. Len reminded me of the rules. There was punishment for anyone who lied or stole from another member. I knew what that meant, and there was no coming back from the kind of punishment they were referring to. I only defended myself once because I knew I wasn’t lying. In the end, Joe had his guys take Len outside. Then he proceeded to tell me he knew I was telling the truth because he’d seen Len shove the rabbit into my bag while I was sleeping.

Eventually, they decided to leave the garage. I noticed one of the other men now had Len’s bow. Stepping outside, I found Len’s beaten body with an arrow in his head. Punishment, I thought to myself. This wasn’t new to me. I’d seen guys suffer similar fates my whole life. Like I said, I spoke their language.

As the others went on their way, I paused and looked down at Len’s bloody body. I didn’t think he deserved what they did to him, but they had rules that had to be followed. Beth came to mind, and her insistence to respect the dead. I grabbed a tarp laying on the ground and was going to cover the body, but I stopped and glanced up at the men walking down the tracks. I couldn’t continue to be the man Beth knew or I might end up like Len. Besides, he was a piece of shit. Let him lay there and rot, I said to myself, and I dropped the tarp back where I found it. Then I followed them down the tracks.


	10. Half Asleep

Chapter 10 Half Asleep

It was my third night with Joe and his men, and I was already getting comfortable with the lifestyle. It was amazing how easy it was to slide back down to this level, but this was where I was used to being. It came naturally to me. I started to think that the man I’d become while I was with Beth was just a front, a lie that I’d told myself just to conform. But deep down, I knew the feelings I developed for her wasn’t a lie. I could have continued being that man, but only with Beth. Now that I was on my own again, I had to revert back to the way of life that was familiar. It’s how I survived before the apocalypse and it was how I would survive now. But this time, only part of me delved back into my old habits. The rest of me laid dormant, waiting for my time to split off and continue my search for Beth, like a man walking half asleep.

The sun had set, and we were looking for a place to make camp when one of the men picked up on some tracks thought to belong to the guy who killed their friend. I went along with the group, but I wouldn’t be part of anything they planned to do to the guy if they found him. It wasn’t my place. I hadn’t known the guy who was killed, and I wasn’t going to participate in killing the guy who did it to him. I didn’t tell them that, of course. It was better to keep my mouth shut and not draw attention to myself.

“I’m gonna head off and look for a place to make camp,” I told Joe.

“You sure you don’t want in on this? We think this asshole isn’t too far ahead,” Joe offered.

“Naw, ya’ll do your thing. I’ll have camp ready for you when you get back.” What I really wanted was some alone time. I could only take these guys in small increments.

“You’re missing out, man,” Joe encouraged, but I shook my head and went off on my own.

In some strange way, I liked Joe. His rules were extreme but simple. He was fair, though, and that was important in a leader. He respected me or he wouldn’t have called Len out that morning. I thought Joe liked me too. He was the type of guy who would take me under his wing and give me a purpose. I still needed to watch my back around him. I got the feeling that Joe could flip like a coin, and I’d be the one with one of my own arrows in my head. For now, I was okay sticking with these guys. I just didn’t want to partake in some of their antics. That’s why I was out here while they hunted down the man who killed their friend.

I found a clearing in the trees and thought it would be a decent place to camp for tonight. I took out the rope we’d used the other night and was going to start tying it to the trees, but as I held it in my hands, I stopped. My memories came flooding back. I thought of the rope on the porch, and the hubcaps clanging. I opened the door and there was that scruffy dog with one eye staring back at me. “It’s just a dog,” I called, and Beth came around the corner. Her smile was infectious. Her blue eyes lit up the room. The way she looked at me warmed my heart. She had always looked at me that way, even back at the prison. I heard her whisper in my ear that she loved me. No one ever told me that before, not even my own mother. What had she seen in me that I couldn’t even see in myself?

“Where are you, Beth?” I said, and it woke me from my dreamlike state. Reality set in hard, like a boulder crashing onto my body. Why was I here? Why was I still with these guys? I should leave and try to find her. The path these men were taking wouldn’t lead anywhere good. This was the easy way out. I had to shake myself out of this depression. Beth was still out there somewhere.

I threw the rope on the ground, stood with my shoulders back and looked around at my surroundings. Night was closing in, but I wasn’t staying. “Fuck these guys,” I said to myself, and I got out to an area where I could see the sky and determine which direction I needed to go. There was a road not far from here, and I had a feeling that if I took it, I just might get back on track. I made up my mind. Nothing was going to keep me from finding Beth. She belonged with me. So, I decided to head toward the city. 

Something about that car made me think that’s where it came from. It wasn’t a vehicle you’d find at a residence. The cross was a symbol meant to be seen by a lot of people. It would also help if I could find similar cars.

As I walked, I heard voices up ahead. It was Joe and his men and it sounded like they found the man they were looking for. I didn’t want any part of it, so I drifted off the road into the trees and traveled quietly. I was just going to pass on by and let them do whatever they needed to do. They’d return to the place where I left them, find the camp, but they wouldn’t find me. I’d be long gone by then, and well on my way to finding Beth.

And then, something caught my attention. I heard an unmistakable voice. Carefully, I made my way to the tree line and peered out. On the side of the road, there was an SUV, and Joe and his men were gathered around, standing before a couple people on their knees.

“Is this the guy, Tony?” Joe was asking.

“Yeah, that’s him. He’s the one who killed Lou,” Tony answered.

“Dan, check the truck,” Joe ordered and the fat man made his way to the back door, opened it and smiled.

Joe moved slightly, and I could see who they held captive. It was Rick. Dan dragged Carl out of the truck. I could hear Carl crying and pleading.

“Please, we’ll give you whatever we have. Just let us go.” It was another familiar voice. Michonne.

I was in shock to see the three of them. Until now, I considered them dead, killed at the prison. I was even more shocked to see them captured by Joe and his group. This wouldn’t end well. I had to do something. Joe started in on Rick again, telling him how he was going to kill them all when I came out of the trees and casually strolled up. I had no idea how I was going to get them out of this, but I thought I had some leverage with Joe since we knew each other. I didn’t completely trust that though.

“Joe, man, I don’t think this is the guy you’re looking for,” I said.

Joe turned and faced me, surprised by my comment. “Why is that? You know this guy?”

I gave the slightest nod. “We traveled together for a bit.” The last thing I wanted Joe to know was that I knew Rick, Michonne and Carl better than I knew my own family. “He’s good people.” It’s something Beth would have said.

“Tony here says he killed Lou,” Joe said, taking his gun and aiming it at Rick’s head. “Good people?”

I was out of options and outnumbered. I knew what these guys were capable of, and right now, they held all the cards. I did the only thing I knew to do at the moment, and I offered myself up. “Take me instead,” I said.

Joe’s eyes narrowed and turned to me. “Take you? That’s a ballsy thing to do for some guy you traveled with a bit. I think you’re lying, Daryl. I think you know this guy pretty damn well. You know what happens to liars. Harley, Billy, take Daryl here and … teach him a lesson.”

I heard Michonne plead for my life as I tried to fend off the two men, but they got some punches in that had me doubled over, and I was subdued quickly. I never stopped fighting back, and I got in a couple good punches of my own, but that just made them angrier. Soon, I was knocked to the ground and kicked over every inch of my body. I curled into a fetal position to try and protect some of my more vulnerable places, but I knew if I didn’t find an advantage soon, Billy and Harley would beat me to death, just as they did to Len.

It was chaos all around. I didn’t know what was happening to Rick, Carl or Michonne, but I knew I was losing ground. I took a boot to the face and thought I was going to pass out when suddenly a gun went off. Two shots fired, and one of my attackers wasn’t attacking me anymore. I turned my head to see Harley on the ground with a bullet wound to his head. That was all the momentum I needed, and I found my second wind. Billy paused his attack, which gave me just enough time to get it together. I kicked Billy’s legs out from under him. Then I jumped up, kicked him a couple times to incapacitate him, and curb stomped his face to the pavement, killing him instantly.

I was so focused on killing Billy, I hadn’t known what was happening around me. I took the moment to observe my surroundings. Michonne had Tony’s revolvers and was standing next to Tony and Harley’s dead bodies. Joe was on the ground at Rick’s feet. Rick was covered in blood like a lunatic from a slasher film. I looked at Joe again, and noticed blood squirting from his neck. I looked at Rick again, and he spit a chunk of flesh and blood onto the ground. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Had Rick actually killed Joe by ripping his neck open with his teeth? He looked feral and unrecognizable, and in that moment, for the first time since I’d met him, I was truly frightened of the man.

“Don’t come any closer,” I heard Dan say nervously. The fat man was standing by the SUV with Carl in his grip. “I won’t hesitate to kill your boy.”

I could see Dan didn’t have a weapon, and I knew I could take him before he could do any harm to Carl. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rick take Joe’s knife from his dead body. He approached Dan, and I started to move forward to help him.

“I got this. He’s mine,” Rick growled in a voice that wasn’t his own. Like a man possessed by the devil, Rick moved toward Dan. Instantly, the man released Carl, who ran to Michonne. He was crying and extremely upset. The terror in his eyes was not for the man who was about to rape him, but rather for his father who was now stabbing Dan over and over. It wasn’t enough for a man who knew his child was about to be raped. Rick took the knife and proceeded to disembowel Dan.

I was shocked by what I was witnessing, but I was also concerned for Carl. I tore my eyes away from the carnage, and saw Michonne holding him against her, but his eyes peeked out from around her side, and he watched his father doing the unthinkable. I couldn’t let him continued to see his father in that state, and I moved over to Michonne, standing so that I was blocking Carl’s view. It was probably too late. He had already seen the horror show.

When it was over, Joe and all his men were dead. Rick slid down the side of the car and collapsed on the ground, his back leaning against the tire. He was shaking with shock and rage, a look of disbelief on his own face.

“Take Carl inside the truck,” I told Michonne. “He doesn’t need to see anymore. I’ll handle the rest.”

She gave me a nod and shuffled Carl to the SUV. I glanced around again, my sight finally settling on Rick. I sighed because I didn’t know where to start. Rick looked like he was still someplace else, so I decided to get rid of the bodies first. I dragged each one into the trees so that Carl didn’t see them again. I couldn’t move fat Dan’s body, though. Exhausted and aching from my beating, I went to Rick and had a seat next to him. Neither one of us said anything for a long while. I wasn’t sure what to say or where to begin. He was a mess with blood covering his face and neck. I thought it was best to start with helping him clean up some. Carl didn’t need to see his father in this state.

Across the way, I saw a canteen, and I got up to retrieve it. There was still water in it, so I took my red rag, got it wet and handed it to Rick. He finally acknowledged me with a blank stare, and took the rag. He didn’t seem to know what to do with it. “Why don’t you clean yourself up with that … you know … incase Carl . . .”

“Oh. Yeah, thanks,” Rick said, and he proceeded to wipe his face. He wasn’t doing a very good job, and I pointed it out to him. He started to come out of his reverie as the cold water touched his face, and soon he was wiping more of the blood away. I sat down beside him again.

Guilt washed over me. I had been traveling with these guys for a few days, and the entire time, their goal was to find and kill Rick. Of course, I hadn’t known it was him. I wish I had. I might have killed them all in their sleep.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Rick.

“For what?” Rick asked.

“I was part of their group. I knew they were looking for someone, but I didn’t give a shit”

“You didn’t know who they were looking for,” said Rick.

“No. They just said it was some guy who killed one of their own.” I paused and shook my head. “I could have asked. I could have found out more. Maybe I would have figured it out. I could have stopped them before it got to this.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. You tried to help. You offered yourself in my place. I would have done the same for you. That’s what brothers do,” said Rick.

I lifted my head and stared at him. “Brothers?” I questioned.

“Blood alone doesn’t make you family. Loyalty does too,” Rick said to me.

So many different emotions played with my head in that moment. It was true what he said, and I was proud to be his brother. I was happy to be accepted as his family, but I wasn’t complete as I realized Beth was my family too.

“How’d you make it out?” Rick asked about our escape from the prison.

“I was with Beth. We were on the run for a while, and then we found this house. Tried to make a go of it, but . . .” 

“What happened to her?” he asked. He seemed like he was almost afraid to ask.

“She’s … gone,” I said. That’s how it happened. One day she was there and the next she wasn’t.

“Gone as in–"

“No,” I interrupted. “Just … gone.” I didn’t want him to think she was dead because deep down in my gut I knew she was alive. But I didn’t want to tell him she was taken from me, not yet. We needed time to recover from what happened here before we geared up for our next plan of attack. I knew if I told Rick that Beth had been kidnapped, he would want to go with me to the city. For some reason, I felt this was something I needed to do on my own. Beth was my responsibility after all.

After we rested for a few, Rick helped me drag the rest of the bodies to the trees. We took turns keeping watch for the rest of the night. Michonne stayed in the back with Carl. At sunrise, we headed out. It was good to be with people I knew and trusted. We all came to the conclusion that if we made it out, then there must be others.

We were following the tracks with nowhere in particular to go. I was glad to be with Rick and Michonne again, but I couldn’t help think about Beth. I knew the tracks were leading toward the city, but sooner or later, I needed to break away by myself and go find her. I considered whether to tell Rick my plans or leave in the middle of the night the next time we stopped. I didn’t know whether to tell him about the bond we formed. I was afraid he’d judge me, and I wasn’t ready to deal with that.

“Look at this,” Michonne said. She and Carl were walking ahead of me and Rick. There was a sign laying on the ground. Rick kicked the leaves and dirt away. I read it and remembered the sign I’d seen with Joe’s group. It read ‘Sanctuary for all. Community for all. Those who arrive survive.’

“I’ve seen one of these before” I said.

“So, have we,” Michonne stated. “We thought maybe the others found this place. We’re going there to see.”

“The guys I was with said it was bullshit, but they hadn’t been there,” I said. I looked to Rick.

“Maybe we’ll find the others,” Rick said to me.

“Maybe,” I said without much enthusiasm. 

“We must be getting close,” Michonne said.

“We’ll go a little further, and then we’ll head off into the woods and find a backway in. I don’t want to march in the front gate. We don’t know who these people are.” After the night we had, Rick didn’t trust anyone or anything. I couldn’t say I blamed him.

As we walked along, I decided to talk to Rick about my plans. I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop at Terminus. I still had a long way to go to get to the city. When Michonne and Carl were far enough ahead, I moved close to him. “I’m not staying at this place.”

“Why not?” Rick asked, but something in his voice made me think he had been waiting for this conversation.

“I don’t think I’m going to find Beth there, and I have to keep looking.”

“Where do you think she is?” he wondered.

At that point, I told Rick my story. I told him about finding Beth at the prison, our escape, our long run from the large herd and hiding in the trunk of a car. I told him about the country club and finding the house at the funeral home. I told him about Beth and I trying to make a place there until we could find somewhere better. I told him everything except about the close relationship that Beth and I formed. That was between her and I only, and it would remain that way until I brought her home.

Rick listened to my story and nodded at my insistence to look for her. “Maybe we’ll find her at Terminus,” he suggested. If we did, it would be the best thing that could happen to me.

“I hope so,” I agreed, but I was doubtful.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I haven’t seen you this determined to find someone since you brother went missing,” said Rick.

“I made a promise,” I said quickly to put an end to his inquiry.

“Fair enough,” he said, then he gestured to the trees. “We’ll cut through here,” he told us, and we headed into the woods.

>>------->

Terminus.

It had been a bad idea to come here. It was all a lie. There was no sanctuary here, only death of a most horrible kind. That’s where we found ourselves now, gagged, restrained and kneeling before a metal trough, facing execution, but I’ve jumped ahead of myself. I won’t bore you with too many details of the mistakes we made trusting those signs, or the people we first made contact with. What I will tell you about is the one good thing that briefly came out of all this. We reunited with our people and some new friends. I say briefly because we found each other in the most bizarre and horrific way possible.

The people of Terminus were not what they seemed, and we figured it out rather quickly. Upon first meeting them, we saw things that weren’t right. Standing in a yard, speaking with a woman who tended a bar-b-que grill full of meat, we noticed familiar belongings, possessions of some of our missing friends. The first thing that caught my eye was a man wearing my old poncho. I had given it to Maggie back at the prison. Another man wore a few pieces of Glenn’s riot gear. There was the orange backpack Rick brought back from one of his supply runs. And then, something shined in the sunlight. Rick and I noticed it at the same time as the silver watch peeked out of another man’s pocket. That had belonged to Hershel, who had given it to Glenn eventually. We all glanced at each other before we went into action. Rick had Joe’s gun and he held it to the face of a man called Alex, demanding to know where our people were. Gareth, the man who seemed to be in charge of Terminus, lied and said the items came from places or people that we knew wasn’t true. The situation took an unlikely turn when Alex, the man Rick held hostage, was shot by one of his own people. We had no other option but to run. We ended up inside the building, part of an old train yard, and funneled through it, exiting into another concrete yard. They shot at us from the tops of the buildings, but they weren’t hitting us. They were herding us with bullets. There was no time to think, and we ended up in a lot with a few abandoned boxcars. They ordered us, one at a time, to enter into a car with a letter A on the side. It was inside that black as pitch train car that we found them, our friends Maggie, Glenn, Sasha, Bob, and a few new faces who Glenn introduced to us as Abraham, Rosita, Eugene and Tara. Glenn briefly told us his story and how he came to meet the new group. Maggie, Sasha and Bob had escaped the prison together, and because of Maggie’s insistence to find Glenn, they all found each other. There was no sign of anyone else from the prison. Sasha asked if anyone had any information about the rest, mainly Tyrese, her brother. I told them I had been with Beth for a short while, but before I could say more, Maggie grabbed me and pulled me away.

“You were with Beth? Where is she? What happened to her?” she asked as she readied herself for an answer she didn’t want.

“She was kidnapped,” I told her. “By some people in a black car with a white cross painted on the back window. Did you ever see a car like that or any other vehicle with a white cross?”

“No,” she answered. “Why did they take her?”

“I don’t know. We were running away from a herd. I got trapped in a house, but I told her to wait for me. When I finally made it out, the car was pulling away, and Beth’s bag laid in the road, but there was no sign of her. I ran, Maggie. I ran for hours hoping to see that car again, or pick up on a trail, but it was just … gone.”

Maggie hugged me. “I know you tried. Thank you.”

“I wasn’t going to come here. I was going to leave Rick and Michonne and head for the city. I think that might be where they headed.” I felt regret surface and it made me nauseous. “I should never have come here.”

“We’ll get out of here and we’ll find her,” Maggie assured me, but until I was back out there looking for Beth, it was just words.

Rick came up with a plan, and we really thought we had a chance at escape, but the people of Terminus outsmarted us once again, and knocked us out with some kind of gas. That brings me to the present, where just the men of our group found ourselves gagged, hands tied behind our backs, and kneeling before a long metal trough. Now I knew what kind of place we were in. This had been a meat processing plant at one time. Now it was called Terminus, and it was run by a group of insane people.

As I came to, I took notice of everyone, me, Rick, Glenn, Bob, and about three other people I’d never seen before. We were all in the same precarious position facing execution. Two men in long black leather aprons paced around behind us. They spoke to each other as though this was just another day on the job. A walkie talkie came alive with Gareth’s voice barking orders. They were running behind schedule and Gareth put a rush on the job.

The Terminus men started at the end of the line. We all leaned forward to see what they were doing. One man held a bat, the other a knife. The man with the bat approached one of the guys we didn’t know and swung it at his head, knocking him unconscious. His body slumped forward into the trough. The second man drew his knife across the guys throat, and blood poured into the trough.

I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Jesus, they were going to kill us all, slaughter us like cattle. But why? We hadn’t done anything to them. We didn’t have anything they could steal. It was just senseless killings, I thought, until I heard the men talking. They weren’t just killing us for no reason. They were going to butcher us. We were … food.

I started to panic, and I struggled against my ties. A second man was killed, his blood mixing with the first victim’s and running down the length of the trough. I looked at Rick, and he had nothing but fiery anger in his eyes, not unlike the man I saw who killed Joe by biting through the vein in his neck. At least then we’d had a chance. I didn’t see a way out of this.

A third man went down, a crack of the bat and a slash of the knife. More blood added to the river running beneath me. I could smell the thick metallic scent, and I had to will myself not to vomit. With the gag in my mouth, I was afraid I’d choke on it.

I leaned forward, and noticed that Glenn was next. Wasn’t there anything we could do? I couldn’t watch this. I had just reunited with the people I had thought were long gone. Was this really how it was all going to end for us? If so, let my last thoughts be of Beth. “I’m sorry I couldn’t find you,” I said to myself. “Be strong. Find a way to come home.”

Glenn’s death was interrupted when Gareth entered to room. He pulled the gag down from Rick’s mouth, and questioned him about a bag he buried in the woods. I had helped bury it. It was full of weapons Rick managed to attain before leaving the prison. Eventually Rick told Gareth what weapons were in the bag. As Gareth left the room, he ordered the men to continue with their work, and Glenn was once again about to be clubbed and bled dry. Again, the bat rose in the air. The man started to swing it at Glenn’s head when suddenly there were gunshots fired outside, delaying Glenn’s demise yet again. But what changed our luck was a massive explosion in the yard.

The next thing I knew, Rick was loose. I looked down and saw a wooden shard he had found inside the train car. I hadn’t known he still had it on him. He must have used it to cut through his bindings. He fought and killed our captives, and then set the rest of us free. We wasted no time making our way out of the slaughterhouse, but we saw some truly horrific things along the way. It was nothing short of a Tobe Hopper movie. Human torsos and other body parts hung from hooks, and we weaved our way through. Finally, back out in the light, we fought our way to the boxcar with the A on the side, and released the rest of our people. We’d picked up more weapons along the way, and armed as many as we could. In a flurry of chaos, we managed to escape Terminus, and made our way back to the woods where we hid the bag of weapons.

Rick was adamant that we go back and finish off the rest of the Terminus residents. The last thing I wanted to do was to go back there. I just wanted to get everyone as far from this place as possible and finally be on my way to find Beth and bring her back to me. I wasn’t alone in my opinion. No one else wanted to go back either. Maggie pointed out that the fences were down, and the yard was flooded with walkers.

As we stood there and watched the devastation below, I had a sudden urge to tell Maggie about me and Beth. I had just been close to death, and realized that no one else knew how special Beth had become to me. Maggie should know, just in case something else happened. I had missed my chance to tell Beth how I felt about her. Until now, I imagined finding her and telling her myself, just as I had planned to do at the house. But if I didn’t make it, she would never know.

“Maggie, can I talk to you for a second?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said with a look of concern.

“Not here,” I whispered, and I gestured with a tilt of my head for her to walk with me. I wanted to get away from the others to speak with her.

We started to walk away when I saw movement in the woods. “Wait,” I said, and I pushed Maggie to the side.

She spun around to see what I was looking at, and said the name that I couldn’t push past my lips because of the shock I was in. “Carol?”

Carol emerged from the trees, and before I knew it, my legs were carrying me toward her. I ran and crashed into her, picking her up and spinning her around. I held her so tight in my arms I could hear her wheeze. 

“I’m glad to see you too,” she said. 

“Oh my God, Carol.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was so dumbfounded. Where had she come from? Where had she been? How did she get here? All these things and more jumbled around in my head, but I couldn’t get the words out. I released her and held her back so I could look at her. She looked tired but well. I smiled and tried to keep away the tears that threatened my eyes.

“Was that all you?” Rick said, coming up from behind. Carol nodded. I stepped away to let Rick hug her. We were all ecstatic to see her.

“I saw them take you inside,” she said. “So I shot up the place.”

I still didn’t know how she found us, but I’d never been so glad to see anyone. There was only one other person I’d be happier to see right now, but I knew I couldn’t ask for two miracles in one day. After our brief gathering, we left and followed Carol to a hideout she’d found. She said we needed to pick something up there.

It was a small shack of a house in the middle of an overgrown plot. We were all wondering what Carol left here that was so important to retrieve before we hit the road again. Out of the house came Tyrese and in his arms was baby Judith. Rick and Carl rushed to them. Up until now, they thought Judith was lost to them. Sasha ran to her brother, and they cried and hugged. I stood back and watched them gather with loved ones that they thought were gone forever. I couldn’t help the sadness in my heart. There would be no joyous reunion because the one person I wanted to see most was still lost.

Carol came up and stood next to me. “I thought you’d be happier,” she said.

“Some of us are still missing,” I said in return.

“But this is a good thing too.”

I forced a smile. “Yeah.”

Rick put himself back together after the emotional reuniting with his baby girl. “Alright, let’s get as far away from this place as we can.” Together, we made our way back to the train tracks. We didn’t know where we were going, but we knew what we were looking for, shelter and a place to start again. For me, I was looking for the right moment to split away from the group and start looking for Beth.

It's funny. I’d spent so long thinking about Carol, wondering where she was, what happened to her out there, if she was even still alive. And then a beautiful, sweet, hope-filled, strong-minded young woman came into my life and helped me move on … made me fall in love with her. It wasn’t that I forgot about Carol, but she wasn’t at the forefront of my mind anymore. My world became about Beth. Now, here I stood with Carol, and after all this time, of not knowing, I was beyond glad to see her and to know she was fine. The Me before would have finally told her my feelings for her and damn our friendship. The Me now could only think of Beth and worry about her, and want her back in my arms, in my bed. I questioned every thought, every sped up heart beat I felt whenever Carol walked into a room. Had it been real? I guess it was at the time, but I didn’t feel the pull, the draw toward her in that way anymore. It made me glad that I never confessed my feelings. Maybe it would have made our reunion awkward. Maybe it would have put a scar on our friendship. But I knew that what we had wasn’t tarnished. Carol would continue to be my best friend without any hiccups. Well, almost none. Eventually, I would have to tell her about me and Beth, but first, I needed to find her. And so, I morphed again, no longer the man who gave in to live a wretched life with a group of dangerous, murdering men. I was once again with my people, good people who lived to protect their friends and loved ones, and I was glad, but still, I walked beside them … half asleep.


	11. What We Intend

Chapter 11 What We Intend

It was another day on the road, and everyone was doing their part as we traveled along. Carol and Tyrese were filling water bottles in a nearby creek. Tara was talking to Rick and making amends since she was one of The Governors followers. Michonne was patrolling with Abraham and Rosita, our newest members. Abraham was telling them about Eugene, their other friend and a scientist who was going to save the world once they got him to Washington. I wasn’t sure about that story, and even if it was true, I didn’t hold any faith that one man could reboot the world. Sasha and Bob were inseparable, as was Glenn and Maggie. I tended to stay away from the couples. Seeing them happy to have found one another was difficult for me, and I didn’t want anyone to notice my agony. I didn’t think anyone would, except Carol. She had always been perceptive in that way. We knew each other well enough to know when something was off. I wasn’t ready to tell her about Beth. For now, I thought it was for the best. And it would make it easier for me to split when the timing was right. Every day that went by was another day without her, and not knowing what was happening to her. She could be in serious trouble. Those were the thoughts that kept me focused on my plans. I knew it would be soon. For now, we were moving in the right direction, and we were moving at an agreeable pace. There was safety in numbers too. But once we found a place where they wanted to settle for any length of time, I’d be out of there. I had to keep moving toward the city.

And then, we happened upon a man, a preacher of all things, who had gotten himself in trouble. When we found him, he was trapped on top of a large boulder, surrounded by walkers. We helped him and he took us to his church, where he’d been since the beginning. He was alone, which I thought was kind of strange. When there was trouble, especially an epidemic like the one we suffered, people tended to flock to their churches. He seemed harmless. He didn’t have any weapons on him, which was why he got trapped. Rick didn’t trust him; thought he was hiding something. I didn’t blame Rick for his constant suspicions about strangers. Almost being slaughter and used as food for a group of cannibals tended to make a person untrusting of anyone. Still, we let the preacher, Gabriel, lead us to his church, and after finding it empty, we went inside.

Right away, we started to discuss our next move. Abraham wanted to go to Washington. He was dead set on it because of his mission to get Eugene there. It looked like this would be the end of the line for our time with Abraham and his army. Tara decided she wanted to stay with Rick’s group after Maggie forgave her for her involvement back at the prison, and thanked her for helping Glenn get back to her. Everyone else wanted to stay with Rick, though they weren’t sure where they were going. The church was only temporary, but Rick was sure we’d find some place worth calling home. It seemed I was nearing the end of my time with the group too. I didn’t know how long they wanted to stay at the church, but I couldn’t wait around much longer, not with Beth so heavy on my mind.

After talking to Gabriel about the nearby town, and learning about a supposed gold mine of food supplies, Rick decided to take a small group to retrieve the king’s ransom of canned goods. Michonne, Sasha and Bob went with him, and they forced Gabriel to be their guide.

I didn’t much care for Gabriel. He was too skittish and nervous. Rick developed a way to size people up by asking them three questions. How many walkers have you killed? How many people have you killed? And why? I didn’t like Gabriel’s answers, and like Rick, I thought he was hiding something. Everyone had done something by now, something that changed them. Gabriel claimed he hadn’t done anything because God didn’t allow it. He might have been a man of the cloth, but I was calling bullshit. Men like Gabriel who were scared of their own shadow might seem harmless, but in my experience, they were the most dangerous to have around. For this reason, I was glad to stay at the church while Rick and the others made their run. Just because Gabriel wasn’t here didn’t mean nothing would happen. Where was his congregation? What had happened to them?

We didn’t do much while the others were gone except keep guard and kill any walkers that came by. We’d had the feeling we were being watched when we were out on the road, and even though Gabriel swore it wasn’t him, we were still uneasy.

Abraham and Rosita were taking a watch, and I decided to get a little shut eye on a couch in a backroom in the church. Maggie came knocking a while later when it was our turn to take a shift.

“Come on in,” I called as I sat up.

“Hey, sorry to wake you but–"

“It’s fine. I wasn’t really sleeping anyway,” I said.

Maggie took a seat next to me. “With everything that happened, I don’t know if I properly thanked you for watching out for Beth.”

“I don’t deserve your gratitude,” I said solemnly. “If I’d kept her safe, she’d be here with me … us,” I corrected quickly.

“I know you, Daryl, and I know you always do your best,” Maggie said. 

“Did I? Because to me, it feels like I abandoned her, let her slip through my fingers.” My tone raised in slight anger. This was a difficult conversation to have.

“We’ll find her,” Maggie reassured me.

“I’m so worried for her,” I confessed. “I have no idea who took her or where they went. You saw the people we just escaped from. You know what they were going to do to us. What if those were their people in the car that sped off with her?”

“I have to believe they weren’t. Besides, if that was the case, we would have found the car at Terminus. She’s still out there somewhere.”

Maggie was right, and I felt the same way. Whoever had her was from a different group, but what kind of a group were they? The fact that I knew there were people out there who fed on human flesh made it even more imperative to find Beth and bring her home.

“I’m sorry, Maggie. I feel so responsible,” I told her. “There’s something else.” As I started to confess, Maggie took my hand and watched me with the gentlest and most understanding eyes, the same kindness that Beth offered me. “While we were out there, Beth and I … we … got close.”

“Yeah, I kind of guessed that,” Maggie smiled shyly.

“How?” I never got the chance to tell her. Was it that obvious?

“You’re here with us, but I can tell at times you’re with her. You get that far off look in your eyes, and you seem like you’re in another world.”

“I was broken when we left the prison. I thought I’d lost everyone. I was awful to Beth in the beginning. I didn’t talk to her, and when I did it was to order her around.” I stopped to huff a laugh as I remembered. “Eventually, she got tired of putting up with my shit, and she put me in my place. She changed me, made me see the world in a different light.”

“Beth always had the ability to see the good in any bad situation,” Maggie added. “I imagine, wherever she is, she’s doing the same thing now, and she trying to find a way back to you.”

“I don’t deserve her. I’m actually surprised you’re okay knowing that her and I–"

“You are one of the most honorable men I know,” Maggie interrupted. “When you told me the two of you escaped together, I was so relieved to know she had you to protect her. My daddy would have been proud too. He respected you. Told me so himself once, and that was after he met your brother,” she paused and smiled.

“Beth said something similar.” I hung my head. “I miss your dad. He was a great man.”

“I miss him too,” she confessed, and a tear threatened the corner of her eye. She squeezed my hand. “We’re going to find her, and we’re going to bring her home,” she said with determination.

“Yeah,” I agreed, but I was tired of talking about it. I know Maggie said we, but I still felt like this was something I needed to do on my own. We stood from the bed and Maggie hugged me. When she released me, she smiled up at me as she wiped a tear away. “Okay, we got a job to do. Come on. Abraham and Rosita are waiting for us to relieve them.”

We were about to leave the room when I stopped her. “Hey, can we keep this between you and I?”

My request seemed to confuse her, but only for a moment. “Of course,” she replied.

>>------->

After our shift we were all taking a break. Maggie was telling stories about Hershel and Beth, about her family and some of the fun times they’d had. Others started sharing their family stories too. I never had any nice stories about my family because nothing nice ever happened. So, while everyone else was reminiscing, I got up and took a seat near a window, visible but not actually a part of the trip down memory lane. Besides, I was having a difficult time hearing Maggie’s stories about Beth. I know it was her way of dealing with her sister’s absence, but it was causing me pain in my heart to imagine her. Whenever that happened, I saw her in my own way, and recalled our time together. Right then, I was remembering watching her from the doorway as she played the piano and sang her song. It had been the first time I really noticed how her presence was affecting me, and I had denied myself the pleasure.

I had to stop this before I let my sorrow and anxiety take over. My eyes focused on the window, and I studied the details in the stained glass. The mosaic of the yellow, red, blue and green glass shapes was strategically placed to portray a saint, and I wondered which one he was. I never was a religious person. Believe it or not, Merle was more knowledgeable of the bible than any of our family. He told me he picked up the good book while he was incarcerated for sixteen months, having punched one of his army officers, dishonorably discharged from the Army, and court-martialed for his crime. I remember thinking he was joking when he told me, but he admitted it was the only time he tried to turn his life around. He knew, when he got out, he would end up back home with our abusive father. For one moment in time, Merle was going to do right by me and him, and take me out of our shitty situation, start over, just the two of us. It was easy for him to come up with a plan while sitting behind bars. It was a totally different situation when he actually came home. Drug dealing had been too much of a temptation, and his plans died quickly. But he never forgot what he learned from the bible, and I like to think he recalled part of it when he died trying to help us take out the Governor. Question is, was it enough to keep him out of hell?

I had been so wrapped up in my own head, I didn’t hear when Glenn came up with a plan to use our time more wisely. He decided it would be better if we got some things done while the sun was still up. It looked like we were spending the night at the church anyways. While Rick, Sasha, Bob and Father Gabriel were scavenging food, Glenn, Maggie, and Tara decided to head to a different part of town, and look for weapons or other supplies. He nominated Carol to make a water run. The rest would stay at the church and keep a look out.

“Kind of difficult to see through stained glass,” Carol said, coming up next to me.

“Just taking a little mental break from everything,” I said in return.

“I’ll say. You looked like you were a thousand miles away just now.”

“Felt like it too.”

She smiled sympathetically. “Wanna be my buddy and come with me to get water?” She had four empty plastic milk jugs and handed me two of them before I had time to answer. She knew I wouldn’t refuse.

Armed and alert, we kept a careful watch on our surroundings as we walked along the road. Carol pointed in the direction where she had seen a small stream, so we headed into the woods. We didn’t really talk, but I think we were mostly glad just to be in each other’s company. We hadn’t had much time to catch up since our reunion. I still didn’t know how she ended up with Tyrese and Judith. I didn’t want to ask, afraid she’d want to know how I ended up with Beth. I wasn’t ready for that conversation.

Carol was my best friend, and I should have been able to talk to her about anything, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about me and Beth. It was easier to speak with Maggie. They were sisters and I felt she needed to know, though I didn’t go into any details. Besides, Maggie had intuition when it came to her sister. She could tell right away how important Beth had become to me. Beth had the same effect on her as well. We both knew how special she was … is, I corrected myself.

Also, it didn’t go unnoticed that Carol didn’t take much interest in my story either. Come to think of it, she seemed wrapped up in her own little cocoon of secrets as well. I guess that’s why we didn’t talk much. Maybe she had been through something just as traumatic or heartbreaking as me. Still, I wondered where she went when Rick kicked her out of the prison. I thought it might be alright to ask.

“Where did you go?” I asked, breaking the silence.

Carol knew what I was asking. I think she was expecting the question, but she was reluctant to answer. She gave a deep sigh and looked away, eyes always scanning the area. “I scavenged some houses, and then made my way towards some town. I found a place and just stayed there for a little while,” she said being vague.

“You didn’t come back,” I said softly, neither a question or a statement, just an observation on my part.

“Would you?” she asked, and then she turned a different direction. “The creek is this way.”

I followed, but my mind created a scene where I was in Carol’s situation at the time. If I had been the one sent away, and knowing how I felt about Carol back then, I think I would have fought harder to stay. “I understand why you did what you did at the prison.” No one had known but Rick, and later me, about Carol’s mercy killings. To this day, as far as I knew, we were the only ones. I had to wonder if she ever told Tyrese. I didn’t think she had since they traveled together. Tyrese was destroyed after finding his girlfriend burned. “Karen and David were going to die from the sickness anyways. You were trying to protect us.”

Carol remained silent.

“How did you know we were at Terminus?” I asked. I thought if I kept asking little questions, I might be able to piece it all together and get a better idea of her story.

“I saw the signs and the messages Maggie left for Glenn. When I got there, I heard gunfire, and saw you being led into one of the buildings. After that I improvised.”

By now, we were at the creek. I took two of the jugs and went to the water’s edge. I could feel the cool water starting to seep into my shoe where the leather was worn thin. It had already permeated through the knee on my pants where I knelt in the wet sand. The sun would be setting in a couple hours, but the shade of the forest made it seem later than it was. Frogs and crickets sung all around us, and the creek bubbled over rocks and pebbles. Carol was standing on the sandy edge of the creek, keeping watch while I filled the jugs. 

“Were you there?” she asked out of the blue. “Did you see it all go down?” She was talking about the prison.

Water glugged into the plastic container, and I thought about that day. I hadn’t thought of it in a long time. “I saw it all.”

“And Hershel?” she asked.

“Front row seat.” The milk jug was full. I capped it and started filling the next one. “We were all there.” I felt she needed to know that, to know Hershel wasn’t alone when he was executed.

“Beth, was she very–"

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, cutting her off.

“I only ask because she was so sweet and vulnerable,” Carol continued. 

“She’s stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for.” I felt my ire rising, though I wish it wouldn’t. Carol was curious to know. That’s all. But I didn’t think it was fair that she expected me to open up when she couldn’t do so herself. After that, we didn’t say anything for a long while.

With all the jugs filled, we made our way back to the church. I spotted the road ahead, and we left the forest for more wide-open space. There was an abandoned car on the side of the road, and we stopped to examine it.

“The keys are in it,” Carol said when she looked inside the driver’s window.

We set our water jugs down and Carol got in the car. She turned the key but nothing happened.

“Battery’s dead,” I said.

She found the trunk release under the dashboard, and popped it. We both went to the back of the car and looked inside. To our surprise, we found an emergency starter. Carol pushed a button and we discovered it still had a little juice left, enough to start the car at least.

“We should leave this here, in case something happens and things go bad at the church,” Carol suggested.

It was a good idea, but there was something still just a little off about her. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was planning on leaving. Maybe I thought that because I was thinking the same way. I knew why I needed to leave, and when I found Beth, I’d be back. But Carol, I didn’t think she’d be back, and I knew why. She suffered from guilt, and the fact that not everyone knew what she did at the prison, it was slowly eating away at her.

“No one knows what you did, do they?” I asked, but she remained silent and closed the trunk lid. “No one has to know.”

She picked up her water jugs and started to walk away. I picked up mine and hurried after her. “You saved us at Terminus. Consider that your redemption. Whatever happened, happened. You can start over.”

She stopped walking, but she didn’t turn to face me. “I want to,” she said quietly.

“There’s no reason you can’t,” I tried to convince her, but I could see I hadn’t gotten through to her, not really. “Don’t leave,” I said, before I realized I’d said it.

Our eyes locked on each other, the first time that happened. There was such sorrow in hers, I could barely keep focused on her. “You’re leaving,” she stated in an accusatory tone.

“I’m going to find Beth and bring her back,” I defended myself. “You’re just leaving.”

“I never said I wasn’t coming back.”

“You didn’t have to,” I said. It still amazed me how well I knew her, how easy it was to figure her out.

“And what will you do if you don’t find Beth, or you find her and she’s–"

“I’m bringing her home,” I said in an even low tone. One thing I would always defend was Beth’s life, no matter where she was.

Carol shook her head. “What happened between you two out there?”

“I swore to protect her. She disappeared on my watch, and it’s my responsibility to find her and bring her back.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth. I didn’t say that I was doing it out of love, but I could tell by the way Carol was looking at me, maybe the thought had crossed her mind. “I promised Hershel, alright?” I said to cover up her suspicions. Why couldn’t I just tell her about my time with Beth?

Carol released her hold on me as she dropped her gaze and started walking again. “We need to get back before they start to worry where we’ve been.” It was the last thing Carol said to me until later that day.

>>------->

Rick and the others came back with carts full of food. The mission was a success and everyone was ecstatic. It was just the thing we needed to boost morale. Gabriel even loosened up slightly, opened a couple bottles, and allowed us to drink the communal wine. Everyone had their own individual can of something open, and were eating to their heart’s desire. The wine passed around several times, some holding the bottle a little longer than others. I noticed Rick and Abraham, two of the most uptight men in the group besides myself, were none the worse for wear. They were the most relaxed I’d seen them, maybe ever, and getting along well. When it quieted down some, Abraham once again pitched his idea of going to Washington as a group. He was sure there was something there, something for everyone, a new start and a promising beginning. When it seemed like the majority of the group wanted the same thing, Rick gave in and agreed that they would go. Everyone burst out in joy and laughter, and the wine continued to make its rounds.

It was a good thing happening here with our new friends. It was great actually, but I wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t whole. Part of me was missing. Part of me was still running down miles of asphalt, searching, chasing the white cross. The only problem was, I was in my head, running, and I needed to be out there. I wouldn’t move an inch toward Washington until I had Beth back.

Everyone was in relax-mode, especially as another bottle of wine was passed around. Almost everyone joined in the consumption of the holy nectar. Father Gabriel noted that it wasn’t actually holy until it was blessed, which this wine was not. No one seemed to care. Carol and I were not participating. We had always been careful about drinking. As far as I knew, she didn’t drink at all. I rarely touched the stuff because you never knew when you’d needed your wits about you. Calm could turn to chaos in a matter of seconds, so being drunk wasn’t ideal. Then I remembered the last time I drank. Beth and I were holed up in that old rundown doublewide, drinking moonshine, her first real drink. My heart hurt to think of it.

I caught Carol watching me from across the room. She looked away quickly. There was a time when my heart would have leapt from my chest to know she had her eyes on me, but that wasn’t why she was watching me now. I knew why. It was obvious. She was waiting to slip out without notice. So, the next time the wine came around, I took a sip so she would think I was celebrating like the rest of them, and not paying attention to her. It worked, and she dropped her guard. The next thing I knew, she was slipping out of the church doors, and into the dark. I waited a minute, and then got up to follow her, but Rick stopped me.

“Hey brother, where you going?” he said with a rare smile.

“Takin’ a piss,” I said as I headed out the door.

Carol was far enough ahead that I could follow her without tipping her off. I already suspected where she was going. I noticed earlier, that she didn’t switch the charger off in the trunk of that car. By now, it would turn over easily when she started it up. She was running away.

While Carol stuck to the road, I took to the trees and followed her at a distance. I had to stop her before she got in the car. And then, just as my luck seemed to go lately, I had to stop and take care of a walker and its gory friend. One was a putrid shade of greenish gray, rib bones showing through rotted skin. The other actually had small plants growing out of a hole in the side of its chest. When I was done, and my path was once again clear, I rushed through the trees to catch up. I thought I was too late when I heard the engine start, but when I came out of the trees, Carol was killing a walker that must have been drawn by the sound of the car. She whizzed around when she heard me. The look of relief on her face when she saw it was only me lasted but a second before turning to annoyance.

“What are you doing here?” she complained.

“I could ask you the same thing,” I said.

She looked at the car, and then back at me. Her features had softened. “I don’t know,” she said, a mess of sadness and confusion. I thought she was on the verge of crying and I went to her. I gathered her in my arms, and felt her give in.

After a long silence, just the two of us clinging to each other, I backed away. I had to because of the guilt I felt over holding Carol when I wished it had been Beth in my arms. It was the moment I knew without a doubt that my heart was truly lost to her.

“What happened out there? Where’d you go? What horrors did you face?” I asked.

Tears welled up in her eyes and then fell down her lovely cheeks. My poor Carol was hurting, plagued by nightmares too horrible to share. I hated seeing her suffer like this. “I … I can’t,” she said, refusing to let me in on her secrets. I could completely understand, and I wouldn’t push.

“Come back to the church,” I pleaded. “Come back to your family.” I reached out for her, and after a long moment, she took my hand. “We’ll start over. We can do that. And when you’re ready, if you ever are, I’ll be there for you to talk to. Okay? We need you, Carol. I need my best friend.”

She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and gave a disconcerted laugh. Then she nodded and pulled herself toward me. She was about to wrap an arm around my waist when something, a car’s engine, distracted us. There was a crossroad ahead, and I could see the trees glowing white from someone’s headlights as they approached. Carol and I glanced at each other, shocked to see someone else out and about. Shadows danced as the car came closer to the intersection. When it passed by our road, it was moving fast, almost too fast to get a good look. I fixed my eyes on the car, and thought it was black. And then I saw it … a white cross on the back window. It was THE car!

“That’s them!” I shouted. “They’ve got Beth!” Without a second thought, I started for the abandoned car. I stopped to smash the tail lights first.

“What are you doing?” Carol asked. I noticed she was moving toward the passenger side. I wasn’t going to stop her.

“We need to be invisible so they don’t know their being followed. Now, get in.”

Carol had already started the car. As soon as we were in, I put it in gear and we were off. Neither one of us spoke. We just stared straight ahead and followed the red lights out in front of us. My heart was beating so fast I could feel it pulsing in my ears. I kept telling myself that was the car. That was the same car that took Beth. Could she be inside? I didn’t think so. She’d disappeared days ago. But I knew they were going to the place where they took her. They had to be.

We drove for a while, and soon entered the city. I was right. I knew it. They brought Beth to Atlanta. She was here somewhere in one of these buildings. It would have been an impossible task to try and find her, but luckily, I had this car to follow, and it would lead me right to her.

Up ahead, I saw break lights come on, and I slowed and stopped several yards away. The passenger door opened, and what looked like a uniformed police officer stepped out.

“Who is that?” Carol asked.

“I don’t know. I never saw who was inside the car,” I said as I watched the officer approach a pile of bicycles off the side of the road. He was moving them, as though he was clearing them away from something. Another officer, the driver, got out and he helped the other. They picked up a body … no … a living person from the ground and helped them to the car. It looked like they threw this person into the back. Whoever it was, they looked like they might be injured. “I wonder if that was why they picked up Beth,” I said aloud before realizing it. “She had jumped out of the kitchen window back at our house. Maybe she reinjured her ankle.”

“Beth was hurt?” Carol asked.

“Stepped on a trap. Lucky for her, she was wearing boots or it might have broken a bone. It was just a sprain.”

“You were in a house?” Carol asked again, picking up on little clues.

“It was a funeral home. The previous owners lived on the property.” I didn’t mind sharing that much with her, and she stopped asking questions. Up ahead, the officers went back to the pile of bikes and continued to search for something.

“Mika and Lizzie were with me and Tyrese,” she said out of nowhere.

I glanced at her, waiting for her to say something more, but she kept her eyes trained on the officers. I was about to ask her how they found each other, when something hit Carol’s window. Both of us jumped out of our skin, and saw that a walker spotted us in the car. It was gurgling and clawing at the window, and I was worried it would give us away. Up ahead, one of the cops peered towards us, into the dark, but he ignored it and got back into the car along with his partner. Red tail lights came on as he started the engine, and their car pulled away.

I turned the key to our car, but it wouldn’t start. “Damnit,” I cursed, as I noticed the gas gauge was on E. The car was out of gas. We couldn’t exactly start roaming around the city. It was night, and Atlanta would be teaming with walkers. This was ground zero, and there were still a lot of dead here. “We need to find a place to hole up until sunrise,” I suggested.

“I know of a place we can go and it’s only a couple blocks from here.” Carol cranked her window down part way and stabbed the nuisance walker in the head.

We left the car, grabbed our gear, and made our way to an office building. I had no idea where we were, but Carol seemed to be familiar with the area. Even when we went inside, she walked along like she easily knew the place. “Did you used to work here?” I asked as we passed certain doors, but entered others.

“Something like that,” she answered tersely.

We were in a lobby, and there was a dead body with a ring of keys clutched in his hand. I took them and we moved on. Carol glanced at me as if to say I didn’t need them, but she didn’t say anything. We moved cautiously through doors and down hallways, ending up in a part of the building with small rooms with bunkbeds. Carol opened the door to one of the rooms, did a quick scan, and after finding it empty, she went in.

“What is this place?” I asked.

“It used to be a safe house. Temporary housing.”

There was a desk in the room, and a book on top about how to stop abuse. Carol saw me looking at it, and she picked it up and shoved it in a drawer. She seemed nervous to be here, as though it was bringing up old memories of a life she no longer associated with. “Did you stay here?” I asked.

Carol sat on the bottom bunk of the bed with a far off look in her eyes. “I came here with my daughter a time or two. Didn’t stay long, though.” She was silent for a couple moments, and I could see she was remembering this place in full color. She was the battered wife seeking shelter from an abusive husband, scared that being here would cause her and her daughter more harm than good. I hadn’t seen that side of Carol since I’d first met her when Ed was still alive. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what words would bring her comfort. Instead, I chose to remain silent and took a seat next to her. The movement of the bed seemed to bring her out of her trance. “I’ll take the top bunk,” she announced.

“Naw, that’s alright. I can climb up there.”

She gave me one of her devious smiles that I hadn’t seen in a long time. “It’s okay. I like being on top.”

It had been an age since the last time she flirted with me. We used to do this kind of thing all the time. I’d push her away or brush her off, but in actuality, I wanted to take her up on her offer. Now, it just felt like two best friends goofing around. There was only one I wanted to flirt with. God, I missed Beth. I needed to find her.

Carol noticed the change in my reaction to her flirtation, and cocked her head to the side as she observed me. “What happened with you and Beth?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I said on the defense, and that made her more curious. I felt her glaring at me, and I knew she didn’t believe me. “She … changed me.”

“Yeah she did,” Carol said quietly. She didn’t ask anything else. Instead, she laid back on the bed and gave a deep sigh. I did the same. But as soon as our heads hit the soft mattress, we heard a noise coming from somewhere in the office space. Both of us jumped up and grabbed our weapons, two soldiers getting back to work after a brief reprieve.

Further down the hall was a door with a slim window next to it, frosted over for privacy. It was another temporary bedroom like the one we chose. I could barely make out shuffling coming from inside. And then two shadowy figures came forward, one tall and one child sized. It was a mother and daughter from the looks of their silhouettes. I could tell what Carol was thinking. That very well could have been her and Sophia. She took out her knife and laid her hand on the door handle. I laid my hand over hers to stop her.

“You don’t have to do that.” They were locked up inside the room. There was no reason to spent the extra energy we didn’t have.

Carol released the handle and started to walk past me, but stopped when she was beside me. “You said we could start over. Did you?”

“I tried,” I said.

“With Beth?” she asked.

I didn’t answer. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep while we can.” I led the way back to our room where we crashed. Before sleep took me, I thought of Beth again, of how we talked of starting over, making a go of it at the house. Everyone deserved the chance to start again because we had all made mistakes along the way. Some greater than others. But one thing I knew for sure. What Beth and I had was no mistake, and I needed to get back to that.


	12. Friendships To Mend

Chapter 12 Friendships to Mend

I woke up just before the sun rose with the mother and daughter walkers on my mind. The way Carol had looked at them yesterday was a painful spot on my memory. That could have easily been her and her daughter. I wondered if she sometimes wished that had been them. She wouldn’t have had to deal with all the tragedy and sadness she’d endured since the end of the world. Or what was yet to be. There was no end to that kind of thing.

I thought I owed it to Carol to take care of those walkers, and save her the sorrow it would cause her. Carefully and quietly, I slipped out of bed. Before I left the room, I checked on her. She looked so peaceful when she slept. The hard lines on her face were relaxed, and some completely disappeared. As she slept there was a natural curve to her lips that made it look like she was smiling, if just a bit. To see her like this, it was almost difficult to believe she was ever an abused woman, or that she had ever had to stay at this place. I could only imagine what happened that she risked making that decision. Actually, I knew firsthand what brought her here. I had the scars on my back to remind me of what I had been through too. That was the one thing that Carol and I bonded over. We both knew the horrors of abuse and how to live our lives trying to hide it or cover it up. I knew it was easier for me. The crowd I ran with didn’t look twice at a black eye. Carol, though, she had friends who could never understand the kind of home life she kept secret. I figured that’s why she was so good at covering up and keeping secrets now. For example, what had happened to her after she left the prison.

Slipping down the hallway, I moved stealthily so as not to get the walkers riled up and make a ruckus. I didn’t want Carol to wake up. She needed her rest. I could tell by the dark circles beneath her eyes that she hadn’t slept much. When I got to the room, I eased the door open and let the mother and daughter come out on their own. As each one came into sight, I knifed them in the head. The only sound was the thump they made when they fell. I stilled a moment and waited to see if Carol woke, but she didn’t come out.

Next, I found some sheets and with the greatest of care, I wrapped each body. I wanted to dispose of the bodies in the most respectful way possible. Burying them would have been best, but we were in a jungle of concrete, steel and walkers. And we were inside one of these massive buildings. I wasn’t going to drag them down to the street and drop them in a dumpster or leave them to rot on the sidewalk. I searched the floor we were on for a solution, and passed by a wall of windows that looked out onto a roof converted into a courtyard. A sign on the door said ‘Designated Smoking Area’. Outside were some benches, a couple patio tables, and those outdoor ashtrays with the gravel in the top. I thought that was as good a place as any, and all I had to do was drag the bodies out there. So, that’s what I did.

When I was finished, I went back inside and gathered up cardboard and paper. Inside a janitorial closet, I grabbed a bottle of some kind of cleaning solution with a flammable warning on it. I stacked the boxes and the paper and poured the cleaning liquid over them. Then I used my lighter to set it on fire. The boxes burned quickly, and I added more to the fire. Then I picked up the dead mother and laid her in the fire. I watched as the white bedsheet caught fire easily, exposing the walker corpse.

It sparked a horrible memory from my childhood. My own mother had died in a fire. My father told me and my brother that she had fallen asleep with a lit cigarette, and it caught the bed on fire, which in turn burned down our entire home. I never could imagine how that fire didn’t wake her up. No one could sleep while they burned, unless they were unconscious. I think that what really happened was, she had smoked too much meth, passed out, and dropped the pipe, which led to the fire. This is why I didn’t have any happy family stories to tell back at the church the other night. There aren’t many good memories from my past.

I shook myself back to the present and picked up the girl. She weighed nothing in my arms. What a waste of a life. Children dying, that was the most tragic part of this apocalypse. I couldn’t imagine bringing a child into this world. This was no place for children to grow up. They would never know anything but destruction and death.

Carefully, I laid the girl beside her mom, and then I stood there a moment, my hands clasped together and my head bowed. I wasn’t religious in any way, but I managed to say a silent prayer for them, hoping they found each other in the Beyond.

I heard a noise behind me, and whipped around to find Carol walking out to join me. She stood next to me, and we both watched the flames lick at the burning corpses.

“Thank you,” she said in a raspy voice.

I could see how relieved she was to know this mother and daughter were taken care of and not left to claw at the glass door of their tomb. After a few more minutes, we went back to our room, gathered our belonging and left that place behind.

>>------->

I had a new plan of attack. “We need to get up high where we might be able to spot that car, or one similar to it.”

Carol and I were back out on the street, hiding around the corner from a small pack of walkers wandering aimlessly. She pointed up at an enclosed pedestrian bridge that connected two buildings. “Up there. We should be able to see all around.”

“Good. Let’s make our way there,” I said, and we navigated the streets and buildings until we entered the one that would lead us to the bridge. We made our way up, up, up, and finally found the crossway. Right away, the smell knocked me back. People had thought to make this their camp. There were tents and sleeping bags, but they were moving. Walkers in the tents pawed at the sides trying to get out. The sleeping bags wiggled around like giant cocoons about to split open and release its secret contents. But no beautiful butterflies would come flittering out of them.

Carol and I stepped carefully as we crossed the walkway. Looking out of the windows, I noticed we weren’t high enough to see anything. “We need a better view,” I commented.

We stabbed the writhing walkers in sleeping bags, and left the ones in tents alone. The door leading out was chained shut. I pushed on the double doors, and they opened just enough to allow us to squeeze through at the bottom. The noise of the chains rattling aggravated the tent walkers, and they tried harder to escape. One at a time, we got through the doors and entered into another office building. The nearest office was unlocked, and we went inside. It looked like a fancy executive’s suite There were mahogany bookshelves and a desk to match, rows of books bound in leather. On the walls were oil paintings that I could tell must have been worth thousands of dollars at some point. There were photographs of men who must have been a part of a firm throughout the years. Each picture had a name engraved on a golden plate on the bottom of the frame. They all shared the last name, generations of rich bastards who had made their money on the backs of the less fortunate. It reminded me of the country club Beth and I came across, and the fancy bar where she tried to find her first drink. I had played a game of darts using similar pictures of snobbish men glaring at me as though I was beneath them in stature. Here I was again, facing what could have been the same people, and where the fuck were they now. “Assholes,” I murmured. The world was now survival of the fittest, and these well-off men were probably first to go. They probably ended up eating each other.

“What was that?” Carol said from across the way. She found a water cooler and was filling her canteen.

I rummaged through my pack and pulled out a couple empty water bottles. “Will you fill mine too?” I tossed them to her, and she caught them. Then I went to the big executive window and looked out over the burned city. It looked like a warzone that I used to see on the news sometimes, with buildings half missing and blackened from fire. I remembered when they dropped napalm to try and kill the walkers and control the spread of the disease. All they did was make more walkers. I guess they didn’t know then that we were all infected.

Carol came up next to me, handed me the filled bottles and sat down on the window seat. She leaned her shoulder against the window and gazed out over the city with unseeing eyes. We hadn’t eaten anything in a long time so I pulled out a couple bags of potato chips I found along the way. I opened them, and handed one to Carol. She pulled out a chip and pinched off little pieces.

“Eat,” I said. “You need to keep up your strength.”

“How come you didn’t ask me about Mika and Lizzie when I told you they were with me and Tyrese?” she asked. The question came from nowhere, but it must have been weighing heavily on her mind. 

“I know what happened. They’re not here.”

“It was a lot worse that than,” she said, casting her eyes downward.

“You want to talk about it?” I was trying to understand why she’d brought the girls up twice, but didn’t go any further than mention them by name.

“You gonna tell me about you and Beth?” she countered.

“There’s not much to tell. We left the prison together. We survived together. And now someone else has her and I want her back.”

“I think there’s a lot more to tell, but you don’t want to,” she said.

“Same with your story. The girls died, that’s obvious. So, what happened?” Two could play this game.

“Like you and Beth, we found a house and stayed there for a while. It was good for a short time.”

I was surprised she told me that much. “That’s how it was for us. The house we found was stocked with food. We thought we could make a go of it there.”

“You know she had a huge crush on you,” Carol told me.

“Yeah,” I said tersely.

“She pined after you and you never took notice.”

“I noticed. I just chose to ignore it.”

Carol was silent for a while, deciding whether she should tell me more of her story or not. “There was this pecan tree in the backyard, and every day I took the girls out to collect them. I taught them how to roast them the way my mother did when I was a girl.”

“I taught Beth how to hunt and set traps. She was getting good with my bow.”

“Why couldn’t things have stayed the way they were?” Carol reminisced.

“Yeah,” I whispered. I often wondered the same thing.

“Would you have stayed at that house with Beth if she wasn’t kidnapped?” Carol asked.

I took a minute to respond, but I already knew my answer was yes. I wasn’t sure I wanted to confess that to Carol. “We talked about it. Yeah, we would have stayed. We … wanted to.”

“Tyrese wanted to stay too. He told me he was lucky we found each other. He was glad for my company, and for Judith and the girls. I wish he hadn’t told me that.”

“He doesn’t know what you did at the prison, does he?” I imagined after Tyrese put his trust in Carol, the guilt ate her up inside.

“After the girls … died … I told him. I even gave him my gun. You know what he did? He forgave me. I don’t deserve his forgiveness.”

I was shocked that she told him, and that they stayed together after that. Tyrese was inconsolable after he found his girlfriend’s burned body. He had nothing but revenge on his mind. And then to find out that the person he trusted, who he had traveled with was the one who killed the woman he loved. I wasn’t sure how he could deal with that knowledge and still find it within himself to forgive her.

“Why were you gonna run away that night?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t forgiven myself.”

“You have to find a way,” I told her. 

“If we find Beth–"

“When we find her,” I corrected.

“When we find Beth,” Carol started again. “Will you stay?”

“I don’t know. I guess. I really haven’t thought of anything but finding her.”

“She’s special to you, isn’t she?”

I nodded slowly. “I made a promise to keep her safe.”

“You’re just like me,” Carol said with a smirk on her face. “You have secrets too. That’s all right. We’re allowed.” She got up and crossed the room. I watched her for a minute, and then I turned my attention back to the city outside.

Something caught my eye off in the distance, a white speck in a hazy grey landscape. “Hey, let me have that rifle. The one with the scope.”

“Do you see something?” she asked. Our previous conversation was forgotten as she rushed back with her gun and handed it to me.

I lifted the rifle and looked through the sight. I couldn’t find what I was looking for at first, and a couple times I looked out there with my naked eye. Finally, as I peered through the scope again, I saw it. “There! Right there!” I said, pointing with my finger and tapping on the window.

Carol took the gun and looked where I was pointing. “I see it. A van with white crosses.”

“We need to get over there,” I observed. “There might be clues to where they took Beth.”

We left the office and went back to the double doors at the crossway. Carol tossed her rifle through and then she squeezed inside. I laid my crossbow down and went next. As I was retrieving my weapon, Carol calmly called my name. I turned and stood, only to find that we were being held at gunpoint with our own rifle.

“Drop your weapon,” said a young black kid. He looked more scared of us than we were of him, but he was the one holding the gun. I had no other choice than to put my crossbow down. 

“You don’t want to do this, kid,” I growled dangerously.

“Nobody has to get hurt. I just need your weapons.” The kid, who looked about the same age as Beth, picked up my bow and started backing away. He bumped into one of the tents, making the walker inside claw at the sides. Then he pulled a knife out of his belt and slashed the tent open. He rushed to other end of the walkway, and opened up a second tent before he turned to run for the other set of doors.

I noticed that he was limping, which would slow him down and allow us to catch up to him. But first, we had to get past these walkers. I pulled out my big hunting knife and stabbed one of them. Carol, to my surprise, pulled out a pistol and shot the second walker. Then, she aimed the gun at the kid, who had his back to us, just about to open the doors and escape. I knocked the gun away as she fired it, and watched the kid disappear through the other side of the walkway. She gave me an angry look, but there was no time to argue, and we took off after our assailant. By the time we made our way out of the other set of doors, the kid was gone. We checked several unlocked doors, but he was nowhere to be found.

“He’s probably heading for street,” I said, and I led Carol to the stairs we came up.

“You thought I was going to kill him, didn’t you?” Carol asked, stopping me from going any further.

“I need him alive. He might know about the car or the van. He might even know where Beth is,” I said with pure anger.

“I was only going to shoot him in the leg, for Christ’s sake.” She glared at me. 

“He’s just a kid,” I shot back. With no more time to waste, I lunged through the door and headed down the stairwell with Carol following behind.

We burst out onto the street, but there was no sign of the kid. He was limping, and I checked for signs of blood. I started to think that maybe Carol’s shot ricocheted off of something and injured him, but there was no blood anywhere to be found. I stopped to assess our situation. “We still need to get to that van.”

“What about the kid? What about our weapons?” she complained.

“He might be going to the same place where Beth is. Maybe he’s one of them. If we can find out where the van came from, maybe we can find him and cut him off.” Without any more arguments, we made our way to the van and the bridge.

>>------->

Getting to the van had been a blessing and a mistake. When we got there, we found it teetering on the edge of the bridge, where it came to rest after an accident. Carol tried to keep me from going inside, but I had to find clues as to where it came from. The van creaked and moaned from my weight, but I kept looking. Inside, I found medical supplies. Carol said there was a hospital not far from here, Grady Memorial. But just as we were about to leave, we got trapped by a herd of walkers. We had no other choice but to get inside and close the back doors. We jumped into the front seats and looked around frantically for something that would help us out of our predicament. The walkers were pushing on the van, making it rock and slip on the concrete edge. I could only see one way out of this, and I told Carol to put on her seatbelt. I put mine on too. We looked at each other. Carol took my hand and gave a squeeze. I squeezed back, and then we were falling.

We hit the ground with a jarring crash, but at least we were upright. It took both of us a couple minutes to regain our composure. “You alright?” I asked, and she nodded. She also winced, and I knew she’d hurt herself somehow.

Next thing I knew, a body crashed onto the windshield, scaring the crap out of us. Then another and another hit the roof of the van, dinting it. “They’re falling off the bridge,” I informed her. “We gotta get out.”

Carol was having trouble releasing her seatbelt and I helped her. I climbed out of the driver’s seat, and Carol was out of the passenger side. I could see she was favoring her shoulder. “Carol–" I started to say, but she waved me off.

“Let’s just go,” she demanded.

We moved along until we were far from the crash site. Carol was in a good amount of pain, but she was still going. I had to force her to stop and rest a moment. She sat down on a set of stairs leading into the building behind us. I took out her canteen and handed it to her.

“You’re hurt,” I said.

“I’ll be fine. I think I just popped my shoulder out of joint.”

“Want me to fix it?” I asked. I’d done it several times, a couple times for my brother.

Carol shook her head. “Not here.” She looked back at the building like she recognized it. “The hospital is just a couple blocks that way. We can cut through this building and save us some time.”

It sounded like a good plan, but I was thinking that I should leave her safe inside and I would head for the hospital. She was in no shape to go anywhere, especially if we came across hostiles. I couldn’t tell her that. I would have to be sneaky about it. “Let’s get you inside first. I’ll fix your shoulder and then we can go.” Carol nodded in agreement, and I helped her in.

We found a waiting area with multiple couches and sat down. When she was ready, I got into position to fix her shoulder. She looked scared, and I had a sudden urge to pull her into my arms and hold her before I hurt her again. I hadn’t seen her look like that in a long time, vulnerable and trusting me. It reminded me of one of the reasons why I’d fallen for her back in the beginning. I had gotten to know her better after Ed died, and while we were searching for Sophia. Carol was a lost soul, and she needed someone to look out for her. Everyone else was busy with other issues, and Carol was on her own for the first time in a long time. At first, I felt I needed to take her under my wing, and she seemed to fit perfectly. And then, I wanted to make her happy, and took it upon myself to search tirelessly for her daughter. When Sophia came out of Hershel’s barn, turned, Carol clung to me, and I protected her as best I could from the horror and realization that her daughter had been dead the entire time that we had worried and searched for her. I kind of became Carol’s anchor, and we grew closer with each passing day. When we settled at the prison, I saw her come out of her shell, and started to fall hard for her. But with each new challenge we encountered, Carol grew stronger and more independent. She didn’t need a knight in shining armor. She needed a friend, a best friend. That was as far as we got because I didn’t want to upset the delicate balance between us. I didn’t want to admit my feelings and risk chasing her away.

But then Beth happened, and my life changed in a way I never could have imagined.

“Two blocks from here?” I asked as I waited for Carol to get ready to set her shoulder.

“Yep, straight that way,” she gestured with a tilt of her head. “Okay, let’s get this over with,” she cringed.

“It’s gonna hurt like hell but once it’s in–"

“Stop with the foreplay and do it already,” she demanded.

I gave a laugh right before I fixed her shoulder. She yelled out in pain and then slumped forward to collect herself. “Son … of … a … bitch!” she griped loudly.

“I hope it was as good for you as it was for me,” I joked.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” she jested in return as she sat upright again. I looked away, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. We were only kidding around, but I felt the fun go right out of me. There was no time for this easy banter. Not while Beth was still out there somewhere.

“You okay?” Carol asked. She must have seen my sudden switch in mood.

“Yeah. Fine,” I answered solemnly.

“You’ve changed,” she said in an accusing tone. 

I didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad. I knew I was different somehow, but I couldn’t see it from my point of view. Until now, I only knew what Beth had seen in me. “How?” I asked, curious to get another opinion. 

“Before, you were like a kid. Now … you’re a man. I think you face your responsibilities, whereas before you’d run from them.”

I guess I could see what she was saying, although I still thought I was running. “What about you? You think you’ve changed?” I asked to see if she noticed about herself what I had seen in her.

She lowered her eyes to the floor at her feet. “I don’t know. Being at the shelter last night reminded me of the person I used to be. You know, Sophia and I stayed there for a day and a half, and then I got scared and ran back to Ed. I knew what was waiting for me, but it didn’t matter. He beat me pretty bad, and I didn’t do anything about it. Whoever I was before I met Ed had burned away by that time. And then the world ended and Ed died. I thought I could reinvent myself with my daughter, but then she was gone and another part of me burned. At the prison I finally felt like I became the person I had always wanted to be, and it was good for a while. But the sickness came, and I … I took things into my own hands. Rick sent me away, and I burned away once more. I was just a smoldering fire when I caught up with Tyrese and the girls. But Lizzie … I … I … It doesn’t matter what happens anymore. Everything consumes you.

“You ain’t ashes,” I told her, being as sincere as I could. “Wanna know what I see?” She gave a nod after thinking about it and I continued. “I see a phoenix. Every time you burn away, you reinvent yourself. One day you’ll be satisfied with who you’ve become and stay that way. But this world, it changes you in more ways than you can imagine.”

Carol smiled slightly, and I felt good about helping her. She’d helped me too. I think we had both grown since everything went to hell, and that was different from just changing.

There was a noise somewhere inside the building. It sounded like it came from a nearby office. We weren’t alone in this place. “Stay here,” I commanded.

“I’m coming with you,” Carol answered, pulling out her knife and following me through the main lobby.

We moved with stealth, and followed the sound, entered a room, and found a walker pinned to the wall by an arrow. “That’s one of mine,” I said to her.

Gun shots rang out. We went around a corner that led to a hallway, and inched along the wall. The hallway emptied out into another room, and there we saw the same kid who had stolen our weapons. He was wrestling with a walker. We just stood there, neither one of us in a hurry to help him. But he was stronger than we gave him credit for. He broke free, but he pushed the walker towards Carol. I wasn’t sure if he meant to do that or not, but I treated it like a personal attack. I helped Carol first, killing the walker, but then I rushed after the kid, who was once again trying to get away from us. He was trying to move a bookshelf that someone had used to block a door. When he saw me advancing on him, he abandoned the shelf and turned to me, ready to defend himself. I didn’t care. I barged right up on him and shoved him hard against the bookshelf. He bounced off of it and fell to the floor. At the same time, the tall wooden shelf fell back, and it pinned the kid underneath it. The noise drew a walker in the next room, where he must have been struggling to get through the blocked door. With the shelf down, it now struggled to come through.

Carol’s rifle and my crossbow were laying on the floor near the kid, who had dropped them when he fell. Carol and I retrieved our weapons, and stared down at him. The walker was getting closer to getting out of the room.

“Help me! Please!” the kid begged.

Carol looked at me to see what I would do. I saw a carton of smokes on the ground and picked up a pack. I opened it, took out a cigarette and lit it. I clicked my lighter shut and glared down at the kid. “I already helped you once. I ain’t doing it again.”

“You can’t just leave him there,” Carol said to me, suddenly finding compassion even after what he’d done to us.

“Watch me,” I said without concern. We were close to the hospital, and I had no use for this kid. All I wanted to do was find Beth. It had been long enough. But then I thought about what Carol said, about how I’d changed. The old me would have walked away, but the man I wanted to be would help the boy. I could hear the walker getting louder, and I knew he had gotten through and was about to attack the trapped kid. I turned around and saw that my assumption was correct. Then I raised my bow and shot the walker dead. That’s when I saw the relief on Carol’s face, glad to know I was still the man she said I’d grown to be. I rolled my eyes and came back. Then together we lifted the bookshelf and let the boy go.

“Hey,” I said with intimidation. “Where are you from? You got a group around–"

“They probably heard the gunshot,” the kid said as he went to the nearest window, ignoring my questions. He looked frantically up and down the street. “They’ll be here soon. We need to go now.”

“They who?” I asked.

“The people from the hospital,” he answered.

“Are you with them?” Carol asked.

The kid hesitated and slowly shook his head back and forth. “No, but I came from there.”

My heart sped up to a million beats a minute. “Grady? You came from Grady?” I asked, and he nodded. “Did you happen to see a blonde girl. She’d be about your age.”

The kid glared at me, and I could see him struggling about what he should do or say next. “Who are you? What’s your name?” he finally inquired with caution.

“Daryl,” I answered without hesitation. “Have you seen her?”

I saw Carol dash to the window as a car drove past. “That’s it! That’s the car,” she said.

I looked up just in time to see the black car with the cross zoom by.

“They’re here. We gotta go,” the kid yelled.

We ran from the office, back into the lobby, and headed for the double glass doors that led out onto the street. But as we were just about there, the kid tripped and fell. I stopped to help him up, and turned to see Carol bursting out the doors.

“Carol, wait,” I called after her, but she ignored me. Then, I watched in horror as she ran into the street just as a different car, a station wagon, hit her. It was awful. Her body tossed up and rolled over the length of the car, crashing onto the pavement with a thud. She didn’t move after that. I yelled, “Carol!”, and I started to go after her.

I felt hands grabbing me, holding me back. “You can’t go out there!” the kid was saying, but I hardly registered it. All I saw was Carol laying lifeless in the road.

Then, two men dressed like police officers, stepped out of the station wagon and went to check on Carol. They picked her up and carried her to the car, putting her in the back. I continued to struggle out of the kid’s grasp, but he had a hold of me and wouldn’t let go. I distinctly remember him begging me not to go.

“Let me go!” I screamed.

“If you go out there, you’ll kill them, and then your friend won’t get the help she needs. They’re the only ones who can save her,” he rushed to tell me as he continued to hold me back. By that time, the car was speeding away.

As soon as I was free, I spun around and grabbed the kid by the shoulders, shaking him as though he was a child. “Who are they? Where are they taking her?”

“They’re from Grady Memorial. They have doctors there who can help your friend … Carol.”

I released him and pushed him away from me. I needed time to think. “You sure they’re going to help her?”

“They’ll do all they can for her. They’ve got the equipment. It’s a hospital, man.”

“How do I get her back? What’s it gonna take?” I said with desperation.

The kid took a step back as he shook his head. “It won’t be easy. They’ve got weapons … and people.”

“So do we,” I said, ready to go to war and get Carol back.


	13. Be My Girl

Chapter 13 Be My Girl

I had just seen my best friend hit by a car, and then carried away by strangers in cop uniforms. Now I stood alone with some kid who stole from me, and then saved my life, supposedly. He told me that the men who took Carol would see that she got medical attention at the hospital, the same one where I thought Beth was being held against her will. My mind wanted to go straight there and get Carol back. The kid was telling me that I needed more people before I could go there or I would be outnumbered, possibly killed. And then there was Beth. I still didn’t know where she was. But wait, in all the excitement, I forgot something.

I turned to the kid and grasped his upper arm in a strong grip. “Where’s the blonde girl?” I seethed.

“Daryl, right?” he said nervously.

“Yeah. Where is she?”

“I can take you to her,” he said shakily. “Beth. Beth Greene.” He said her name to prove we were talking about the right person.

“That’s her,” I said to let him know we were on the same page. “I thought you said we couldn’t get in the hospital without backup.” I didn’t know what kind of game he thought he was playing but . . .

“She’s not at the hospital.”

Slowly, I released my grip and let him go. I stood straight and waited for him to say more. He rubbed his arm and backed away until he bumped into one of the couches in the lobby. Then he collapsed, sitting down with a thud. “They brought her in one night with a broken wrist. She’d already had an injury to her ankle, but it was healing.”

“Beth,” I whispered, not realizing I’d said her name aloud.

“We became friends,” he told me, sharing his story before I asked for it. “I showed her around, told her what ‘they’ were like and how their system worked. She told me she was with someone, a man named Daryl. She said you were running away from some roamers. She jumped out of a window, hurt her wrist. She was waiting for you when a car came by. They stopped. She told them what happened, and that you were trapped in the house. She asked them to help, but when they got out of the car, they grabbed her and knocked her out. Next thing she knew, she woke up in the hospital.”

“Why didn’t she just leave?” I asked. I was still thinking like the old days when you had a right to leave a hospital. They couldn’t keep you against your will. At least, that’s the way it used to be.

“They don’t let you leave,” he said sadly.

“How long were you there?” I asked. It suddenly felt like a nightmare.

“About a year. I had been plotting to leave. I knew every way in and out of that place, where the guards were, when they changed shifts.”

“If you knew all that, why didn’t you ever try to get out?” I wondered.

He patted his leg, the one I’d seen him favoring. “I got a bum leg, the result of an old injury that never healed properly. I knew I couldn’t move fast enough. And then Beth came along, and she was determined to get us out of that place. I finally saw my chance. I knew I never would have been able to do it alone.”

“Where is she now?” I asked, my voice softening a bit.

“We got a hideout not far from here.” He started walking away, expecting me to follow him, but I still wasn’t sure he was telling the truth or if I was being set up for a trap. When he turned to see if I was following him, he found me aiming my crossbow at him.

“Tell me where we’re going,” I demanded.

He put his hands in the air. “You think I’m trying to trick you? Come on, man, I told you we escaped from there. Why would I be scamming you? I knew your name, didn’t I? That’s because Beth told me about you.”

“What did she tell you?” I asked, putting him to a test.

“She said you and a bunch of other people used to live in a prison, but you got attacked. You and her ended up together. You found that place, the funeral home, and you were going to make a go at it there. But then the roamers came, chased you all out of there. Beth, she didn’t know if you made it out or not, but she was sure you had.”

“Why are you out here alone and not with her?”

“She’s … not in the right condition to be risking her life out here. Besides, they’re still looking for us. I was out scavenging for food and supplies when I came upon you and Carol. I followed you because you had weapons and we had none. Beth and I, we needed a way to protect ourselves before we could even think about getting out of the city. I had no idea who you were or that you happened to know Beth. That was all pure luck,” he said, desperately trying to get me to believe his story.

It all seemed pretty legit. I lowered my bow and decided to take a chance with this kid. If he knew where Beth was, I needed to get to her. I wanted her back with me. I walked towards him and stopped at his side. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“Noah,” he said, relieved that I had finally believed him.

“Come on, Noah. Take me to her, and then we’ll figure out how to get Carol back.”

>>------->

About four or five blocks away from the hospital, Noah led me inside of a warehouse. It didn’t seem like a good place to hide because it was a huge place. Off to one side, there was a set of metal stairs that led to an office. Noah went up and I followed. At the top of the stairs was a door, the top half made of frosted glass with the word SUPERVISOR in all caps, painted in black letters. Noah approached and knocked out a rhythm on the glass. It must have been a signal so that she would know it was him. When he finished, he slowly opened the door. Inside, the office had been converted into a living quarter. There was a twin mattress on the floor in one corner. A desk was pushed up against the opposite wall, and held various bottles of water and a couple boxes of crackers. I could see empty food cans on the floor beneath the desk. It looked like they had been here for a little while.

“Where is she?” I asked, noticing the room was empty. I started to worry.

Noah raised his hand to me, then he called out. “Beth? It’s me. And I’ve brought someone … a friend.”

I hadn’t noticed another door at the back of the room. It slowly opened, and Beth emerged out of a dark bathroom, holding up a pair of surgical scissors for protection. She looked bewildered, her hair a mess, a bandaged cut on her cheek, and her wrist in a white cast. She wore a blue hospital worker uniform, but it was covered in dirt and gore. Her big blue eyes settled on me as though she were seeing an apparition. They darted to Noah and back to me.

“Daryl?” she squeaked out. Then she dropped the scissors and ran to me.

I captured her in my arms. She held me so tight I thought I would stop breathing. I buried my face in her hair, ignoring the fact that she smelled like rotting corpses. We held each other for the longest time, neither one of us saying a word. I glanced at Noah, and found him looking away as he tried to give us a private moment. Finally, I pried her off of me so I could get a good look at her. I smiled and pushed the hair from her face. My thumb outlined the cut on her cheek. I hated seeing her injured. Then I lifted her injured hand, delicately holding the cast in my palm.

“You’re hurt,” I said, guilt rippling through my heart. “I shouldn’t have let you leave the house alone.”

“You had no choice. The walkers, there were too many.” She looked at her cast. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a hairline fracture.”

“God, I missed you,” I said, taking her in my arms again. This time I crushed her to me. “I found them,” I told her.

She pushed back and looked up at me. “Who?”

“All of them. Rick, Carl and Michonne, Sasha and Tyrese, Carol, Bob, Glenn and Maggie … everyone.”

“Maggie? She’s okay?”

“She’s okay,” I said. “And there are some new people. Glenn found them when he was looking for Maggie. They’re like us, fighters.”

“Are they with you?” she asked.

“No. We’re at a church just outside of the city. Actually, they don’t know I’m here. Carol and I, we saw the car with the white cross, and we followed it. We left without telling anyone. I saw that car, and all I thought about was finding you. But Carol … they have her.”

“What? How?” she asked with confusion.

“She ran out, got hit by one of their cars. Noah said they would take her to the hospital and help her.”

“We have to get her out of there. They’ll never let her leave,” she said in a panic.

“What kind of system are they running?” I asked, glancing at Noah. He had said something similar.

Beth explained. “They help you, but then you owe them. You pay your debt by working for them. But then you need to eat. They feed you and you owe them even more. It’s a never-ending cycle of give and take, but they take way more than they give. People who come in for treatment owe the most because medical supplies and medicine are difficult to replace. But they won’t waste those precious things on someone they don’t think will survive. What kind of shape was Carol in?”

“I don’t know, but it looked pretty bad. She was just lying there in the street. She wasn’t moving.” I was beginning to really worry.

“We have to get her out of there,” Beth insisted. She looked at Noah when she said this.

“We need more people. You know they have the manpower,” Noah reminded her.

“We need the others,” I said to her. “We’ve got weapons. We’ve got more people now too.”

“We need to come up with a plan,” she said.

“Then we need to get back and tell Rick,” I told her, and she nodded. “Let’s get out of here.”

“I saw a truck out back of this place. We can see if it still runs,” Noah suggested.

I looked back to Beth. “How are you? Can you walk?”

“I’m fine. It’s just my wrist. My ankle is practically like new,” she smiled.

I held her once more. “I’m so glad I found you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you, not once since you disappeared.”

“Me neither. I missed you so much, and I prayed I’d see you again.”

“We need to get going before it gets dark. Don’t want to be in the city at night,” Noah reminded us.

So, we left the warehouse and found the van. It had half a tank of gas, and after I hotwired it, we were on our way. I looked in the rear-view mirror as the city became smaller behind us, and vowed to come back for Carol as fast as I could.

>>------->

A few miles from the church, the van broke down, and we had to walk the rest of the way. It was dark, but I had my crossbow, our only weapon. We only came across a couple walkers along the way, but I took them out easily. As we walked, Noah told me his story of how he ended up at the hospital. His family lived in a gated community in Virginia. They had been fortunate because it was fairly protected by a wall. At some point, his uncle left the community, maybe to find other family members, but he never came back. Noah and his father left on a mission to find him. They picked up a trail which led them to Atlanta. That’s where they were ambushed by a group of officers. Noah’s father was severely injured in the scuffle. Noah was taken by the group, but his father was left behind, said to be too far gone to save. Noah had been at Grady ever since. Now, his main goal was to eventually get back to Virginia, and hopefully be reunited with the rest of his family.

I apologized to him for the way I treated him, but I explained that I didn’t know him or trust him. “You can’t be too careful anymore.”

“No man, it’s okay. I get it. I’m sorry I stole your weapons and let those roamers out. You and Carol looked strong. I knew you’d be alright,” Noah apologized.

“You were looking out for Beth. I appreciate that.” I held my hand out and he accepted it as we shook.

“I owe a lot to Beth,” Noah said, smiling at her. “I never would have made it out of that place without her.

“Ya’ll got this sappy love-fest going on. Let’s just get home, wherever home is now,” Beth complained lightly, though she was just as happy.

I couldn’t help notice how close she walked to me. I was beyond ecstatic to find her, but what I really wanted was to spend some alone time with her. Up until now, I hadn’t been with her while others were around. I wondered how the group would see us.

“Whatcha thinkin’?” she asked.

“I was wondering how we do this. You know, you and me … and everyone else.”

“I’m in no rush to tell them about us, are you?” she said, surprising me.

“Not really. I mean, I talked to Maggie, and I think she knows, but I don’t know how much she suspects. Whatever she was thinking, she seemed okay with it.” Maggie knew I cared for Beth, but I don’t think she went as far as thinking I deflowered her little sister. She might not be so happy to know that bit of information.

“I say we keep it to ourselves just for a minute,” she said.

“Then again, I don’t want to have to hide it either. I want to be able to sit next to you if I want.”

“So, let them guess until we decide. The important thing now is to get Carol back.”

I agreed with that strategy. “That’s where our heads have got to be.”

“And if anyone asks?” she wondered.

“Then I’ll tell them the truth.”

Beth wrapped her arm around my waist. “And what’s that?” she smiled shyly.

“The truth is we are a couple, and I don’t care what anyone might have to say about that because you told me you loved me,” I said.

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you absolutely did. But you’re going to have to say the same thing if someone asks you,” I told her.

“And I will.” She squeezed me tighter against her as we walked along.

“What will you say?”

She gave me a funny look, like I had lost my marbles. “I’ll tell them that we are a couple, and that I love you.”

“Ah, but that’s not good enough.” I put my arm around her shoulders. I looked for Noah, and noticed that he had fallen back to give us time to ourselves. He was very good about that. “You should be able to tell them that I love you too.”

“I should?” she replied.

“Yes, because . . .” I stopped walking and stood before her, taking both of her hands in mine. “Because I do.”

A slow smile appeared on her face, spreading wide with joy. “Is that right, Mr. Dixon?”

“The God’s honest truth, Ms. Greene.” I was about to lean into her, but I stopped. “Hey kid,” I called to Noah, and he looked at me. I tossed him my crossbow. “Keep a look out for a moment, would you? I’ve got some unfinished business to take care of.” 

Noah gave a crooked smile and shook his head. “Just don’t take too long.”

My gazed returned to Beth. “I just need to do this the right way, the way I should have done it to begin with, and make it official.” I cupped her face in my hand and tilted her head up. “I meant to do this the night they took you. I had it all planned out because I wanted to make it special. I should have done it sooner because then you were gone, and I didn’t get to tell you how I felt about you. I beat myself up about that. I was scared that you might never know. So now, I won’t waste another minute. Beth, I love you.”

Her hand went to the back of my head and pulled me down. Our lips touched lightly with sweet, simple kisses that turned deeper and more passionate the longer we stayed connected. If it were any other time or any other place besides in the woods at night with Noah keeping watch, I would have kissed her longer. We separated with reluctance, though we couldn’t turn our eyes from each other. She smiled and her blue eyes seemed to glow. I was a bit timid, especially with Noah there. It was such a private moment between me and Beth, and I was never good at showing my emotions so outwardly. She didn’t seem to care. We knew we’d find a moment alone when we could be ourselves again, like we were at the house.

“Uh, guys? I think we got company,” Noah called. “There’s two roamers over there, moving slow though.”

I looked over to where he stood guard. He had my bow raised, looking through the scope. I kissed Beth once more, quicker this time, and released her. “Okay, let’s get moving.” Noah came over and gave me my bow back. We were once again on our way.

>>------->

It wasn’t much farther, and we were closing in on the church. “It’s just through these bushes,” I informed. “Noah, why don’t you stay here a moment. Let me take Beth first, and then I’ll tell them about you. Our group can be a little skittish around strangers.” They agreed, and Beth and I moved through the bushes. I came out first, and to my surprise, I was met by Michonne wielding her katana.

“Daryl? I thought you were a walker,” Michonne smiled, but it soon faded when she saw me alone. “Where’s Carol?”

I didn’t answer because I needed to tell them as a group. Instead, I looked back over my shoulder, and Beth came forward. “Hi, Michonne,” she said, stepping out of the bush.

Michonne went to her and hugged her. “Beth,” she said with relief.

While they were busy with their greetings, I went back and signaled to Noah to come forward. He followed me through the bush. As Michonne’s eyes fell on him, she stiffened and released Beth. Her hand went to the handle of her sword. I introduced him quickly. “This is Noah. He’s with us.”

Michonne looked skeptical, but Beth assured her Noah was good, and told her that they escaped together. I could see Michonne had a thousand questions, but she would wait until everyone was there to hear them. “Come on. Let’s get inside.” She led the way to the church, and we went inside.

I only saw part of our group. “Where’s everyone else?” I asked, worried to know the truth.

“Abraham and his group got that old school bus running and left, heading for Washington,” Michonne informed.

“I thought we all agreed to go,” I told her, confused by the change.

“We did. And we’re still going, but Rick wanted to wait for you and Carol to get back,” she said. “Daryl, where is she?”

“The people who took Beth have her,” I said. “She was injured, but Noah said they’ll help her. She’s at a hospital in Atlanta.”

Before I could explain any further, Rick, Carl, Tyrese and Sasha came out of the back room, saw us at the doors of the church and rushed down the center aisle. They all greeted Beth, and looked over Noah carefully. Beth introduced Noah so they wouldn’t gang up on the new guy. Carl was holding Judith, and I watched Beth take her carefully into her arms. She hugged the Judith as though she was her own child. Judith smiled when she saw her.

Everyone surrounded Beth, and wanted to know what happened to her, where she’d been all this time. Beth told them a Cliff Notes version, but turned the story onto Carol’s demise. “She’s there right now. We need to get her out of that place.”

The conversation turned serious, and that’s when I joined in. “According to Noah, we’re gonna need people and weapons in order to get inside. They’ve got the numbers.” As I spoke, I looked around and noticed the missing faces. “Where is everyone.”

“I told you that Abraham, Eugene and Rosita left, but I didn’t tell you that Glenn, Maggie and Tara went with them,” Michonne filled me in.

“Why?” I needed to know.

Rick took over. “We made a deal, and Glenn and Maggie were a part of it. They’re heading for Washington. I stayed to wait for you and Carol to get back. You left without telling us where you were going. Maggie was sure you were going to find Beth.”

“We were, but things went south.” I continued my part of the story, about finding the van with the white cross, running into Noah, and Carol getting hit by a car. Noah confirmed my story, and Beth gave them some insight on the Grady people.

Rick seemed ready to go. “We’ve got the weapons. That’s for sure. I wish Glenn and Maggie and the rest were still here. We could use the manpower, but we’ll just have to make due with who we have. Carl can stay here with Judith and Father Gabriel. Michonne, I’d appreciate it if you’d stay here too.” Rick stopped and glanced around the church. “First, though, we need to fortify this place. After what happened, I don’t feel safe leaving you here the way it is now.”

For the first time, I noticed the blood stains on the floor in front of the alter. It looked like someone tried to clean them, but it was already soaked into the grain. “What the hell happened here?” I asked. And then I noticed one more thing. “And where’s Bob?”

It was like listening to the plot of a horror movie. I thought we had taken care of those assholes at Terminus, but their ringleader got away, along with a few of his cronies, and attacked the night Carol and I left to find Beth. They had taken Bob and done horrible things to him, a cannibalistic nightmare. They left him alive and brought him back, minus one of his legs. Unfortunately, Bob had been bitten during the food pantry mission, so he wasn’t long for the world. Sasha was beside herself with grief, and stayed separate from the rest of the group for now. She had lived it, and she didn’t want to listen to the story again. In the end, Rick and the others set a trap for Gareth and his group. The results were stained in the wood floor before the altar. There would be no more trouble from Terminus.

Beth and I sat next to each other as we heard about everything that happened while we were gone. At one point, she reached for my hand, and I took it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rick watching us. Not that I much cared, but I knew there would be questions soon. I couldn’t help wonder what he was thinking. Did he look down on our age difference? Did he think less of me for allowing something to blossom between us? I respected Rick, and I usually took any advice he gave me, but in the long run, no matter what he thought, nothing would keep me and Beth apart.

“So, what are we dealing with?” Rick asked Beth as we started to discuss Grady Memorial.

“I’ll let Noah fill you in on that. He was there for almost a year. He knows every inch of that place. Dawn is the woman who runs it all. She’s tough, but she has flaws, and she’s barely holding on to her role as leader,” Beth told him. Then, Noah started from the beginning, filling them in on everything they needed to know about the hospital so that we could form a plan to retrieve Carol.

Beth looked up at me and smiled slightly. “I’m thirsty. Want to find something to drink?”

What she was really asking was for us to slip away and share a private moment alone. “Sure. There’s some supplies in the back room.” We got up, and all eyes turned to us, even as Noah spoke. We went to the back room and closed the door. Once inside and alone, we held each other. I kissed her as though it was our first time. I didn’t want to say it was like our last because when she disappeared, I sometimes wondered if it was.

“I hope Maggie is alright,” she said when we separated. “I wish she didn’t go.”

“We’ll catch up to them just as soon as we get Carol back,” I said, trying to ease her mind. I glanced down at her soiled scrubs. “We need to get you into some clean clothes.”

“It was horrible how we had to escape that place. There was no other way but down the elevator shaft, and that’s where they threw all the dead bodies.” She got this far-off look as she spoke, like she was right back there.

“Will you tell me what happened to you there? I need to know. I imagined all sorts of terrible things after you were gone,” I pleaded.

“The doctor, his name was Edwards, he set my wrist and put the cast on. I was still unconscious at that point. At first, I thought he was nice. I thought he was a friend, but he was just as twisted as the others. Once I woke up, they gave me these scrubs and put me to work right away. Dawn, she was always watching everyone. Anything you used, you had to pay back by working, and they would make you do anything. I went from mopping floors to administering medication through an IV. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have any medical training. That’s when I found out that Dr. Edwards wasn’t my friend.”

“What did he do to you?” I asked, feeling my ire rise to think someone might have taken advantage of her.

“He was the one who told me how their system worked. When I found out that the food I ate had to be paid back by giving my time, I refused to eat. I just wanted to pay my debt for this,” she said, raising her casted arm. “I wanted to get out of there. Dr. Edwards made it seem like it was an easy trade, but everything I did cost me more time. And then they brought in another patient, a man. He was in bad shape. Dr. Edwards told Dawn they might be wasting precious supplies if they tried to save him. He didn’t think he was going to make it, but Dawn ordered him to try. That’s when Dr. Edwards put me to work. He told me to crush up a specific medicine, and give it to the patient. Then he left. I did as I was told and administered it to the patient. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was being set up. That poor injured man started having a seizure and then the machine flatlined. Dawn came back and was so pissed, she slapped me, opening up my stitches. Noah lied for me, and told her he accidentally unplugged the ventilator. He was taken away by officers and beaten. Dr. Edwards came back. He asked if I gave the man the medicine, but it was a different name from the one he told me to give. He said I gave him the wrong one, and he overdosed. Edwards used me. He killed that man because he knew him. He was a doctor, and if he lived, Edwards’ job would be threatened.”

“Fucking asshole,” I muttered to myself. I already had two names on my mental list, Edwards and Dawn. When we went back for Carol, I’d make sure to pay them a visit. “Who else?” I asked.

Beth stared at me. I could see she was figuring me out quickly. I didn’t think she was going to tell me anymore about her time at the hospital, but she continued. “There was a man, one of Dawn’s officers. Gorman.”

“What’d he do to you?” I asked, my voice turning dark. She didn’t answer me right away. “Did he touch you?” I continued. “Did he?”

“He tried,” she admitted reluctantly.

“I’ll kill him first,” I seethed as I added another name to the list.

“You won’t have to. He’s already dead. I took care of him myself.” With her admission, she turned from me. “He was disgusting. I think he raped a woman named Joan, another girl like me, forced to pay the price for living there. I was afraid he was going to try to do the same to me. He made a few attempts.” Beth turned back to me, and saw the look of anger on my face, and my balled-up fists at my sides. She put a hand on my chest and leaned into me. “But he never got the chance to lay a hand on me. I found Joan in Dawn’s office when I went in there to steal a key for Noah and I to escape. Joan was dead and already starting to turn. Gorman followed me. He said if I was friendly with him, he wouldn’t tell Dawn I was snooping around in her office. I played his game and got him closer to Joan. She got her revenge for whatever Gorman did to her by ripping a hole in his neck. After that, Noah and I made our escape.”

I was amazed by her story. Actually, I almost had a difficult time picturing Beth doing any of the things she told me about. “You’re a fighter. I knew you were. You always had it in you.”

“You showed me how. And all I could think about was getting back to you.” She pushed back so she could look into my eyes. “But Dawn … she’s bad news. She needs to be stopped. She thinks she’s in control of her officers, but all she does is allow them to do whatever they want. She told me herself that by letting them run free by their own rules, they were easier to manage. Gorman was a predator. I know he raped Joan. Who knows how many other women he assaulted? And Dawn knows this. She lets it happen. It’s the only way she manages to stay in charge. She needs to be taken out. Those people need to be let go before more end up like Joan or that man who died from an overdose.”

“We’ll tell Rick, and we’ll make it part of the plan,” I said, holding her in my arms. “There’s people in the world now who don’t deserve to be here. They’re sick and they’re dangerous.” I thought of Terminus and Gareth, who had gotten what he deserved. I only wish I had been there to help take him out.

Beth nestled her head in my shoulder. “That’s why we have to get Carol out of there as soon as possible. I only pray they take care of her. If they think she’s beyond helping–"

“No, not Carol. She’s strong. She’ll pull through. She has to,” I said solidly. I looked back down at Beth, her big blue eyes gazing back at me. Slowly, I lowered my head and kissed her again, but this time I let it get heated. I could feel myself coming to life, and I didn’t care. I wanted her. I wanted her badly.

“Daryl, not here. Not yet. Everyone is waiting for us.” Beth wiggled free, but I could tell she was flustered too.

“When?” I asked.

“The question is where,” she said. “Definitely not here. Too many eyes and ears.”

“Yeah, and you know how loud you can get,” I teased her. She slapped my arm playfully. “We’ll figure it out soon enough.” I handed her a bottle of water, and we joined the others.

“Everything alright?” Sasha asked, looking at Beth. Sasha had been through some trauma, and she looked concerned for Beth too.

“I’m good,” Beth smiled politely. She found Carl sitting across the way and took a seat next to him. He was holding Judith, and after Beth spoke to him, he handed the baby to her.

I realized I hadn’t really watched her while she took care of Judith. At the prison, I took advantage of the times she was busy being a nanny because I knew she wouldn’t be following me around. Those were such different times. Now, I paid attention to the way she held the baby, how she cradled her, whispered in her ear, rocked her back and forth. Beth played that game all moms played, singing softly and wiggling each of her little piggy toes. Judith was drawn to her too. Beth had been her main caretaker when Rick or Carl were busy, which was a lot of the time back then. She was eighteen and helping to raise a child when she should have been off a t college, experiencing independence with her friends, dating boys her own age, going to parties, getting drunk, doing pot, wishing she didn’t have to come home on the weekends because it felt like stepping back into childhood. But somehow, I couldn’t even imagine Beth in that scenario. She had grown up fast, faster than she ever would have if the world didn’t end. She was eighteen going on twenty-five, and you know what, it seemed to suit her just fine.

I didn’t know I was still looking in her direction, and when I came back from my thoughts, Beth was watching me and smiled. She seemed to blush slightly and looked away, but the smile remained. I was a lucky man, but I just hoped the others accepted our relationship. Not that their opinion would influence me in any way. What Beth and I had was between us and no one else, but it would be nice to have the others’ support. There would be time for that later. Right now, we needed to get Carol back.

“I’m glad you’re back,” I overheard Carl tell Beth. “Uh, we’re glad your back,” he corrected.

“Thanks. That’s sweet of you to say,” Beth responded.

Oh, the boy had it bad. The puppy dog eyes, the way he stumbled over his words, and were those beads of sweat popping out on his forehead? Carl had a major crush on Beth. She was nice to him, talked to him while she bounced Judith on her knee. He looked like the kid who had a crush on his much older babysitter. I had to laugh at the thought of going up to him right now and asking if he was moving in on my woman. Of course, I wouldn’t do that, but it was funny to think of.

Rick eased up next to me, bumping my shoulder. “The kid’s got good taste,” he commented.

I simply nodded. “Yep.”

“I might could say the same about you,” Rick accused as he smiled slyly. “Would I be right?”

“Mmph,” I mumbled instead of giving an answer.

“I know Hershel asked you to look out for Beth if something happened to him. He told me during one of our last conversations,” Rick said.

“You got a problem with that?” I asked cautiously.

“Not at all. I’m not here to judge. I’m not even here to give advice. You’re a grown man. You know what you’re doing,” Rick said quietly, in that distinct cop voice. “I’ll admit, I kind of guessed it when you told me she was gone. I could hear it in your tone, the way you spoke of her. I know you care for her a great deal.”

I was silent a moment as I kept my eyes focused straight ahead. “I do,” I said eventually. “We both do.”

“That’s good then. I’m happy for you.” Rick stopped and huffed a laugh. “Can’t say Maggie will feel the same.”

“We talked a little bit. She doesn’t know the whole story, but I think she’ll be okay.” We sat in silence for another moment or two before Rick got up.

“Well, I guess we better get this meeting started,” he said as he started to walk to the front of the church.

“Hey Rick?” I called softly. He turned and came back. “You knew Hershel better than anyone. What do you think he would have said?”

Rick smiled and laughed. “He would have clapped a hand to your shoulder and smiled kindly as he pulled you close and whispered in your ear, ‘If you ever hurt my little girl, I’ll shoot your balls off.’ Then he would have shaken your hand and welcomed you to the family.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of how I pictured it too,” I laughed. “I still expect the same treatment from Maggie once we catch up to them.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that one bit.” Rick went back to the front of the church and called a meeting. It was time to figure out how to get Carol back.


	14. Until It's Daylight

Chapter 14 Until It’s Daylight

We had a plan. We were going back to Grady with our group and our weapons. We were going in full throttle, take down anyone who got in our way, and extract Carol from their grasp. And if I saw Edwards or Dawn, they were mine. Noah knew a few routes that we could take to get inside the hospital without detection. He knew which floors they were on, which hallways to take, and what guards were at which stations. The idea was to take out anyone who opposed us, and save all those who didn’t want to be there, those who were forced to stay against their will. I was pretty confident that we would be successful. This was one of the toughest groups of people I’d ever been with. When we were together, we were a force to be reckoned with. Needless to say, Carol was coming back with us.

As for the church, we spent the better part of the day chopping up the pews and using them to board up doors and windows. Once we left on our mission, no one would get in or out of the church until we got back. Everything was nailed shut except for one door at the entrance. When we left tomorrow morning, that would get nailed up too.

Everyone was exhausted after putting in a long day of hard labor. Our weapons were ready, the church was secure, and Tyrese and I went back to where I left the truck and got it running again. It was parked out front, ready to go. Now, it was late at night, and everyone was asleep. I had found a bunch of blankets earlier, and passed them out to everyone. We would have to sleep on the floor since we destroyed the pews. Sasha and Tyrese chose a spot close to the alter. Rick, Carl and Judith made a nest under one of the boarded up stained-glass windows. Michonne and Noah had their own personal spaces on the opposite side of the church. And I made Beth a place beneath a statue of the Virgin Mary, near a baptismal font. As for me, I took first watch, but it was nearing the end of my time. I was sitting outside on the steps, and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket that I’d found in Atlanta. I was very particular about smoking. I didn’t take it for granted like I used to do. They were getting difficult to come by, so I only smoked one when I absolutely needed it. Tonight, was one of those nights. Tomorrow, we were heading into danger, but that wasn’t a reason to light up. I was nervous and worried about Carol. From what Beth and Noah told me, there was a chance they didn’t save her. I kept playing the accident over and over in my mind, Carol’s body rolling over the car, and then landing hard in the street. She didn’t move, and that worried me the most. Maybe she was already dead. Maybe she never made it to the hospital. If only she hadn’t run out of the building like she did. Why didn’t she look before she ran out into the road? I knew why. There wasn’t any more traffic. If we ever saw a car on the road, we were in it. We had gotten used to the new way of things.

The other thing that weighed heavy on my mind was the dirtbag that harassed Beth. I was sure the only reason she told me about him and what he did to her was because he was already dead. It was a good thing too, or I might have taken that van and gone in by myself just to put that piece of shit out of his misery. I kept picturing him putting his filthy hands on her, forcing her to suck his finger, humiliating her with his vulgar comments. I was proud of her for standing up to him, and for her quick thinking that got him killed.

But there was one person in charge who could put a stop to that kind of behavior. Dawn. The fact that she chose to ignore it made my blood boil. She was no better than the perpetrators she protected. My brother used to say that if you wanted to make sure you killed a snake, you had to cut off its head. Well, if Grady hospital was the snake then Dawn was the head, and I was coming for her.

I eased a cigarette out of the pack, the first one I took since I found it. I held it between my lips, and relaxed with the nostalgic feeling it brought me. Then I pulled out my silver lighter, flipped it open and watched it spark and light. There was a slight breeze, so I cupped the lighter in my hands as I brought it to the tip of the cigarette. I drew in air and watched the tip glow orange, inhaled the taste of tobacco, felt the smoke fill my lungs, and then exhaled as I slipped the lighter back into my pocket. I never realized how addictive they were until I had to start rationing them. Each one I smoked was like a gift, a little break from reality. I closed my eyes and took another slow drag. Not too much too fast, or it would be gone. I could afford to smoke the entire cigarette this time, but as my supply ran low, I would start to smoke just half of one, and only for those special occasions when I really needed it. I suppose this might have been a good way to ween yourself off tobacco, especially if you couldn’t get a hold of a pack easily.

The heavy wooden church door creaked open, and Beth came outside. She closed it as slowly as she had opened it, not wanting to wake anyone inside. I patted the step beside me. “Come plant your cute little ass right here,” I said. I felt like I hadn’t seen her in an age. It had been a busy day, and we couldn’t spend much time together. I noticed she was wearing a pink t-shirt that was a size too small and a pair of dark denim blue-jeans. “Finally got out of those scrubs I see.”

“Yeah, Sasha had an extra pair of jeans. The shirt came from a lost and found box in Father Gabriel’s office. Unfortunately, they are kid’s clothes from the Sunday school children.

I was thinking it wasn’t unfortunate for me. The shirt hugged her body, accentuating the curve of her waist and her breasts. “At least they’re clean,” I commented, keeping the first part to myself.

She sat down beside me so that our legs touched, huddled in very close to me. “I’ve got some semi-good news that I haven’t had the time to tell you about with all the excitement and hard work of the day.”

“Oh yeah? I could use some good news of any sort.” I figured she was going to tell me she found a bottle of Gabriel’s wine that we hadn’t drank yet, or something minor like that.

“I met a man at the hospital. His name is Kenneth, Ken for short.”

I didn’t think this was good news of any kind. “Ken, hmm? Should I be jealous or do I need to kick his ass too.”

She giggled at my side. “There’s no reason for either one. Actually, you’d recognize him if you saw him, even though you’ve never met before.”

I knew right away who she was talking about, and I turned to her with surprise. “The funeral home owner? You found him?”

She gave me a big nod. “He’s one of the people staying at Grady.” Her smile disappeared. “He doesn’t want to be there.”

“Why didn’t you break him out of there with you and Noah?” I couldn’t understand why she would leave him behind.

“He’s in a wheelchair. Not permanently,” she rushed to say. “He was out scavenging, just like we assumed. He was looking for guns because they didn’t have any at the house. When he was younger, he worked at one of those membership bulk stores near the city, and remembered the manager having a gun hidden in his office. That’s where he was when he had his accident. The office was elevated up high like a second story, but it was a freestanding building inside the warehouse. What he didn’t know was that the bathroom had a water leak, which weakened the wood floor. He was leaving with the gun when the floor collapsed from under him. He fell and broke a bone in one leg, and had a long deep wound in the other. He said it was really bad. Somehow, two police officers happened to hear or see the collapse. They took him to the hospital, promising him he would get treatment, and just like me and everyone else they brought in, he’s forced to work off the supplies used to fix his wounds. He’s bound to a wheelchair until he can walk again. Noah and I had to escape down an elevator shaft. There was no way we could have gotten him out of there. Instead, he helped us with our plans for escape.”

“Did you tell him about us staying at his house?” I asked.

“Yeah, and he was glad it helped us out.” She smiled and looked down and away. “He told me a lot about his husband. His name was Bailey, and they were madly in love … high school sweethearts. The funeral home was Bailey’s … family owned. His grandfather started the business back in the 1930’s. His parents took over when his grandfather died. Then, when they decided to retire and move to the coast, Bailey took over the business, along with Ken. They were married about a couple years before the outbreak. Ken misses him something awful. He was completely heartbroken, which I think is why he did what he did,” she said softly about the reconstructed body in the viewing room.

“Why didn’t he just bury him?” I wondered, more to myself to Beth.

“We didn’t talk about that. I think he was kind of embarrassed about it. All I said about it was that we buried him under the oak in the field out back. He was glad to know Bailey was finally at rest. I think it bothered him that he left things like that,” she said.

“Well, when we go back for Carol, we’ll help Ken out too,” I said as I leaned close and kissed her cheek. I noticed that she eyed my cigarette.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smoke before.”

“I haven’t had any cigarettes since before the farm. I found these in Atlanta.” I stopped and took a drag. “You ever smoke before?” I asked.

“One time. Behind the gym in the tenth grade. Patty Lemmings. She was a Goth kid,” she reminisced.

“What were you doing hanging around the Goth kids?” I wondered. She didn’t strike me as the type.

“It wasn’t me. I was with a friend who wanted to join their clique. She dragged me along with her one day. They were Seniors, and they found it entertaining to watch the younger naïve kids choke on the smoke. Me, I just coughed some, but my friend, she actually threw up. It was the one and only time we ever hung around the Goth crowd. When I got home, Maggie smelled the smoke on my clothes and dragged me back out of the house before my dad got a whiff.” She sighed. “She was always looking out for me like that.” Beth slipped her arm through mine and laid her head on my shoulder. “I miss my sister,” she said. “Why would she leave without me?”

I could hear the hurt and disappointment in her voice. “There was a tense moment between Abraham and Rick about leaving for Washington. In order to keep them from fighting it out, Glenn and Maggie agreed to go with them, so long as the rest of us caught up to them as soon as we got you back. I promised I’d find you and get you to her as soon as possible,” I told her. “Now it’s Carol we have to get, but we’ll be on our way in no time.”

“Where do you think she is by now?” She looked up at the stars.

I shrugged. “Hopefully well on her way to D.C.”

“I hope so too. Carl was telling me about the new people. I’m excited to meet them. Rosita sounds like a badass. And Eugene … do you really think he has the cure for all this?”

“I wouldn’t put too much stock into it. He probably knows something, but it’s going to take a team of scientists to find the cure. I’m not so sure there’s anyone left to make the team.” My cigarette was just about finished. I took one last drag and snuffed it out in the dirt.

“You might be right about that, but at least it’s something.” She sighed and leaned against me again.

“Little man Carl sure was happy to see you. You know he’s got the major hots for you, don’t you?” I was teasing her hoping to make her blush.

She slapped my arm. “Stop that. He’s a sweet kid. And yes, I know. I’ve known for a long time.”

“Did he ever … put the moves on you back at the prison?” I asked as I attempted to tickle her sides.

She desperately held back a laugh and squirmed all over. “No, he did not. Hey, that’s something the two of you have in common.”

“Ouch,” I said, pretending it hurt my pride. “Well, when an older man refrains from chasing after a younger woman it’s called restraint. When a younger man withholds from asking out an older woman, it’s called not a snowballs chance in hell.”

“You are so bad,” she gasped. “And don’t you dare tease him about that. You’ll damage him at his age.”

“I wouldn’t think of it. Carl’s a good kid. He’s a lot like his father,” I mentioned.

“Maggie is more like our dad. I’m more like my mom, I think. What about you? Who do you take after?”

“Hopefully none of them. My parents weren’t exactly role models. My mom did meth. My dad was a drunk. You know the story by now.” I didn’t want to get into my past. It only brought me down.

“I already know you’re not like your parents or Merle. You have blossomed and become your own man, someone your family could only ever dream of being.”

She always knew the right thing to say to make me feel good about myself. I tilted her chin up and drew her to me for a kiss. It heated quickly as our hands roamed over each other. I pulled away reluctantly. “I’m supposed to be on duty.”

“Yeah, well, I’m helping you,” she said, her lips kissing a line up my neck to my ear.

“You’re a distraction,” I retaliated. “A beautiful, sweet distraction.”

The door of the church opened again, and Beth and I quickly separated. Michonne poked her head out. “Hey, your shift is up. Oh, hey Beth.”

Beth still had her arm threaded through mine, but she didn’t pull away. “I couldn’t sleep so I came out here to keep Daryl company.”

“Uh huh,” Michonne said with an incredulous tone. “Should I come back later then?” she said with one eyebrow raised.

“Naw. We’re good.” We both stood and started to go back inside.

Michonne stopped me. “There’s a camper behind the church. Abraham tried to get it to run, but the engine is shot. I checked it out earlier. It smells kind of musty, but it’s livable, and it’s got to be more comfortable than the floor of a church.” She smiled and nudged me with her elbow. “Not to mention, it’s private.” That was all she needed to say to get Beth to turn a shade of red I’d never seen before.

“You insinuating something, Michonne?” I said in an accusatory way. Apparently, Michonne figured us out like Rick had. We should have just made an announcement earlier like we said we were eventually going to do. To tell the truth, I felt a little flustered myself, and that didn’t happen often.

Michonne tried to keep a straight face, but she couldn’t help herself and smiled as she let a laugh escape. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass anyone, but the vibe coming from the two of you all day, well, let’s just say you’ve made several of us jealous.”

“You really know how to be blunt, don’t you,” I complained lightly.

“Hey, it’s obvious that you two found something special with each other. I’m a strong believer in fate, and it was no accident that you ended up with each other after the prison. I think it’s sweet. You really do make a cute couple. So I thought, being the romantic soul that I am, I’d just point out that . . .” She wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

“I don’t know,” I hesitated.

“You are the only couple in the group,” Michonne smiled. “I doubt anyone would mind if you took the camper. No one cared when Glenn and Maggie took over the guard tower.”

I glanced at Beth to see what she was thinking, but she had gone silent and left the decision up to me. “Alright. We’ll take it under one condition. There better not be anyone clapping or shouting or any of that shit in the morning.” I remembered how we teased Glenn and Maggie.

“I’ll go inside and find some blankets,” Beth added with the innocence of an angel. She slipped inside, leaving just me and Michonne standing on the steps, an awkward silence creeping in between us.

I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet while I waited for Beth to come back. I shuffled my feet nervously, cleared my throat a couple times and looked up at the night sky. I felt I needed to say something, as though I needed to justify myself and my position. “I’ve always done right by her, especially at the prison. I didn’t so much as look her way.”

“I know,” Michonne answered.

I felt I still needed to explain myself. Shit, was this how it was always going to be? “Wasn’t until it was just the two of us that something sparked between us.”

“Rest assured, we’re all happy for both of you,” Michonne said soothingly.

Thankfully, Beth returned with a couple thick blankets in her arms. I took them from her so she didn’t have to carry them, and made my way down the steps. “See you in the morning,” I called over my shoulder.

“Thanks, Michonne,” Beth said to her.

“Goodnight,” Michonne said back.

Beth and I walked around the church to the camper. It was one of those kinds with a van cab for the front, and a short camper for the back. The door was on the side, and it was unlocked. I went first just to make sure it was okay. As soon as I stepped inside, I saw a bathroom across from me. To the left was a pair of benches facing each other. In front of that was the driver and passenger seats. To the right was a small stove and a sink. Across from that was a door with a mirror, a closet or storage space I suspected. At the back of the camper was a table and a U-shaped bench. There was even a TV attached to the wall in the corner. It was a nice setup. Too bad Abraham couldn’t get it to run. It would have been nicer to travel in than an old school bus.

“There’s no bed,” Beth said from behind. I didn’t hear her come inside.

“The table comes down, and the backs of the benches come off and lay on top.” I went to the back and converted the dining room into the bedroom without a problem. “You’ve never been inside one of these before, have you.”

“We camped in tents, except for this one time when my friend’s parents invited me and a couple other friends to stay at their lake house for the weekend,” she said as she looked inside the closet.

“Merle jacked one of these once, just so we could go fishing in the next state over. He told me he borrowed it, but I knew his meaning of borrow,” I said, remembering my younger days.

“Oh my God. And you didn’t get caught?” she said.

“Naw. We left it on the side of the road for the cops to find. Merle said there was no harm done.” I shook my head as I remembered what an asshole he was, missing him at the same time. I picked up the blankets and spread them over the bed. Then Beth and I laid down side by side, our legs bent at the knees, feet hanging over the edge as we stared up at the ceiling.

“Tomorrow’s a big day,” Beth said.

I had been thinking about that. I wasn’t sure of the situation we were walking into, but I knew it was going to be tense. We were basically going into someone else’s territory with guns and arrows at the ready to demand Carol back. If what Noah and Beth told us about these Grady people was accurate, they weren’t going to be happy about returning one of our own without payment. I didn’t think we owed them shit, since they were the ones who hit Carol in the first place, and they took her in without permission. Seems that’s how they did things though.

“I don’t think you should go,” I told her.

“Daryl,” she started to complain.

“Noah is coming with us. He knows his way around, probably better than you. There’s no need for you to be there too,” I justified.

“No need? That’s bullshit. I’ve got as much right to be there as anyone else. I’ve always been the one who’s had to stay behind. ‘Beth, watch Carl. Beth, watch Judith.’ No, not this time. I want to see Dawn’s face when she has to let Carol go, when she has to watch Noah leave on his own after keeping him prisoner for a year. I need to–"

I shut her up when I rolled onto her and captured her lips. She struggled to get free, apparently not done making her point, but I held her in place and kissed her passionately until she finally gave in to my manipulation. “We’ll … talk about it … in the morning,” I said between kisses.

She finalized the conversation. “I’m going.” Then she kissed me, her tongue pushing into my mouth, and mine responding the same way.

We moved together, inching up onto the bed until we were completely on top of it. I hovered above her, and looked down at her body squeezed into that pink t-shirt. I could see her pebbled nipples through the thin material, and needed to feel them in my hands. When I looked back at her, she was smiling.

“See anything you like?”

“I see a lot that I like,” I growled as I leaned down and kissed her neck. She squirmed beneath me, and made me come to life. My hand found its way to her breast, and I gently kneaded it. But it wasn’t enough. I needed to feel her flesh, and the hardness of her nipple against my palm. My hand slipped under the edge of her shirt, and I hiked it up, exposing her flat, smooth belly.

“Not so fast,” she laughed. “We’ve got all night.”

“Exactly. So, we can do a little something now, and a little more something later, and again, and again,” I said as I ravished her.

“You are incorrigible,” she opposed lightheartedly.

I stopped and lifted myself up onto my hands. “Why do I get the feeling you’re stalling?”

She shrugged and rolled her eyes upwards. “Mmph.”

“Don’t mmph. What’s up?”

“Can’t a girl just enjoy being alone with her man for a bit without all the other stuff?”

“Yes she can. But it’s all that other stuff that we have limited opportunities to engage in.” I didn’t want to be pushy, so I rolled off of her and came to rest at her side. “However, just being alone with you means the world to me also.”

She seemed pleased with herself, and rolled onto her side to face me. Her hand roamed over my chest, and her fingers started to undo my buttons. “Hey,” I contested. I’d just been berated for doing the same to her.

“There nothing wrong with spending time together while you’re shirtless,” she said wickedly as two more buttons came undone.

“What about you?” I asked, my eyes wandering to her breasts again.

She shook her head slowly back and forth. “Uh uh, not yet.”

“This is some kind of double standard,” I said with unease, but she knew I was joking around.

“These are my rules, at least for tonight. Next time, you can make the rules, and I’ll be yours to do with as you please.”

My shirt was completely unbuttoned, and her hand traveled over my chest, playing with the patch of light hair. I just laid there and enjoyed her ministrations. She wasn’t fooling me. I could tell she wanted me just as badly as I wanted her, but I would play her game … for now. Eventually, she settled down beside me, her cheek resting against the crook of my shoulder, her body pressing against my side, and her leg draped across mine.

“What do you think we’ll find in Washington?” she asked in the dark.

“I don’t expect it to be much different from what we’ve found here,” I answered.

“I think the city will be overrun like it is in Atlanta. I don’t want to go to another place like that. I want something like we had at our house.”

“It will have to be a pretty big house to fit all of us,” I said, joking. But I could see she was thinking deep thoughts about it. “Maybe we’ll find a complex, something we can fortify.”

“Maybe we’ll find a community, something like the place where Noah’s family is at,” she said. “He told me about it. It has tall brick walls all around. It was built that way to begin with. They put up more of a solid gate instead of the iron bars that were there originally. They can lock it up tight, and no one can get in. Noah said that kids could ride their bikes around the neighborhood, and neighbors took turns barbequing and feeding the community. It’s not a very big group of people. Most of them left when things first started going bad. That means there will be empty houses there too.”

“Are you saying you want to go there instead of Washington?” I asked. I hadn’t thought that far into the future, but Beth always had a way of getting me to think ahead.

“Only if Maggie and Glenn agree to stay there too. She’s all the family I have left. I don’t want to lose her again, once we catch up to her.”

“I think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves,” I said as I thought about everything we had to do before we could even think about settling down somewhere.

“We can’t always be on the run,” she commented. “Sooner or later, we’re going to have to try and bring some normal back.”

“Right now, normal is finding our next meal, making sure our water bottles are filled and our weapons are loaded,” I reminded her.

“That’s surviving. I’m talking about living.” She glanced around the camper. “This is temporary. This is surviving, a place to get out of the weather where walkers won’t find us. I’m talking about a place to put down our roots, to settle in, to make our own, plant gardens, keep livestock. A place where we can be free to take walks with our friends, Where Judith can grow and play without a care in the world. That’s what I want. That’s what I need.” A tear actually threatened the corner of her eye.

“Hey, hat’s all this?” I said gently.

“I … I just want a normal life … with you.” The tear broke free and ran down her cheek.

I reached out and wiped it away with my thumb as I cupped her face. “When we get to Noah’s community, as long as it’s legit, we’ll talk the others into staying. It’s in Virginia, and that’s not too far from Washington. Maybe we can even talk Abraham and his people into staying too,” I assured her. “It’s a really good plan.”

“You think so?” she asked, her blue eyes glistening with moisture.

“Absolutely. Maybe Ken will want to go with us, and anyone else who wants to leave.” I knew I was suggesting too much without knowing where we were going or what we might find. It would be a huge disappointment if we got there and found nothing. “I don’t care where we end up as long as I’ve got you.”

She laughed and cried at the same time, and I pulled her to me, cradling her at my side. She nuzzled my neck, which turned into kisses. Her gentle kisses gave way to more aggressive nipping, as she sucked and bit my flesh. It would surely make a mark, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything but being with Beth.

When she was finished adorning my neck with hickeys, she reached down to my belt, and fumbled with it. But she only had one hand to work with, the other one encased in a cast. “A little help?” she asked sweetly.

“Absolutely, Ms. Greene,” I obeyed, and I made quick work of my pants and my shirt, tossing them to the floor by the bed. While I did that, Beth got out of her jeans, dropping them on top of my clothes. She came back to me, and straddled my thighs, observing the tenting of my briefs.

She smiled impishly and bit her bottom lip. “Why, Mr. Dixon, what have we here?” she said with the drawl of a southern bell.

“Why don’t you take them off and find out?” I suggested, my voice a low raspy growl.

She leaned forward, her body covering mine, and kissed me hard. Nothing but the thin material of our undergarments kept us from joining. Beth’s hips moved in a circling motion as she dry-humped me.

“I want you so bad right now,” I told her.

She slowly shook her head back and forth. “Don’t forget who’s in charge this time.” She lifted herself on her knees as she reached down with her good hand and rubbed my straining cock through my briefs. “Tonight we try something new. At least, new to me,” she said, sitting back on my thighs. My cock pulsed with the need to sink into her depths. She was driving me insane, and it was the best feeling in the world.

She managed to work my underwear down, with a little help from me. I laid naked on the bed with her straddling me, still in her panties and tight pink shirt. Her hand manipulated me, making long strokes from tip to hilt. I couldn’t stop my body from thrusting into her hand. It took every ounce of control I could muster not to spend in her hand. “Come on, babe. Let me inside you. Please?”

“I like it when you beg,” she responded.

“You’re the only one I’ll do that for,” I said, making her smile wickedly.

She moved away long enough to free herself of her white cotton panties. Then she resumed her position on top of me. Beth leaned forward again, and kissed me, hot with need, and when she sat upright again, she lowered her body onto mine. We moaned simultaneously as we joined as one. Her body was warm and wet, and she moved seductively along my length. My hands settled on her hips as she writhed against me. Then they traveled up, pushing her shirt up too. She raised her arms and I finished undressing her so that we were finally both naked. I cupped her breasts as they bounced to her rhythm.

It wasn’t enough to just have her riding me. I needed more. I needed to cocoon her, to get as close to her as I could, and I managed to sit up. She hesitated as I adjusted my position. She adjusted hers too, and we were finally facing each other, our bodies connected in a dance as old as time. She continued to gyrate in my lap, her arms thrown around my neck for support. My arms wrapped around her torso, and I pulled her close to feel her breasts against my chest. Beth threw her head back and I kissed and sucked her neck. Her moans became louder and quicker between. My hips thrust up as she came down on me, filling her completely, edging her on to glory. I was close now, and I could feel myself building.

“Ah! Daryl!” she cried out as she came.

The sound of her beautiful voice calling to me was all I needed to lose myself and spill. I moaned with relief into her shoulder, and pulled her tighter against me, my body gone rigid as I came inside her depths. We eventually collapsed together, just holding one another, neither one of us wanting to move from our lover’s embrace. A light sheen of moisture made our bodies slick, the smell of sex permeating the close air of the camper, a miasma of love and lust. We stayed that way as I softened within her. We regained our composure, and toppled onto the blankets, exhausted but extremely satisfied.

“Oh my God,” Beth panted with a smile.

“Mmph,” I mumbled, not able to form words yet. I was still enjoying the silent waves of my depleting orgasm. Or maybe that was my muscles trying to remember what they were supposed to be doing.

“We have got to do that again sometime,” she said.

“You like being on top?”

“Oh yeah. Wow! I never knew it would feel like that.” She laughed with exhaustion and wiped her brow. “It’s hot in here.”

“It’s damn hot. And fine too,” I said, but I wasn’t talking about the temperature. She laughed again.

>>------->

I don’t think either one of us realized that we fell asleep, but I guess we needed it. I woke up to Beth stretching luxuriously, long and naked, a beautiful vixen at my side. It was still dark out, but I could sense the sunrise wasn’t far off. Once we left our little love shack, it would begin, our dangerous mission to bring Carol back to us. Guilt crept up invading my thoughts. She was lying in a hospital, possibly fighting for her life among strangers. I was laying in a bed with my lover, happy if for a moment, and trying to make it last as long as I could.

“Daryl?” Beth called softly.

I kissed her cheek. “Go back to sleep. It’s not time to get up yet.”

“But I don’t want to spend this time sleeping. It’s like you said. It might be a long time before we can share another private moment with each other.”

“We’ll just have to find a way, won’t we. I’ll say we’re going off to hunt, or fill our bottles with water,” I said, throwing some different scenarios out there.

Beth’s eyes fluttered open, the bluest I had ever seen them. They seemed to sparkle as though the stars had settled in them. “And what will you do with me when you have me alone?”

“I’ll capture you like a woodland nymph and make love to you on a carpet of grass and leaves,” I said seductively. If only it really were that simple.

She smiled and closed her eyes. “Sounds absolutely wonderful.”

My mouth was dry. I must have sweat out half of my body’s water capacity. I sat up and reached for my pants. Beth sat up too, a worried look on her face. I pushed her hair back from her temples where it had adhered with the perspiration. “I’m just going to find us some water.” I kissed her quick and light. “I’m all yours until it’s daylight.” She smiled at that. “I’ll be right back,” I said as I stood to dress. I didn’t feel like putting my shirt on, so I just threw my winged vest on, and went to the door. When I opened it, I saw two bottles of water sitting on the step. Michonne must have left them here. When I got outside, I went around the corner to have a look, and saw Sasha pacing back and forth in front of the church steps. She never even looked up to see me. Her brows were creased together as she was deep in thought. She was grieving Bob, poor guy. There would have been another couple in the group if he hadn’t . . .

It wasn’t fair, this awful world we lived in. Everyone lost someone close to them by this time. Some of us tried to make a new start and lost again. Some, like me and Beth, were lucky … so far, and would do everything within our power to make sure it stayed that way.

I went back to the camper, and climbed inside. I handed Beth a bottle of water and sat on the bed next to her. We drank deep, replenishing our body fluids.

“What’s going on out there?” she asked.

“Nothing. Sasha is on guard, which means the sun will be coming up soon.” I paused and took her hand in mine. We still had something to discuss. “Listen, I don’t want you going today.”

“I already told you I’m going,” she insisted, pulling her hand away. I could feel her defiance growing.

“Why? What’s the point? If you go, it’ll just be one more person I have to protect and keep an eye on,” I countered.

“I can watch out for myself.” Her ire was rising.

“I’m not saying you can’t. But if you go, my attention is going to be divided. I’m not saying this to piss you off or to be mean. I’m saying this as a man who would fight to the death to protect the woman he loves.”

“And as a woman in love with her man, who knows she will provide the knowledge her group needs about a place they’ve never been before, I’m saying … I’m going.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. No way was I going to let her win this time. “You’re going to do as I tell you. You’re staying here.”

Beth stood and took one of the blankets with her, wrapping herself up to shield her modesty. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

I stood and got right in her face. “I can and I will. You’re … not … going.”

“Screw … you. I’m going.” With her last argument, she shoved me in the chest.

It caught me off guard that she would attack me like that, and I stumbled backwards, but saved myself from falling or tripping. I rushed back to her, and she tried to push me again. This time, I grabbed her arms and held her in place. “What do you think you’re doing?” I retaliated. 

She struggled against my hold on her. “Let … me … go!” She tried to free herself, but I grasped her tightly.

I had to admit, this physical altercation was starting to turn me on. She was wiggling out of my grasp like a feral animal. I tightened my grip on her. Beth threw her arms up, trying to break free, and then she cried out in pain. My instinct was to release her. She held her casted wrist in her good hand.

I immediately felt ashamed and began to apologize. “Beth, are you okay? I didn’t mean to–"

She tricked me and shoved me again, bent down to retrieve her clothes and reached for the door. I made a split-second reaction and jumped in front of her to block her exit. “You can be the most stubborn . . .” I cut myself off before my words went too far.

If looks could kill, I’d be dead already with the way she was glaring at me. Enough was enough. As she tried for the door again, I reached down and swooped her off her feet, throwing her over my shoulder. Beth yelped with surprise, her clothes falling from her grip. I stripped the blanket from her, walked her back to the bed and dumped her. She landed on her back and stared up at me, a mixture of anger and lust dancing in her eyes. Neither one of us moved for a second. Then her eyes turned down to see the bulge in my pants. There was a moment when time seemed to stop. I couldn’t read her, and I prepared for her to make another run for the door. She was panting, sweaty, naked and . . .

She lunged toward me, and her hands went straight to the button of my pants The next thing I knew, my pants were around my ankles. I kicked them off as I shucked my vest off. I pushed her down onto the bed. She spread for me, and I fell on top of her. I felt her at her juncture, and found her more than ready. When I slid inside her body, we both let out a feverish moan. Her legs clasped to my waist as I thrust into her. My cock was throbbing with need, and I slid easily within her moist heat. Her hands were groping for purchase along my back, the nails of her good hand digging into my scarred flesh. I sucked air between my clenched teeth and ravaged her body with quick deep penetrating thrusts. As her voice went higher with ever cry of pleasure, I knew I was stroking her at her core. I repositioned myself and draped her legs over my arms until they were on my shoulders, anchored myself on the bed and drove her to never-ending bliss. My name escaped from her lips, and she called out to me several times. Her body throbbed within as she came. I went rigid, felt a rushing wave ecstasy travel over my entire body, pushed deep and stilled. I cried out as I came, uttering profanities and moaning with rapturous fervor. It was that moment where I became lost in selfish need for my own satisfaction, a euphoric state that separated my mind from my body when I was free from time and space.

I filled her with my pulsing cock, spent of seed but still reveling upon the rising and diminishing waves of orgasm. With the last few pulses, I collapsed upon her, short of breath, muscles languid, completely spent. I stayed that way as my body slowly softened inside her. I could still feel her muscles contract and release me, keeping me from going completely pliant. I longed to stay like this for eternity, a wish I knew could never come true. Eventually, I slid my partially hardened cock from her body. She moaned with reluctance as I came to rest at her side. She rolled toward me, half covering my sweaty body with her own. She was smiling with her eyes closed, and I felt victorious.

Just when I thought I had finally won the argument, she kissed me, slapped my face lightly and said, “I’m going.” She had defeated me, but never had there been a better battle than that one.

“I give up. You win, Ms. Greene,” I panted, still slightly out of breath. “But you don’t make a move unless I tell you to. Understand?”

“Yes, Mr. Dixon,” she answered. She kissed me again, slow and passionate, pulled back, and looked into my eyes. “I love you.”

I pushed her hair from her face and smiled in return. “I love you too.”


	15. Change for Another

Chapter 15 Change for Another

I had gone back to the box van we abandoned and got it running again. We filled it up with some syphoned gas, and we were on our way to Atlanta. During an earlier meeting, Noah suggested we use the warehouse, where he and Beth were hiding out, as our base. That’s where we were heading now.

Rick was driving. Beth and I were squeezed in next to him. Sasha, Tyrese and Noah rode in the back. I looked to my side and held my hand out. Beth took it and we smiled at each other with confidence. I still wished she hadn’t insisted on coming. I would have felt much better knowing she was safely locked inside the church with Michonne, Carl, Judith and Fr. Gabriel. It would have made this trip a little less nerve wracking.

Once we hit the city, we slowed down and drove cautiously. I knew these cops patrolled the streets looking for more people to bring into their trap. We didn’t need them to know we were here. The whole idea of this mission was to stay under the radar so that we didn’t tip them off in any way.

“It’s right up here,” Beth said, pointing at the warehouse a block or so away.

We pulled inside the warehouse where our van would be out of sight. Everyone exited and looked around at the large empty space. It was just steel and concrete, no machines or boxes of inventory. It must have been vacant before the outbreak.

Noah took out a map of the city and we gathered around. “So, we’re here,” Noah said pointing to a spot on the map. “Grady is about five blocks over here. The back of the hospital is down this alley. We have to be really careful though. Roamers tend to hang around this area. The back is fenced in, and the gate is locked. Shift change is around noon. We’ll have a small window of opportunity to cut the lock and slip in. There’s FEMA tents still set up where we can hide as we make our way to the door. It will be unlocked while the guards switch out. Two go in, two come out. We take out the two starting their shift, and we’re in.”

“Can you draw us a diagram of the inside of the hospital?” Rick asked.

Noah drew in the dirt on the floor of the warehouse, the hallways, stairs, cafeteria, patient rooms, offices, and marked where guards were stationed. We were going to have to get up to the fifth floor undetected.

Rick studied the drawing a moment, and with Noah’s help, he began assigning people to different areas. He had Sasha and Tyrese taking a couple different hallways, and Beth keeping watch in the stairwell. He wanted me in the cafeteria.

“Noah can take the stairwell,” I said. “Beth comes with me.”

Rick studied me a moment and nodded. “Alright.” He could see that I wasn’t up for compromising when it came to Beth. “And remember, knives only. No guns. We have to do this without detection in order to balance the numbers. Once we have the upper hand, we go after Dawn and eventually get Carol out of there. This is how we gotta do it.”

“Guys?” Tyrese chimed in. He was a large man who looked like he might have been a football player before. But he was the most soft-spoken person of the group. He didn’t like confrontation, and he most definitely didn’t like killing. “I don’t know about this, Rick. Going in there on stealth mode? All it takes is one cop to be in a place where he’s not supposed to be, and we’ll have a mess on our hands. Bullets will fly. No more surprise attack. People will die, and it will probably be ours.”

“You got a better idea?” Rick challenged him.

“We could make a trade,” Tyrese suggested. “Noah said they have officers out patrolling all the time. What if we kidnap a couple of Dawn’s officers and arrange a prisoner exchange, two of theirs for one of ours? Dawn gets her cops back. We get Carol. No lives lost.”

Rick was skeptical of Tyrese’s idea. “We gotta hit them hard. We go in, take them out, get Carol and leave before they know what happened.”

Rick had changed since Terminus. He didn’t always see reason. He was turning feral with distrust for anyone outside of our group. Because of that, he didn’t always see the bigger picture. But I noticed that he would usually listen to me if I approached him a certain way. “You know, Tyrese’s plan seems reasonable. I think it could work,” I said to him.

Rick studied me a moment while he considered Tyrese’s idea. I didn’t think he was going to go for it, but he surprisingly changed his mind, and we had a new plan. “Alright, where do we find someone to kidnap?”

Noah smiled. “Easy. You gotta draw them out. Fire off a couple shots close to the hospital. Dawn will send someone to check it out, and then we snatch them up.”

Rick nodded. “Here’s what we’re going to do. Noah, you’re gonna be the bait. I’ll give you a pistol, and you fire off a couple rounds. When they come, lead them down one of these alleys. Let them catch up to you. When they get out of their car and grab you, we’ll ambush them. We’ll tie them up and bring them back here. They’ll have walkie talkies on them, so I’ll radio in and let Dawn know I got her people. Then we’ll make the deal.”

The plan was set and we were gathering our supplies when Beth came up to me and took my bag to carry for me. “What do you want me to do?” she asked.

I smiled slyly. “That’s a loaded question.”

“Daryl,” she complained with a roll of her eyes.

“You come with me. I want eyes on you at all times,” I commanded. She didn’t look too happy with that. I shrugged my shoulders. “Hey, I agreed to let you come along, and you agreed to follow my rules.”

“Fine,” she said with disappointment. “But I could be doing more to help.”

“Not right now,” I said.

>>------->

We scoped out an area, and we were all in position. Noah was on the main road and fired his gun. Now all we had to do was wait. It didn’t take long, and Noah saw a car approaching. He ran down the alley, straight towards us. The car came around the corner and headed right for Noah. They swerved and hit him, knocking him into some cardboard boxes stacked up by one of the buildings. Two officers came out of the cop car, guns drawn. Noah raised his hands over his head.

“Noah, where’ve you been? Dawn’s been looking for you. Time to come home,” a woman officer said.

“Oh man, you got me,” Noah said, giving in. They bound his wrists with a tie wrap.

“Where are the rotters you were shooting at?” the man officer asked, just as we came out of our hiding places. They aimed their guns at us, but saw they were outnumbered and gave in easily. Rick instructed them to drop their guns and kick them away. They did as they were told.

Sasha and Tyrese tied them up. They didn’t look too happy about their situation. I was about to tell them to get on their knees when suddenly, a car came speeding down the alley. I looked back to see where Beth was. She was still behind a dumpster. I didn’t want the officers to know she was with us. I waved at her to stay in place, and she crouched down, out of sight.

We started firing at the black car as it headed right at us. That’s when I realized it was the car that originally took Beth. The windows blew out from our bullets, and the driver ducked down. He got the car between us and the two cops we kidnapped. A door opened, and the cops jumped in. The car sped away, further down the alley, and disappeared. I looked back at the dumpster. “Beth!” I yelled, and she came out, unharmed. “Let’s go.”

As a group, we ran after the car, and found it in an area full of burned out FEMA trailers. The ground was black as coal, and the surrounding buildings were completely destroyed. The entire area was littered with walkers that looked like they melted into the asphalt. Their skin had been burned away, leaving them pink with exposed muscle. As we walked past them, they reached out and tried to grab our legs.

I had a memory of helicopters flying overhead, making their way to the city. And then a huge fireball rising from the skyline. It happened in the beginning when the army still thought they had a chance at defeating the dead. This had been ground zero of a napalm drop.

We cautiously approached the parked car, the white cross on the back bringing back memories of losing Beth. I glanced back at her. She was following behind me with her pistol drawn as she made her way along with the rest of the group.

The two officers we captured darted out from behind a trailer and made a run for it. Rick motioned for everyone to go after them, but I stayed behind. The driver of the black car was still around here somewhere. I carefully walked beside the abandoned car and looked inside, but it was empty. Then I turned to Beth. “Stay here, and stay alert. Gun out.” I told her as I moved toward a FEMA trailer.

I edged along the side and pulled the door open. There was a hole on the other side of the trailer, and no none inside. Just as I was about to leave, someone rushed me and knocked me to the ground. My gun went sliding across the pavement, and I dropped my bow. The driver of the car was another uniformed cop, a big guy too. He had the advantage and wrapped his hands around my neck. I pushed him, and tried to scratch his face, but he deflected my attempts. The bastard was winning the fight, but I couldn’t let him. The rest of the group went on without me, and there was no one to protect Beth.

As I tried to fend this guy off, I glanced around me. There was nothing but burned walkers, and my head was being forced too close to one of them. I had to get this guy off of me by any means necessary, and that meant using one of these napalm walkers. I reached out and felt one close to me. My hand was on its face, and it almost bit my fingers. Finally, after several attempts, I felt its eye sockets, forced my finger in like a bowler picking up a bowling ball, and pulled its head off. I smashed it into the cop’s head with as much force as I could muster. It was enough to knock him off balance. I only needed a split second to get away and grab my gun or my bow, whichever was closest. The next thing I knew, a gun fired close to me. The cop ducked down, and the walker that was about to take a bite out of my leg had a bullet hole in its head. The cop looked up and raised his hands in the air. I whipped around to see who it was, and found Beth standing there with her gun aimed at the officer.

“Move away,” she said in a low and dangerous tone I’d never heard her use before.

“I got this,” Rick said, running up next to her, his gun aimed at the cop. I expected him to tie him up, but Rick continued to hold his gun on the guy. That look was back, the one full of rage, the one that only saw blood and death. I thought for sure Rick was going to shoot this cop for no reason.

“Rick,” I called to him, and it broke the trance. “Three is better than two,” I told him. Finally, Rick lowered his gun, and I tied the man up. I glanced at Beth, and she looked as worried about Rick as I felt.

I helped the cop get off his knees, and saw Tyrese and Sasha coming towards us with the original two cops. Noah followed behind them. I grabbed my weapons and dusted off my pants. Then I took Beth by the waist and pulled her to me. “Thanks,” I said, breathing heavily after my confrontation.

She smiled, satisfied with herself. “I bet now you’re glad I came along,” she boasted.

I gave a huff of a laugh and kissed her quickly. Then we followed the others back to the warehouse.

>>------->

“What are your names?” Rick demanded as soon as we stepped foot into the warehouse.

The woman cop answered for them. “I’m Shepherd. This is Lamson, my partner, and that’s Licari.”

“You don’t have to tell them anything,” Licari said with defiance.

“Shut up,” I told him, and he scowled at me. This one would be trouble, I thought to myself.

Rick ripped the radio from Shepherd’s uniform and signaled for me to get the others before he walked away. I could see he needed some time to gather his thoughts. He called Noah over with him, and they went over the map in the dirt. I could see Noah was drawing a new one, and wondered what Rick was coming up with.

Lamson was looking at Beth, so I kept a close eye on him. Right now, the cops weren’t a threat. They were tied at the wrists and on their knees. Beth noticed Lamson watching her and she started to get nervous. I stepped closer to her, and started to get between her and Lamson when he spoke.

“Are you the one who took out Gorman?” Lamson asked.

“Don’t fucking talk to her,” I told him.

Lamson ignored me. “You did us all a favor. He was a piece of shit.”

That got Beth’s attention, and she glanced at Lamson. “He raped that girl, the one who lost her arm … who turned after she slit her wrist.”

I looked quickly over to Beth. She told me the girl died and turned, but she didn’t tell me she committed suicide. Beth had tried to do the same thing back on the farm. I could see she took it a little more personally, especially for someone she didn’t know. ‘I know you see me as just another dead girl’, I remembered her saying to me at the rundown trailer. Beth wasn’t that woman any more, and I hoped she realized that.

“Gorman wasn’t even a cop. He was just some hired security guard who worked in one of these buildings. There’s quite a few of Dawn’s people who were never cops, but they talked the talk, and she gave them positions anyway,” Lamson said.

“I need to speak with your friend,” Shepherd interrupted. “The one in charge.”

“He’ll talk to you when he needs to,” I told her. I put my hand at the small of Beth’s back and started to lead her away.

“No wait. You’ve got the wrong cops to use for trade,” Shepherd rushed to say.

I stopped walking and turned back to her. “I’d expect you to say that, but it don’t change things.”

“Please, just hear me out,” Shepherd continued. “Dawn … she’s running Grady into the ground. She’s barely holding control, and some of us see it. We want her out to be replaced with Lamson. If Dawn knows about this, your plan to use us for trade won’t work. I suggest you let us go. We’ll take care of Dawn, let your friend go, and it’s over. Everyone wins.”

“No,” Lamson said before anyone had a chance to shoot down Shepherd’s idea. I think he knew there was no way in hell we were just going to let them walk out of there. “I have another suggestion, a peaceful solution and no one dies.”

I observed Lamson for a moment. I had a feeling he was being fair. These cops were scared, and they just wanted to get back to some kind of normalcy. I looked to Beth, and she gave a nod.

“It’s true. I’ve seen it. I’ve heard the whispers. Even some of the workers feel this way. They have respect for him,” she said, tilting her head in gesture toward Lamson. “Dawn’s time is running out.”

I looked over my shoulder. “Hey Rick. You might want to hear this.”

Lamson told Rick what he had just told us about Dawn losing control of Grady. When Rick seemed interested, Lamson told us what we needed to know about the politics inside the hospital, and more about Dawn. “She’s smart, so you have to speak to her a certain way. You’ll give her your terms for the exchange. She’ll say she won’t compromise, but she will. She has to make it look like it’s ultimately her decision so she doesn’t look weak in front of her people.”

“I’ve seen her order patient’s deaths just so she appealed to some of the bad cops,” Noah said. “She lets then do what they want, including beating workers and taking advantage of some of the younger, prettier women. It’s how she keeps them in line.”

“She told me as much too,” Beth spoke up. “She said, in the end everyone gets what they want and it keeps the peace. That’s why she didn’t say anything to Gorman when he went after me that first time. Dr. Edwards was there the second time, and he saved me from whatever awful thing that dirtbag was planning to do to me. The third time, I took care of it myself.”

“I’ve heard what you had to say,” Rick said, and he walked away to the other end of the empty warehouse. The rest of us followed him, leaving Tyrese to keep watch over the prisoners.

As we walked, I moved close to Beth. “You never told me all of that.”

“I didn’t want to upset you. Besides, it’s done and over with, and Gorman got what he deserved,” she said, her anger still evident by how her words came through.

“Hey, remember when we were still on the run, and you got pissed at me, told me you could take care of yourself?” I said, sharing the memory.

“Yeah. You were being an asshole,” she smiled.

“Even then, I knew you had it in you, though I wouldn’t have admitted it. What I’m trying to say is, don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re weak. You’ve always been strong. The rest of us … we just never gave you the chance to shine,” I told her. She smiled, proud of herself, and I stood by her, just as proud.

Rick called the meeting, and we discussed our next step. He had been going over maps with Noah to get an idea of the area around the hospital, and came up with a place to hold a meeting. We would discuss negotiations first, and if all went well, we would let Dawn’s people bring us inside the hospital. The exchange needed to happen in a controlled area where there could be no surprises. And Lamson would have to stay out of it. When we were sure what we were going to do, we went back to the cops and Rick filled them in.

“We’ll only take Shepherd and Licari. Lamson stays here. Assuming Dawn wants him out of the way, he can’t be part of the deal. We make the trade, and once we have our friend back, we’ll let Lamson go,” Rick said.

Shepherd looked concerned and started to say something, but Licari told her to be quiet and accepted the deal. He looked at Lamson. “You know it’s the right thing to do,” Licari said and Lamson gave a nod.

“Alright, Sasha, you stay here with Lamson. The rest of us, load up and let’s get going,” Rick ordered. He switched frequencies on the radios so Dawn wouldn’t hear us, and gave one to Sasha. He then handed one to me. Rick kept the third one so we could all stay in contact. We got Shepherd and Licari up on their feet and we headed out. I thought about telling Beth to stay at the warehouse with Sasha, but I felt better having her with me. And I knew she wanted to stay with me too.

We were moving along, carefully making our way to a parking garage near the hospital when only a few blocks away, we got a call on our radios. It was Sasha. Lamson escaped.

“Shit,” Rick complained. “I’ve got this. The rest of you, take them back to the warehouse and wait for my signal.” There was no arguing. Rick took off toward the alley where Lamson’s police cruiser was left abandoned.

“He’s probably heading back to Grady to warn Dawn,” Shepherd said. She seemed more worried for her own outcome instead of glad to know our plans might have been ruined.

“Why do you want to help us?” Beth asked Shepherd.

“I don’t agree with the way Dawn is running things. I think at first, she was trying and she was sincere, but it got out of control. She’s a desperate woman trying to hang on to something much bigger than her. When it collapses, Grady will become a prison rather than a safe harbor.”

“It’s already a prison for some of them,” Beth said quietly.

“I know,” Shepherd said with regret. “But there’s a number of us who just want to make Grady a place to live and survive together. We think we have a real chance there, but as long as Dawn has control, and those few bad cops stay around, we don’t have much hope.”

Beth didn’t say anything more. Instead, she moved closer to me and took my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze before she released me. She looked up at me with those big blue eyes, and seemed to say it was up to us to help the good people at Grady.

We returned to the warehouse and found Sasha with a cut and a bump on her head. She explained what happened, how Lamson pleaded for her to help him kill a walker that used to be a good friend of his. “He said he saw him while out on patrol, but he couldn’t find the nerve to do it himself. He told me he was down in the yard below, but when I went to the window to look for his friend, he shoved my head into the window and knocked me out. As soon as I came to, I radioed it in. I’m sorry guys.” Sasha was really upset about the whole thing.

“Rick’s on it,” I told her. “This ain’t over.”

While we waited on Rick, I took Beth to the side to talk to her. “Babe, I really don’t want you coming along this time. Things could go wrong. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“You already said you wanted to keep an eye on me. You can’t go back on your promise,” she argued.

“I said you could come along as long as you did as I said. I’m saying I don’t want you at the exchange. We don’t know what we’re walking into. You stay here. Go up into that office where I found you and stay there until this is over. I’ll come back for you, and hopefully Carol will be with us. Then we can leave Atlanta for good.” I was trying to speak to her on an even level without getting angry, but I knew how stubborn she could be, and that always pissed me off.

“I want to be there. I need to see Dawn go down. I need to see her dethroned. I want her to see me when it happens so she knows I was right all along,” she countered.

“Why? You already got one over on her. You escaped with Noah, and she can’t get you back. Do you know how bad that makes her look?”

“It’s because of me that more people have probably suffered. She takes her anger and frustration out on other people. One of her patients died, and just because I was standing next to her, she gave me this,” Beth argued, pointing at the stitches and the long gash on her cheek. “Noah tried to cover for me, and he got beaten. I’ve seen other workers struck down and hit or punched until they were crying. It’s pure abuse, and I have to see it stopped. I need to be a part of that. I was there for a long time, Daryl. I got to know a lot of the people stuck there. When I came up with a plan to escape, they jumped at the chance to help me, knowing I was going to bring help back. I owe it to the Grady residents to be there when Dawn is brought to her knees. So, I’m sorry if this hurts us, or if it just pisses you off, but I am going.”

I didn’t have the chance to argue with Beth, or make my own case as to why she shouldn’t go because Rick walked into the warehouse, and he was alone. That crazy look in his eyes was back, and my gut instantly told me Lamson was dead.

Rick walked past all of us without making eye contact, and went to the other end of the place. I glanced at everyone and made my way to Rick alone. “He’s dead?” I whispered so the others didn’t hear, but I knew they were thinking the same thing.

Rick gave a nod. “It couldn’t be helped. I told him to stop running, but he wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t risk letting him get back to the hospital. He would have told Dawn.” Rick was a mess, and I was beginning to wonder if, like Dawn, he was losing control. The difference was Rick was losing control of himself, not everyone else.

“This ain’t over. If Dawn wanted Lamson out of the way, maybe this plan could still work. We’ll just say walkers got him or something.”

“What about them?” Rick asked tilting his chin up at the other two cops. “They could tell her it’s a lie.”

“Maybe they’ll go along with it,” I suggested. “Beth was talking to the woman, and it sounds like Dawn has some enemies within her own group. They want her out.”

“I don’t know,” Rick said as we walked back to the others. We stood in front of the two cops, who were on their knees again, still tied at the wrists.

“Lamson was one of the good ones,” Shepherd said. They knew without being told that Lamson was dead. “It’s a real shame that he was taken down by those rotters.”

Rick tilted his head and considered her. “You’re a pretty good liar,” he said.

“I just want to get home and end this peacefully,” she admitted.

“That depends,” Rick responded, and he turned to Licari. “What about you?”

I didn’t like this guy. He had a real chip on his shoulder, and I didn’t trust him. He ignored me, though and addressed Rick.

“Dawn’s biggest fear is to look weak in front of her officers. To trade with you, knowing you killed one of her men would be the ultimate sign of weakness. She’d never do that.” Licari paused, and my hand was itching to pick up my pistol and aim it at head. “Still, it’s a damn shame Lamson got attacked by rotters.”

Rick stared the man down, and eventually gave a nod. “Alright. Let’s get this done.” He made the call into the hospital, and two officers were sent out to the meeting place.

>>------->

There was a parking garage that belonged to the hospital, and that’s where Rick was now, waiting for the Grady officers to arrive. The rest of us, including our two hostages, waited on another roof next to the garage. It was higher up, giving us a good vantage point to Rick’s position. Sasha pointed her sniper rifle below and watched through the scope. Me, Tyrese, Noah, and Beth had our weapons out too, anxiously waiting for it all to begin. Beth came up next to me, even though I told her to stand away from the edge of the building. I didn’t want her anywhere near the danger zone in case bullets started flying. But so far, Rick was alone on the roof below, so I let her stay for a moment.

“This will all be over soon,” I reassured her. “We’ll get Carol back, and we’ll be on our way out of here.”

“Washington bound,” she said with a sigh.

“Or Virginia,” I said. “Don’t forget about Noah’s community.”

“Would you really choose to stay there instead of following Rick to D.C?” she asked. We had talked about it, but we never actually decided on a plan.

“We could stay. Let Rick go to Washington. If he finds something better, he can come back for us. If not, maybe him and the others can settle in Virginia. We’ll just have to wait and see when we get there,” I comforted her.

“I don’t care where we end up as long as I’m with you. I just want to settle down, stop running, and make a place for us. Wherever life takes us, that’s where I want to go,” she said dreamily.

“Something tells me all of that is just around the corner,” I said.

A police car came up the final ramp to the rooftop parking, and I gestured for Beth to get back. Rick stood alone as the car slowly pulled forward, stopping just before it got to him. Two officers got out, guns drawn and anxious looking. Rick announced himself by name, and stated that he used to be a sheriff in King county. “You’ve got one of my people and we’ve got two of yours. We want to make a trade. Shepherd and Licari for our friend Carol, the woman brought in that was hit by a car.”

The first thing they told Rick to do was to drop his gun, which he did. Then they started asking questions. “Is Noah with you?” asked the officer on the driver’s side. He looked just as nervous as the rest of us. “Is he the one who told you where to find us?”

“Noah is safe,” Rick responded.

The other officer on the passenger side spoke. “Where’s Lamson?”

“Walkers got him,” Rick said.

“Where’s your people?” asked the first officer.

Sasha aimed her rifle at a walker that had slowly been approaching the group on the roof below. She killed it with a single shot to the head.

“They’re close,” Rick answered with confidence. “Why don’t you radio Dawn, and we’ll all just wait right here.”

They didn’t have much choice, and the officers made the call. After a few moments of questions, an agreement was made. The two officers would escort us into the hospital to a meeting place where they would make the exchange. We gathered all our things and prepared to go down to meet with Rick. Sasha and Tyrese stuffed all our bags of weapons inside the trunk of a car to keep them safely hidden until we were done. We only took what weapons we could carry on our person. I had a pistol, my bow and my hunting knife. Beth tucked her nine-millimeter into the back of her waistband, and her knife into her boot. While I was making sure my weapons were ready, I saw her at the back of the car that held our weapons, off by herself. She looked like she was messing with her cast, but I couldn’t really tell. I wondered if her wrist was bothering her. Until now, she never complained about it.

“You okay?” I asked as I approached her. She jumped slightly, as though she hadn’t known I was there.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“You’re arm hurting? It looked like you were rubbing it or something.”

She looked at her cast for a moment. “Oh … no, it’s okay, just kind of itchy.”

“We’ll get out of here and we’ll get that thing off. I don’t think you need it,” I reassured her as we followed the group.

We were quiet thereafter. When we caught up with Rick, he had his gun back in its holster. The officers studied Shepherd and Licari. Rick assured them they were fine, and they agreed that they hadn’t been harmed. Then we started our long walk to the hospital.

The tension was unreal, but I thought the two new cops were more nervous than the rest of us. Shepherd and Licari weren’t as nervous because our plans partially involved them. We just had to trust that they would back up our story about Lamson getting killed by walkers.

“You really think this is going to work?” Beth asked me as we walked to the hospital.

“It has to,” I said. There was no turning back now.

“They’re right about Dawn. She won’t make the deal if she thinks something’s not right. She’s smart,” Beth said worriedly.

“Not smarter than my girl,” I said, smiling down at her. “You got away. Ain’t no one else did that.”

We walked further along, silence falling between us again. We were out of the parking garage and now we were turning a corner. I could see the back of the hospital, the fenced in lot, and the ragged FEMA tents. We were beginning to attract an audience of walkers, but they weren’t our main concern at the moment.

Beth moved next to me again, and whispered so that only I could hear. “Are you going to kill Dawn?”

“Only if I have to. We just want to make the trade. We don’t want any trouble. Let the people of Grady decide what to do with her. They’ll have an advantage after Carol is released. They’ll get their chance. That’s not up to us.”

“There are good people there being held against their will. As long as Dawn has control–"

“It’s not up to us. It’s not our problem,” I told her. She grew quiet after that. I didn’t think she liked my answer, but this was just how it had to be.

A couple walkers came out of the tents as we passed them. The cops raised their guns, but Rick told them to stop. They watched with surprise as me and Rick broke away from the group to stab the walkers. I stared down one of the cops as I passed him. Didn’t they know that gunshots brought in more?

We were approaching the double doors at the back of the hospital. I looked at Beth walking next to me. The determination on her face was obvious. She wasn’t just anxious to get Carol back and leave this place. She had revenge on her mind.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” I said quietly.

“I’m not thinking anything,” she said, trying to play it off innocently.

“Dawn is not our problem,” I reminded her.

“I can’t leave here without her knowing what’s on my mind,” Beth seethed.

I noticed that she moved her gun from the back of her pants to the front, sticking out in front of her shirt where she could grab it quick and easily. I thought about her question, whether I was going to kill Dawn or not. She wasn’t thinking rationally. I knew because I’d been where she was now plenty of times.

We stopped at the doors, and the cops radioed in that we were there. We waited for someone to unlock the doors, and I pulled Beth to the side. “Give me your gun,” I demanded.

“What? No.”

“Give it to me, now,” I said again.

“Why?” she said angrily.

“We’re going in there to get Carol and nothing else. We make the trade and we leave. That’s all.” I held my hand out and waited for her to give me the gun before I had to take it away from her. I expected her to put up more of a fight, but she gave me the gun. And then I remembered. “The knife too,” I added. Beth kept her knife inside her boot. She glared at me a moment, and then bent down to retrieve the knife from her cowboy boot. She flipped it around so that she was handing me the handle not the blade. “Got anything else on you?” I asked.

“No. Wanna frisk me?” she said with attitude.

“Maybe later,” I joked to try and ease some of her anger. It didn’t work, so I got serious again. “You’re going to stay at the back of the group. There’s no reason for you to have any involvement in this.”

Just as I said this, the lock clicked on the doors and two hospital workers opened them. We all held our weapons a little tighter as we entered the building. Beth nodded and gave a protective smile to the two workers who held the doors open for us. It was obvious that she knew them from her time here. These were the people she worried about, the ones she wanted to fight for. I could understand her mindset. They hadn’t been treated fairly. They were basically prisoners. She had been one of them, but she got away. Now, she must have had guilt for being the one who escaped. It was natural for her to want give the others their freedom too. If it wasn’t already such a tense situation, maybe we could have helped them, but this wasn’t our territory. It wasn’t up to us this time. We were only here to take back what belonged to us, and that was Carol.

The officers led us down the hallway to another door. Inside was a stairwell, and we started our climb. Five flights of stairs were a lot, but we made it and exited into yet another hallway. About halfway down was a set of wooden doors, each with a slim rectangular window. We stopped and I strained to see through to the other side. I could see another group of people. They weren’t at the door. They were further down. And then I saw Carol sitting in a wheelchair. She looked tired, and she had bruises on her face, but she was alert, thank God. She was dressed in the same clothes she was wearing when they picked her up off the street. In her lap she held a paper bag, but I couldn’t tell what was in it. Supplies maybe? Would they let her leave with medicine or bandages? I doubted it.

A woman’s voice came across the radio. “Disarm,” she commanded.

We could see through the windows that the officers on the other side were holstering their guns. Our cop escorts did so as well. Rick watched and turned to the rest of us. “Same for us,” he said, and we all put our weapons away. “Daryl and I will go in front. The rest of you hang toward the back.”

I knew Tyrese hated confrontation, and he was happy to stay back. That’s where I wanted Beth. “You hang back with Tyrese and Noah,” I whispered to her. She nodded and stood next to Noah.

The doors opened, and we moved through, stopping while there was still space between the groups. A woman in a police uniform stepped forward. Her hair was tied back tight in a bun, and she held her head high, almost seeming to look down her nose at us. This was Dawn.

“Shepherd, Licari,” she addressed her officers. She sounded concerned, but I could tell it was forced. She wasn’t fooling anyone. “Are you alright?”

“They’re unharmed,” Rick answered for them.

Dawn looked from left to right. “Where’s my other officer? Where’s Lamson?”

“Unfortunately, walkers got to him,” Rick said.

As predicted, Dawn looked at Shepherd and Licari for answers. Shepherd spoke first. “It’s true. He got himself cornered before we could get to him to help.”

“We witnessed it go down,” Licari added. “It’s a real shame. Lamson was one of the good ones.”

Dawn hesitated before she said anything. “Yes, he was. I’m awfully sorry about that,” she said with compassion as she glanced around at her officers. Then her eyes settled back on us, not a trace of sympathy left in them. Her sight eventually fell on Noah and Beth. As she looked at Beth, Dawn’s eyes making a slight narrowing. But when they turned to Noah, they grew kinder, and the corner of her mouth upturned into a partial smile. “Good to see you again, Noah.”

Noah didn’t acknowledge her. No one said anything. We were waiting to get on with the exchange, but Dawn seemed to have a need to explain herself and her community. “We are doing a lot of good here,” she said, and she glanced over her shoulder to Carol. “As you can see, we helped your friend recover from her terrible accident.”

In which her people caused, I thought to myself. There was so much I wished I could have said to her. Why did she allow her men to take advantage of the women workers? Why did she allow people to be beaten for making simple mistakes? How could she call herself a leader when the only way to keep them in line was to turn her head and ignore the horrible things that went on in this place?

She must have sensed our disinterest because she stopped talking and signaled for someone to wheel Carol across the hall. Rick looked at me, and I took Shepherd and Licari by their arms to escort them over. When we all met in the middle, I released our hostages, and the cop who wheeled Carol out handed her over to me. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she reached up and covered it with her own. My heart was going a million miles an hour. This was the sketchiest part of the entire exchange, but now everyone was back with their own group. We stood separate once again, facing each other in the hall.

“I’m glad we could work things out,” Dawn said.

Again, we had nothing to say to her. As one entity, we all turned to leave back the way we came. Beth came to me and took my hand. She looked scared and relieved at the same time. I put my arm around her waist and whispered to her. “It’s over. Let’s go find ourselves a home.”

Those beautiful blue eyes looked up into mine, full of hope and promise for a future together. She smiled, and it lit up her whole face. “I like the sound of that.”

We thought it was over, but then Dawn spoke up one more time. “Just one more thing,” she said, and we stopped and turned to her. “I’m going to need Noah back.”

Rick stepped forward instantly. “That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“Noah was my ward and I want him back. Call it retribution for the loss of one of my officers,” Dawn justified.

I wasn’t having it. I had no use for this woman. “It’s too late to change the rules. Noah ain’t staying here,” I told her.

Dawn looked down at my hand still joined with Beth. She looked from one of us to the other. I was just waiting for her to say something about that, and I was going after this bitch. “Beth and Noah got away, and that was on me. Beth is one of yours, and you found her. She back where she belongs now. But Noah was one of mine, and he belongs here. You have no claim on him.”

Rick took another step forward, and his hand instinctively went to his belt, close to where his gun was. He glared at Dawn. “The boy wants to go home to his family, so you have no claim on him either.”

“Noah stays or we don’t have a deal,” Dawn claimed.

Tensions were back running higher than before. I released Beth’s hand and stepped forward to join Rick. “The deal is already done,” Rick said with anger. I felt our whole group shift and come up to stand with him. Rick, on the other hand, was getting that look back on his face, the one I’d seen when we captured Licari. This could not happen now. We were in a small space with people we didn’t trust who didn’t trust us either, and everyone armed.

Suddenly, Noah came up from the back of the group, and stood by Rick. He put a hand on Rick’s arm to gain his attention. “It’s okay. I’ll go.”

“No,” Rick demanded. “It’s not okay. The deal is done. She just doing this to try and–"

Noah interrupted. “I have to do it … to keep the peace.”

I felt someone push me aside, and was surprised to see it was Beth. She started to move past me, but I put my arm out to stop her. “You can’t do this,” she pleaded with Noah.

He gave her a kind smile. “It’s alright. It will be fine,” he said to calm her. He walked from our group to Dawns, and stopped before her.

“Wait!” Beth yelled. She started to go, but I still held my arm out. Just as I started to grab her arm, she slipped away from my grasp and went to Noah. She flung her arms around him hugged him. “Please don’t.”

“It’s okay,” Noah reassured her. They hugged a little longer. “You’re back with your family, and your man is waiting for you.”

“Come on, Noah,” Dawn said, interrupting their goodbye.

“Beth, let’s go,” I called from across the gap between the groups.

Beth let Noah go, and smiled at him, tears filling her eyes as she was about to lose her friend. It really wasn’t fair. After all Noah went through to get away from this place, and it brought him right back here.

“I knew you’d be back,” Dawn said to Noah as he walked past her to stand with the others.

This next part slowed down, and I was watching the scene unfold frame by frame. Whatever Dawn said to Noah had triggered Beth. Her smile disappeared as she wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. She fearlessly went to Dawn and stood before her, practically in her face.

“I get it now,” she said in a seething tone.

Dawn looked at her condescendingly. “What’s that?” she asked in challenge.

Beth brought her casted hand up even with her stomach. Her other hand came up, fingers sliding inside the opening at her palm. She pulled something out of it. A flash of silver caught my eye. I didn’t know what it was, and my brain instantly started trying to figure it out. What was she holding? I had her gun and her knife. I had disarmed her before we entered the hospital for fear of her doing something irrational.

Beth’s good arm lifted up and back, and I saw that the flash of silver was a pair of surgical scissors. I had seen them before, and remembered she had then when I first found her at the warehouse. She held them in a similar position as she was holding them now. At the warehouse, Beth had seen it was me, and she dropped the scissors on the floor. She must have picked them up before we left because she had them now. Beth’s arm came down at an accelerated rate, aiming for Dawn’s neck. I felt a rush of adrenaline as I realized she was attacking the woman responsible for the pain of so many, including Beth. In that split second, watching the tip of the scissors come closer to Dawn’s neck, I remembered Beth asking if I was going to kill Dawn, and how she didn’t like my answer when I told her no. In Beth’s opinion, Dawn didn’t deserve to live.

There had been no time to yell for her to stop. There was too much space between us for me to lunge at her and grab her arm before she struck Dawn with the scissors. Still, I did both of those things, but to no avail. It was like an afterthought at that point. Before I could take a step forward, I watched the point of the scissors sink into Dawn’s black police uniform at her shoulder, not her neck. Beth’s aim was off by a severe degree. I knew what she aimed for, the large pulsing vein that, once severed, would mean certain dead. But she missed. Beth missed and for one brief miniscule second, I thought it was a good thing. It wasn’t up to us to decide this woman’s fate. Killing her in front of all these people on her own territory might mean a bloodbath if everyone fired their weapons in this small enclosed space. Beth’s blow would injure Dawn, but she would live. 

As I said, all of this happened in the time it took a butterfly to flap its wings one time, and then my world changed forever. The scissors were stuck in Dawn’s shoulder. Beth’s hand was still wrapped around them when a gun went off. Her hand came away from the scissors. Blood spattered into the air. I felt a few warm drops land on my face and I winced by instinct. And then Beth fell to the floor. I watched her fall and realized the blood was hers. Red mixed with blonde. Beth was bleeding from her head. I brought my eyes up and saw the gun in Dawn’s hand. I think I screamed, but I couldn’t be sure. I was watching this all unfold with only half of my conscience intact. The other half felt as though I had floated out of my body. My blood dropped from my head to my toes, and then it all rushed back into place, hitting me like a ton of stones. Before I knew what was happening, I had pulled my gun out of my belt and aimed it at Dawn.

Her eyes were wide with regret and fear. She slowly shook her head back and forth, mouthing the word no over and over. My finger squeezed the trigger. I shot Dawn square in the head, and she fell to the ground in a heap right next to Beth. It was at that moment that time sped up and went back to a normal pace.

“Beth!” I screamed. I called to her several times as I ran to her and fell to my knees. I turned her over and saw the blood covering the side of her head. Her body completely limp. Her skin was still youthful and glowing, but she gave no response. “Beth, no. Please wake up. It’s over. We can go now. Please,” I begged uncontrollably. Tears filled my eyes and blurred my vision. They fell onto her shirt, the pink shirt that only a few hours ago I had handed to her to help her get dressed. This couldn’t really be happening, could it? This must be a dream. Any moment I would wake up in the camper, Beth by my side. I would kiss her and she would smile, wish me good morning, and kiss me in return. This wasn’t real. This was just a bad dream, but I knew it wasn’t when I cradled her lifeless body in my arms.

I was so grief-stricken; I hadn’t noticed that everyone had their guns drawn. I didn’t care at that point. My only concern was for Beth. I heard Shepherd speak, her voice echoing through the hallway. “Hold your fire!” she commanded. “It’s over. Lower your weapons.”

Through the sound of guns being holstered, I heard the soft cries and whimpers coming from my people. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Carol standing beside me, her eyes filled with tears.

“Daryl,” Rick said softly. “We have to go.”

“Give him a moment for Christ’s sake,” Carol defended.

I shook my head. “Why doesn’t someone help?” I looked toward the cops and workers standing by. No one was moving. “Help her!” I yelled.

“Sweety,” Carol said soothingly. “She’s gone.” Her hand made small circular motions on my shoulder, and I heard her sob.

“No,” I cried over and over as I brought Beth closer to me. Blood seeped into my shirt, and I didn’t care. “She can’t be gone. I love her. She belongs with me.”

“And we’ll take her with us,” Carol said. “But it’s time to go.”

I lowered Beth to my lap and pushed the hair from her face. “Beth, don’t do this to me. Please. Wake up,” I begged.

“Bring us a gurney,” Rick commanded.

“No!” I shouted. “I’ll carry her. Just give me a moment. Give me a fucking moment.”

My body was too weak to move, but I had to find a way. Rick was right. We had to leave. I reluctantly lowered Beth to the floor so I could get into position to stand. Then I put an arm under her legs and an arm under her neck and struggled to get up. Carol started to help me, but I shrugged her off. “I have this.” I eventually got to my knees, and from there to my feet. I looked down into Beth’s face, still wishing she would open her eyes and smile at me. This had to be a mistake. It just had to be. “Please wake up,” I whispered.

Carol’s hand was on my back, and she gave me a little push. I looked up to see the rest of my group moving toward the exit. With Carol by my side, I started to leave with them.

“Wait a moment,” someone from the other side called out. I stopped and turned to find a man in a doctor’s outfit moving from the back. “May I look at her?”

“Why? She’s gone. Dawn killed her,” I said with anger.

“Because it’s my job as a doctor to make the final call. Please,” he begged. It was Edwards, one of the people on my list.

“You,” I seethed. “You made her kill that man. She never killed anyone before you tricked her into doing it. Do you know how that tore her up?”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I was scared. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Dawn, she … she would have gotten rid of me had another doctor walked into this place. She knew I was one of the ones who didn’t want her in charge. I was part of a plan to get her out. Please, let me call the time of death. It’s the lease I can to for Beth. Despite what you might think of me, I liked her. Beth was very special.”

I considered Edwards for a moment, and then I gave him a nod. I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to leave. I wanted to take Beth away from this place and spend these last few moments with her until we could get some place where we could bury her properly. I couldn’t believe I was even thinking this. How was it possible she was dead, dead in my arms when she should have been smiling and happy?

Edwards came forward and put his fingers to her neck. He closed his eyes when suddenly his face went white with shock. He ripped his stethoscope from his neck and put it on, placing the end to Beth’s chest. Then he looked at me with wide eyes, mouth hung agape, and I waited for him to say something.

“What? What is it?” I demanded to know.

“Beth … she’s … she’s still alive!”


	16. Uninvited Guests

Chapter 16 Uninvited Guests

“She’s alive?” I asked the doctor. He still had his stethoscope to her chest, a look of pure shock on his face.

Edwards ignored me and spun toward his workers barking orders. He called for a gurney, an IV, several medicines and other medical terms I didn’t know. I laid Beth back onto the floor, and watched her for any signs of life, but there weren’t any.

“How do you know?” I asked. “She’s not moving. I don’t see her breathing.”

“That’s because she’s not,” Edwards said, pushing me out of the way. He started performing CPR on her. It was horrible to watch. He pushed down so hard on her chest, I thought he was going to break her ribs. Beth’s body jerked violently with every chest compression. After what seemed like forever, Edwards stopped, tilted her head back, pinched her nose closed and covered her mouth with his own. I watched as her chest filled with life-giving air. Everyone waited to see what happened next, but nothing happened. She did not move. She did not breath. Edwards started another round of CPR.

A man in blue scrubs came around the corner with a gurney, and ran as fast as he could down the hall towards us. Edwards didn’t stop what he was doing until the bed was ready for her. Two of the cops started to come towards Beth to lift her from the floor, but I shoved them out of the way.

“I’ll do it,” I demanded, and I saw Rick come up beside me. I cradled her head, her poor bloody head. Rick got his hands under her shoulders. Edwards took hold of her legs, and we lifted her onto the gurney.

“Get her to the OR, now!” Edwards yelled. The cops and the workers, along with Edwards, rushed away from us, leaving our group alone with no guards.

I looked at the floor finding Dawns lifeless body next to a pool of blood. So much blood. Beth’s blood. But she’s alive, I told myself. I heard Sasha whisper to her brother, wondering what we should do now. I knew what I had to do. I had to be with Beth. I started to walk in the direction they took her, and Rick grabbed my arm.

“Wait. We don’t know that it’s safe,” he said.

I didn’t mean to, but I yanked my arm from his grasp. “I’m going.”

Carol called to me from behind, “Rick’s right. This isn’t our turf.”

“Ya’ll do what you need to do. I have to be with Beth,” I said with defiance. Nothing was going to stop me, not my people and not the people of Grady. I took off at a fast pace deeper into the hospital, and heard the silence behind me as no one followed.

I came around the corner and found a desk, but there was no one attending it. So, I kept going, looking in doors, finding all the rooms empty. There were less people here than I thought. Finally, I saw a cop rushing towards me. My fists balled up tight as he approached. If he was going to give me any shit . . .

“I’m on my way. We’ve got a situation up here. Dawn’s dead. No one’s giving orders at the moment,” he was saying on his radio.

“Just grab another officer and get here before these people start getting violent,” came back the voice on the radio.

As I passed the cop, I grabbed him to stop him. “What the hell’s going on?” I asked, worried Rick and the others were getting themselves into a hairy situation.

“Who the fuck are you?” the cop asked abrasively.

“I’m with the girl they brought in. Those people in the hall, they’re with me, and they stay if they want to stay,” I demanded. I didn’t have time for this bullshit.

The cop seemed confused. “People in the hall? No, there’s an aggressive group of people outside demanding to come in. They’ve got one of my men, and they’re threatening to kill him if we don’t open up.”

This was all we needed. Who the hell was attacking the hospital right now? I was torn. I wanted nothing more than to go to Beth. I knew her situation was bleak, and if she was going to die, I didn’t want her to be alone. But then, if someone was threating the hospital, I knew I could help, and it would be protecting Beth too. Rick and the rest were still here. They could help also. I released my hold on the cop and he ran off to go see about the trouble. I stood there a moment longer, and finally decided to check on Beth first.

Eventually, I found the OR but they wouldn’t let me in. An older man with gray hair and a beard in blue scrubs stood outside the doors that led to the operating room where Beth was. I could have easily gotten past him, but I didn’t. There was nothing I could do for Beth right now.

“How is she? Are they going to save her?” I asked the man.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. They just told me to stay here and stop anyone wanting to go inside. It’s for safety and sanitary reasons you understand,” he said in a very calm way.

“Yeah, I get it. I’ve seen enough hospital shows to know they gotta keep the place sterile,” I grumbled. I gave him another look and noticed his black eye. “You okay?” I asked, pointing at my own eye.

“Oh,” he said looking embarrassed. “That’s nothing.” He looked away from me as he tried to hide his face.

“Did one of Dawn’s men rough you up?” I asked, and he looked at me wondering how I knew something like that. “You ain’t got to worry about her anymore. She’s dead.”

The old man gasped, as though knowing this information would get him into deeper trouble. “Uh … d-did you . . .”

“I did,” I seethed, still thinking about the moment Dawn shot Beth. I couldn’t get the sight of that out of my head.

“So you know the woman in there?” he asked.

“She’s my girl,” I said softly, and turned away from him. “Dawn shot her in the head so I killed Dawn.”

“Well, that is news, isn’t it?” he said, pondering this new information. He turned to me once more, his eyes rimmed in kindness. “The name’s Percy.” He put his hand out to me.

I took it and we shook. “Daryl,” I said in return.

“You said Dawn shot her?” Percy asked, slowly shaking his head back and forth. “I know Beth. She’s a sweet girl. I helped her and her friend get away. What on earth is she doing back here?”

“Your people hit my friend with a car and brought her in. We kidnapped a couple of Dawn’s officers to use for trade. We got our friend back. Dawn got her cops. And then, Dawn wanted more. She wanted Noah. I’m guessing you know who that is,” I said and the man nodded. I took a moment to think about what had just happened. There hadn’t been enough time to let it sink in. “She … she said the deal was off. Tensions started getting high, tempers flared. Noah was going to stay here, just to keep the peace between the two groups. And then Beth … I should have stopped her. Why didn’t I grab hold of her?” I reminisced. It all played out behind my closed eyes. “Beth ran past me so she could hug Noah goodbye, but Dawn made some smartass comment, something that triggered Beth.” I opened my eyes and looked through the small window in the door, but I couldn’t see anything except a wall and another hallway. “She had a pair of scissors hidden inside her cast,” I continued. “She stabbed Dawn in the shoulder. It was nothing. A couple stitches, and Dawn would have been fine. But Dawn shot her.” I had to stop because the lump in my throat was about to turn me into a blubbering mess.

“I’m so sorry, Daryl,” Percy said in his kind gentleman’s voice. Silence fell between us.

I couldn’t stay on my feet any longer, and I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. I bent my legs at the knees and lowered my head. I heard Percy grunt, and his bones crack as he joined me. After a while, he spoke. “While Beth was here, we became friends. We would steal some time away with each other, just to talk and tell each other our stories. She told me a little about herself, but mostly she talked about getting back to the man she loved.”

“Yeah? Did she give you his name?” I said jokingly, anything to try and rid myself of the worry that invaded my brain.

“Oh, come now. You know she was talking about you,” Percy retaliated with a smile.

“She has to make it through this, Percy. She just has to,” I said after a few moments of quiet.

“Do you believe in God?” Percy asked.

“I don’t know anymore,” I answered honestly.

“Well, I’ll do enough praying for the both of us then,” he said honestly, and silence fell between us once more.

After a while, we heard some commotion coming from further down the hallways and corridors. There was a lot of yelling, multiple voices, men and women, demanding voices coming closer to Percy and me. Once they got a little louder, I recognized one of them, and I jumped up from the floor, leaving Percy alone. I walked to the corner and saw the crowd moving this way.

“Where is she? Where is my sister? I want to see her now!” Maggie demanded.

Three hospital workers were all that kept Maggie and the rest of everyone from advancing faster than they were already moving. Maggie’s eyes caught sight of me and she stopped. Her tearstained face gazed at me, and a new set of tears released from her eyes. “Daryl?” she said, and she pushed past the workers, ran to me and threw her arms around me. “Where is she? Is she going to be alright? Can we see her? I need to see Beth,” she cried into my shoulder.

“She’s in surgery right now, but they won’t let us in,” I said. Then I held her back to look at her. “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you’d be in D.C. by now.”

Maggie shook her head. “There was a change in plans and we went back to the church. Michonne told us where to find you all. Rick told me what happened.” She looked past me and tried to see through the slim window. “Is she going to make it?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. Seeing Maggie was too much for me. Hot tears ran down my face. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Maggie pulled me to her, and we held each other and cried. “I want her back. I don’t care what condition she’s in. I just want her back.” I felt Maggie turn her head to look over her shoulder, and then wave someone off to allow us this moment alone to grieve. I was grateful for her caring gesture. I think we both needed this time alone.

Maggie and I took turns either sitting beside the door or pacing the hallway around the corner. Neither one of us was willing to leave the area. I didn’t know where the rest of our group was, but I didn’t much care at that point. While we waited for word about Beth, Maggie told me what happened after they left the church. It turned out that my premonitions about Eugene were right. There would be no cure. Eugene had made the whole thing up just so Abraham would protect him because he was too scared to protect himself. He was no scientist. Before all of this, Eugene worked at a video game store, and lived in his mother’s basement. Still, he had some good skills. He had a technical background, and he knew how to read maps really well. Maggie told me not to blame him or to be angry with him. This was how he dealt with the ending of the world. Not all of us could be warriors.

After that, they headed back to the church, only to find it overrun by walkers. Michonne and Carl escaped with Judith and Gabriel, and somehow managed to trap the herd inside the church. They were sitting outside, waiting for my group to come back when Maggie and the others showed up. That’s when Maggie learned about our plans. They came as fast as they could, but were turned away when they demanded entry into the hospital. It must have only been moments before that Beth was shot. My heart hurt to think of it.

In return for Maggie’s updates, I decided to tell her the truth about Beth and I. I started from the beginning, of how we escaped the prison, outran a herd of walkers, and hid in the trunk of the abandoned car to keep from getting caught. I told her about Beth’s obsession with having her first drink, navigating our way through the country club, finding moonshine at the worn-down trailer, and burning it down. And then I told her about the funeral home and the beautiful house where we had decided to make a go at it. I explained how it was Beth who opened my eyes to a different world than the one I made for myself. She had given me hope for a future, and hope in mankind. And somewhere in the mix, she made me a better man. Maggie was happy I got to spend the time I did with her sister. She was glad we had each other.

But it saddened me to my very core. I had Beth for such a brief moment in time, and now I wasn’t sure I was going to get her back at all. I had been wracking my brain over all my recent decisions. If I had just put my foot down and refused to let her come on this rescue mission, she would be here right now. We wouldn’t be in this fucking hospital. We would be on our way to that future right now. Even if D.C. was a bust, we could have been heading toward Noah’s home so he could reunite with his family, and Beth and I could have possibly found a home there too. But I was weak. I let Beth take charge because in the end I only wanted her happy. It was a stupid thing to do.

We were sitting on the floor by the double doors. Percy was long gone by now. No one came around except for the occasional cop checking on us. I didn’t think they wanted us here. “It’s my fault,” I whispered, bringing Maggie’s attention to me.

“You can’t think like that,” Maggie told me with a stern tone.

“I told her she couldn’t come, but she insisted. She said she needed to see Dawn fall from her pedestal. I could understand how she felt, and I gave in and let her come here. I hate myself for ever making that choice. I would rather have her mad at me or hate me because I made her stay at the church than to have any of this happen. I failed her.” I crossed my arms over my knees and bent my head down.

“If Beth wanted to come here, there wasn’t a thing you could have done to stop her,” Maggie said. “If there’s one thing we both got from our father, it was his stubbornness.” She stopped and gave a huff of a laugh. “She could really dig her heels in sometimes. Beth had her beliefs and there was nothing you could do to change her opinion. I remember I had come home from college for break. I always brought something back for Beth, a shirt, a piece of jewelry or some kind of little trinket. She would be so excited to get her gift. Well, this one time, just before I arrived, one of the gates broke and a couple of our horses got out. Before I could say hello, my dad told me he needed my help getting them back. I left my bags by the front door and we were off. Beth must have seen my bags, but when she didn’t find me, she took it upon herself to look for her present. She started going through my bags, and instead of the earrings I got for her, she found my birth control pills. When I was done helping my dad, I went back to the house and she was waiting for me, pillbox in hand. She started on me like she was my mother. The argument we got in … it was bad. Beth ended up walking out of the house, and I followed her all the way to the pond. She told me I didn’t need those pills because I was supposed to be saving myself. That’s what we were taught growing up. I proper lady saves herself for marriage. I told her that was an outdated way of thinking, and that I was old enough to make my own decisions when it came to that kind of thing. I think she agreed with me because she told me I should at least save myself for someone I loved. That’s what she was holding out for. She told me once that she wouldn’t have sex just because she liked someone. For her, it had to be for love. Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked if I loved whoever it was those pills were meant for. When I couldn’t give her a yes or a no, she chucked that pillbox into the pond, and told me it was for my own good.”

“So, did you? Wait until you were in love?” I asked.

“If I had, then Glenn would have been my first,” she smiled shyly. “You see? Stubbornness, it always gets in the way. For Beth, it had to be her way. Just as it had to be her decision to go on the mission to get Carol back. It’s not your fault, Daryl. Her heels were anchored tight to the ground even as you discussed your plans. She had already made up her mind, and there was nothing you could have done to stop her.”

I thought about how she was determined to find a drink, how she walked away from the camp, prepared to leave me behind and set out on her own. I remembered her fixation on giving a proper burial for the bodies at the house. Most of all, I recalled her persistence with me, with who I had become and how far it was from the man I used to be before the fall of society. “She’s so much stronger than anyone gives her credit for,” I said.

“That’s what I’m counting on now,” Maggie said as she glanced at the doors.

“Hey, you wanna touch base with the others? See if they’re even still here?” I said as I stood from the floor.

“Yeah,” Maggie agreed. I gave her my hand and helped her up. We were about to round the corner and go looking for our people when she grabbed my arm and stopped me. I looked down at her, wondering what this was about. “Did she … did she do it for love just like she wanted?” Maggie asked me. She kept her eyes to the ground, her long hair curtaining her face. It was a very personal question, one she felt awkward asking. It was something I normally wouldn’t answer because I was a huge believer in privacy, and what transpired between Beth and I was our own business. But Maggie’s story touched my heart, and I felt I owed her an answer.

“She did,” I said quietly. “We both did.”

>>------->

We went back to the place where we first made the trade, and found everyone sitting in the hall. I noticed Dawn’s body was gone, and the blood was cleaned up. Two officers waited nearby, keeping guard over our people.

“What’s this?” I asked the cops as I passed them.

“We have instructions to keep everyone here. They’re not allowed any further into the hospital,” one man said. 

“Man, that’s bullshit,” I complained. “They ain’t gonna do nothin’.” I started getting angry with these assholes. “Whose instructions are you following anyway? Dawn is dead.”

Rick was past the double doors where we first stood and waited to get Carol back. They were open now, but my people weren’t allowed past there. He put his hand out to gain my attention. “Daryl, it’s fine for now. Let them do what they need to do to feel safe. We just want news on Beth. No one’s told us anything.”

“We ain’t heard nothing either,” I told him, as I still glared at the cop next to me. “At least give them some food or water, something to pass the time.”

“There’s not enough to feed all of them and still have something for our people. If they want to eat, they can leave,” the tall cop said to me.

My fists balled up at my sides, and I tensed up, needing to punch something. I thought this cop would be a good start. And then I was going to start shaking things up to get some answers around here. Something wasn’t right. Dawn was out of the way, and from what Shepherd said, they should have gained control of the hospital. Why were they letting me and Maggie in, but not the rest? I started to wonder if Shepherd and her people were really in control. “I’m gonna see what I can do,” I told Rick, and the cop glared back at me. My sight caught on Carol. She looked tired. It hadn’t been that long since her accident. What she needed was a decent place to rest so she could continue to recover. “You alright? You in pain or anything?” I asked her from across the way.

“I’m fine. You just worry about Beth and yourself,” she said, giving me a forced smile. She wasn’t fine. She was probably in pain, but she wouldn’t admit it. I didn’t have time to argue.

“I gotta get back,” I told my friends, and headed down the hallway. As I passed the cops, I paused. “Get them something to eat and drink.” I walked away and heard the tall cop complain to his partner.

“Fucking redneck.”

I willed myself to keep walking. I didn’t need to cause a scene that might get me locked up. I needed to be there when Beth came out of surgery.

Maggie must have heard him too. She wrapped her arm around mine and we kept walking away. Once we turned the corner, we stopped to collect ourselves.

“That took a lot of self-control,” Maggie commented. “The Daryl I know would have punched that asshole in the face.”

“Oh, believe me I wanted to, but we’re not in charge here. We’re guests, and unwanted at that. Hey, I need you to wait while I go talk to someone about getting some food to our people,” I said to her.

“Yeah, no problem,” she agreed. 

We went back to the double doors, and Maggie stayed there while I went deeper into the hospital. I was in a new corridor where I hadn’t been before. These were offices and supply closets. One room was filled with electronic equipment, like EKG machines, blood pressure machines, computers and ventilators. Those were the ones I recognized anyway. Further up was a large room with tables and chairs, a bar with empty racks that used to hold snacks, and a coffee machine that sat empty and unused for a while. In one corner was an exercise bike and a treadmill. This must have been a breakroom for the doctors on this floor.

I spotted a glass jar half filled with lollypops, and remembered Beth telling me about the obscene things Gorman made her do with one. Good thing that guy was dead, or I would have seen to it myself. I heard a toilet flush, and a man came out of the bathroom. He was a worker in blue scrubs, short brown hair, clean shaven, and he walked with a walker, the kind you used to help keep your balance, not the snapping biting kind. He looked like he was struggling to get through the door, and he hadn’t noticed me standing there yet. When he looked up he jumped. Instantly, he covered his heart with his hand and gave a sigh of relief.

“Christ, for a second I thought you were a rotter,” he said with relief, but as his eyes settled on me, he became defensive. “Who the hell are you?”

“Just visiting,” I said. I saw that his leg was in a cast, which would explain the need for the walker. I gestured toward his leg with a nod of my head. “Someone here do that to you?”

“Actually, this is what landed me here,” he said.

“And now they got you doing shit as payment,” I commented.

He furrowed his brows. “You know how things work around here?” he asked me, and I gave a quick nod. “I’ve never seen you before.”

There was something very familiar about this man, and when I looked a little closer, I realized who he was. I hadn’t recognized him without the beard. This was the man whose house Beth and I were squatting in. “Your name Ken?”

“It is,” he said with suspicion. His hands grasped his walker a little tighter.

“I’m Daryl,” I told him, but he didn’t register it. “Beth?” I said tersely, and I saw the recognition.

“Wait. Yeah, yeah. She told me about you. You’re her guy,” he said excitedly, but his demeanor quickly changed to confusion. “What are you doing here?”

If he was asking me that question, then he must not know what happened earlier. “Ain’t you heard what happened?”

“We’ve been on lockdown. The guards told everyone to take shelter in the nearest room because of some kind of accident. What the hell is going on?” Ken was getting very concerned.

“They haven’t told you anything? Not about the trade or my people waiting back by the emergency stairs?” I interrogated.

Ken shook his head, but I could see him figuring something out. “They never tell us anything except what job to do and where we’re needed.”

I sighed deep and told him the story, starting with Carol getting injured and ending with Beth’s current condition.

Ken hung his head. “Oh my God, not Beth.” Slowly he looked up at me. “Why is she here? She got out of this place. Why’d she come back?”

If he had to ask that then he didn’t know her very well. “She just wanted to see justice done.”

“And Dawn’s really dead?” he asked needing confirmation. I nodded, and Ken looked angry. “No. They didn’t tell us a damn thing. I was afraid we were being attacked when I heard that gun go off.”

So that meant only a handful of people knew what was going on. The rest were forced to take shelter and not come out until they were told to.

“And what about Carol? Is she alright?” Ken asked.

“You know Carol?” I was surprised he knew her name.

“I, uh, I saved her,” Ken said. “They didn’t want to waste supplies or medicine on her. They said she was too far gone. I’m the one who talked Edwards into saving her life.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. “Edwards was going to let her die?” I asked, prodding for information.

“Edwards was scared of Dawn, just like some of the others. He knew the rules. He knew better than to challenge her, especially after Beth and Noah escaped. Dawn had been on edge ever since then, like she was ready to snap. None of us wanted that to happen. She could be very unreasonable at times.”

“I’m trying to find someone. Shepherd. Do you know where she is?” I asked. I needed to get to the bottom of what was happening around here.

Slowly, Ken turned his eyes to me. “Yeah, why?”

“She said there were plans to overthrow Dawn. Did anyone tell you about that?”

“Not directly, but we heard whispers and secret conversations. They want Lamson to run things. He’s fair and would probably do a decent job.”

I could see he didn’t know about that either. “Lamson’s dead.” I watched Ken look down and away, like all hope was lost, and decided not to tell him the truth of how it happened. “Walkers got him,” I lied. Ken looked at me curiously. “Rotters,” I corrected. Different people had different names for the dead.

Ken shook his head. “From what I gather, the guards are split. Some sided with Lamson, the workers included. But there is a tight-knit group who were with Dawn, and I assume that they won’t want to give up their power. They’ll try and take leadership and keep the rules as they are now. Most of us workers don’t want to be here including me.” He raised his head and looked at me with sadness. “Beth told me what you did for Bailey. I would have done it myself, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I just want to thank you for caring enough to give him a decent burial.”

“That was all Beth’s idea. I was just following her instructions,” I admitted. “You know, when we found them, Beth said she thought the gesture was beautiful.” It hurt to remember such a simple memory. I couldn’t understand how she found the beauty in something like that, but she showed me and it changed my way of thinking. I needed her to keep teaching me. I needed her to come back to me. “Anyway, my people are still here in the hospital, but I’m afraid they’re going to get kicked out. We only came here to get Carol back and leave. You know how bad the city is. We were staying at a church, but it got compromised. Now, we’ve got nowhere to go, and everyone’s anxious about Beth’s condition. I thought Shepherd could help us out.”

“Alright. Well, get me a wheelchair, and I’ll take you to her. It’s about time they start telling us what’s going on around here,” Ken said with determination.

He told me where to find a chair, and in a couple minutes I was back. Ken got in the chair and wheeled himself out of the breakroom and down a long hall. It was like a maze in this place. I wasn’t sure I could find my way back to Maggie without help. After a few twists and turns, and finding only empty rooms where Ken thought Shepherd would be, we ended up at the cafeteria where there was the beginning of a standoff. Shepherd, Licari, and about three other cops were in a heated argument with a small group of cops I hadn’t seen before. They must have been Dawn’s men. I didn’t hear what they were saying because as soon as Ken and I rounded the corner they all stopped and turned their eyes on us.

“Ken, what are you doing here?” said a dark-haired middle-aged cop. “And who you got with you?”

Shepherd recognized me right away. “I’ve got this.” She glared at the man who spoke. “Remember what I said, Collins.”

“Whatever,” Collins replied, as though he couldn’t be bothered.

Shepherd broke away from the rest, and everyone went their separate ways. She came up to us, and took hold of Ken’s wheelchair, pushing him out of the room. “These fucking assholes,” she complained to herself, and then turned her attention on us. “What are you two doing here? Ken’s supposed to be on lockdown, and you’re not allowed to roam around on your own.”

“I need a word with you,” Ken said to her, but she ignored him and kept wheeling him down the hall, back the way we came.

“Not now, Ken. I’ve got bigger problems,” Shepherd complained.

“Maybe that’s something I can help you with,” I said.

“You’re not even supposed to be here. We’re only letting you and your people stay while Beth is being operated on, but then you’re going to have to go. Having you here is causing too much tension, and I’m on the brink of a civil war.” Shepherd was obviously reaching for straws.

“What happened to taking over once Dawn was out of the way?” I asked as we continued walking.

“Easier said than done.” Shepherd stopped abruptly and turned to me. “We weren’t ready yet. When you killed Dawn, that set everything into motion, and while we were distracted by what happened, and medical staff was busy trying to save your girlfriend, Dawn’s officers took control of the majority of our weapons. Now they have the firepower, and their using that fact to stay in charge. Back in the cafeteria, I was trying to make some kind of deal with them, but they won’t budge.”

I could tell by the speed of her sentences that she was under a lot of pressure, and I didn’t think she was prepared for whatever kind of confrontation was taking place between the separate groups of officers. I thought I might be able to use this to my advantage. “Look, I came to you because my people are still here. They’re tired and hungry, and they’ve been stuck in a cold dark hallway for hours, and–"

“We didn’t invite them here,” she interrupted, “and we’re not holding them against their will. They can leave whenever they like, and you should be grateful for that.”

“If that was your family member in there, would you leave?” I shot back at her. “We all care about Beth, and we’re not going anywhere without her.”

“What would you have me do, Daryl?” she argued. She stopped walking and turned on me. “Dawn’s dead, and instead of clearing a path, it’s created a bigger problem. Over half the officers here want control. They want to keep Dawn’s rules and run this place themselves. The rest of us just want to make Grady a safe place to live for everyone. We know it can work, but we can’t have forced slavery anymore. We just want to start over again, and those who stay will work together to accomplish that, but Dawn’s people are blocking the way. As long as they’re here, there won’t be any peace.”

“And where does that leave Beth?” I was worried about Dawn’s people getting control, and putting a stop to her recovery. “If they decide she’s using up too many resources, what’s to say they won’t stop the surgery, and throw her down the elevator shaft?” 

“That’s not going to happen,” she countered. “I won’t let it.”

“You don’t think so?” I challenged. “I’ve heard the stories. I know Edwards was going to let Carol die until Ken stepped in and convinced him otherwise.”

“Edwards is a reputable doctor, and he was only doing what Dawn ordered him to–"

“He killed someone they brought in here because he recognized the guy, a former colleague, another doctor. Edwards was afraid he would be competition, maybe better than him. He did it to secure his position.” I shook my head. “He used Beth to do his dirty work. And now my girl’s life is in that man’s hands.”

“He wouldn’t, not now. Dawn isn’t here to–"

“No, but her men are. Her guards, her cops, whatever you want to call them. You said they still hold all the power. Is that why no one has given me an update on Beth’s condition? You know, her sister is here, waiting on pins and needles like the rest of us, but we don’t live here. You want to tell her to leave too.” I knew if I started bullying my way around, I would eventually break Shepherd and she’d give in.

“Alright fine!” she said with anger, her brown eyes drilling into me. Mission accomplished. “I’ll get you your update,” she told me, exhausted by the turn of events.

“And what about my people?” I said. We weren’t done here.

Shepherd sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Not good enough.” I got in her face. “Don’t forget who we are and what we can do. You’ve seen us in action. The way I see it, we took care of your problem. If you still don’t have control of this place, that’s on you.”

“I’m trying my best, but I don’t have much to work with,” she said through clenched teeth. “Damnit, this was supposed to be Lamson’s job, and now it’s fallen to me.” Shepherd was completely frazzled, just where I wanted her. Now maybe she would listen to my offer.

“There’s some people you just can’t cohabitate with. They’re like a disease bringing you down.” I had an idea, but I didn’t feel right making the offer before I had a chance to run it by Rick. I had to do something, though. “Maybe we can help you.”

“How?” Shepherd wondered.

“You’ll have to leave that up to us, but first, get us some food and water, and let us crash in the breakroom, at least for a couple nights. Bring some blankets too. Then, we’ll talk.”

Shepherd considered me a moment, and then she slowly gave me a nod. “Alright,” she eventually agreed.

I rushed back to Maggie, but there was no change and no word. “I’m working a deal with some of the people here,” I told her. I peeked through the rectangular window, and saw shadows moving around, but no one was in sight. “It must be a couple hours by now,” I said to myself.

“I get more worried as time passes. The longer she’s in there–"

“She’s gonna pull through this,” I assured Maggie, but deep down I was just as worried and scared. “They’re just being thorough.” I leaned against the wall next to her. “Hey, I’m gonna go talk to Rick and the others. I think I’ve at least got us a place to stay for tonight, maybe a couple nights.”

“Okay,” Maggie nodded.

Back down the hallway, I was passing the cops guarding my people. It was the same two asshats, looking like they owned the place. I ignored them, but the tall one just had to mouth off. “They got you cleaning bedpans yet? You gotta earn your keep around here.”

“The only thing I’m earning is the joy of sticking my foot up your ass,” I mumbled as I passed.

Rick came forward, stopping at the double doors. “Heard anything yet?”

I shook my head. “Beth’s still in surgery, but I’m working on something.” I looked over my shoulder. This wasn’t a good place to talk. Sound carried in the hall, and I didn’t want the cops hearing what I had to say. “I need to talk to you.”

We went to the stairwell and opened the door, stepping just inside so we could talk. “I got us a room,” I said. “There’s an empty breakroom big enough to hold all of us. I talked Shepherd into letting everyone stay there. She’s getting blankets and some food and water. But we’re gonna have to earn our way. That’s how they do things around here.”

“I thought they wanted to change all that now that Dawn’s out of the picture,” Rick said.

“They still do, but they got competition. Dawn’s cops got the upper hand with the weapons. They want to keep everything running the way it has been. Shepherd’s people want to change that. They don’t want Dawn’s men here, but they don’t have the firepower to force them out. Shepherd is trying to negotiate with them, but with no luck. I told her that maybe we could work out a deal and help her people out with the situation in exchange for letting you all come into the mix, room and board while Beth is being cared for.” I waited to see what Rick thought of my idea.

“That might work, but what happens when we get rid of Shepherd’s problem? There won’t be a reason to let us stay after that, and I’m not sweeping floors just to have a place to sleep.”

“I was thinking about that too. They’re tight on food. Beth told me they’re growing some vegetables on the roof, which helps, but it’s not enough. Sometimes rations are tight,” I said.

“We could send a team out. Glenn knows the area pretty well, and the number of walkers is lower than it was in the beginning. When their food source ran out, a lot of them moved out of the city.” Rick ran his hand through his hair while he was thinking. “I’m not losing any of my people just to feed them because they’re too frightened to do it themselves.”

“Maybe we don’t take any of their food. We just scavenge for ourselves, and they let us stay until Beth is well enough to leave,” I suggested.

Rick had that look in his eyes that said I was asking for a lot considering Beth. He didn’t have to say anything. “She’s gonna pull through this,” I said, and he had no choice but to nod in agreement. “Alright, I’ll go talk to Shepherd. I’ll find out how many we got to worry about. You all start coming up with a plan.”


	17. Time

Chapter 17 Time

Maggie and I sat on the floor in front of the wooden double doors. She had fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat or drink either. I knew I needed to, but my body wouldn’t accept it. All I wanted, all I needed was to know something about Beth.

Rick and the others were allowed to settle in the breakroom. Shepherd had a stack of blankets and bottled water waiting for them. If they wanted food, they would have to go to the cafeteria, but only with police escort. They weren’t allowed to wander the hospital. That same rule went into effect for Maggie and me too, but at least we were allowed to wait by the operating room entrance.

We heard voices from inside the room, and both of us jumped up and stared at the door. Edwards came to the vertical window and peered out, seeing us standing there. I was already bracing myself for bad news from the look on his face. He watched us for a moment, and then he came out. Edwards was wearing the typical doctor outfit, blue scrubs, a paper beanie on his head, and a white surgical mask dangling from one ear. There was blood on his clothes, which had me worried. When the door closed behind him, he slowly reached up with the last of his energy, and took off his cap, stuffing it into his pants pocket.

“She’s alive,” he said first, and Maggie and I exhaled the breath we had been holding. “But we’re far from being out of the woods. She’s in extremely serious condition.”

“She’s alive though,” Maggie said with relief. It wasn’t much but it was better than the alternative.

“How is she?” I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Right now, she’s unresponsive. She’s not breathing well on her own, so she’s been intubated. She’s in a medically induced coma for the time being,” Edwards informed. “As far as the wound to her head, I did what I could. The bullet passed through, but it caused tremendous damage. It’s a miracle that she’s alive at all.”

“Will she be alright?” Maggie asked, her voice raspy from lack of sleep and emotional hardship.

Edwards looked from Maggie to me before he answered. It wasn’t a good sign. I waited to hear what I had been fearing all this time. “It’s too early to say, but chances for a full recovery are very slim.”

“Spell it out doc,” I demanded. “What are we looking at here?”

“We should give her body a chance to make its repairs before–"

“Just give us a goddamn straight answer!” I yelled.

Edwards just stared at us. I think he was afraid to tell us the truth, afraid of what we might do.

“Please?” Maggie begged in a kinder voice.

Reluctantly, Edwards answered. “There is a very strong possibility she might never wake up and remain in a vegetative state. When we remove her breathing tube, if she starts breathing regularly on her own, her chances will go up slightly, but even then, she might never regain consciousness. I can’t really say how bad the damage is to her brain. It’s just not my expertise. A neurosurgeon could tell you a lot more, but unfortunately, we don’t have one. Right now, we just have to wait and see what happens.”

“Can we see her?” Maggie asked.

“Let’s get her moved into a room first,” Edwards said. “I’m sorry I don’t have better news.” He walked away, leaving Maggie and me to deal with the information he’d just given us. I thought about what he did to that man, his colleague from before, and how he had used Beth to do his dirty work. It didn’t sit well with me, knowing he was capable of such a thing. Before Edwards disappeared from sight, I rushed down the hall to catch up with him, and caught him by the arm.

“Hey doc,” I said, and he stopped walking. “Just so you know. If anything happens to her … anything … I’m coming for you.”

He glared at me, unappreciative of my threat. “I just spent three hours trying everything I know possible to keep her alive, and now you’re going to threaten me?”

“I know about you, and I don’t trust you. You act all high and mighty like you’re doing God’s work around here, but you’re just a frightened little prick. Doctors take an oath, don’t they? And that’s why you told Beth to give that man the wrong medicine, so you could keep a clean conscience. But you’re still responsible. I’ll be watching and listening, and I don’t want anyone but you giving her any medicine so I’ll know who to blame if something goes wrong. You got that?”

He looked scared, and that was good. Edwards nodded rapidly and I let him go. We were safe for now. I had him looking over his shoulder. He wouldn’t try anything, not for a little while. When my threat wore off, I’d just have to hit him up again as a reminder.

Maggie and I went back to the breakroom while we waited to see Beth. Maggie rushed in and went straight to Glenn. He captured her in his arms as she cried into his shoulder. Everyone’s attention came to me, and I told them what Edwards had told me. It was not a joyous occasion like most had hoped. Carol approached me and wrapped her arms around me, laying her head on my chest.

“I’m so sorry,” she said softly.

I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my lip until I tasted blood just to keep from crying. Until now, I had kept myself busy being the go-between, working deals, threatening people I didn’t trust, and just trying to keep my people together and safe. Now, standing in the room with my group, my family, it was all coming down on me like a tidal wave. Beth might never come back from this.

“I was just happy to know she survived,” I said to Carol as she held me. “But now, this just seems more devastating. What if she never wakes up?”

“Hey, we’re not there yet. You said they were waiting to see how she responded once she had time to heal. So that’s the next goal,” Carol advised. “Don’t get too far ahead of the situation at hand.”

“I’m trying, but my mind is going a million miles a minute.” And it was. I was thinking about right now, and how we were being allowed to stay here, but what about tomorrow or the next day. Should I tell them to go north as they planned, and look for a new place to call home? Or should I ask them to stay here until either Beth was well enough to go with us, or . . . I couldn’t even think about the alternative. I wasn’t ready to start playing out different scenarios because one of them had to do with Beth being a vegetable, and how to deal with that. I wasn’t there yet. I still held out hope that Edwards, because he wasn’t a neurosurgeon, was wrong about his prediction, and Beth would eventually wake up. That’s how I had to imagine my future right now.

>>------->

After what seemed like forever, we were finally visited by Percy, the older gentleman hospital worker. He told me that Maggie and I could see Beth, and that she was settled and resting comfortably in her new room. No one else was allowed to leave the breakroom. I tried to argue my case, but Percy reminded me that it wasn’t up to him, and that he was just doing what he had been told to do. Everyone said they understood so that Maggie and I didn’t have to feel guilty. Still, I felt happy knowing I would finally see her again.

We followed Percy to the opposite end of the floor we were on. The hallway was dark, with only every second or third light illuminated. He told us they kept it like that to conserve energy. The hospital was running on generators, and the less energy they used, the longer the gasoline lasted that powered them. This was why only the fifth floor was occupied.

Percy stopped outside of a patient room and turned to Maggie and me. “She’s not going to look like what you might be expecting. Beth is hooked up to several machines. There are tubes and wires, and machines making hissing noises or beeping. Her head is wrapped in gauze, and there are tubes inserted in her mouth that go to her lungs. This is what’s helping her breathe right now. I just wanted to tell you this to help ease the shock of seeing her like this. But just know that her heart is beating, and from what I knew of her, she has a strong and determined soul.” Percy forced a smile and stepped aside.

Maggie and I shared a glance at each other before I pushed the door open. We slowly entered the room, and stood side by side as we approached the bed. I felt Maggie’s arm wrap around my waist and grip me tight.

It was just as Percy said. Beth was unrecognizable. All I could see of her were her hands resting at her sides and her closed eyes. Her mouth was covered by a mask and a tube. Her head was wrapped in white. The rest of her body was tucked in under blankets. She didn’t move. She didn’t make a sound. She was in a coma.

“Blessed God above,” Maggie said as an expression more than a prayer.

We moved closer until we were standing at the side of her bed. My poor Beth. How I wanted to hold her in my arms and whisper to her, and tell her I was there.

“Is there anything we can do?” Maggie asked Percy.

“You can talk to her so she knows she’s not alone,” he said.

“You really think she knows?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine she had any awareness of her surroundings or the condition she was in.

“It is my belief that just because someone is in a coma it doesn’t mean they aren’t conscious. I think they can feel a touch or hear a whisper. How they perceive those things might be different. Maybe to them, it is a voice inside their head, or perhaps the mind has created a dream-like world for them, and they can see or hear you there. It’s never been proven, I don’t think, so it wouldn’t hurt to interact, just in case it is true.”

Maggie wasted no time and she bent down to Beth’s covered ear, whispering to her sister things I couldn’t hear. I stood there and watched, a feeling of unease washing over me. I had never been with Beth around anyone since we were together. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, but it felt awkward doing it with her sister standing beside me. When Maggie stood again, tears wet her face, and her eyes had gone red. She stepped away so that I could have my time with her. I hesitated to move, but then Maggie gave me a single nod, telling me it was okay. I forced my feet to move and I came up beside Beth, leaned down, and kissed her temple, the only place I could reach with all the tubes and wires in the way.

“It’s Daryl. I’m here. I’ve been waiting for you. Everyone’s here, and they’re all anxious to visit you. So far, Maggie and I are the only ones who can come into your room. If you can hear me, you got to get better. You got to get stronger, and start breathing on your own so they can get you off this awful machine.” It made a swoosh and hiss sound, which made Beth’s chest rise and fall in an unnatural rhythm. “I’m not leaving you until you’re ready to come with me. Just know I’m always around. Okay?” I stood up straight and caught sight of Maggie watching me. I felt embarrassed and I told her as much. “It can’t hurt, right? I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I feel stupid for trying.”

“No, you shouldn’t. I can see how much she means to you, and I think it’s sweet. It makes me happy to know she has someone who cares about her like this … someone besides me,” Maggie confessed.

When we got tired of standing, I grabbed a couple chairs and sat them next to the bed. Maggie and I got comfortable. She took Beth’s hand in hers and we sat there for a long time, just so we could be close to her. I laid my palm on her leg and gave it a light squeeze just so she’d know I was still there. The machines were the only sound, and it was annoying, but after a while I stopped noticing it. My attention went to her breathing, and I found myself constantly watching the rise and fall of her chest. I didn’t know what to look for, but I wondered how we would know if she started breathing on her own again. Little goals, Carol had told me, and right now I wanted her to get off the ventilator. Edwards said her chances of recovery improved once that happened.

I was so tired. I don’t think I slept for the past twenty-four hours, so when I closed my eyes just for a minute, it was no wonder I drifted off. My dreams were all over the place, and most of them I couldn’t remember, but I knew I was constantly on the move. My body jerked me awake, and for a moment I didn’t know where I was. The sounds of the room quickly reminded me. When I looked at Maggie, she was asleep too. I got up as quietly as I could and stretched my back. Then I left to stand in the hallway a moment. I really could have used a smoke at that point. I thought I deserved one from my special reserve, but I refrained from doing it. I could have gone up to the roof out into the fresh air and relieved my anxiety, but it was too far from Beth. If something happened and I wasn’t there, I’d never forgive myself. So, I went back to the breakroom to check in with everyone.

Sasha and Tyrese were playing a game of cards. Rick was playing with Judith. Michonne was keeping Carl entertained as they read comic books. Abraham was gazing out of a window with Rosita lying next to him, using his lap as her pillow. Eugene was off by himself with some kind of hospital equipment. He had it all taken apart as though he was trying to fix it. Glenn, Tara and Gabriel were sitting together though no one was talking. They all looked like they were in deep thought. All eyes went to me when I entered the room, and I gave them a full report, though there wasn’t much to tell.

Father Gabriel came up to me and pulled me to the side. “I’ve been praying for her non-stop. I just wanted to let you know that,” he told me.

“Thanks,” I said, but I walked away. I didn’t feel like being preached to. Unfortunately, he followed me.

“You know, if there’s anything I can do, or if I can help in any way at all, don’t hesitate to–"

“I got it Father, but right now, I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do. I know I can’t. It’s out of my hands. It’s out of the doctor’s hands. It’s out of everyone’s hands.”

“It’s not out of God’s hands,” Father Gabriel said softly.

I turned to him and glared. “If that’s true, then where was He when she was shot in the head? Where was He when I tried my damnedest to make her stay behind where she was safe?” I said angrily.

“He was there when He needed to be. Otherwise, Beth would not be alive right now,” he said. Despite my anger, Gabriel spoke calm and sensibly. “I think she still has work to do on this earth.”

I didn’t know why he was even talking to me right now. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear his voice or his advice or his false prophecies. “Oh yeah?” I challenged, getting in his face. “Is that why you’re still here? You think God still has plans for you? Or are you only here because you did something to guarantee you’d live?” Gabriel’s face went from calm reasoning to guilt in a split second. “Yeah, I heard about the writing on the wall outside of the church. What are you gonna burn for, Father? You did something,” I accused as I poked him in the chest with my finger. “It’s suspicious that you are the only survivor out of your entire congregation. Where are your people? What happened to them? So, don’t sit there and preach to me about something you know nothing about. If God was still with us, do you think the dead would be walking? If you ask me, He’s left this place, and now Hell rules the earth.”

I think I scared him because Gabriel backed away, but he kept his frightened eyes trained on me as he did. He removed himself from the entire group, and made a place for himself in the corner. It was just as well. I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear his religious crap right now.

“Hey, what was that all about?” Carol said, coming up next to me.

“Nothing. Just … Gabriel being Gabriel,” I said. Carol led me to one of the lunch tables and we sat down.

“I wish I could go see her,” Carol admitted. She reached over and grabbed a couple bottles of water sitting next to us, handing me one.

I took the bottle and left it sitting in front of me. “This is bullshit that they’re keeping you all in this room.”

“Well, hopefully we can talk to someone soon, and maybe talk them into giving us some leniency. I don’t think they know or understand that if we wanted to take this place, we already would have. But we just want to keep the peace for as long as we need to. We wouldn’t do anything to compromise the situation.” Carol smiled in a motherly way and shrugged her shoulders innocently. “We’re all just good little soldiers waiting for our orders.”

It shouldn’t have to be that way. I knew they cared about Beth, but they didn’t have to put all their plans on hold as we watched and waited for word on her condition. There was no telling how long that would take. “I need to speak with Rick,” I said, and I got up from the table, leaving Carol behind.

Rick was playing with Judith, but when I approached him, he stood and asked Carl to keep an eye on her. We walked forward, away from the others so I could have a word with him in private. “What’s going on?” he asked with real concern. I noticed that anytime I walked into a room or tried to have a conversation with someone, they looked like they were expecting the worst. I guess I was now the bearer of bad news.

“I’ve been thinking, and maybe, after we help settle things here in the hospital, you should take the others and head out,” I said.

“And go where? Our plans for D.C. fell through. There’s nowhere to go here in the city. I’m not leaving you behind,” Rick said, adamant with his answer.

“What about Noah? He still wants to go home. Its’ not fair to make him wait any longer. You know as well as I do that Beth could be here indefinitely. You should go. Maybe Noah’s community is the answer.” Beth and I were hoping it would be. That had been our plan right before everything happened.

Rick studied me a moment, thinking about my proposal. I could see he wasn’t too sure about us splitting up especially at such a distance. “Let’s just do what we promised to do here first, and when we’ve paid our obligation, we’ll see where we’re at with the rest of this.”

“Speaking of … have you given any thought as to how we’re doing this?” I asked. I hadn’t had the time or energy to think of a way to get rid of the bad eggs around this place.

“Well, we know Shepherd and her officers are far outnumbered by Dawn’s men. However, she mentioned before that some of the workers would probably be willing to fight with them, and that increases their numbers. We could arm the workers, and with our help on top of that, Shepherd will have the advantage. But we need everyone on board. I’m not arming people just to be shot at with my own weapons. So, I need you and maybe Maggie, since you two have free rein around here, to start talking to people and find out who’s on our side and who can fight.”

“I’ll take care of it. We just have to be discreet about it for Beth’s sake. If word gets out what we’re planning, Dawn’s men won’t hesitate to use her as leverage,” I warned. When Dawn was in charge, Beth would have been left to die in order to save on medicine and supplies. I didn’t doubt the opposition felt keeping her alive was a burden they couldn’t afford, but so far they had been quiet, and that worried me too. “I got to get back. I’ll send Maggie. She’s due for a break.”

Rick placed a firm hand on my back. “We’re not going to let anything happen to Beth. She’s our first priority.”

“I know. Thanks … brother,” I said. He smiled and gave me a brotherly hug.

As I walked back to Beth’s room, I came across Ken wheeling along the hallway, and I stopped to talk to him. He would be the perfect alibi to help me with all of this. “How’s it going?” I asked, stopping as I passed him.

“I was going to ask you the same thing. I heard the surgery went well, but she’s not awake yet,” Ken said gently.

“They’ve got her in an induced coma for now, just to give her body time to heal,” I said. It was something I had repeated more times than I could count. “Hey, since I’ve got you here, I was wondering if you could help me out with something.”

“Sure thing. What is it?” Ken asked. He sounded excited and glad to be useful.

I gave him a rough outline of our plan, and asked him if he would talk to the workers who he thought would join our cause. Ken already knew a couple people who would for sure participate. They had helped Beth and Noah escape. Percy was one of them, but I was hesitant to get him involved. “I don’t mean to sound like a prick, but we need able bodied people who can fight, and I’m not sure Percy is up to it.”

“As far as fighting, probably not, but he’d do good working from the shadows. Percy is great with the ‘helpless old man’ routine. He faked an allergic reaction to divert the attention of the guards so Beth could sneak into Dawn’s office and steal a key.”

I had to laugh at that. I’d met Percy, and I probably would have fallen for it too. He seemed more fragile than he actually was. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. Maybe he can help when it comes time to arm the workers.”

“Good idea. Alright, let me get on it, and I’ll come back to you with some numbers by the end of the day,” Ken said.

“You know where to find me.” I patted his shoulder and we went our separate ways. I needed to get back to Beth.

>>------->

Maggie was awake when I returned. She looked at me and already knew I was going to ask about Beth. She shook her head with disappointment, and I knew there had been no change.

“It’s only the first day,” I said to keep our thoughts positive. “Why don’t you take a break.”

“Alright,” she agreed reluctantly. Maggie was still holding Beth’s hand, and she slowly released it as she stood. “I won’t be long.”

“It’s okay. Take your time. I’d like to be alone with her for a little bit if you don’t mind,” I said, hoping that would keep her from feeling guilty for leaving Beth’s side. She smiled sweetly at me and kissed my cheek before she left.

When she was gone, I settled in the chair Maggie had occupied, still warm from her body, and looked at my girl’s face, or what I could see of it with all the bandages and tubes obscuring it. I silently willed her eyes to open, needing those pools of blue to settle on me, and make me feel her love. I stroked her cheek with the back of my finger, longing to cup her face in my hand, and tell her it was all going to be okay. But I didn’t know if it would ever be like that again.

I had avoided thinking about it, but I knew it was something I had to consider. What would I do if there was no hope of her waking up? What would Beth want me to do? We had a conversation back when we were still on the run from the prison. Sitting on the porch of that beat-up trailer home, she told me how she imagined the future if Hershel hadn’t died, if we hadn’t been chased out of our prison home. She had seen Glenn and Maggie married with a child, and Hershel reading stories to him or her. Beth had seen herself singing songs and teaching lessons, being the fun aunt, even though she would have been the only aunt. They would watch the child grow up as a family, and eventually, when Hershel was near the end, he would die peacefully in his bed. They would all be sad, but glad he had lived out the rest of his life as he would have liked. Just being able to grow old would have been a blessing.

Of course, it didn’t turn out that way, and she had been devastated to lose her father to such unnecessary violence. Still, she was glad of one thing. She was glad it had been swift, and she said that when it was her time, she wanted the same thing.

So, what was I to do if Beth never came out of this coma? What would I do if she remained in a vegetative state as Edwards warned me might happen? Alive but not conscious. Heart beating, blood pulsing, but unresponsive and unaware of anything happening around her. I doubted very much that she would want to go on in that kind of oblivious state. I know I wouldn’t. But to let her die meant having to make sure she didn’t come back either, and having sworn to protect her at all costs, would I be able to do it? Could I really let her die just to kill her again? What if I had just waited one more day. Maybe that one day would have made all the difference. Maybe that would be the day she came back to me.

A tear escaped the corner of my eye as I considered all of this. I hadn’t even known I was crying until I tasted the salty drop settle into the corner of my mouth. I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Not this day,” I whispered. Maybe it was too soon to think about these things. There was still time.

After sitting for a long time, I got up from my chair and wandered around the room. It was fairly big for a hospital room, but it had to be because of all the machines. I traced the tubes that ran from Beth’s body, just to see what she was hooked up to. The ventilator was one of them. Then there was a heart monitor, a blood pressure machine, and a couple different IVs. I read the labels on the clear plastic bags, but it might as well have been Chinese. One I knew. It was saline to keep her hydrated. The other must have been the medicine that was keeping her asleep. I made a mental note of the names on the bags because I was going to make sure they were always the same. If Edwards put her on a different medicine, I wanted to know about it, and know what it was and how it helped her. I wanted to make sure I was involved somehow so that I could keep tabs on her, and make sure she was getting the proper care.

Thinking about the doctor, I knew we needed to get him on our side. I still didn’t trust the guy, and I feared our rivals might make a better deal if we didn’t move fast enough. We would have to guarantee his safety and position as lead doctor once Shepherd was in charge. Maybe if we could scavenged some medical supplies and medicine, it would help to sweeten the deal.

I plopped down in my chair and sighed deep as I watched Beth. I hated every part of this. She shouldn’t be here. She should be smiling and laughing, singing with her sister, happy in the moment, happy with me. I hope she was happy with me. I was a dick in the beginning, and I never felt like we made up for that wasted time. We didn’t get enough time. But who does? Couples had spent a lifetime together and still felt as though it wasn’t enough. That’s what I hoped Beth and I could have had, a long life together. I didn’t realize it before, but I did now.

There was a knock on the door, and I thought it was Maggie returning too soon, but Shepherd poked her head in. “Can I talk to you?” she asked. I could already tell by her tone that I wasn’t going to like what she had to say.

“What is it?” I asked as I stood and went to her.

Shepherd came in the rest of the way and carefully closed the door so as not to make a sound. We stood at the back of the room away from Beth. I thought it was odd. Beth wouldn’t know the difference. “We’ve got trouble.”

“Already?”

Shepherd nodded. “I’ve got a name. Collins. You met him briefly.”

“The cop you were trying to make a deal with?” I asked and she nodded again.

“He’s in charge of the others. I thought it was leaning that way, but now I’ve got confirmation. I thought he was on our side a while back. He used to talk about getting Dawn out. Turns out he wanted this place for himself. He said Dawn wasn’t confident enough to run this place. And when I told him about Gordon’s out of control behavior, he said the man was just sloppy. Anyway, he got what he wanted so far, and now he’s going for the entire operation. I think he wants to make Grady his personal playground. He’s talking about bringing in more survivors by any means necessary, especially women. And then he wants to stock up on anything useful. His goal is to use Grady as a trading post, but not just for food or supplies. He’s talking about trading for sex and even people, drugs as well. I’ve been told that one of his men had access to a police station and has a supply of confiscated drugs hidden away.”

I was shocked to hear this. It was way worse than anything Dawn was doing here. “Where are they going to get the clientele? It’s not like the city is crawling with people.”

“They’re going to get organized and then start going out of the city to look for communities and camps. Some they’ll recruit, some they’ll force to come back here. Others will become loyal customers or they’ll become a go-between, taking their product out to the people.”

I knew all about an operation like this. It wasn’t all that different than the shit my dad and my brother got involved in. “Something like that doesn’t just happen overnight,” I commented.

“No, and that’s why they need us out of the way. Those that don’t agree will just slow them down. And they most definitely don’t want you and your people here anymore. They know you’re armed and I think it has them worried.”

“Where does Edwards stand in all of this?” I asked.

Shepherd looked confused. “What does he have to do with it?”

“As a doctor, he’s a key player. With the hospital divided, he’s going to pick a side, and he’s going to go with the one he thinks can protect him better. That’s usually the stronger of the two. Right now, it seems that’s Collin’s side.” I moved closer to make my point. “Look, you gotta let my people get more involved around here. Let them move about instead of restricting them to the breakroom. Collins needs to see that we’re allowed to be here, and that we’re starting to get involved. He can’t be allowed to push his weight around.”

“I don’t know,” she said, unsure of her own decisions.

“Who’s in charge around here? Is it you or Collins?” I asked to get her to wake up.

“I am,” Shepherd said with more confidence.

I wished to tell her to act like it, but I didn’t want her on my bad side. “Good. So … do something. You’ve got our help if you want it. I talked to my people and they’re on board.”

“We’ve got to jump on this fast before it gets out of hand,” she told me.

“I’ll let them know. In the meantime, we’re going to integrate into your system. We’ll help out with food and supplies too. We’ll earn our keep on our terms. We don’t work for you, but we will help,” I said, laying down some rules.

“We never wanted that system here. That was Dawn. You’re still free to come and go as you please, and I’ll let everyone know that you and your people are now a part of this place,” Shepherd confirmed. 

“I appreciate it. Now, let’s get to work.”


	18. Standoff

Chapter 18 Standoff

Three days had passed since we agreed to help Shepherd reclaim the hospital. They were three very tense and stressful days. Though me and my people were finally allowed to roam the hospital, we were being watched carefully, and we were being blocked from entering the cafeteria. Collins, the man who led the rival group, put up his own guards and denied us entry, even after Shepherd told him he didn’t have the right. A scuffle broke out between the two groups of officers. The hospital workers stayed out of it, though they supported Shepherd.

Shepherd explained to the other side that our being here was temporary. We only stayed because of Beth, as we waited hour after hour for some kind, any kind of change in her condition. There had been nothing so far, but we weren’t giving up hope, especially me. I wasn’t leaving this place without her. I spent every moment I could by her side. When I was alone with her, I would talk to her, encourage her to get better, to wake up and look at me again. I missed her smile and her laugh. I missed everything about her. I would never go anywhere without her, even if it meant wheeling her out of here unconscious, which I hoped wouldn’t be the case. I begged for her to come back to me in any condition, paralyzed, brain damaged, anything just so that I could get her out of here and start taking care of her. I would take on any challenge that was thrust at me.

I didn’t like being in this place, and I didn’t like being in the city. It was dangerous, and not just because of the walkers that constantly roamed around the building and occupied the lower floors. Nothing had happened yet, but I had a bad feeling that something was brewing here. The people were divided. Every day, tension levels built. You could feel it in the air, a constant static charge that was just waiting to go off. I had the feeling Collins was waiting for the right opportunity to strike, and we were going to be the excuse because we were the outsiders. There was only one thing keeping us here, and if they wanted us to leave, they would have to omit that single draw … Beth.

I caught Collins snooping around yesterday, when I had stepped out of Beth’s room briefly to use the bathroom. He was walking around her room, hands behind his back, taking slow precise steps as he examined each machine that was keeping her alive. I stood in the doorway and just watched, waiting for him to make a move so I could kill him and claim self-defense. He stopped at the side of Beth’s bed, and gazed down at her. His finger gently traced one of the tubes that ran from her mouth, between her breasts, and over the edge of the bed.

“Touch her and I’ll kill you,” I seethed from the doorway.

Collins, a tall muscular man with short dark hair, and an irritating swagger about him, ignored me and smiled as he leaned down to get a better look at Beth’s face. “My, what a waste of a beauty.”

I knew right away what he was up to. He was trying to antagonize me, to lead me into a fight that would justify evicting my people from the hospital. But I wasn’t threatened. It was more telling, actually. As long as we were here, he knew he had less of a chance for a successful takeover. I figured this was the reason Collins wouldn’t negotiate with Shepherd. She was trying to find a way to make it work for everyone. I knew better than anyone it would never work. Either Shepherd and her people had to leave or Collins did.

“Pretty and blonde, young too,” Collins said with an irritating smirk. “So, you and her … uh. . .” He cocked an insinuating brow. I refused to play into his game. “You know, if you want to … have a moment alone with her, I can rearrange it so you won’t be interrupted.” He gazed down at her again. “Not much you can do with the top half, but the bottom half is all you need. Am I right?” Collins looked at me with a shit-eating grin.

“You need to leave,” I growled dangerously, but he ignored me.

“Now, I personally like my girls alive and wriggling, but if you’re into that kind of thing … Hey, at least she’s still warm. Might need some K.Y. to help her along, but she won’t complain, no matter what you do to her. Yep, you can do all those things she said she wouldn’t do, and you don’t have to tell her to shut up and take it.”

“Is that what you did to your boss? Stick you dick inside the hole I put in her head?” I shot back. It was a horrible thing to say, but no worse than the filth he was spitting at me.

I had him where I wanted him. His face turned red, and a vein popped out on the side of his neck. He forced a laugh as he wiggled his finger at me. “Alright, I guess I deserved that. Suit yourself then.”

“Get out! Now!” I demanded. I could feel my blood pressure building, and I was about to pop off on this asshole.

“This is my hospital. I’ll go wherever I damn well please,” he said as he passed me and exited the room.

“Not this room. It’s off limits to you and any of your men,” I said as a promise to what would happen if he crossed the line again.

Just as Collins left, Rick was there, and he got in the man’s face, stopping him in his tracks. Rick’s agitation was back. I knew what he was capable of, and it seemed Collins sensed his danger too, because he backed off quickly, refusing to make eye contact. Collins hurried away from us.

“What did he want?” Rick asked, his eyes trained on Collins until he was out of sight.

“Just trying to start trouble. I ain’t falling for his shit. You shouldn’t either,” I warned.

“When are we doing this?” Rick wondered.

“I’m just waiting on Shepherd. I told her we were ready. She just needs to give the word.”

“The sooner the better,” Rick commented.

“I’ll talk to her again,” I said to satisfy him.

>>------->

“We’re moving on this soon,” I said to Shepherd as we were discussing plans. “We’re done waiting. Collins has been making threats, trying to get me involved. Trying to set me up. I knew what he was up to, but I held back. My buddy, Rick, that’s another story. If these guys figure out they can try and ruffle his feathers, then this whole plan won’t be for shit.”

“Are you saying Rick is a loose cannon?” she asked as though reconsidering everything we had been working towards.

“Let’s just say he’s been through some shit, and he ain’t putting up with much lately. My main concern is Beth. I don’t put it past these guys to use her in some way,” I informed her.

“That’s not going to happen,” she tried to assure me, but it was just an empty promise.

“What the hell are you trying do here? Collins and the rest, they ain’t never gonna live here peacefully. There will always be conflict. And when we’re gone, who are you going to use as leverage?”

Shepherd sighed and turned away. We stood in her office, which used to belong to Dawn, and she shifted some papers around on the desk. “It’s my brother,” she said quietly.

“What about your brother?” I was confused. She’d never made mention of ever having a sibling. I didn’t know Shepherd outside of being in charge here at the hospital.

“He’s with Collins.” She turned to me to see my reaction.

“Your brother is here? You never said anything before.”

“He’s my half-brother. We never got along very well, but he’s still my brother. When Dawn took control, he started hanging around with Gordon and Collins, two of the main instigators. They kept pushing Dawn to see how far she would let them go before reaching her breaking point. But soon they discovered that Dawn was scared, and barely holding on to her position. They used that to their advantage, and that’s when things started getting bad around here. My brother stays on their side because they protect him. Look, he’s not a cop. He worked as bouncer at a bar. He never had much, especially after our parents divorced. He got in trouble with the law a lot, took a bunch of odd jobs, and got involved with a bad crowd. Before everything went to shit, he got that bar job. He was trying to turn his life around when everything went bad. The night things turned downtown he came to the hospital by police escort. He said some customer got out of control, and he punched him. The cops got involved, and the customer pressed charges. Roy, my brother, needed stitches on his hand. They were going to patch him up and then the cops were going to take him to the precinct. I heard the call on the radio and came here to see if I could help him out, maybe get the charges dropped. That never happened, of course. Things got out of hand around here. People were coming in with bites, dying, turning, and attacking the living. Me and Roy did what we could, but we couldn’t save many, only a few. We hid until shit died down. When the smoke started to clear, we came out, found other cops and some patients. We closed off this floor and stayed here. Dawn was here with her partner, who took control in the beginning. Eventually, they quit seeing eye to eye, things happened that we weren’t supposed to question, and Dawn became leader, minus her partner. It was good at first, but things turned again. We started choosing sides. Roy chose theirs. He distanced himself from me when Collins gave him a uniform. And now, here we are. I want to get rid of Collins and his followers, but I’m trying to do it so that I don’t lose my brother.”

I was surprised by her story, and I could see a few similarities with my own story. “I had a brother I tried to save too.”

“Did it work?” she asked honestly.

“Maybe it did in the end, but by then it was too late. The thing is, you can’t keep Collins here and save your brother at the same time. Roy chose a side and it wasn’t yours. Either he’s going to have to get his shit together, or he’ll be out with the rest. But trying to keep everyone here to force something to work, it ain’t gonna happen. It’s not the answer,” I told her.

“You’re right. I know,” she conceded with a deep sigh. “So, what’s the plan. How are we going to do this?”

“We don’t want a huge shoot out in the hospital. We want this to go as smoothly as possible, so we’re not going to be arming the workers, but we’re going to need their help.” I filled her in on what we were going to do. She seemed concerned for the workers, but she would just have to trust that this would all work out. “So, are you good with that?” I asked.

“It has to be done,” she responded.

“You’re not going to have a problem with this, are you? Once Collins and his men leave the hospital, they’re not coming back.” I watched for her reaction. Shepherd was a cop, sworn to protect. It was not unlike the oath that doctors took, and like Edwards, Shepherd knew what would happen, though she wouldn’t be a part of it.

“As long as my brother stays safe,” she said.

“Roy can’t be with them,” I reminded her. “But he can’t know what’s happening either. That’s going to be up to you. Somehow, you have to make him stay here, otherwise . . .”

“No guarantees. Yes, I understand. He won’t be with them,” she said. 

“Alright. First things first, I need a couple radios.”

“We’re using all the working ones. I have a couple extra, but they don’t work.”

Already we were running into a hitch in the plan. “Where are they. One of my people might be able to fix them.” Eugene was smart when it came to electronics. As long as he had the parts he needed, it shouldn’t have been a problem. “Get them now so I can get them fixed.”

Shepherd left her office, and I went to find Eugene. He was still in the breakroom, tinkering with the same machines as before. When I entered the room, he looked up at me with concern. That was Eugene’s normal face, though. He was skittish as a mouse. “Hey Eugene, I got a project for you.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“I need you to fix a couple hand radios. Is that something you can do?”

“It depends on the reason they aren’t functioning properly, and if I have the parts I need in order to restore them to their right-out-of-the-box condition,” he answered.

“So, is that a yes?” Eugene had a tendency to take the long way to answer a simple question.

He looked disappointed that I wasn’t impressed by his knowledge. “I’ll probably need a soldering kit,” he answered.

“I’ll see what I can do.” I ran out of the room, hoping to catch Shepherd before she got too far when I came upon Ken wheeling through the hallway. “Just the man I needed to see,” I said, stopping him.

“What’s up?”

“Can you find me a couple workers who might be able to impersonate a cop over a hand radio? Preferable Collins and his men?”

Ken smiled up at me. “Did I miss the talent show sign-ups?” he laughed.

“I know it sounds weird, but do you think you could help?” I asked.

“I’m pretty sure I can do it,” Ken offered.

“They’re going to need to leave the hospital, and you’re still in a wheelchair.” I hated to disappoint him, but he seemed to understand.

“I know who to ask. Mind telling me what’s going on?”

“Things are in motion,” I started to say when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. When I looked, I didn’t see anything. “I’ll fill you in later. In the meantime, if you could set me up with a couple guys, that would be great.”

“Sure, no problem. Hey, how’s Beth?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Nothing yet, but she’s stable.” I felt guilty for not being with her more. I wanted to be with her every moment of the day and night, but I had to work on this assignment first.

“I could sit with her if you want,” he offered.

“Yeah. Maybe you could give Maggie a break now and then. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.” I was glad for Ken, and I hoped to pay him back soon.

When I left Ken, I found Shepherd. As luck would have it, she knew where a soldering kit was, and got it for me. I took that and the two hand radios back to Eugene, who got started on fixing them right away. Then I met with Rick and the others to start forming a more solid plan.

We decided we needed to lure the cops out in pairs for what seemed like a simple investigation, only to have things escalate into confusion and chaos. We’d take them down and then have a hospital worker pose as a cop calling back in with a report. To keep up the charade, Shepherd and her people would have to go out too. This would have to be some kind of big event in order to pull so many cops from the hospital. We had to keep them disoriented with calls for backup or radioing in their findings. My people would take to the streets with gun fire for effect to keep up the charade. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Collins, his men would start to disappear. Last one out the door would have to be Collins, and Shepherd said she would take care of that herself.

It didn’t feel right, tricking these men from their safe place. I knew what ultimately had to be done to ensure they couldn’t come back and cause trouble. The world was a wicked place anymore. Beth would not approve of this plan. It went against everything she believed in. I was partly doing this for her safety. As long as Collins was around, Beth’s life was at stake. I knew they would eventually use her fragile condition to get their way, and I couldn’t let that happen.

I made my rounds and talked to my people so that everyone was on the same page. I checked in with Eugene, and he said the radios wouldn’t be too difficult to fix, but he would need a day. With time on my hands again, I went to Beth’s room, and found Ken sitting with her.

“She was a good friend to me while she was here,” he mentioned after a while of sitting in silence together.

“She’s special. That’s for sure,” I said as I took up my usual seat next to her bed. I picked up her hand and gave it a squeeze, but received no response. I missed her touch, and the way she would interlock her fingers with mine. I could remember the first time we held hands as we approached the funeral home. “I just want her to wake up and see me again,” I said.

“I understand completely. As I was … working on Bailey … I would stare down at his face and wish he would open his eyes. I hoped like hell that it was all just a bad dream. I miss him, his smile, his laugh, the stupid jokes he used to tell. I even miss those annoying little things he did around the house,” Ken reminisced.

“Can I ask you something kind of personal?” I wondered, and he nodded. “Did you have to … you know … after he died?”

Ken was silent a moment, as though he were remembering the time. “He got bit. Went through the whole thing, fever, chills, sweating, hallucinating. Right before he died, he had a single moment of clarity. He looked me deep in my eyes, and asked me not to let him turn. God, I cried and my body shook with fear or anger. I couldn’t tell. Maybe both. I told him I didn’t think I could do something like that because I loved him so much. Bailey said I had to go through with it because of my love for him. He said, when he stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating, he would only be a vessel, and that the real Bailey would be gone. I wouldn’t be killing him, you know? It made sense, and so with his dying breath, he told me he loved me more than anything in the world. And I kept my promise, and did as he asked. I did it for love, but … it still hurt to do it all the same.”

“I’ve shown mercy to people I’ve known,” I said. “Some right after they died, and some after they turned. The most difficult time I had was with my brother. He was killed and left to turn. When I found him, he wasn’t himself anymore. I’ll never forget those cloudy grey eyes. Even though I knew my brother was gone, it still hurt to do that to him. I can still feel the knife penetrating bone. He was a walker, but he was still my brother.” As I finished, I looked at Beth. “I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I’m not sure I can do it to her. I swore to her daddy I would protect her and keep her safe. I feel like I failed him and her.”

“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. Nobody could have,” Ken said to me. He wheeled his chair closer to me. “From what Beth told me about you, I think you’re a good man. You loved her, I’m sure, and she knew that. Didn’t you do all you could for her leading up to that fateful moment?”

I nodded. “I did. I still am.”

“I’ve learned that no matter how much you try to protect someone, you can’t be there every second. I’ve raked myself over coals thinking about what I could have done or should have done to make sure Bailey stayed safe, but I turned my back for a moment, and now he’s gone. But I know deep down that I did everything within my human power to protect him. You were there for Beth just as she was there for you. These people kidnapped her, and you didn’t give up looking for her. Because of that, you found her and you had a little more time together. To look back on what happened and what you think you should have done differently will drive you insane. So, for now, you wait, you stay for her, you talk to her, and hopefully she’ll come back to you. Bailey’s life was over the moment he got bit. Beth is still alive, still has a chance, and you’re still protecting her. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Thanks man,” I said, giving him a hidden smile. “Hey, one more favor to ask. Will you stay here and watch over Beth when the time comes. I have to be a part of this, so I won’t be able to keep an eye on her. Most of my people are in on this plan. Carol is staying to watch over the kids, and Eugene and Gabriel.”

“Of course,” Ken smiled. “I won’t leave this room while you’re gone.”

“I appreciate it,” I said, and I grasped his shoulder to give it a squeeze. I was glad there was someone here I trusted to do what I couldn’t. It was one less thing to worry about.

>>------->

The next day it was time to go. Eugene had the radios working and everyone was ready to make this plan happen. Rick sent Abraham and Rosita out, claiming they were out scavenging. After the right amount of time passed, they fired off a few rounds, enough to grab the attention of the cops. Rick and Maggie went to Collins to ask for his help. As expected, Collins refused, saying people should take care of their own. Shepherd got in on it and demanded Collins send some of his men to help Abraham and Rosita, and if they needed medical attention, to bring them back to the hospital. After going back and forth, Collins told Shepherd that if she wanted to put someone at risk, she should go herself. She gave in and ordered two of her officers to go. This was what we expected to happen, so the plan was working so far.

Eventually, Shepherd’s people called in to say they found Abraham and Rosita, but that they needed backup because of a growing situation. Supposedly, Abraham and Rosita were trapped in a building surrounded by the dead, and they needed help getting them out. This time, Shepherd argued that it was Collins turn to send people, and he did so, reluctantly.

After a while, another call came in from Shepherd’s officers to say that their backup arrived and went to find a way into the building, but now they weren’t answering. That’s when Glenn and Tara volunteered to go, just to make it seem that my people were helping too. When Glenn checked in, he said it was chaos and getting worse. He asked for help, but Collins refused, saying he wouldn’t send of his men out until he heard from them. This was where the hospital workers came in. Rick had given them one of the fixed radios, and helped them escape to the streets. Now, one of them called in, disguising their voice to sound like one of Collins’ men. It wasn’t difficult to do, and the echo from the parking garage where they hid, made it sound more authentic. Collins fell for the trick, and sent more people out into the streets. He was paranoid, though, and he started to argue with Shepherd.

“This better not be some goddamn trick,” he warned.

“Those are my people down there too. Do you really think I’d send them into a trap?” Shepherd argued.

More gun shots went off, closer to the hospital, and a call came in warning that a herd was growing. People were scattered, and they were doing their best to get everyone back safely. Rick caused some chaos inside when he accused Collins and Shepherd of not doing enough. This was part of our plan to cause some confusion inside, and get Collins flustered enough to force him to make mistakes. More officers went out. Now it was my turn to leave. I took Rick with me, and we joined the others. Collins’ men had been dealt with, and would no longer be a problem.

“Where is everyone?” Rick demanded once we all met up.

Abraham and Rosita were inside the building across from the hospital. Whenever we needed gun shots, they fired off a couple rounds. Glenn and Tara guarded one of the entrances into the building. Shepherds people guarded another. We took turns making hectic call-ins, worrying those still safe inside the hospital. More of Shepherd’s and Collins’ people were sent out to help, and more problems arose. Whenever Collins started getting impatient, one of the hospital workers would call in and impersonate those that were missing. It was working. So far Collins didn’t suspect a thing.

There was a problem with all of this. We actually were starting to drawn the attention of some walkers, and their numbers were increasing. “We need to deal with this,” Rick said to me. “Or we’re actually going to get ourselves trapped and the calls will be real.”

We met the oncoming walkers as a group and took them out quickly. All the gunfire added to the effects, and Collins must have thought there was a war going on outside of his hospital. One of the workers managed to reach Shepherd and give her the real story. More officers went out. Michonne and Maggie went with them. Everything was escalating, some forced and some real, but we were handling it.

Inside the hospital, Collins was losing his grip over everything. Shepherd was doing a good job of pushing him along, but he was getting to a point where he was going to shut down. That’s where we wanted him. 

I knew there were only a few left on the opposing side. We had done what we promised to do and eliminated Shepherd’s problem. She now held the power within Grady Memorial. Someone called in to say that the mission was successful and that we were coming back in, everyone except for Collin’s thugs. Rick and I had seen to their demise. The threat was gone. Or so we thought.

>>------->

As we made our way back to the hospital, one of the hospital workers ran up to us, a worried look on his face. “You all better hurry back. Things took a turn inside. Shepherd just called and said to enter with caution, something about being held hostage.”

“Oh shit,” Rick and I said in unison as we glanced at each other. We all took off running back inside and up the stairs.

“This shouldn’t be happening,” Maggie said. “There should only be a few of Collins’ men left. Why didn’t Shepherd handle it?”

“I don’t know, but we’re about to find out,” I said as I threw open the stairwell door that led to the fifth floor. The hall was dark, but quiet, and we found the same as we turned a corner. It wasn’t until we got closer to the heart of the hospital that I started to worry and assume things that went wrong. We went past the breakroom, and past the nurse’s desk, and my heart began beating wildly. We were approaching the turn that led to Beth’s room, and I could hear voices, yelling and panic. I turned the corner, and there was a group of workers at the end of the hall, just outside of Beth’s room. That’s when I started to run.

I got to the room and shoved some of the people out of the way to get a look inside. Shepherd was just inside the door, partially blocking my view, but I could see her brother, Roy, standing next to Beth’s bed. He was sweating and pacing back and forth, mumbling something to himself. Movement caught my eye, and I saw Collins standing on the opposite side of the room watching everything happen. I stepped inside, and everyone tensed. “What the fuck is going on here?” I yelled.

Shepherd got in front of me and tried to push me back out of the room. “You need to stay back. I’ve got this under control.”

“What are they doing in here?” I asked her, demanding to know.

“You people are evil,” Roy cried out. His wild eyes settled on me. “We were fine before you all showed up. Now, people are missing. One by one you manipulated them, drew them away. Where are they? What did you do to them?”

This wasn’t how this was supposed to go down, obviously. We were supposed to come back and find Shepherd had detained Collins and the few of his men that were left. Roy was never supposed to be a part of this.

Collins stepped forward to address us. “Seems that Roy here overheard something about a plan to get rid of us.” Collins went to Roy. “Unfortunately, he waited too long to tell us about his suspicions,” he said through clinched teeth, and Roy cowered slightly.

“Roy don’t know nothing,” I growled back. “We’ve been out there handling your problems.”

“I don’t want to hear your bullshit,” Collins said to me. “I want my men back here, or I’m going to have Roy start pulling tubes out of your girlfriend.”

“Don’t you fucking touch her,” I said as I lunged forward. Something stopped me as I felt hands grasping my arms. I looked over my shoulder and found Maggie and Rick holding onto me. “Let me go so I can fuck this guy up.”

“They’ve got Beth as leverage,” Maggie yelled to make me hear. “Daryl, you have to calm down.”

It was only because of Maggie that I stopped fighting against them, but I was still ready to dart out towards them if I got the chance.

“I want my men brought back here right now,” Collins demanded again. “Or it’s going to get real in a minute.” He turned his attention to Roy. “Take out that IV.”

“No!” I yelled, and now Maggie was by my side. We watched Roy pull the IV, and I moved toward the bed.

“Get the fuck back or Roy will yank that tube out of her throat!” Collins roared. I had no choice but to stop. I was panting with rage, my fists balled up, my teeth clenched. It took everything I had not to go after these assholes, but I couldn’t for Beth’s sake.

Again, Collins demanded the return of his men, but that wasn’t possible. They were dead, left on the streets for walker chow. It had been Rick’s final decision to take them down so they could never come back and try to regain power over the hospital residents. Not everyone agreed to this, and I was on the fence when it came to the decision. Most of Collins’ men were lowlife scum using a uniform and dangerous influence to control the others. Dawn had given them the freedom to do as they pleased so they wouldn’t overthrow her. With her out of the way, there would be nothing to stop them from turning Grady into a horror show. But there were a couple men who went along because they were bribed or forced to participate. They were afraid of the power Collins held over them and so they conformed. I thought they could have been easily pressured into flipping sides. Rick didn’t think so. He said it was too late for any of them, and the problem had to be eradicated. So, that’s what we did, me and Rick. I didn’t want anyone else to have blood on their hands, criminal or not.

“What the hell is going on here?” Edwards cried out from the doorway. “What are you doing to my patient?”

“Stay out of it, Edwards,” Collins responded. “As of now, she’s not your patient anymore. She’s ours until I get what I want. Now, get my men back inside the hospital.”

“We can’t,” Rick called out as he pushed his way into the room.

“And why not?” Collins said angrily.

“Because they’re all dead. Now, I’m going to say this only once. Back away from her,” Rick said in his cop voice. “And get the hell out of here.”

“I’m not going anywhere, you piece of shit. This is my territory. It has been since the beginning. You can’t come in here and start ordering me around. You killed my men, asshole. So, who’s the bad guy around here. You and your people are the ones who need to leave.”

“And we will just as soon as we’re sure you won’t be bothering anyone here ever again.” Rick took a single step toward Collins and cocked his head to the side. That was never a good sign. “Tell you what. If you and your buddy here leave this instant, and put a good amount of distance between you and this hospital, we won’t kill you.”

“This is bullshit,” Collins said. “Shepherd, what do you have to say about this?”

Shepherd came to the doorway, the hospital workers parting like the sea to let her through. She looked from Collins to Roy, deciding how to move forward. “Roy, I thought I told you to keep out of all this shit.”

“Since when did you ever fucking care about me.” Roy glanced around at everyone watching the scene unfold. “Did you know she arrested me once? My own fucking sister.”

“I had no choice, Roy. You were out of control at that bar. You attacked several patrons and then you went after the bouncer,” Shepherd countered. “I followed you here to the hospital.”

“Yeah, to make sure they locked my ass up when I got discharged,” Roy yelled. He was still pacing around Beth. I kept a sharp eye on him in case he wanted to try something again.

“I came here to see about getting the charges dropped. I didn’t want you going back to jail. I knew how hard you tried to get your life in order, and I didn’t want to see you throw it all away again.” Shepherd was talking about the incident she told me about earlier.

“Lucky for me, hell’s gates opened and let all the demons out. Those cops that brought me in got what they deserved. I watched them get eaten, and used the diversion to get the hell away,” Roy reminisced with a crazed look on his face.

“And who found you?” Shepherd said in a pleading voice. “I did, and I kept us safe. We cleared what we could and decided to make this our home. Remember Roy? It was a good time for us. It was all good until Dawn took over and let Collins and Gorman have their way. I’m just trying to right a wrong, and bring Grady back to the place it started out as, a sanctuary, a place to heal and to thrive. Please, step away and come with me. Let Collins go. He doesn’t care about you.”

“Roy!” Collins called out to him. “You heard what they did. Our guys, they’re all dead because of your sister. She’s going to have me killed too. And then it will just be you. She’ll keep controlling you. She’ll put you back on those meds you hate.”

“No,” Roy whimpered. “I can’t take that shit anymore. I hate it. I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

“No one said anything about medicating you,” Shepherd corrected. “I think you can get better without drugs. We’ll find stuff for you to do around here to keep you busy. Remember what the therapist said. You’re at your best when you have a goal to accomplish.”

Roy’s face softened as he remembered something from his past that Shepherd had jogged loose. He looked as though he was ready to give in, but Collins wasn’t done. “Who took you in and gave you a purpose, Roy? Was your sister there for you when we were setting up this place? What did she do with you? Don’t you remember? She locked you up in the psyche ward. Is that what she considers taking care of you? I got you out of there, gave you a uniform and put you to work. If it weren’t for me, you’d still be sitting alone in that empty room.”

This was news to me. Shepherd never mentioned anything about Roy being mentally unstable. This changed things, and now I was extremely concerned about him being in close proximity to Beth. The man was beginning to shake and pace again. He was about to lose his shit.

Collins didn’t stop using Roy to his advantage. “If you want to get out of here, do as I say or they’ll never listen to us.”

“Nobody’s doing anything,” Rick said. His gun was still holstered, but his hand rested on it. “We just want to talk.”

“The time for talking is done,” Collins said. He pulled a hand radio from his belt and brought it to his mouth. I didn’t know who he was trying to call, but all his men were dead. “Do it now,” he said into the radio, and suddenly, the electricity went out.

“Who the hell did that?” Shepherd demanded of Collins.

Collins laughed maniacally. “I’ve still got someone on the inside, and he’s shut down the generators. Now maybe you’ll listen. I’m in charge here, not Shepherd. It’s going to remain that way, and anyone who doesn’t like it can leave. Not the workers, though. They still owe a debt, and I need people to keep this place running. Shepherd stays too. You’re going to be my number one bitch. The rest of you who don’t belong here need to leave.

“Turn the damn electricity back on,” I seethed. “You’ve turned off her machines.”

“That’s exactly the point. Do as I say, and she lives, if this is what you call living,” Collins said as he approached her. He traced a finger along the edge of her bed, up her arm to her shoulder and then he leaned down as though he was listening. “Oh man, I don’t think she’s breathing. How long does it take until there’s brain damage, Doc?” he called out to Edwards who was still in the hallway. “Oh shit. I forgot. Dawn shot her through the head. Probably already has damage to that pretty little melon. Well, only one reason to keep her alive now, isn’t there?”

“You son of a bitch!” I screamed and lunged for him. Collins jumped to the opposite side of Beth’s bed, alongside Roy.

“Start pulling tubes, Roy,” Collins demanded, and I watched in horror as Roy started disconnecting Beth to the machines.

“Stop it!” Maggie yelled. “You’re killing her!”

I saw Rick move over to Shepherd and say something in her ear. She said something back to him, and then he went to Abraham. Abraham nodded and silently signaled to Rosita to go with him. I figured he sent them to find the generators and the person who shut them down.

“Alright! Alright!” I conceded. “We’ll back off and listen to your demands. You want us out of here, fine, but you gotta give us something in return.”

“I don’t have to do shit,” Collins said, and he turned away from me.

“My people will leave the hospital right away, and we won’t bother you again, but I have to stay, at least until Beth is well enough that I can move her out of here,” I said, trying to negotiate a deal.

“No fucking way. You’re all out of here.” Collins wasn’t up to making deals it seemed.

“And what about Beth?” I asked to make him think about what he was doing.

“I will let Edwards keep his little experiment, but if there’s no improvement soon, we’ll have to abide by the rules. Medicine is in short supply. If there’s no hope for recovery . . .” He shrugged his shoulders and walked away from Beth. Roy was still there. He had unplugged a couple more things, but I didn’t know what they were.

“You need to the ventilator back up and running,” Edwards called from the hall. “Now!”

I glared at Collins who was wearing a sick smile on his face. “Start heading for the door ladies and gentlemen, and I’ll make the call. Time to go. Your services are no longer needed. Right Shepherd?” he antagonized.

Suddenly, the power came back on. Machines started beeping and buzzing as they started back up. Collins looked around with confusion. I saw it as my chance to detain him. I started towards him and pulled my knife out. This was going to end right now.

Collins was busy trying to call his lacky on the radio, but he saw me advancing on him at the last second, and pulled a gun out. He aimed it at me and I stopped. “Don’t come any closer.”

“Put the gun down, Collins,” Shepherd said, but her words had no effect on him.

I raised my hands in the air and tried calmly to talk to him. “Come on man. It doesn’t have to be like this. I’m sure you and Shepherd can work something out.” As I spoke, I made small movements toward him.

Collins noticed what I was doing, and without notice, he aimed his gun down and shot the tiled floor at my feet. I could feel tiny ceramic pieces bounce off my pants and boots. Needless to say, I stopped in my tracks. He wasn’t having any more of it. “We’re done here,” Collins said, and he aimed the gun at Beth as he approached the bed again. He walked all the way to her and held the gun at her bandaged head. “If you don’t leave right now, I’ll end this. I’ll end her.”

“You can’t hurt her. You said you wouldn’t,” Roy said to Collins.

“We’ve gotta do whatever it takes, Roy. That’s the way this game works. You want these people gone? You want to stay out of solitary and off your meds? Then you have to take risks. This bitch is dead already. I don’t know why everyone is concerned. She’d be better off dead than a vegetable anyway.” Collins paused and turned his attention to me. “You know, maybe it would be better if you joined your girlfriend. Both of you are going to be an ongoing problem.” He turned his gun on me.

As I stood in the center of the room, I took into account my position. Behind me multiple people gathered in the doorway and beyond. To my right, Maggie was watching the scene unfold. There was no one to my left, and I slowly sidestepped in that direction. If Collins was going to fire that gun again, I didn’t want anyone else catching the bullet. “Just put the gun down. No one wants any more bloodshed,” I said.

“Is that right? Now that you killed my men, you want to stop the violence? Really? This is pathetic, you know that? And it just isn’t worth my time anymore.” Collins turned the gun back on Beth. “There’s only one way to force you all out. I just need to eliminate the one thing that’s keeping you here.” He pulled the hammer back on the gun.

I remember my lungs rattling as they released air, and my throat feeling raw from my scream, but I don’t remember hearing any sound except for a ringing in my ears. I started to charge toward Collins. I didn’t care if he shot me. I’d rather take the bullet instead of Beth. I would rather die for her than to see her life snuffed out before she had a chance of making a recovery. And for that split second in time, I couldn’t see myself going on without her. I loved her so much.

Just as Collins’ finger started to squeeze the trigger, Roy screamed and grabbed Collins’ arm. The gun went off, and everyone ducked down or fell to the floor. I dropped to my knees, and saw a monitor right next to me explode as the bullet broke the screen and went dark. When I looked back, Roy was wrestling the gun away from Collins. Another shot rang out, and I ducked my head down, covering it with my arms. I thought Collins fired his gun again, but when I looked up, he was dropping to the floor in a limp heap. Chaos broke out. People started moving away from the scene, and some ran into the room. Collins was dead on the floor. Roy was still by Beth’s bed, with the gun in his hand. It had been Roy who shot Collins as they wrestled for the gun. He looked scared as he waved the gun back and forth. I didn’t think he realized what he was doing, but it looked like he was still threatening everyone. Shepherd ran toward him. She was telling him to drop the gun, but Roy wasn’t listening.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Roy cried over and over.

“I know you didn’t, but you have to put the gun down,” Shepherd coaxed him. “Just lay it down and step away.”

Roy was confused at that point. He was listening to his sister, but he was still aiming the gun at anyone who moved, and everyone was moving. But then, his eyes went wide as he looked towards the door. He brought the gun up, his arm straight out in front of him, but not really concentrating on where he was aiming it. Another shot rang out, but it wasn’t Roy. His face instantly went blank, and his body went limp. Blood ran down in a stream from his forehead, and I suddenly realized he’d been shot. I heard Shepherd scream from beside me, and she ran toward her brother. I watched as Roy’s body fell on top of Beth, and the gun dropped from his hand, rolling off the bed and onto the floor. My first thought was to get the gun, and I snagged it up so no one else could use it to their advantage. Then I turned to see who shot Roy, and saw Rick with Abraham and Rosita. They must have just gotten back from wherever the generators were kept, and walked in to see Roy waving a gun around at everyone.

I instantly went to Rick and pushed on his arm to make him lower his gun. “What the fuck did you do?” I said in shock. Ever since I found Rick with Joe and his outlaws, after Rick ripped the man’s neck open with his teeth, he hadn’t been the same. He acted without reason, without thinking about the repercussions. He regarded everyone outside of our group with suspicion, whether they were trying to help us or not. This time, he had made a terrible mistake.

“He was going to shoot someone,” Rick said with no emotion.

“Yeah, he shot Collins and saved Beth. And then … he got scared, man. Roy was just scared, and he didn’t’ know what he was doing. His sister was trying to talk him down. You didn’t have to shoot him. Damnit Rick, this is going to change everything.” I was so angry, for a moment I was afraid I was going to punch him. “You need to get out of here. Go back to the breakroom and stay there until I come for you. Got it?” I watched Michonne go to Rick and take him by the arm to lead him away. The others followed, but me and Maggie stayed behind.

Shepherd had lowered Roy’s body to the floor, freeing up Beth’s legs. Now she had him cradled in her arms, rocking him back and forth, crying as she grieved. As bad as I felt for her, I was still focused on Beth. I didn’t know what Collins had done to her life support system, but I knew she needed to get everything hooked back up again. I looked back at the door, and waved for Edwards to come in. He did so cautiously, as though he expected Collins or Roy to sit up and start shooting.

“Get her back on the machines, Doc,” I said gently. He tore his sight away from the dead bodies, and regarded me a moment.

“Please, Dr. Edwards,” Maggie said from my side. Her sorrowful voice drew Edwards from his shocked state, and he finally moved toward the bed. He checked her for a pulse with his stethoscope, and then his whole face went white. He leaned down with his ear against Beth’s chest.

“Oh Christ,” I whispered, and my heart dropped to my stomach. I thought she was gone. I thought she had no pulse. Maggie must have thought the same thing. She took hold of my arm and squeezed it.

“I need my medical crew,” Edwards called out. “Get in here. Now.”

“W-what is it? What’s happening?” I asked.

“She trying to breath on her own. We need to get this tube out,” he said as two workers rushed into the room, and pushed Maggie and me out of the way.

“She’s what?” Maggie said, looking weak in the knees.

“She’s gonna make it,” I said, silently watching the doctor and his assistants work quickly to save my girl.


	19. A Life for A Life

“Get them out of here,” Shepherd said from the floor where she held her brother’s dead body in her lap. She repeated herself at a yell, and two of her officers came into the room to assess the situation.

Maggie turned to Shepherd, still holding onto my arm. “No wait. Please. Beth is–"

“I don’t give a fuck! You shot him. You shot my brother,” she whimpered looking down at his slack face. “Leave this instant.”

I released Maggie from my arm and marched to Shepherd. “Didn’t you hear what Edwards said? She’s trying to breathe on her own.”

“And my brother isn’t breathing at all. He’ll never breathe again. Get out of here right now. Licari … Davis, take them,” Shepherd ordered.

The two officers moved towards us. Maggie and I simultaneously turned to the door, pulled out our knives, and readied for a fight. But then we heard a click behind us, and glanced over our shoulders to find Shepherd with her gun aimed at us. Maggie and I slowly brought our hands up, bent down, and placed our knives on the floor. Violence wasn’t the answer.

“We don’t want any trouble,” I pleaded. “But Beth might be waking up, and we just want to be here if she does.”

“Why should I give you any kind of privileges?” Shepherd asked. She eased Roy from her lap and got to her feet, her gun still aimed at us. Blood covered her pants and the front of her shirt. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. I felt bad, but there was nothing that could change what had happened.

Maggie took a step away from me as she turned to Shepherd. I stayed facing front where I could keep an eye on Licari and Davis. Then she spoke. “We’re sorry. We’re really sorry for what happened here. This was all just a misunderstanding. If I could change things I would. But you still have the power to do that. My sister is trying to beat the odds set against her. Please don’t send us away. If she wakes up, she needs to know that we’re still with her. Or, God forbid, if she doesn’t survive, she needs to feel the love of family surrounding her as she passes into His hands. I beg you, don’t send us away, not yet. At least let us see what happens, and when she is stable, then we’ll go.”

Shepherd watched us intensely for a moment. I thought she was going to have a change of heart. But then, her brows furrowed with anger. “Take them,” she commanded.

Licari and Davis moved forward, each with a set of plastic zip cuffs in their hands. I took a stance and got ready to fight back. I wasn’t getting locked up like a criminal. I didn’t do anything wrong. I needed to be here for Beth. Something was finally happening to her, and I was going to be here no matter what. I brought my fists up and bounced from foot to foot, ready to strike out as soon as either officer got close enough. They separated so that I couldn’t keep an eye on both at the same time. Licari started trying to bargain with me while Davis slipped a little too far from my peripheral vision. I looked from one to the other as quickly as I could, but then Davis made a move. I whipped around and punched him in the face. He stumbled backwards, but regained his balance before he went down.

“Daryl, stop this. It isn’t helping,” Maggie cried behind me.

“I’m not leaving her,” I said, and the waver in my voice surprised me. I was furious and I felt trapped, a combination that I knew could make me dangerous. Me and authority never got along very well, and I was reverting back to the man who used to run from the cops with his brother at his side. I wasn’t going down without a fight.

“The tube is out,” Edwards called. The sound of his voice made everyone stop and turn to Beth. The room was absolute silence, as we all watched Edwards evaluate Beth. She was still hooked up to a bunch of wires, and Edwards had replaced the IV Roy pulled out earlier. A monitor behind her showed her heartrate, her blood pressure and her oxygen level. I didn’t know what any of the number meant, but Edwards didn’t seem concerned about it. Time stopped as we waited for word on her condition. After what felt like an eternity, Edwards turned to everyone with relief falling over his countenance. “She’s breathing on her own,” he announced.

I didn’t care who was there or what they were going to do to me. I ran to Beth and bent down over her. I laid my head on her chest, and listened to the sound of air moving in and out of her lungs, and the beat of her heart. I closed my eyes and gave a long sigh. When I opened them, Maggie was standing beside me, and I moved so she could have a look too. She leaned over Beth and cupped her face. “Wake up, sweet sister,” she whispered.

As I watched, I felt someone restrain my arm in a tight grip, and turned to see Licari with his serious bulldog face. “We have our orders,” he said.

Maggie spun around to see me in Licari’s grip, and then she watched Davis advance cautiously toward her. “Please let us stay,” she begged. Her sight went to Shepherd as she pleaded. “Please?”

Shepherd considered her choices. She had called for us to be locked up, and I wondered where that was. Could it be the place where she locked her brother away when they first settled at the hospital? Her features softened for a moment, not for Maggie and me, but for some flash of a memory. It didn’t last, and she turned to stone once more. “Take them,” she commanded.

The light went out of both me and Maggie, and Licari and Davis did as they were told. They bound our wrists and guided us from the room. I turned my head to look at Beth, even as I was being forced to leave. “I’m here, Beth. I’m still here,” I called out to her just before Licari pulled me through the door.

>>------->

Hours passed, or at least it felt like it. Maggie and I sat alone in a storage room turned into a makeshift jail cell. There were no windows and no vents big enough to escape through. The door was heavy and solid without a window like some of the other doors in the hospital. There was a mattress on the floor, a bucket in the corner and nothing else in the room. The white walled room was dark except for the light coming in at the bottom of the door. I checked the light switch, but it didn’t work. Maggie figured they took the bulb out of the fluorescent fixture on the ceiling. We were trapped, imprisoned by the people we had been trying to help. All we had to be thankful for was that they took the ties off our wrists.

“What do you suppose happened to everyone else?” Maggie asked, her voice raspy from fatigue. We were both extremely tired, but neither of us wanted to sleep.

“I guess they’re being held somewhere too, like the breakroom,” I deduced.

“You don’t think they took Rick away separately, do you?” Maggie asked.

We were sitting on the mattress with our backs against the wall. For most of the time, we had been silent, lost in our own thoughts. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but I was trying to figure a way out of here. There was no way out as we were. We would have to make a move when someone came in to see us. Eventually, they would have to bring us food or water. They couldn’t just lock us up and forget about us. At least, I hoped not. Collins most definitely would have done that, but Shepherd still had her humanity.

“Rick will be fine. They all will,” I commented.

“Glenn will be worried sick. We just found each other again, and he won’t stand for this treatment for long.” Her voice sounded hopeful, but I wasn’t sure. I knew we’d have to get ourselves out of here no matter what.

“We need a plan,” I said. “We need to get out of here.”

Maggie thought alongside of me. “I could fake an injury, or pretend that I passed out. When they’re distracted, you take them out. We’ll lock them in here.”

“I’ve thought about that too. If we do that, they’ll still be looking for us. We need to strike a deal of some kind, one that will keep us out of lock up.”

“What could we possibly offer?” Maggie said with disappointment.

That was the real question, and I had no answer. We’d spent our offer by helping them get rid of Collins and his men. But when Rick killed Roy, that made it impossible for us to do any more business with these people. If it weren’t for Beth being here, we would have left a long time ago. Maybe that was it.

“We could leave the hospital,” I whispered, not sure I wanted that outcome.

“But … Beth,” Maggie said.

“We make a plea to visit her, one at a time for as long as they’ll allow us, no weapons. They set the rules.” I didn’t like it, but what else did we have right now?

“Or they could kick all of us out because they don’t want to deplete their supplies,” Maggie said. She was thinking of only the worst outcomes for our situation.

“I’ll talk to Edwards, get him on our side. He took an oath,” I reminded her.

“Yeah, and he still let someone die. Isn’t that what you told me?” she argued.

“He misinformed Beth and walked away, letting her administer the wrong meds. The point is, he didn’t do it himself. Everyone here knows what he did. I don’t think he’ll try it again. It weighs too heavily on his conscience.” Maggie didn’t look very convinced by my idea. “You’ll have to trust me on this.”

“So then, where do we go? We can’t stay in the city.”

“No, but I have an idea.”

A key rattled around in the lock and then clicked. The door slowly opened to reveal Shepherd and Licari, guns drawn just in case we decided to get the jump on them.

“Turn around and put your hands behind your back,” Shepherd ordered.

Maggie and I did as we were told, and the plastic cuff ties were replaced on our wrists. They marched us roughly down the hall, back towards the main part of the hospital.

“How is Beth? Has she woken up yet?” Maggie asked politely, but she received no answer.

“Is she still alive?” I asked, and Shepherd glanced at me quickly. I didn’t like her reaction. “Well, is she?” I asked again with a little more force.

“You’re in no position to ask questions around here,” Shepherd said.

“Did you hurt her? I swear, if you touched a single hair on her–" I threatened.

“She’s alive,” Licari said quickly, as though he was trying to keep me calm.

“Look,” Maggie started again. “What happened to Roy was a mistake. An honest mistake. Rick didn’t know who your brother was. He saw a man waving a gun around and fired to protect us. Rick acted on instinct. You must know what it’s like. You’re a cop too.”

“Both of you need to shut the hell up or I’ll put you back in your cell,” Shepherd said, and that was the last she spoke until we got to our destination.

We stood outside of Beth’s closed door, and I glanced at Shepherd to see her reaction, but she was stone-faced. She slowly opened the door and Licari pushed us inside. Shepherd closed the door behind us. I started to go to Beth, but Licari caught my arm to hold me in place.

“I want to see her,” I demanded, as I tried to break free, but he had a strong grip on me.

“Let him go,” Shepherd said, and Licari reluctantly released my arm.

I jerked away from him and went to Beth’s bedside. My hands were still bound, and all I could do was look down at her sleeping form. That’s how she looked, like she was just taking a nap. I wanted badly to touch her, to know she was still warm.

“Edwards said she’s stable for now, but she’s shown no sign of waking,” Shepherd informed.

“Please,” I begged her. “Can’t I just touch her?”

“You’ve got three days. Three days to see if she wakes up. If there is no sign of improvement then I will do what needs to be done.”

“You’re going to let her die?” Maggie spoke from my side.

“If you don’t take her out of here … yes. I have to think about my people. Beth is using a lot of our precious resources, and it is pointless to waste them on someone with no quality of life,” Shepherd said with no emotion.

Maggie started to cry as she looked down at her younger sister. I could feel my anger starting to build, but I kept myself in check. “And what about my people?”

“You and your people have to leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said in a low dangerous tone.

“Our supplies are greatly depleted because of your group. And I refuse to stay under the same roof with the man who killed my brother,” said Shepherd, ignoring my statement.

“Wait a second, you can’t–" I started to complain. 

Shepherd cut me off. “These are my terms. You and your people must leave, and Beth gets three days.”

“We helped you get rid of your little problem, and now you’re treating us like this?” I was irate by now. “This is fucking bullshit!”

“You can’t just kick us out,” Maggie countered. “There’s nowhere for our group to stay in the city that’s safe.”

“That’s not my problem, now is it?” Shepherd answered coldly.

“Not your problem?” Maggie was starting to lose her cool.

I stepped in to calm her, and started to negotiate with Shepherd. “Alright. I get it. Our people killed one of yours.”

“My brother,” Shepherd corrected.

I nodded. “Your brother, yes, and if I could go back and change that moment I would, but that’s not an option. Look, we don’t want to stay here any longer than we must. Beth is the only reason we are still here, and you know that. I can’t bring Roy back, but there is still an innocent life here at stake. We’ve already had one tragedy. We don’t need another. How about this? If I can find a place for my people to stay, will you allow me and Maggie to stay here at the hospital?” Already, Shepherd looked like she was going to shoot down my idea, so I continued. “You can keep our weapons. I promise we won’t cause any trouble.”

“I find it preposterous that you would ask this of me after what your people have done. I’m giving you more than you deserve by allowing Dr. Edwards to continue to treat Beth,” Shepherd argued.

“Three days. I wouldn’t call that a fair trade,” I seethed.

“It’s beyond fair considering the fact that I’m using up medicine that might prove to be beneficial to my own people.”

“You say you want this place to be a sanctuary, but really, it’s no different than when Dawn ran it.”

Shepherd glared at me for a moment before answering. “I am nothing like her.”

“Then let Maggie and I stay while Edwards helps Beth.”

After a long bout of silence, she gave her answer. “Fine. In the meantime, you and Maggie will stay under surveillance while you are here. At no time are you allowed to roam freely. When three days is up, we will reconvene. Now, go tell the rest of your group that it’s time to leave.”

I turned to Maggie as my plan came to mind. “Stay here with your sister. I’ll tell the others.”

“Where will they go?” she asked with concern, and I knew she was worried about Glenn.

“Ken, the man I was talking about, it was his house that Beth and I found and stayed at. I’m sure he will let the others stay there. It’s outside of the city, maybe a forty-five minute drive from here,” I informed her. “I’ll have to leave so I can take them there.”

“What if something happens while–"

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” I cut her off. 

I turned to Shepherd and offered my bound hands. “You gonna cut us loose or what?” I complained.

Shepherd glared at me a moment before she silently signaled for Licari to cut our plastic ties. 

When I was free, I went to Beth and took her hand in mine. It was cool to the touch and lifeless. My eyes settled on her chest, and when I saw it rise with a breath, I felt a little better. “I have to go, but I’ll come right back to you.” I lifted her hand and laid a gentle kiss on it.

“I won’t leave her side,” Maggie assured me. I gave her a satisfied nod and left the room.

The first thing I did was to find Ken and explain our situation. Immediately, he was happy to help. “That’s no problem at all.”

“We’ll replace anything we use, and keep the house safe,” I reassured him.

“That’s not necessary,” he said.

“You need a place to go back to once you’re free of that cast. Unless you’ve decided to stay here.” I hadn’t thought that he might have changed his mind now that Shepherd was running the show.

“I haven’t decided what to do yet, to be honest.” Ken admitted, and I sensed his loneliness.

“Don’t let Shepherd’s decision to kick us out change how you feel about her role as a leader. She sees us as a threat, and rightly so. It was an accident that Roy died, but what’s done is done,” I said to persuade him to make the fair choice. “Shepherd is going to do right by this place and the people here.”

“But she’s not doing right by Beth,” he said, his ire slightly raised.

“Again, she’s looking out for the welfare of the residents.” I hated sticking up for Shepherd, but I was trying to look at both sides. Afterall, isn’t that what Beth taught me to do?

“Three days isn’t enough. She could be like that for weeks or months.”

I was slightly taken aback by Ken’s concern for Beth. I guess I hadn’t realized how close their friendship had been. “It’s not over yet, and I’m banking on Shepherd’s compassion once I get back. Maybe once Rick and the others are gone, she’ll reconsider her terms.”

“And if she doesn’t?” Ken asked.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

>>------->

By the end of the day, I was back at the hospital. I had led our group to Ken’s house without incident. The house itself needed some work. The walkers made a mess of things, and there were still a few trapped and roaming around. We took them out easily and started the cleanup. After we disposed of the bodies, I showed Rick and Carol around. Before I left, I went up to the bedroom and retrieved a few of Ken’s things. I picked up the book he had been reading and the glasses, and shoved them into my bag. Then I took the framed picture of him and his husband, and added it to the other things. I thought Ken would want these incase he decided to stay at the hospital once he had fully recovered. I could understand why he wouldn’t come home. There was nothing left for him here, and he would be alone. At least at Grady, he was with other people. There was survival in numbers, as long as the group you were with was smart.

Upon returning to the hospital, I went straight to Beth’s room where I found Maggie and Ken keeping watch over her. Nothing had changed, which was both good and bad news. Two more days, and I had no idea how to convince Shepherd to keep Beth alive.

“How is everyone?” Ken asked when he approached me. “Did they get settled in? I hope they still had a house to stay in.”

“The house is still there. We did a little cleanup work, and it’s as good as new. There’s plenty of room for everyone, and enough food for a couple days. I told them where to find the nearest town to scavenge.” I took my pack from my back. “Oh, and I brought some of your things.” I unzipped the top of my bag and pulled out the book. Ken smiled as he took it. “I saw it on the nightstand, along with your glasses,” I said, handing him his belongings.

“You know, I’ve read this damn book half a dozen times,” he said, laughing to himself.

“Sorry man. I didn’t know or I would have looked for something else,” I apologized.

Smiling, he looked up at me. “Actually, this is my all time favorite book. Thanks, Daryl. I really appreciate it. This book brings back some good memories.”

“Then this should bring you back even more,” I said, and I handed him the photo.

Ken’s smile faded, replaced by sorrow and longing. “I never thought I’d see this again.” He brushed his thumb over his husband’s face. “Oh Bailey. I miss you so much.” A tear came to his eye as he looked at me again. “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice fading from the overwhelming emotions he was having.

“Maybe when you can travel, you can go back and visit him. I know Beth would be happy to know you saw where we buried him. She insisted on a spot beneath the tree.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“I will definitely do that.”

As I finished speaking to Ken, I saw Dr. Edwards down the hall. “Hey, do you mind? I wanted to catch Edwards before he disappeared again.”

“No, of course not. Oh, and I will do whatever I can to talk to Shepherd and get her to change her mind,” Ken added.

“I’d appreciate that,” I said, giving him a hearty pat on the shoulder. Then I trotted down the hall and grabbed the doc before he went to his room. “Hey Doc, can I talk to you a second?”

“Sure,” Edwards said, looking up and down the hall. “Come on in.” He opened his door and allowed me to go in first. He followed and closed the door behind him. “What can I do for you?”

“I need you to help me out here. I just can’t let them take Beth off her meds. I understand that she’s using up a lot of your supplies, but this is a life we’re talking about here,” I begged.

“I don’t know what else I can do. It’s completely up to Beth what happens. Her body is slowly healing from the gunshot wound, but until she wakes up, we won’t know the extent of the damage to her head. My biggest fear is that there’s no coming back from this.”

“But she’s breathing on her own. That must mean something, right?”

“All it means is that her body is still working to keep her alive. However, her brain is the main concern. If it is too damaged, she’ll remain in this coma. Shepherd might seem heartless, but she’s right. It takes too much to keep someone in Beth’s condition alive. It’s getting more and more difficult to find what she needs, and eventually it will be gone. So, the question is, do we keep using it on Beth even if she never wakes up? Then we risk losing someone who could have benefited from the medicine? Or do we save what we have left, and let a higher power decide when Beth’s time here on earth is done?”

“I’m not ready to make that decision. I don’t think we’ve given her enough time yet, and I need your help to convince Shepherd of that. Can’t you run some kind of tests? Check her blood or something? There has to be something left to give us hope, at least more than three days’ worth.”

“Daryl, I’m not sure–"

“Please, Doc, not for me, but for Beth. She deserves at least that much, doesn’t she?”

He looked skeptical, but I could see that I had gotten through to him. “My resources are limited, but I’ll see what I can do. I can’t make any promises, and if there’s nothing, I’m afraid I’m going to have to back Shepherd on this.”

“Anything you can do, that’s all I’m asking.” I shook his hand. “Thanks Doc.”

>>------->

For the next two days, Maggie and I stayed by Beth’s side under the watchful eye of Licari and Davis. Occasionally, Shepherd checked up on us, but she seemed to favor avoiding us. I didn’t think she wanted to deal with our situation until it was absolutely necessary, and the time was getting closer. Tomorrow was judgement day.

Maggie and I had spent our time talking to Beth, and touching her to try and stimulate her. I held her hand or rubbed her arm. Maggie massaged her legs to keep blood clots away. I spent hours watching for any sign that Beth was responding to our interactions, but there was no change, not even the fluttering of an eyelid. As much as I tried to convince myself that something would happen, deep down I could feel the minutes slipping away. I was losing her. I was losing my girl.

I hadn’t heard anything from Dr. Edwards, and I wondered if he was even trying. He was my last hope of saving Beth, but I didn’t have much confidence in him. Ken tried to talk to Shepherd, but she told him her mind was set. They couldn’t keep feeding Beth medicine that wasn’t making a difference in her condition. And so, I was at the point where I was starting to work out a plan for what would come next when they took Beth off her life-giving meds.

Since she was breathing on her own, I assumed she wouldn’t just slip away. Maggie seemed to think she could live for a while in her condition, but the reality was that she would succumb to malnutrition. Without an IV, there was no way to keep nutrients going into her body. So what could we do? I couldn’t stand the thought of the slow torture it would be to let her wither away slowly. I thought about Beth’s story of how Edwards told her the wrong name of a drug, and how it had caused the death of a patient. He had a seizure before his heart stopped beating, but it was quick. If there was no hope for Beth, I’d want something quick for her too.

I hated myself for having these thoughts. None of them were a satisfying means to an end. There wasn’t a single scenario where losing Beth was a good outcome, but keeping her alive was selfish on my part.

I stood from my chair and waved Maggie over to follow me across the room. We had yet to discuss anything, and I needed to know what she was thinking. I leaned in close and whispered into her ear. “Where are you at with all of this? For me, I don’t think I can make a proper decision. I want her back, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes, but I don’t know if that’s what’s best for Beth.”

“I feel the same way, Daryl. We both love her too much, and that’s the problem with letting go,” Maggie said as she took my hand in hers.

“They’re coming tomorrow, and if she doesn’t wake up . . .” I couldn’t finish the sentence, and bowed my head instead.

“I’ve been praying for some kind of miracle, but nothing’s happened.” Maggie glanced back at her sister. “The only thing that might ease my pain in the slightest is knowing that if she dies, she’ll be with our dad again, and I know what a comfort that would be to her and him.”

I hadn’t thought about that, but then, I wasn’t much of a religious man, or even someone who thought about the afterlife. “Yeah,” I agreed when I thought of Beth surrounded by her father’s arms. “But I don’t want to lose her, not yet. We just … we were just … starting out … together.”

“I don’t want to lose my sister either. I was gone for a long time. I missed out on some of her important milestones. Being with her again, it felt like the old days when we were still close. I want more of that,” Maggie admitted with a crackling in her voice.

“What do we do?” I asked.

“We put it in God’s hands now. When He’s ready for her, He will call her home.” Maggie snaked her arms around my waist and buried her head in my chest. I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt, and felt my own tears roll down my cheeks.

Later that evening, as I dozed in my chair next to Beth’s bed, my mind worked overtime, keeping me from any kind of solid rest. One question kept coming back over and over. What was the point of Beth surviving the gunshot wound? Why didn’t God come for her then? She was alive, but in a coma. Some people believed hard times like this were a form of punishment for something they’d done in their past, but that wasn’t so for Beth. She’d never done anything to cause such suffering. I didn’t believe in that kind of mumbo-jumbo anyways. But was it just a matter of her being in the wrong place at the wrong time? I wasn’t sure I could believe that either.

I glanced across the room to where Maggie sat, slumped over sideways in one of those hospital recliners. Her head rested on a pillow held up by her shoulder and the wall. I got up and covered her with a blanket someone had brought in. She shifted slightly, but didn’t wake up. Then I went back to Beth. There was just enough room for me to squeeze in next to her, and so I spooned up against her, being careful of her wires and tubes. What I wouldn’t do to have her open her eyes to find me lying beside her, and smile at me.

Doctor Edwards had put fewer bandages on her head. Now I could see some of her hair and face. I stared at her lips, which were in a permanent ever so slight smile. She had always looked like that when she was sleeping. Something Beth didn’t know was that I had laid beside her and watched her when we were at the house. She always slept later than me, but I was an early riser anyway. She looked so peaceful and angelic in her slumber. I could have watched her forever. I still could, but deep down I knew these were our last few moments together. The sun would come up soon. It was the third day of Shepherd’s trial period. Before long, she would be here with Edwards to stop the IV’s and the medicine, to remove tubes and disconnect wires. And I would have no choice but to sit by and watch Beth slowly succumb to her condition. I used to think that putting my brother down after I found him changed was the most difficult thing I’d ever had to do. Not anymore. This right here, watching someone I loved slowly fade away, and not being able to do a damn thing about it was the absolute worst thing a person could experience.

“Last chance, babe. If ever you were going to wake up or move a finger or a toe, now would be the time to do it. Once Shepherd comes, it’s out of my hands. I don’t want you to go. I need you, Beth. I’m not the man you see in me when you’re not near. You balance me. You make me a good person. Without you, I don’t think I can be that man. You’re my anchor. I love you. Please don’t go where I can’t follow.” I whispered as softly as I could so I didn’t wake Maggie. I just needed these few quiet moments with Beth, alone. I didn’t want anyone to see the tears that ran down my cheeks.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, there was a knock and someone was coming into the room. Maggie jumped awake, and I quickly got off the bed and forced my brain to start working. Licari stood in the doorway.

“Shepherd wants a word with both of you. Let’s go.”

Maggie and I glanced at each other. We were both thinking the same thing. Had Shepherd changed her mind? We came together, and Maggie took my hand as we followed Licari out of the room and down the hall to Shepherd’s office.

Shepherd was sitting at her desk, and waited until Licari left before she spoke. “So, today is the day,” she started with a stern voice, but I could see she was uncomfortable with that approach. She softened slightly, and I could see the sorrow in her eyes. “I’m sorry it had to come to this. I hope you know I prayed every day for her to recover. I don’t want this anymore than you do. I know it seems unfair, but I must keep my people’s welfare at the forefront of every decision. I am not doing this for any other reason, especially, as some think, because of what happened to my brother. Taking one of yours because you took one of mine is not a reasonable outcome. If it had been Roy lying in there, I would make the same decision. I just want you to know that I’m not playing this down. Not at all. It hurts my soul knowing I’ve run out of options. There’s not many of us left anymore. Every human life counts now. But, as you are well aware, it’s time for us to move forward with this.”

“Where’s Edwards?” I asked. I hadn’t seen the doctor since I last visited him.

“He will join us shortly. Well then, let’s be on our way.” Shepherd stood from her desk and made her way to the door. Licari made sure Maggie and I followed. I could see he had his gun drawn and at his side in case we decided to make a move against them. Believe me, I wanted to, but I knew it wouldn’t help.

We entered Beth’s room, and Maggie and I went straight to her. Maggie was already crying as she took up her sister’s hand and kissed the back of it. As she whispered her love for Beth, I glanced back at Shepherd.

“Her death is on you,” I said as I looked her directly in the eyes. Shepherd was the first to turn away, proving my point that she was weak.

“Where’s Edwards?” Shepherd whispered to Licari, who shook his head and shrugged. “Go get him.” As Licari left, Shepherd took her gun from its holster and held it at her side.

“That’s your answer for everything,” I said, glancing at the gun. “We helped you. If we hadn’t come along when we did, what do you think things would be like around here? Dawn would probably be dead and Collins would be in charge. This would be a prison, not a safe place. Women would be raped. Anyone who didn’t go along with Collins and his laws would be executed or sent out into the city. Either way, it would be a death sentence. It was because of us that this place is still standing.”

“It’s because of you that my brother is dead,” Shepherd retaliated.

“Your brother was siding with Collins. He was one of them. We were just doing what we were told. It was your responsibility to make sure Roy wasn’t a part of the fight, but you failed to do that, and now he’s dead.” This was what it all boiled down to. I was done feeling guilty for her brother’s death. Shepherd played a part in it too.

“You didn’t care what you did or who you killed. Your people broke our agreement when Rick killed Roy,” she countered.

I was getting angrier by the minute. This wasn’t fair. This was a hospital, a place where the sick should be protected. Shepherd was acting out of anger, seeking revenge, no matter how she spun it. I turned to her and slowly approached. “What happened was a tragic accident. What you’re doing to Beth is murder. You talk like you regret making this decision, but I know you’re taking pleasure in it.”

Shepherd brought her gun up and aimed it at me. “I suggest you don’t take another step towards me.”

I ignored her and very slowly kept moving closer. “How do you think Dawn got to be the way she was. You told me that in the beginning, her heart was in the right place until one day it wasn’t.”

“I’m nothing like her. Dawn let Collins and his men step all over her.”

“And you don’t think that could happen to you? It all starts here with Beth. Letting her die? That’s Dawn’s old agenda. It makes people scared, and that’s no way to run a community.”

Shepherd’s eyes darted back and forth between me and Beth. “We can’t afford to keep her alive. We don’t have the medicine to–"

“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Grady isn’t the only hospital. There are other places to look, clinics, nursing homes, and doctor offices, places where you can find more supplies if you weren’t so afraid to step outside those doors. But you’re not afraid to push other people out there.” I hoped I was getting through to her, but she was just getting more nervous. A few more paces, and I might be able to knock the gun from her hands.

“You need to stop or you won’t get the chance to say a final goodbye to her,” Shepherd threatened.

“Daryl, please stop,” Maggie begged from behind me.

“I’m not going to let her die. Not like this,” I claimed, and I lunged for Shepherd’s gun. I heard it fire just as my hand hit her arm. A ceiling tile exploded, debris falling from above. Before I could grab a hold of Shepherd, she got away and ran over to Beth, waving her gun around.

“Both of you, move away,” she commanded. Once again, she had the upper hand.

Maggie and I moved back, keeping a close eye on Shepherd as we did. Shepherd looked down at Beth and then at the wires and tubes coming off of her. “I’m done waiting. I don’t need Edwards to carry out the inevitable.” Shepherd grabbed wires and pulled. Beth’s heart monitor flatlined because it disconnected. Then her blood pressure and oxygen monitors went blank.

“Stop this!” Maggie yelled as she sobbed. “You’re killing her!”

“It must be done,” Shepherd answered without emotion.

I started to go toward the bed, but Shepherd aimed her gun at me again, and cocked the hammer back. “Stay back,” she warned, and I put my hands in the air.

“Don’t do this,” I said as calmly as possible, but inside I was raging. I wanted to get my hands around her neck and squeeze the life out of her.

“I gave you time, but that’s over. This ends here and now.” Shepherd pulled Beth’s IVs, some that I knew were the only thing keeping her alive.

Maggie was yelling for her to stop. I was pacing back and forth, my movements making Shepherd nervous. I thought about going for her again. I knew she’d fire her gun, but I would just have to hope she either missed me, or hit me in a place that I could survive being wounded. I watched as Shepherd disconnected Beth from every hanging bag, every machine, until there wasn’t anything left.

“It’s done. She’s on her own now,” Shepherd announced.

For a moment, there was complete silence without the beeping of the monitors. Maggie and I focused on Beth. She was still breathing, lying still as she had been all this time. We knew that taking her off of everything wouldn’t mean instant death, but soon she would begin to suffer, and we would have no choice but to watch her slowly deteriorate. This was no way for her to die. It wasn’t fair. It was inhumane.

Shepherd backed away from the bed, gun aimed at us. “Go on. Go to her, but if you try to hook up any of those machines, I won’t hesitate to lock you back up until she’s gone.”

“Please help her,” Maggie whimpered as she swayed. I put my arm around her waist to steady her and keep her from falling. Together we moved to the bed.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was going to sit here and watch Beth slowly fade, and not be able to do a damn thing about it. “I tried, Maggie. I really tried,” I whispered to her. Together, we bent over Beth to be as close to her as possible. We had no idea how long she would be with us or how long Shepherd would allow us to be here, but I knew I wasn’t going anywhere as long as Beth was still breathing.

The door to the room flew open, and Licari came rushing in with Dr. Edwards. The doctor made a quick scan of the room and saw that Beth was on her own. “What’s the meaning of this?” he said.

“I made the decision. It’s done. You took too long Doc,” Shepherd told him.

“We have to put her back on the monitors,” Edwards demanded.

“You don’t have the authority to make that call,” Shepherd argued.

I stood up straight alongside Maggie. Remembering my last plead with the doctor, I stepped toward him with hope in my eyes. “What is it Doc?”

“I ran some tests like you asked,” Dr. Edwards said, earning him a scowl from Shepherd.

“What did you find? Is there still a chance of her waking up or something?” I asked.

“Well, that’s not something I could learn from a test, but there is one thing positive I found,” Edwards said.

“This is over,” Shepherd said. “I’m not listening to any more pleas for help. You said so yourself, Edwards. She might never come out of this coma, and we can’t afford to waste any more valuable medicine on someone who has no chance of recovery. We’re saving a future life by letting her go now.”

“Actually, you’re saving a future life by allowing her to live,” Edwards said.

I ignored Shepherd and her gun and went to Edwards. “What are you saying? Is she going to make it? Is she going to come back from this?” I asked desperately.

Edwards put a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. “I can’t say for sure whether Beth will ever come out of this coma, but there is definitely still a chance for the life she carries.”

It didn’t register at first. I was still thinking about Beth healing and waking up. My confusion must have shown on my face because Edwards smiled and gave a nod. “I … I don’t understand,” I stammered.

Maggie had come up beside me. She took my hand, squeezed, smiled, and looked me in the eyes. “She’s pregnant, Daryl. She’s carrying your child.”


End file.
